Thread 104: Stories 46-60

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>AJ
"Guards"
~~~~

>Alright y'all, Ah' need ya' to...

"..."

>What? Somethin' wrong?

"Er, we're just looking for the guards stationed down here, Highness."

"Are they supposed to be hidden or something?"

"Is... is ponyville guarded by ninjas!?"

"Holy shit we have ninjas!? I want to be a ninja!"

"That sounds amazing! When can I transfer?"

>........

"Majesty?... Princess?"

>.....FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

"So that's a no on the transfer then."

>UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

"Gotcha.

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>29
"???"
~~~~

It was as bright as it was painful, as searing as it was luminous, and as filling as it was harrowing. A light to pierce the darkness that had consumed him, like a star dropped down upon his head. It was massive, powerful, ominous.

It was hurting his eyes something terrible.

>Would thou please cease the lights! We both know this is tis but an illusion, a falsehood forged of mine mind, so thou does not need to be so bright with it! Be subtle, you damned mare!

"This speech of yours has really grown out of control, you know."

In an instant, all annoyance and posh stance were replaced as his heart began to race and a feeling he thought long since forgotten gripped his innards like a dragon. It would not relent or let go, even as the familiar crunch of grass sounded beneath his hooves with every step to turn him to face the sound spoken so brazenly.

He found only more light, as bright as had been before, the change being that it silhouetted around a tall, proud, slightly familiar form.

"Really, infiltrator, you are starting to get on my nerves, and we both know what happens when I get irate."

He could see her smile, impossibly in the light. A grin that seemed to be made of white carved against her endless black, fangs showing and bared for him, and him alone.

He remained still, silent, shaking like a leaf as he looked to her, as tall as he remembered her, as imposing as she had been in the time long ago. A cruel smile, a crueler look in her eye, one that promised nothing but death to any in her way.

"Silence is no more acceptable than your boisterous wailing, infiltrator, speak."

He did not. He remained as still as he had ever been, eyes locked in, body rigid, fear all over his face.

"Speak, I said!"

He shook when her voice reached his ears, rumbling down into his very core, but the silence remained.

"You insignificant whelp, I'll have your head for your insubordination! Die!"

She wasted no more time, quick as she ever was to call upon her magic. Quick as she ever was to reach for the blood of those who opposed her, to take it. The magic gleamed a brilliant emerald above her head for a time, clearly to savor every moment of his fear, before it lashed out in flames.

He waited, still, as the flames consumed him. Waited without movement, or so much as a twitch. He waited, as it burned him alive.

He waited, even as the slight sting of burning began, only to fade away.

"...Hrm."

Like a switch thrown beyond his sight, the lights were turned off, revealing in the place of where had once been a queen, instead a princess with hair of the stars and eyes most curious.

"How did thou know t'was ourselves? We were merely guessing, we admit, but we assumed this was the norm for a Queen. Was she more benign, perhaps?"

He shuddered, still feeling the warmth tingling down his spine.

>No... thou connected with her brutality and mannerisms quite well... quite well.

"Oh? Then what went wrong, if thou does not mind our inquiry."

>Isn't it obvious?

He shook again, at last looking to her with almost annoyed eyes.

>I cannot see changelings. All of the souls I have met have been that of ponies, or gryphons, or in one such case a minotaur, not that of one such as myself.

Irritation positively bloomed upon her face, telegraphed by nothing more than a single raised eyebrow.

"We know, we were trying to have thee question why thou sees only a species not thine own."

>Well, you failed. Twice, in fact.

"Twice?"

>Pfft, Did you really think I would reveal to thee the identity of mine Queen? Thou art so transparent.

Her fur bristled, a touch of annoyance glimmering in her eyes.

"We wanted no such thing! We merely wished for thee to question thine sight beyond!"

>Well, then you did it in the wrong way.

That spark bloomed into tangible anger, her hair sparking upwards as power rippled through it.

