Shifting IT

Owner: Ok what is this big idea that needs to be in Montana all about.

Co-Owner: Get this. An IT hub in Montana.

O: We already have a hub in Idaho.

C-O: Yes but we can shutter that and 'motivate' them to move there and cut costs.

O: How so. They're in an dilapidated office park, have vending machines for food, and shitty and cheap internet to work with.

C-O: That's what I was thinking too, until that conference in Wyoming.

O: Wyoming?!?! I thought this was about Montana!

C-O: It is. Let me finish.

O: Ok fine, but no talk about Wyoming. Still stinging from our last 'adventure' there.

C-O: As I was saying, the conference I found out from some other company, something something Moon something, about a office block on the outskirts of Helena.

O: Continue.

C-O: Was built earlier this year, Multi Story, has its own dormitories with all the bells and whistles, Cisco equipment and a T1 connection, and a deluxe cafeteria ready for use. Also an indoor garden fully automated and ready for planting.

O: And pray tell, how much is this wonderland that you speak ith of?

C-O: Half of Idaho.

O: Your shitting me.

C-O: Would I shit you, don't answer that. I already made a trip over to the site its damn near pristine. The company who owns it, those Moon guys, left it immaculate and are desperate to lease it out on discount. But that's just part 1 of this grand plan.

O: Well whats part 2 then?

C-O: Werewolfs.

O: Say again, I know I'm getting some salt and pepper up top but I think I heard Werewolfs.

C-O: [Pulls up video on phone]

O: So what. I like scary movies too but I don't... this, this is real isn't it.

C-O: 100%

O: ...

O: Give me this cliff notes of how this fits into your master plan then.

C-O: Health Insurance: They walk off major injuries and heal quick which means we can cut the regular insurance to some cheap HSA/FSA plan.

     Food: Since the office is near the woods we can cut the vending and re-purpose some low performing interns to cafeteria duty and motivate the Werewolfs to bring in their kills to stock the fridges.

     IT up-time: Since they can work shifts with little to no sleep and the dormitories nearby we can have full coverage day and night boosting our output and possibilities for bargaining for contracts. Plus garnish a bit from their pay with the dormitory use.

O: This all sounds great. A little batshit crazy but great.

C-O: I know.

O: So have you've done it?

C-O: No, that why were having this meeting.

O: Don't bullshit me. Have. You. Done. IT.

C-O: Oh OOOOH. Well judging by your heart beating like crazy and that hidden flask of Inver House on you I'll let you figure that out.

O: Shitballs, okay, ok so have you gone over this plan with HR.

C-O: That's also why were here.

O: So they didn't see nothing wrong with this. ANYTHING at all.

C-O: Wellll

O: Spit it out.

C-O: Its the way to turn into a Werewolf.

O: So its not like in the movies were one bite can turn you.

C-O: Yes and No. You can get it done that way but also by particular bodily fluids.

O: And we've been talking back and forth over this and...

C-O: No your not going to turn don't worry.

O: Thank god! The last thing I need is worrying about is howling at the moon in front of the Buffett and Page dinner.

C-O: The other transmission is via sexual fluids.

O: I'll take the bite thank you very much. So how does that even work? So long as you don't raw dog it whoever you screw is safe?

C-O: Basically and the bite is 100% fast and effective, sex however is slower process. I'll forward the docs I got from those moon guys on the whole process. As for HR, their drawing up a liability waiver so that we can CYA from any possibilities.

O: Well you seem to have this all wrapped up, alright let get this ball rolling!

C-O: One more thing

O: Of course.

C-O: Since we can't force people to be Werewolfs we'll need to figure out what will happen to the others.

O: Nothing. Their still employees, their duties will remain the same. That's why each listing has 'and other assorted duties'.

C-O: And of course they'll sign the waver as well.

O: Of course, now if there's nothing more to discuss...