Thread 27: Stories 91-105

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>SCENE - BOWLING ALLEY - INT

"Poising her back straight, the annoying and shrill queen lined up her shot, and let the ball roll."

"To her joy, she lands a strike, all the pins fall down."

"To her horror, a tiny flame sparks out of the bottom of every one of those pins, and the rounded top falls away to reveal tiny fists beneath."

"She can only stare as they all take flight, honing in on her less than attractive face, knowing full well that she does not deserve to move out of the way, and far too stupid to do so if she had."

"She landed a strike."

"Now they were going to strike back."
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>Punching it's way to a theatre near you....

>"You thought Chrysalis was done bowling?"

>"You thought wrong!"

>"Now she's back and stupider than ever... but with her own team?!"

>"Watch as this stupid bug Queen attempts to exact revenge on inanimate objects that punch her in the face!"

>"Again... and again... and- wow, that one looked like it hurt!"

>"It's Chrysalis in: The Bug Strikes Back!"

>"Rated Peegee Thurteen."
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>Dash
“Bulk Biceps”
‘Spitfire’
_________

>Bulk? Man, I’m… I dunno, I’ve just feeling kinda stressed out lately, ya know?

“STRESSED?”

>Yeah, stressed, and tone it down, will ya? We’re in the same office here.

“CAN’T TONE DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF A SUPER SET.”

>…You’re bench-pressing two filing cabinets.

“YEEEEAH!”

>Well, anyway… it’s odd but I feel like you’re the only sane one on my entire squad. And no offense but that’s saying something.

“PUSH IT!”

>I have, trust me. I have. Since day one, I’ve been pushing this job, trying to straighten out the ‘Bolts, bring the name back to its former glory. The glory I idolized when I was younger.

“NNNNNGH!”

>I know, right? Just nnnngh, this place is driving me mad. I barely fly, I do paperwork day in and day out, and… I didn’t want to say anything to Twi' 'cause she'd just worry but that last scuffle with Chitania? Left me sore as shit….

“GET IT! C’MON GET IT!”

>Oh I got it alright. Got it right in my joints, my wings, my everything. I got it all and then some. I don’t want to quit because Dash ain’t no quitter. I just need something, something to get me amped, something to work out all the kinks… I just don’t know what it is.

“TIME FOR BREAK!”

Dash looked up as the filing cabinets crashed to the ground.

>Break...? That's... that’s it! Bulks, you’re a genius! That’s what we need! We need a break! Oh man, oh man, but where to? I’m not familiar with Canterlo- wait! Pinkie’s place, that Partyland thing! We can go there!

“WE GO?”

>You bet your oddly un-steroided body we go! I’ll speak with Applejack tomorrow about it, see what she thinks. But first… Eh, Spitfire!

‘Damn it, what? I’m trying to scrub your nasty work-out shorts!’

>Forget all that and start packing our shit! We’re going to Partyland!

‘Fuuuuck me….’