"You... how dare you! Our teaching methods are of the most prestigious! Thou should be praising the fates for us even thinking of training thee in these arts!"

>Pffft.

What had been mere waving anger threatened to grow as her powers began to crackle all around her. Memories flashed behind the princess's eyes, with every passing one bringing her rage more and more to the surface.

"Our teaching methods are to be revered! Not to be mocked! Revered!"

>I revere their ineffectiveness.

To see his teacher in such a state brought out things in the changeling. Terrible, terrible things. Feelings of superiority, of having gotten one over on the princess of the night herself. He felt his own inner self ballooning up with pride as her face grew heated and red. At last, he felt as he believe he should.

Like he, not her, was the royal in the room.

>While it is no doubt my own superior abilities that as seeing through such silly tricks, I must say... Even Chrysalis could teach this better. Do step it up.

That, of all the infinite combinations of words in all the infinite complexity of language, turned out to be the worst, the exact, indisputably worst, thing he could have possibly said.

"WE SHALL NOT BE MOCKED BY A CHANGELING AGAIN!"

He felt this, and a great many other things, when her shadows reached out, and he felt himself squeezed as if by an ethereal claw. Burning, rage filled eyes were brought close to his own, letting him see naught but the fire behind hers.

"Thou art going to learn and thou art going to learn AS WE COMMAND IT SO! OUR WAY, NOT YOURS! AND THEN THOU SHALT THANK US FOR THE HONOR! DOES THOU UNDERSTAND!?"

>...I really should get back to my johhhhHHNNN!

The vice upon his chest literally stole away the words as it squeezed the air out of his lungs.

"THINE NEXT TEST IS NOW!"

There was no arguments, no room for debate. Only the magic of her teleportation.

And the grip of fear in his heart to match the princesses own inescapable grasp.

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>AJ
"Changelings"
~~~

>NO! BAD!

"I just wanted to try one!"

>PUT THE APPLE DOWN!

"Why!? It's an apple! That's what it's for!"

>It's mah private property!

"You can't privatize apples! LIBERATE THE APPLES!"

>DON'T YOU-

CRUNCH!

>...

"...You know, it's honestly not even that good-GLK!"

>SHE WON'T EVEN NOTICE YER' GONE!

"GLGLGK!"

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>7
"Buttercup"
'???'
~~~~~

>Well I hope you're enjoying yourself.

"Hee hee!"

>...please never do that again

She ignored him, continuing to giggle as she poked the box holding her machine. She was positively giddy, as light as a fairy in the spring as she held the thing as long as both her arms stretched wide, and thicker than either of those limbs.

>Look, that is for display only. You're not to use it unless I give express permission, alright?

"Hee!"

>This is serious, Buttercup. The last thing we need right now is something as public as your little stunt back there. If your helmet hadn't been reinforced or your opponent so lacking in offensive magic, you could have been exposed. Then what was I going to do, huh? I can't exactly explain away a blaster Manticore having debates with a princess.

"Heee."

>We are to lie low, not confront anyone, our means of being merely to hide and wait until the plan has succeeded. This is a crucial time with the research I've been given, absolutely nothing can go wrong. No... princesses can interfere. You cannot have anymore contact with them.

"That am not fair!"

>...explain.

"Bubbles get to talk to princesses, why me not?"

>...I... I don't recall telling her anything of the sort.

"Oh. Then is she in trouble?"

>Why would she be...

He felt it before he saw it.

The... eyes.

The eyes boring right into his soul.

The eyes of the yellow former pegasus next to the sheepish, cowed massive form of the Timberwolf by her side, looking infinitely more imposing than any beast could.

'Me am sorry.'

>... well, this has gone badlAHHHHHHHHH!

Where the giant claw came from, he could not say.

Where he was hauling ass to, he had no idea.

All he knew was two things.

One, if she caught him, who knows what she could do to him.

And two... he was going to have a long talk with Bubbles later.

