again and again i find myself trying as hard as i can at different hobbies and things like that but i always get shut down by stuff. i tried in sports as a kid and i was always worse no matter how bad i practiced things, i eventually gave up after a few years of ridicule and wasted effort. after that i found my love for fighting games, but most importantly, melee. i dedicated myself to melee for almost 7 years (not a lie or joke) practicing at home and trying my hardest. i could only go to tournaments for a short period of time in those 7 years but that short period of time was enough for me to get bullied, beaten, and shunned out of the scene. i was always worse than everyone else and felt like everyone hated me. i made 0 friends and ended up just getting depressed by the fact that no one wanted to be my friend or talk to me. hell, no one even wanted to play with me. i found soul calibur 5 in the middle of all of this and quickly became amazing at it. it just clicked, i was insane with nightmare and after a solid year or 2 of practice i could confidently say i was one of the best. i was the best nightmare player worldwide (unless theres some secret nightmare god) and i finally found some happiness. soul calibur 5 died quickly and with it, my happiness went away too. i returned to melee and continued playing up until last year. i found a casual love for overwatch in 2017 and played it with my friends. i never knew about all the "big" players like dafran or xqc, i just played this crazy fps game with my friends and had fun. i was happy with this and enjoyed it. after a while i had to quit playing onlime because i didnt have internet for a year. i picked up f zero gx during this time and loved it. i because decent at it and made some top 30/20 times. i quickly grew tired of it though and quit. after about a year without internet i move again and get internet again. i immediately start playing overwatch again hoping my friends would still be there, and of course they werent. so i started from nothing once again. i continued to play overwatch because i still found it fun and very enjoyable. eventually after playing it for a month or so i inevitably found the "big" players and streamers, and the competitive side of overwatch. coming from several years of competitive playing with melee, soul calibur, and even the sports i tried playing i was naturally drawn to the more competitive side of overwatch. so for a while i started practicing, not really know how to do it. overwatch being my first real pc fps game, i obviously wasnt very good. i had bad aim and no concept of what to do ever. despite that i continued to practice with what i had. i practice aim and tried several different characters. i messed with dpi/sensitivity and all that. i struggled for a long time and was always too scared/nervous to queue for comp because i never wanted to be the reason my team lost. after a but i gained the confidence to queue with my friend and i did mediocre, all my practice basically did nothing but make me a but better than i was whem i just played for fun. i had horrible hardware (mouse, keyboard, headset) and got some that was better