"YEEEEEAH!"
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>42
"Cadence"
'Brain'
~~~~

>Oh, punching bag, is there anything you can't solve?

"HEY!"

>...Nope.

"42, I can't believe you!"

>...I do not understand your inquiry, though I would very much like to address it in order to clear up any misunderstanding that may have occurred without my knowledge. As a loyal soldier, I am always happy to-

"42!"

>...

"...You said you didn't want to teach grappling, but I saw you grappling Shiny!"

'WARNING! WARNING! ABORT VIA WINDOW-FUCK NO WINDOWS!... Can we make it through that wall?'

>...A-hem, while I understand your ire, I must inform you that I merely meant I am untrained in grappling ones of your lithe nature. As Shining Armor has a more robust and muscular figure, he is much closer to the beasts and monsters I am used to facing. I am sorry for the confusion, and will endeavor to be more precise in the future.

'STOP THINKING ABOUT HIS FIGURE YOU DUMBASS!'

"Well... I see your point. But come on, don't you want to try grappling someone like me? It'll be something you're not used to."

'ABORTABORTABORTUNCONFORTABLEIMAGRYINBOUDABORT!'

"I mean, I know I'm a bit thinner than him, but I want to learn how to handle someone like your stature too! Shiny's broader, and his coat's softer, so it's not the same as someone with harder skin like you!"

'...WHAT THE FUCK!? WHY IS THIS IMAGE HERE!? THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!?... EMERGENCY PROTOCOL ACTIVATE!'

>While yes, it would be a new experience for me, it would also be a learning one, one I would be likely to make mistakes on, and for one as untrained as yourself that could be dangerous. In the interest of your safety, I must insist.

"Awww, come on! I know you'll be gentle with me. If Shiny can manage to be gentle and soft with me, I'm sure you can."

'WHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCK!? STOP IT WITH THE IMAGES!'

>Again, I must decline. I am a bit more used to brutal combat than Shining Armor, I would be less likely to hold back.

"Hrm... Oh! I know! What if I brought Shiny in with me? I kind of wanted to anyway, don't want to seem like I'm trying to steal his training buddy. That way Shiny and you can work out how to be more gentle, then I can join in! I'm sure if nothing else, he could wear you out pretty good and then I go, or maybe you could just watch what he does to me to get a feel for it! That could work!"

>...

'...Oh my, that is some interesting... wait... BOOOOOODDDDY! TURN THAT FUCKING HEART BACK ON RIGHT NOW!'

>I will take your suggestions into consideration, and a heavy one at that, and discuss it further with Shining Armor as not to impose on him something he may not want to do. I realize you wish to try something new, and I will take your feelings into this consideration.

"Ahhh, thank's 42! You're the best!"

'OHSHITNOHUGSNOHUGSNOHUGSSHITSHITSHITSHIT!'

"Oh! By the way, 18 collapsed again."

>Troubling.

"Yeah! So Shiny thinks she needs a vacation, and boy do I agree we need some time off... come to think of it, you don't look so hot yourself."

>You caught me in the middle of an intense training day. Take a good look at it, you will likely be this worn out if we do end up grappling.

"I'm sure I can handle it! Anyway, just make sure you get your bags packed so we can leave on time."

>We?

"Of course we're bringing you, silly! I'll order you if I have to, you HAVE to come! It wouldn't feel right if you didn't!"

>...I appreciate the gesture.

"Knew you would. Later, 42!"

>...

'...'

>...

"...B-b-booooody? That heart hasn't kicked back on yet. Body? BODY!?"

>...

*THUMP!*

'OH FUCK NO! BREATH BITCH BREATH I AM NOT DYING BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID ASS!...BREEEEEEAAAAAAATTHHHHHE... NOOOOOOOOOO!'
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>56
“Luna”
‘Cadance’
~~~~~~~

>HEY SHARDBUTT!

‘EEEEEK!’

>Bwahahaha! You yell louder than Catbutt does!

‘Oh joy of joys, it’s you. The one who can’t appreciate a fabulous rear when he sees it.’

>When I can actually make out that tiny thing back there, I’ll appreciate it! But more to the point, what were you an’ Punchy McFacePunch talkin’ about? Why're y’all packin’?

‘Hm? Oh, that. We’re taking a vacation to Partyland, I figure we could all use a little breather every now and then. I mean, looking back on it, we’ve probably only gone on like forest green or hazel trips outside the castle.’

>Ooooooh. I wanna go, too!

‘Then you had better go ask Applejack. Or Chrysalis. They're your caretakers, we can’t just up and bugnap you, 56.’

>Right, right, of course, yeah! Thanks, shardbutt!

And he nuzzled up against her side before racing off.