~GET OVER HERE!~

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 >42
"Guards"
~~~

>...Where is your captain?

"With princess Applejack, ma'am."

>Isn't... shouldn't that be delegated? Who brings the captain of their guard on a field trip?

"Uh... Princess Applejack, I guess?"

>Well, who's second?

"I guess normally Lucky Strikes?"

>And where is he?

"On the trip."

>Third?

"There... is no third, ma'am."

>So you are completely without a chain of command right now.

"I... guess?"

>So, who's making you do your daily duties?

"..."

>... Oh for the love of...

"Can we help you?"

>Yes, you can stand there while I shake my head in disappointment.

"Er, didn't YOU normally spend most times away from the army?"

>...

"And have no second to you, except 18, who also left?"

>...

"And weren't supervising them either?"

>...

"And also weren't making sure they staying in shape?"

>...

"...And you're complaining to us."

>...Shut up.

"Hypocrite."

>AM NOT!

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"AJ"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but who am I to disagree! Now for our main guest...APPLEJACK!!!
Applause

"Howdy everypony."

>Tell us Applejack. Do you ever go off telling some tall story?

"Ah admit, it does happen sometimes. Like one time, Granny Smith and Ah were-"

>Too long could not listen! Thanks tuning in everypony and see you later!

"The story's not that long, honest."

>...I'm not taking that chance.
AJ wakes up.

"...This reminds of that one time, me and mah cousin orange were-"

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 >Chitania
"Librarian"
~~~

>...

"...Back again, I see?"

>...

"Thought you'd be out on that trip with Princess Applejack, since you're both such buddies."

>...

"...Not even gonna talk this time?"

>...

"...canyousignmykidscomic."

>...what?

"I didn't say anything."

>...

"...Can I get an example of your signature?"

>For what?

"Because I want the 'best mom' mug this time."

>Wh... what?

"Look, just... scribble your name here, please?"

>Is that me!?

"Yes. Chitania's Crushers, it's a thing, my kid loves it, so just... sign please?"

>...

"Please? I disappointed him last year, and I kinda want to... make an impact. I'd be the best mom ever if I did this."

>...You're seriously asking.

"..."

>...

"..."

Scribble scribble.

"Holy shit."

>...

"...thankyou."

>...Hmm.

