Better to Light a Candle: Rina's Pain

Better to Light a Candle:  Rina's Pain

It takes a while to get myself free from the deluge of questions that Misses Green levies on the two of us.  I probably could've made much shorter work of all of them if Jen hadn't also been answering each and every one of them with an obvious lie delivered completely deadpan.  Still, it's hard to get too worried about it since she's thought that the two of us were either married or getting married for the better part of five years now.  Nothing's really changed.

I stopped actually trying to convince her that we're not giving her grandchildren years ago, so the token indignation has sort of morphed into a mixture of in-joke and overly complex way of saying goodbye.  I think she probably recognizes that.  At least, I hope she does.  Jen's probably either actively undermining that for her own amusement or else giving hints and misinformation completely at random just to see what'll happen.

I'm barely on my way out when my phone buzzes.
greenmachine > show ur fam
greenmachine > txt results
shackleborn > yeah im not doing that
greenmachine > ur a terrible husband
shackleborn > maybe if you got me something pretty to wear every now and then

I'm not heading home anyway.  An idea struck me at school and I want to verify it before I actually get back.  The problem is that this is either going to be horribly awkward or I'm going to end up giving a girl the wrong idea again.  Or both.  I take the second cul-de-sac off from the main road that leads me back home.  It's a nice neighborhood, anyway.  It's gotten old enough to where the trees hang over the road and give a lot of shade.  Most of the houses lining the road are also well maintained and clean.

All except the one at the end.  Vines are crawling up the side of the front porch, chipping off what little remains of the weathered, off-white paint.  The floor seems to creak even louder than when I was last here under my weight.  I knock on the door, and immediately regret doing so.

It opens barely three seconds later, revealing the miniscule black-and-white Nekomata inside.  The hand at her waist and her admittedly somewhat cute attempt at standing tall, combined with the wide smile, all imply that she's terribly proud of herself.  "I knew you'd be back," she states.  I leave.

"Ah, wait!"  A patter of feet on much quieter wood gives me some warning before a tiny weight latches onto my arm.  "I didn't mean that!  I thought, uh," she wracks her brain for a moment, "I thought you might come back sometime.  You know, to talk."
I look back toward the road.  I know this was a mistake.  She got the wrong idea all of five milliseconds in, who knows how bad it's going to get if I actually stay and talk with- wait, why would I?  I turn and ask "What would I want to talk with you about?"
She stares back at me, worry slowly filling her expression.  Ah, you hadn't thought that far.  I let out a sigh.  "To the couch?"  She nods earnestly.

The interior is still dark, and it still smells of random molds and mildew.  I decide to turn my light up a bit higher before immediately regretting the decision.  I try to sneak a glance at Mitt- Rina, trying to see if she cares.  No reaction.  I guess that means it's safe?  I don't know.  There's a temptation to turn it down as low as I can to try and avoid her thinking I'm "showing off" again.  In the brighter light I can see the weathered old wallpaper.  It's in a style that was popular a couple decades ago.  Flecks of it peel away from the wall every few inches.

The room is still unpleasantly empty.  It's kind of foreboding, like something out of a horror flick.  I suppose the flickering light isn't helping that any.  Still, I can see how it used to be someplace livable.  There are food stains here and there on the floor, markings where other chairs and tables left indentations, and a few holes here and there mark where nails were driven in to hold pictures or shelves.  It's not like the place isn't obviously a house.  Just a clearly haunted and malignant house of out of some cheap movie that relies entirely on jump scares.

"Can I get you something?"  The question catches me completely off guard.  I'd almost forgotten the girl at my side for my musings on the house.  The question catches me off guard again when I wonder what it is that she could get me here.
"Uh, sure.  Something to drink would be nice."  That's vague enough that it shouldn't be a problem.  Sure enough, she smiles and quickly zips off into the back.  I wait a moment before I increase the flame slightly more, trying to look down that hallway she disappears down, but it apparently takes a turn before reaching whatever backroom she hides everything in.

She returns holding a pair of gold, aluminum packet in her hands.  It's been so long since I had one that I didn't even recognize the distinctive color and shape.  "Khepri Sun?"  I haven't had one of those since I was six.
She stops short.  "Why?"  Is that a frown, or are you getting ready to act indignant if I ask you why you keep those around?
A wave a hand dismissively, "Oh, nothing.  I just didn't recognize it for a minute."  Half-truths are more convincing than outright lies.

We both stab the little paper opening with the dinky plastic straws and settle into the worn sofa.  I'm surprised that this half, at least, doesn't really have any springs jutting out.  Maybe it's new enough that it doesn't have springs?  My train of thought finally comes to an end.  I realize that I've been trying to think about everything except for the girl sitting on the other side of the couch.  She, too, seems to be in deep thought as she sips her drink.

Right, I'm here for a reason.  I don't want to just sit around and having a conversation.  "So hey, you're pretty knowledgeable about magic, right?"
She glances at me mid-sip, straightens her back and smiles.  "Sure, yeah, I'm 'pretty knowledgeable.'  My mom would've dis-," she pauses and takes a breath, "would've disowned me if I wasn't."
I'll ignore whatever that was.  "Then you know about spell-like abilities?"  That's the technical term for whatever inherent magical abilities that certain mamono have.  Like the hypnotic eyes that various succubi have, or the bite of an Apophis.
She nods and takes another sip.  "I take it you're wondering whether there's anything you can do when your little werewolf goes into heat?"
No, no I'm not.  I know what I'm going to do then.  I don't like it, but it's a plan.
It seems my sour expression gave away my thoughts.  "Ah, sorry," she says while waving a hand in front of her face for some reason.  "I guess I assumed wrong."