‘…Darn it, how can he be so annoying and so cute at the same time?’

~~~~~~

>BAM!

“EEEEEK!”

>I make all the mares scream!

“Have thou lost thine mind? There exists a courtesy known as knocking, 56!”

>I know, but that wudda given ya time to stash that plate of moon pies you’re layin’ into right there.

“…”

>Yup. Caught ya with cream all over your face, Moons. Bad girl.

“B-be silent. We were only testing the quality.”

>What, for your stomach?

“…”

There was a moment where the lunar princess blushed redder than a sunrise when 56 strolled up, stretching up to lick a stray dollop of cream from her cheek.

>Tasty Moons!

“…D-does thine’s chicanery know no bounds?”

>I don’t have any chickens, Moons, you silly princess. But what I wanted to ask was… how does a trip to Partyland sound?

“Party… land?”

>Yeah!

“Thou can’t possibly be referring to that ghastly construction of nightmarish rides that whisk one through the air at spine-breaking speeds and its devious assortment of knickknack stands…?”

>…Yeeeeah?

“We would rather be stuffed with moon pies.”

>…Well, I-

“No.”

>Drats. But c’mon, Moons! It’d be so awesome! Caddy’s goin’ with Shiny and helmet-head and who knows who else! Don’t ya wanna have a good time?

“Twisting and turning while strapped to a metal contraption is not by any stretch our interpretation of a good time, 56.”

>…Moons, are you scared of rollercoaster rides?

“Ha! Such foolish accusations thou strikes us with. Of course not.”

>Then why's your tail whippin' up a storm behind y-

“LOOK THERE! THE LIMITED EDITION CHITANIA FIGURINE WITH SENSUAL GROWL!”

>WHERE?

*CRASH*

>Um, Moons, I don’t see the… wait a minute, did she just dive through the window?
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>Chitania
"???"
[Bandit 1]
{2}
~3~
~~~

>RAAAAGGHHHHH!

[Now, see, that's just uncalled for.]

>I AM SO PISSED OFF!

{We noticed, lord knows we noticed.}

~Look, Bugsy didn't mean it when he said he was gonna rut' ya' till ya' loved him. He just say's these things sometimes.~

[...Well, he won't NOW, seeing as you broke his jaw, but still. We just wanted to rob ya'.]

{Completely non-sexual.}

>SHUT UP! I'M NOT PISSED AT YOU!

[...Really?]

>NO!... Well, yes, I'm a little annoyed you idiots thought you could face me, but I'm far angrier about HOW PISSED OFF I AM!

{That is a very self destructive circle.}

>It shouldn't bother me! She didn't WIN! She ran off without making so much as a scratch... BUT I AM STILL SO PISSED!

~Love's a terrible thing sometimes, sounds like.~

>DO YOU WANT TO JOIN YOUR FRIEND!?

Said friend twitched, gurgled a bit of blood, and then stopped.

~...Ah'm good. Thanks fer just tying us up with a bar from our wagon.~

[...How DID you do this anyway?]

{Or shrug off our gunfire, for that matter.}

>REASONS!

[Seems legit]

>...What is that nois-

A loud, shrill cackle was her only waring before something landed right in front of her, and a massive plume of fire rocketed to the sky.

{OH FUCK IT'S HIM!}

~JUST KILL US LADY!~

"HALT, EVILDOER! CEASE YOUR EVIL DOING!"

[His fucking voice is like nails on a chalkboard!]

{I DON'T WANT TO GET MY SOUL EATEN!}

>I already stopped them, asshole!

"Stopped... them?"

>...
[...]
{...}
~...~

"... Just saying, I count one serious injury, a lot of stolen loot and one pony who's not tied up or bleeding out."

[...He's got a point.]

>THEY'RE THE BADGUYS!

"Oh... oh! I recognize you guys! From the wanted poster! Oh wow, that was almost bad, almost as bad as last ti-..."

>...

"...AWAY!"

Into the air he went.

>...A-HEM!

A fiery chain lashed out, encircling all four, and jerking the screaming bandits into the air.

"THANK YOU FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE, CITIZEN!"

>...I'M STILL PISSED OFF!

"SORRY!"