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>AJ
"Changeling"
'Sunset'
~~~

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY!"

>...heh...

"STOP SMIRKING! NOT! FUNNY!"

>...heh heh...

"I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL!"

'Uh, is there a particular reason he's up there?... And I thought changelings didn't bleed red?'

>Ain't blood. Just some paint. Good old, probably lead free, red paint.

'...Ignoring the probably there, why is he tied in the tree?'

>Juuust replacin' what he took.

"FREE THE APPLES!"

'...You find this funny?'

>Ah' find this goddang amazing.

'Well, as long as you're happy.'

"LET ME DOWN!"

>Apples don't talk, sugar cube.

"GRAAHHHHHH!"

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Nc
>Chrysalis
'AJ'

>Applejack, why are you a ling short? You know what happens when you are a long short....

'Relax mein fräulein. Ve know exzactly vere ze ling iz. Come, be shall show you.'

***
"My queen! Help!"

>...ok so not dead. Which is good, but I still feel the need for an explanation.

'He iz simply paying for hiz tranzgressions. He stole from us.'

>You stole an apple?

"Free the apples!"

>...

"...my queen?"

>Nope. On your own this time.

'Gut gut come...let uz enjoy some....Apple fritterz.'

"...why are you looking at me like that?"

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>SA
"42"
~~

"Will you be requiring me to bodyguard Two again this evening?"

>You know, the technical term is 'babysit'.

"I like mine better."

>Heh.

"What?"

>Oh, nothing, it's just the last babysitter I knew ended up... well...

"Well what?"

>Did I really never tell you that Cadence used to babysit Twilight?

"The... the princess of a kingdom used to babysit a child? What... for what possible purpose."

>I think it was to-

"No, this is actually worse, who wouldn't pick her over someone else? She probably single hoofedly destroyed the entire babysitting economy in Canterlot all by herself."

>I was trying to tell you that-

"And this isn't even getting into specifics! Did she answer a flier? Did Celestia make her? Why in the blue blazes would a princess ever-"

>I said, she was doing it to get to me!

"..."

>...

"...Shining, that's moronic, she was a member of the most elite species on the planet, wealthy beyond imagining and also a ruler of a kingdom, if she wanted to catch your attention all she would have to do is literally walk up to you. What, were you going to say no?"

>...Well when you put it like that...

"Wait a minute... is... is that how you two met?"

>Heh, yep! Guess you could say her child watching skills really won me over.

"...'

>...You okay?"

"Fine... just... fine..."

>Your eyes are crossing.

"So they are..."

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 >SP
"14"
~~

>Hey, buddy, got a minute?

"Those were for missions, THOSE WERE FOR MISSIONNNNSSS! STOP ASKING MEEEEEEEEEEE!"

>...Ahem. Er, what I was trying to ask, actually is... who do I go to in order to find out which hive a Ling came from?

"The Queen."

>Right, but I meant besides her.

"...there's a 'besides her?'"

>That's what I was hoping.

"In vain."

>...Really?

"Yeah, no fucking shit, I don't even know which hive I came from, or if I'm pure hive or not!"

>You literally do not even know if you're from THIS hive or not... why?

"I've been brainzotzed A LOT by the old Queen."

>...Were you a criminal or something?

"Considering the missions that my Queen has had me do since her ascension, you'd swear I belong in prison."

>Hey! Those are rumors! You do NOT get raped in Eqeustria prison! We don't let that shit fly! Rumors! Just rumors!

"..."

>Sorry, sore spot... just... so many prison rape jokes... so many...

"Soooo, Queen. Queen is who you want, and nobody else."

>Not what I was hoping for... but okay. I guess I'll have to ask her!

"..."

>Or 42. You think 42 would know?

"..."

>Your queen is fucking scary. Just... fucking terrifying. I still see her ready to chop off 42's head sometimes in my dreams.

"...you've got issues."

>NO SHIT

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 >Celestia
"Chrysalis'
~~~

"Are any of them dead yet?"

>...Hi, Chrysalis! How are you? Lovely day we're having, isn't the weather just pleasant? The team did an A class job didn't they?

"..."

>See, that's how you actually start a conversation. You start with stuff like that and THEN move on to the other stuff. You don't just walk up and speak like it's your first time.

"HAH!"

>Like that. See that? That's not how you talk.

"Where exactly is this coming from? Have you just up and forgotten every conversation up to this point?"

>GASP! QUEEN CHRYSALIS HAS RETURNED! So, you've come for revenge for the wedding, have you!? Well then, to battle-

SLAP!

>OW!... That was uncalled for.

"I'm worried you've gone insane."

>No no, quite the opposite. I think we've known each other long enough I can joke like that and not get slapped.

"You thought wrong."

>So I have. Betrayal, it is like a knife.

"..."

>...

"Hi, Celestia, yes, the weather is nice, it's downright warm and tingly."

>Isn't it just?

"On an unrelated note, are any of them dead yet?"

>Nope!... Some burns on some, but on the whole they're okay!

"I would've thought you were lying if you said they were totally uninjured."

>...Soooo-

"So she's not fucking up."

>Lovely!

"...So she's doing an okay job."

>I'll take it. With that out of the way...

"...We can't abduct Shiny today."

>RATS!... Buuut-

"Twilight on the table?"

>Oh, you naughty thing! Moving on to his sister?

"You are acting very strange today."

>I had a WONDERFUL nights sleep.

"...looks like it."

>...Go abduct my student, and put bombs on the train.