"What happens if you try to drain spirit energy from someone without any?"  It's a simple question, I think.  Relatively simple.
She takes a minute on this one, first staring at my face and then at the remnants of her drink.  She seems to notice my stare when she shakes her head an smiles.  "That's a very odd question.  I mean, normally you wouldn't, you know?"  She does something between a cough and a laugh, "No, I guess you wouldn't.  But, since we can feel spirit energy, we simply wouldn't try to drain it from someone without any."

I press further, "But if someone did, what would happen?  Like if they used a spell-like ability?"
She frowns at the question, as though I brought up something rude.  "Well, I suppose if a mamono tried hard enough, men's life energy is similar enough that she might take that instead.  But it would be difficult, and it would be cruel.  Having life energy sucked out would probably hurt even more than casting with it."
Ah.  There it is.  As clear as day.  "Then life energy - it hurts to have it removed?"
She nods, turning to look at the floor.  "Yeah."  There's something distant in her voice.  "It's extremely painful."  Like her attention is somewhere else.  Then, just as quickly, she's looking back at me.  "Don't worry though, taking that would be exceptionally cruel.  Not even a Manticore would do that to someone, if she could."  I'm going to ignore whatever that was.

I see.  Yeah, this changes everything.  Finally, something I can act on.  It's like my world just shifted a little.
"Okay, so I at least deserve to know why you look so happy all of the sudden."
Sure enough, I'm grinning.  It seems that the feeling of the world changing was also actually just the room getting brighter when my lantern flared up.  She's smiling too, though.

She's smiling.

"Oh, nothing.  In any case, I should probably be headed back.  Dinner'll be starting soon."  I get up to leave and stop, waiting for whatever it is that's about to happen.  After a moment I find that I've neither been shouted at nor latched onto.  I turn and find Rina sitting there, solemnly looking back at me.  It's only when she sees me looking at her that she takes a breath to speak.
"That's it, then?  You just wanted some information?"  The disappointment is louder than she is.
Well yeah, of course.  What else would I want?  Unless she thinks that I'm interested in her.  But how could she?  What have I ever done to even imply that?

I've gone to her house.
Repeatedly, now.
Even knowing that she wants to marry me.
Oh hells, is this what they mean by stringing a girl along?

No, I can make this work for me.  I just came over because she's someone I know.  She's an acquaintance.  A friend.  That's it.  The sooner I can impress that on her the sooner this one problem of mine will be gone.  "Yeah, pretty much.  None of my friends study magic, and my sisters are still mastering their inherent abilities, so I figured I'd ask you."
Clear as day.  None of my friends study magic, she studies magic, she'll have to put it together.  Sure enough, after a moment her expression takes a downward turn.  It's not personal.  Well, it wouldn't be if you hadn't pounced on me or stalked me.

"I want to show you something."
I don't get a chance to respond before a fluffy hand wraps around my own and I'm getting dragged off of the couch.  As I get pulled into the hallway I note that this part, at least, isn't as decrepit as the rest of the house.  At least, the floorboards don't seem to mind me, and the wallpaper seems newish.  We turn the corner and immediately come to a stop before the only door to the right.  Rina takes a few sharp breaths, as though that somehow winded her.  Actually, wait, is her neck red?

She finally pushes the door open, revealing the clean, well lit room beyond.  The difference between the room and the rest of the house is startling.  The lights are on, though it's not clear why.  Light streams in from the nearest window, revealing a startling coastline giving way to the ocean.  The other seems to open out into a nearby forest, though I don't recognize it at all.  The room itself is pristine.  There are no stains on the ridged, yellow floor, nor on the paper partitions that seem to have replaced the walls.

Rina steps into the room, around the square table in the center, and proudly raises her hands.  "Well, how do you like the redecorating?"

That's a question.  It's magical, obviously.  She's done some strange sort of illusions with the windows.  Probably with the walls, too, unless this is some sort of transformation that only changes this side of the wall.  I don't even know what's going on with the floor or the electricity.  There isn't a light switch, so I guess it has to be magical light

She lowers her hands to her sides, looking at me, looking at the room.  She looks nervous.  I'm not sure why.

Is it because this is her room?  Possibly.  But why would that bother her?  Does she think that I'd be afraid of magic like some old fart?  Or is this embarrassing?  Why, though?  There isn't anything here that's even remotely personal.  It's spartan.  And it's not like magic-

Magic.  This would take a lot of it, right?  More than just the normal build-up of demonic energy that lets her change into a cat.  Or into a person.  Wait, no, they're born from humanoid parents, so wouldn't the humanoid shape- dammit, Val, focus.  Where'd she get the energy for this?

"Well, I mean, I guess it's not much, but," she trails off.

No, it's a lot.  It's a lot and you know it.  Or do you think that I think that this was easy?  No, that's not important-
Extremely painful.
She said it was extremely painful to use life energy to cast a spell.

Dammit.

"Val, what's wrong?"  The worry is obvious on her face.  I'm just staring at her now.  I don't know what to say.  I don't know how to feel about this other than frustrated.  Why does she have to do this?  Is this illusion for my benefit?  Did she make this for me?

Her hair's still matted on top.  If she was making real things, she could wash herself.  Nekomatas are still cats at heart.  If she could, she would be perfectly clean.  This is all fake.  It's all fake, and it was all crafted for me.  The same thing I've been doing for a year now, which I've dreaded every damn time.

"Stop this."
There isn't anything else I can do.  I have what I came here for.
"I'm not coming back."
She's saying something.  Asking why.
"Don't."
I'm out the door.  I'm gone.
Don't make me responsible for this.

It's a long walk back home.