>FUCK YOU!
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>55
~~~~~

You know what happiness was?

55 didn't think he knew, he didn't want to sound like a jerk and say he knew, that would just be silly. But he thinks he FELT like he knew, you know?

Though it was pretty hard to tell, since he didn't know a whole lot. If every other changeling in the ballroom was a number two pencil, he was a number three for sure. So he had to just wing it.

Lots of others didn't think he was happy, for some reason. It was his place, he realized, his shack had no sense of flow. The seven by seven little thing was just flowless, his feng shui was all sorts of messed up. Those gas cans stacked on top of each other? Completely out of alignment, he was sure. Oh! Maybe he should ask Cheery Jubilee for tips, she seemed smart and she talked to him, she was nice. Bonus, she wouldn't even have to spend too much time on the furniture, since there wasn't any. His blanket was probably pretty fungee already, how much shui could he need? Was it expensive? He didn't have much money.

But that's okay! He had his shack, he had his gas cans, and he got free drinks too! What more could a changeling ask for? Nothing, that's what, life was just too perfect.

The smile on his face as he woke up said it all. Yeah, this life right here? Perfect. Nothing could make him...

Oh! That weirdly specific tapping noise was back! Great, that usually meant bandits were attacking somebody! How did this shack know?

>Thank you, magic shack!

Ohhh, the cool feeling of the open air on his fuel was almost as amazing as the fire that consumed him. With it, nothing could keep the mile long grin off his face, a grin that somehow grew even wider as he took to the skies.

The Changeling known as 55, or whatever they called him when he was flamey like this, did not know a lot of things. But there was one thing he knew, and knew he would always know.

>My life is perfect.
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>Chrysalis
"Twilight"
'SA'
~~~~~~~~

>OH! Here's one, going to love it... "Mother's methods to get me to learn how to survive a fall were, as always, thorough. How she found a mountain that had ice, then sharp rocks, then gravel, then ended in a rushing river, I do not know, but one drop pretty much taught me everything. I think the worst part was the start, in the cold. I do not like the cold."

"Sweet Celestia..."

>...What?

"Don't you feel bad for her? How much did her mother put her through?"

>It's not that bad, my mom used to try to take over...

"..."

>...Nevermind.

'Knock knock! Well, nice to see you two are getting along.'

>Bonding over schadenfreude is a universal passtime.

'Still on that diary?'

>We've thus far found several weaknesses. She does, in fact, hate being punted down mountains.

"But really, we haven't. We're hoping she offhandedly mentions a chink in her armor, or a limitation to her size magic."

>So far, nada. Looking more and more like you're going to have to 'take one for the team' so I can fight her.

'...'

>...By 'take' I mean 'take a heaping load of bugbutt rutting-'

'Got it.'

"EWEWEW! BAD CHRYSALIS!"

>What? I want to fuck your brother. I'm open about this. I want Shiny to nail me so hard my ass has hip shaped imprints. I want to swallow his sword like a carny at a fair, I want to-

"I GET ITSHUTUPSHUTUP!"

'Seriously? Right in front of her? You are so missing out on Partyland now.'

>WHAT!?

'I'm serious. No party for you.'

>Oh, come on!

'Say you're sorry.'

>...I'm not sorry for wanting to get some Shinyjuice-

"BLEEGH!'

>-but I AM sorry I did it in front of Twibright, alright?

'You know what? I'll accept it just so you won't try to sneak in.'

>Good. You want to listen in on this? It's pretty interesting. Not as interesting as what I'm capable, of, sexy wise, but-

"NO MORE SEX TALK!"

>Prude.

'Just get talking.'

>...'Today, I found a bunny. For once in my life, I didn't kill it immediately, I thought it was cute... it turns out it was, in fact, a creature disguised as a bunny, so... yeah, he got a nasty bite in on my neck before I ripped out his throat. Wearing something's skin like that to disarm me seems effective, I hope this is the last time I see'... ooo, ouch.

"Eesh."

'Skip ahead, please?'

>...'Mother said I can't eat all of these apples.'

'Now we're talking!'
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[Ultramarine 1]
{Ultramarine 2}
-Angry Marine-
>"Chitania"

---

[Another glorious day in his God Emperor's army, venerable battle brother!]

{I agree! We, so powerful and brilliant, fellow battle brother!}

[What shall we do today, venerable battle brother?]

{We're on a Tyranid planet, battle brother, we must purge the xeno filth!}

[Of course we shall! For we are the greatest! The most powerful!]

[{The Ultramarines!}]

[Hahahaha!]
{Hahaha--URK!}

*CRUNCH*

-SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU FUCKING LIMPDICK FAGGOT!-

[Lesser battle brother, why do you hurt our glorious battle brother in this manner?]