"Out of context that sounds insane."

>As opposed to in context?

"..."

>Go!

"I'm going I'm going!... heh."

FWOOSH!

>... life is fun sometimes...

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>18
"Guard"
~~~

>DONEDONEDONEDONEDONEDONEDONEDONEDONE

"...M-Miss Eighteen, you're, uh... you're scaring the guard."

>DONEDONEDONEDONEDONE

"They think there is something wrong with you... for instance, that you have ingested all of the drugs. All of them. Drugs that have not yet been invented are included."

>DONEDONEDONEDONEDONE

"I-I think you don't have to do all of them, do you-"

CHOMP!

"AHHHH!... Holy shit you bit me! Am... Am I going to get rabies now!?... Or am I going to file paperwork when the moon gets high!? WHAT HAS BECOME OF ME!?"

>PTODONEDONEDONEDONEDONE

"I need a transfer, I think..."

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>Dash
"LD"
~~~

>Look alive! Keep it straight, rookies! If I see anyone slacking, the hammer is coming down!

Her screaming was pointless. They were flying as they should, for once. Perfect formation, perfect stances, perfect everything. They had finally started to listen to her, to follow her as they should without hesitation, or question.

Which is good, she was not in the mood, to put it lightly.

"You okay, boss? You're a little louder than normal today... not that this is a bad thing, gotta respect the command after all, just want to know if one of them caused this."

>...no...

Her voice went low, far too low for the others above to have any possibility to hear. Only enough for her.

Lightning Dust didn't even try to hide her preening with that.

"So, what's up?"

>...I went looking for her today, you know. Kinda of... I don't even know, just wanted to ask her why.

"Her?"

A single look was all it took.

"Ah... you really should just let those two traitors rot, boss.'

>I know, but I needed to ask.

"And?"

>...she's living in a fucking penthouse suite.

"Ahhh."

>That she owns. Not just that, the whole damn airspace around it.

"Oh, wow."

>I just... I got so sick just looking at it, thinking, 'is this what the old Wonderbolts were worth? Just... one great big shiny house?

"For her?... Probably."

>...I guess so.

"So, did you ask her?"

>No... no I think I knew my answer, by then. She's got money, apparently. She's got her fancy place, she's got it all. I fired her, her name is in the mud, but she's still got it all.

The other pegasi tried not to wince, but failed in a spectacular fashion.

"Well, don't tell the rookies, might give them... ideas."

>Yeah... figured... you know the worst part?"

"There's worse parts than this?"

>...all her records are still valid.

Her previous failure was nothing comapred to what came next.

"No fucking way."

>Because of the... reason why she was fired, it wasn't... it's not enough to disqualify any past records. She's still the top in a lot of categories, and she's going to stay there for a while if this is any indication... fuck, some events aren't even done anymore, she might be on the record books... forever.

"Well... shit."

>She's got money, she's got a place to live, she even has her old records... it hurts, LD. It just hurts that I did the worst I could do, and it didn't take anything from her.

"Well, at least she's not a Wonderbolt anymore."

>...did she even care? Ever? Did this... ever mean anything to her?

She had no answer to that, they both knew it.

>She was on my team for a year, LD, and I never stopped her. No... I went after Spitfire, who...

"Who was bad too. Come on, she deserved it too."

>...not that much.

Nothing left to be said, nothing left to be done.

Nothing except shoving her, and pointing to the sky.

"Well, no sense crying about it, just make what comes next better, right? No sense crying over spilled milk. Just keep going forwards."

She had no answer to that, and they both knew it.

She had used that before, said it plenty of times.

It was working a little bit less every time.

>...Alright, Team! Double time!

It held on, for now.

But this time, it was different.

>You think we're slowing down? It's time to speed up!

This time, she just couldn't stop looking at what had happened before.

She just kept going forwards anyway.

>Lets show them what the new Wonderbolts can do!