-BECAUSE HE'S A GLORIOUS FUCKING FAGGOT. YOU TOO, BADGERCUNT!-

*CRUNCH*

-...YOU ARSEFUCK, IT'S MY JOB TO CRUSH THE FULL-OF-THEMSELVES FAG-SHITS!-

>"But they were really fucking grating on my nerves, and I'm already PISSED OFF as hell."

-WELL THAT'S GOOD, EVEN FOR A SHITTY XENO!-

>"Really?"

-BEING ANGRY AND PISSED OFF IS MY JOB, IT ROCKS!-

>"That's... hm. I'm seemingly always angry. To be fair."

-GOOD.-

[*Cough* It's okay, I think my second heart restarted...]

>"FUCK YOU, YOU POMPOUS PRINCESS DICK."

*CRUNCH*

>"Celestia, these dicks think they're so awesome, why is that?!"

-...YOU ARE SO FUCKING ANGRY. I FEEL IT RADIATING OFF OF YOU.-

>"Why are you shaking."

-I'VE GOT THE WEIRDEST FUCKING BONER.-

*PUNCH*

>"FUCK OFF!"

-THAT MADE ME HARDER!-

>"Fuck these alternate universes, they're so weird."
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. non-canon
>Chitania
"???"
'???'
{???}
~~~~~

>GODDAMN IT! I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF THESE THIN- what the fuck?

"Because, of course, an early morning New York commute just would not be complete without property being wrecked by some weird... buggy... horse monster thing?"

'She just looks like a regular horse to me, Tony. Well... okay, not "Regular", but not buggy is my point.'

"That's because you don't have several million dollar optics on your fa-OH SHIT!"

>Your face sees through my disguise!? GIVE ME YOUR FACE!

"STEVE! BACKUP!"

*TINK!*

"...MORE THAN THROWING THE SHIELD, I MEAN!"

'I'm not getting in on that. S'okay, we've got other backup.'

>AND JUST WHO IS-

*BOOM!*

{HULK SMASH!}

"Ooo, you made him angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry."

>YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ANGRY IS!

'...Pretty sure that's just not true, actually.'

{RAAAAGHHHHHH!}

>YOU WANT SOME!? GRAAAAAGGGHHHH!

*SMASHSMASHSMASHMSMASH*

"...How's it going, Hulk?"

{...Hulk wants to ride giant pony lady.}

>THE FUCK!?

"I think he meant, just, you know... ride on your back like a horse?"

{...}

'...R-right Hulk?'

{...}

>...NOPE! FUCKTHISFUCKTHATANDFUCKYOU!

"..."
'...'
{...}
"...I would too."
'TONY WHAT THE FUCK!?'
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Semi-canon?
>Pinkie
"Cheese"
~~~
>Rides?

"All fifty eight attractions are operational! Beautiful, Modern-MMO like scenery?"

>Check! Complete with invisible walls to keep people out of where we don't want them to go. Shows, events, and parades?

"Check, check, and check! Chances of chances of chaos breaking out?"

>Well, we built the current version of Partyland to float in the sky, it's big enough to cause planetary-extinction if it falls...

"So that's a check."

>Yepperoni! Over priced concessions?

"How much are we charging for the water and churros?"

>Eight its for a churro and six for water.

"Then we are good."

>To

>"GO!"
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
'Mane-Iac'
~~~~

>Okay, no.

"What?"

>You put the leash away right this second.

"IT'S NOT FOR YOU!... Yours has your cutie mark on it."

>So many problems with that.

"Nah, this is for Maney!"

>...

"...I will shoot you."

>Didn't say it.

"YOU THOUGHT IT!"

>That I did.

"Look, her hair is out of control sometimes, and I don't want it getting caught in a ride or something."

>That's.... weirdly nice of you. Even though you didn't ask if she could come.

"..."

>...I mean, of course she CAN, you know I was going to take her-

"Good."

>-I'm just saying. Weird how you are with her.

"Meh, we connected."

>Why did you guys hit it off anyway?

*CRASH!*

'FOOOOOOOOLISH LUMINOUS SHIELD! I HAVE STOLEN ALLLLLL OF YOUR COCOBITES AND THEY ARE- Shoot! Sorry!... But I did eat all the cocobites... sorry...'

>It's fine, I'll send someone to get more.

'AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHH! AND SOOON! SOOOOOON I SHALL DINE ON-... I mean, thanks!'

*CRASH!*

>...

"...You know I don't know."

>It's a mystery.
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>Applejack
"DT
'Teacher'
[AB]
~~~~~~

>...Ya' know, when Mac said he's been seein' a pink filly round mah' tress, Ah' thought he was bein' a bit silly.