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OOCO
>Dash
"Pinkie"
'Rarity'
[???]
~~

>Okay, so... run this by me again.

"It's so simple, I can't believe I have to explain it all over again! So contrived!"

'You actually didn't tell me anything. You just grabbed me and said you had an idea.'

>And to clarify, I'm not confused as to what you said before, you just talked so fast I have no idea what you said. I heard 'prank' in there, which meant I was down, but there's a chance you just said 'plank' and I'm about to be disappointed. I heard that little.

"Oh... well, that's more likely an explanation. We should start with that instead of the other setup."

>Setup?

'Oh dear, is she doing that annoying thing again?'

"Nope! Well, not the thing you're talking about, because in reality you two are with me for my new show!"

>...what.

"Well, the PILOT prototype to my new show, dunno if I'll get bored if it after the first episode like I did the other six, but the setup line you went with just isn't going to cut it for an opener. Can we try it again?"

>...Gee, Pinkie, what are we going to do today?

"What are we going to do today, Dashie!? Well, you'd better hold on, because we're going to do our very first episode of PARTY CRASHERS!"

'What!? Why would you include me in this!?'

"I'm the fun one! She's the wild one! And you're the posh fancy one who disapproves of all the wackiness we get up to!"

>That does sound like you a lot.

'Well, I never!'

"PERFECT! Keep that up! Yep, our very first ever Pinkie Pie's Party Pony Productions show! It's part of the Party Pony label I'm starting, it's gonna be huuuuge. We already signed on for the music side of it!"

>Annnnnd-

"And this is the show side of it! Every week, we find a new party that's a little... welll, lacking, and we spruce it up by being awesome, fun and classy!"

'I do like classy...'

"Now, it's time for our very first show!"

>I didn't know Cadence was having a party today.

"She's not!"

'So, why are we in the Empire castle?'

"A doyyyyy, to crash a party!"

>Wait... wait a minute... isn't this room-

"PARTY PONY TEAM GO!"

'PINKIE NO!'

CRASH!

>...
'...'

[...Hiya! Ya' guys wanna join my tea party?]

>Hi, Two. We, uh-

"We're here to turn this down in the dumps party into a big old bash!"

[...down in the dumps...]

'Well, off to a fantastic start.'

"Awww, turn that frown upside down little princess!"

[So... did I not give enough sugar? I dunno what I did...]

>This is killing me.

'Shining Armor is literally going to be doing that when he sees her frowning.'

"Well then, we better replace it with a SMILE! FIRE ALL PARTY CANNONS!"

'PINKIE NO-'

BOOM!
CRASH!

>...

"Okay, so, too big a range on the party cannons. Got it, need to recalibrate."

'Pinkie, you're going to far!'

"Great! Keep that up, really get into the chiding nature."

'I'm actually doing that to you!'



"Even better, we'll give you a SUPER table!"

'WAIT NO-'

WALLCRUNCH!

'PINKIE!'

"Wow, my spatial awareness is just all over the place today."

[Oooooh, ya' broke mah walllllll, I'mma tell Shiny and Mommy.]

"NO! DON'T TELL!"

[Ah'm gonna!]

"DON'T TELL!"

[....wellllll, maybe there's a deal we can make...]

~~~

"More tea, misses prissy pants?"

'That name is terribly insulting.'

>I don't see how it's more insulting than princess funnyhead.

'At least you're a princess in this!'

"So am I. I'm princess Pinkie.... wow my name is a little on the nose, I noticed."

'That just makes it worse!'

[Hey! No yellin' at the table! Manners!]

'...y-yes, misses buggy buzz.'

[Thankee! Now, who wants more lemon squaaares?]

>So, this backfired.

"Are you kidding? My ratings are going through the roof! Guaranteed! That's our show, and we'll see you NEXT TIME, ON-

[What did Ah' just say about yellin'!?]

"Sorry... on Pinkie's Party Punchers!... Title pending.

[Better!]

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