"OOOF! SHUT IT APPLEFACE! HRK!"

>Rude. Why in the heck are ya'll kickin' mah tree anyway?

"Because-HR!-I need to-GRR!- work on my leg strength-HNN!-So I can handle TBDRLIATU better!"

>Huh?

"Yeah, TBDRLIATU is a bit rough and hard to handle. He really wrecks my poor backside whenever he goes off. Everyone wonders how I can handle something so huge, and to be honest I question it myself sometimes. Really, you'd think he'd be just too much for me, so much power and force, I can just barely handle him sometimes. So here I am, working on my leg strength so I don't get worn out so easily."

>...M'kay, you have fun with that.

"No no, the fun comes later, with all the screaming and joy and things going off."

>...

"...What?"

~~~~

'No no no! The fork on the left!'

[Why do Ah' need ta' learn this here fancy stuff anywho?]

'Your sister is one of the princesses now, and as such you will behave more dignified, now again!'

[But ah' wanna go crusadiiiiin!]

*SMACK!*

[OW! MAH HOOF!]

'Again!'

[MAH WORLD'S UPSIDE DOWN!]

*SMACK!*

'AGAIN!'
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>Twilight

At night, Twilight sits alone in her lab, contemplating her next move.

>She nearly had us there. If I hadn't managed to send her away, she could have easily killed Spike or Dash. Or me, maybe? How 'immortal' am I? I'll need to test for that later.

She pulls over a her chalkboard and begins to write.

>I'm letting this get to me, gotta keep it together. We don't want Mad Twi coming out. I'll just do some sketches. Maybe some new invention to help ponies will come to me. Maybe some kind of water purification system.

After several minutes scratching at the chalkboard and calculation the effectiveness of several disinfectants, Twilight erases what was clearly not a chemical weapons delivery system.

>Power, electricity is a thing and we are using more of it all the time.

More scratches and a great deal of math that couldn't possibly be used to make a bomb capable of leveling an entire city appeared on the board before quickly disappearing.

>Long range communications?

After staring at her latest work, Twilight couldn't find the will to tell herself that it wasn't a death ray.

>Hard light projections attuned to specific frequencies that someone would need to match in order to interact with it. It could split into three separate attunements for multitasking with a possibility for further fragmentation!

Twilight simply threw the entire chalkboard with it's giant hologram and indecipherable ramblings about dragons and plants into the dimensional void surrounding the lab.

>...

>I wonder if Shiny has an extra ticket for Partyland.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon High School Omake time

>Spike
"DT"
'SS'
(77)
{AJ42}
-PJ-
+AJ2+
~~~~

>So I managed to get us all a trip to the Paintball Park. We'll be fighting against the folks at Fawntaine High. They're pretty tough, but I've got faith in you guys that we'll be able to come out of this on top.

'That's really cool, Spike-senpai.'

"That's not going to stop me from calling him an idiot. How much of our budget did you blow on this?"

>I knew a mare that knows a mare....we're paying for the trip though, so that's coming out of our budget.

(I don't know if I'm going to make it. It might be my shift at work during that time.)

"...how old are you?"

{Count me out. It doesn't sound like there's punching involved.}

>We can dip some punching gloves in paint.

{Now I'm back in.}

-Mrrmamph mrmrmn?-

>Oh there'll be plenty of free snacks.

-Mmph nrn-

>Great, so I guess besides 77, everyone should be able to come.

A door opens
+Onii-chan! Auntie Twilight said you're suppose to help her track down the bully that keeps beating everyone up in the neighbourhood.+

>That's tonight? Sorry guys, I got to go. Meeting adjourned.
He rushes out.

"Well now that baka-Spike is gone we can talk about...wait a minute....that fucking asshole. It was his turn to clean up today.
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