Thread 38: Stories 91-105

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>42
"Brain"
~~~~~~

>I suppose I should stop staring and go over there...

"No no, please, keep staring at his beautiful looking-"

>SHUT THE FUCK UP!

"Hey, you didn't mind me when I was talking during the fight."

>I... I didn't?

"Nope. When he fell in the goo and got all slick I said all kinds of things, but you just shrugged it off."

>That doesn't sound like me.

"Well, it is."

>Liar.

"Why would I possibly lie to you?"

>Because you are trying to get an edge so I will not punch you. It will not work. I am too strong mentally to fall for such tricks!

"Uh... huh... most of my comments were about the goo making good lube-"

>HAVE AT THEE!

*POW!*

>OW... AH HAH! VICTORY!... Ow... owwww... should not have gone for the eye...
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Idris
"Gwen"
'Grehm'

>Ok...you...you, buddy? Yer the besht!

'This was acknowledged the many many times you have said this prior.'

"Aren'ya gettin' tired?"

Grehm shrugs, then scrambles to keep the two reclining drunken gryphons stacked onto each other on his back from falling off.

'This is not a challenge. I have carried larger.'

"So shtrong, wish Drisshy wash ash shtrong ash yew~"

>I'm shtrong!

"Are not~"

>Are too~

"I could alwaysh pin ya down when we were little, weeeak~"

>Shush up!

"Never!"

'Nrk...please do not begin wrestling on my back.'

>Ha! No whosh weak?

"I'm on top shtill!"

>Not fer long! Have at thee!

"An gaard!"

'Hrk! Please stop.'

>Gotcha now, you minx!

"Shquirrely dog!"

>Majeshtic eagle...

"Mighty lion..."

'...those last two were not insults...'

>My beautiful Queen...

"My powerful shovereign..."

'...your movements are slower now.'

>"Mmm..."

'Do I want to turn my head?'

>"Mmmmmmmm..."

'I do not want to turn my head...I require an adult.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>???
"77"
'SS'
[Cheerilee]
~~~~

"Alright, I got the snacks, who ordered the... where's Poppet?"

'She wanted to be first.'

[Insisted, in fact.]

"First to wha-... oh."

>GET OFF THE STAGE!

*BOOM!*

"...please let that have been a smoke bomb."

'Just a noisemaker, no boom.'

"Oh, good."

The pink filly swung TBDRLIATU like a bat, knocking the microphone down to her level and grabbing hold of it.

>HELLO EVERYONE OUT THERE! Not that I need an introduction, but I am DIAMOND TIARA, and I am going to sing, and you all are going to listen.

She produced a tiny mix tape from... somewhere, and popped it into a compartment on the side of TBDRLIATU.

[It has a stereo?]

'It was supposed to be a sonic weapon, but she couldn't figure out how to do that.'

[Ah.]

'But if she asks, this was absolutely what she intended to do.'

"Obviously."

>HIT IT!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7w3L7EimYc

The lights went down, and her voice dropped with it.

>Where have all the good mares gone... And where are all the gods? Where's the dark Mephistopheles, to bring the rising odds? Isn't there a bright knight to be a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need...

[Those... are not the lyrics to that.]

'Hoo boy...'

"Too late to stop her?"

And the music swelled.

'Yeah...'

~Ahh... AHHHHHH!~

>Cause I'm a hero! And I'm setting fire to all that live in the night! You better be strong and you better be fast, and you better be bringing a fight! I AM A HERO! The flames that I bring are brighter than the morning light! You better be sure, because your end comes soon, don't care if you think you're larger than life... larger than life...

Somewhere in the crowd, a garish colored mare cocked an eyebrow.

>Like the mare of midnight, I'll bring the darkest fantasies. Nothing is beyond my reach, no matter how far and wide you flee. I race upon the thunder, and rise with his fire and heat! Nothing less than this rocket man can sweep me off my feet!

~AHHHHHHH~

>Bring the wind and the chill and the rain! I fear no storm or no flood! With their every approach I'll feel the spilling of their blood.

~Spilling of their blood! Spilling of their blood! Ahhhh! AHHHHHHHHH!~

>Cause I'm a hero! And I'm setting fire to all that live in the night! You better be strong and you better be fast, and you better be bringing a fight! I AM A HERO! The flames that I bring are brighter than the morning light! You better be sure, because your end comes soon, BECAUSE I'M THAT MUCH LARGER THAN LIIIIIIIFFFFFFE!

The music, at last reached a fever pitch.

>Because you know that I'm strong, and you know that I'm fast, and there's no way you'll survive this fight! I AM A HEROOOOOOO!

While they were somewhat afraid, they nonetheless applauded her.

"...We need to look into sending her to see someone."

[Something to look into.]

>YEAH! I'M THE BEST! YOU LOVE ME!

'...Good luck with that.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
"Rarity"
[Dash]
{Fluttershy}
~~~

>...Huh...

"Well, that was... something."

[Who's bright idea was it to put someone like her on a fighting team anyway?]

{Seems like a bit of a bad idea with an ego like hers.}

>...

"Um, girls? Ixnay on the... isicionsday."

[...No...]

>Ah' plead the fifth.

{Fifth what?}

"Fifth excuse in her list, it's "I have my reasons please don't ask"... it also means "I'm so sorry", but it could go either way."

{Both are pretty appropriate...}

[...Is that her rocket launcher?]

"I do believe it is."

[Yeah, not exactly hidden all that well.]

{Where? Behind the doll with the mustache?}

[...Ignoring that. So, we have a little egocentric filly with a giant fuckoff gun running around an amusement park singing about how awesome she is?]

"..."
{...}
>...Ah'... Ah' plead the fifth....

"Don't think it's working, darling."

>Let me dream...
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"Vekir"

"Neh...nehhh...nehhhhhh...whuff! Almost...go it! Ha! Yes, yes, I have reached the top of...this thing. What...is this thing?"

Vekir, who has heretofore been dragging Rekulk's unconscious body turns around, realizing she wasn't paying attention to WHERE she was doing it. She looks out at the crowd of ponies with wide eyes.

"Meep...uhm...Help?"

A loud crash of music makes her leap up like a startled cat. She begins dashing around the stage in panic.

"Help, I need somebody
Help, can be anybody
Help, yes I need someone
Help!"

The music mellows out and Vekir gulps, starting to try and explain herself.

"When I was younger, much more younger than right now
I never needed anybody's help in any way
But now in this brand new day I found myself in shock
Now I'm stuck dragging a brother that's sleeping like a rock!"

Swaying along to the music Vekir goes into the chorus.

"Help me if you like, I can't go alooooone!
My brother weighs a much as a bag of stoooones!
Help me because I'm tired to the booooone
Won't you please, please help me?"

"Help me, help me, help meeEEEEeeeeee~!"

The music cuts off, the applause begins, Vekir tilts her head.

"Yes, many thanks nice ponies, but...seriously, help?"

The music starts again.

"No! Stop making the silly sounds! I need help! Heeeeelp!"

A vaudeville can suddenly creeps out and begins dragging Rekulk away.

"What is this!? HEY! RETURN MY BROTHER EVIL HOOK!"

Vekir leaps onto Rekulk's body, heaping abuse on the cane as it drags both her and her brother off stage.
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>77
"Cheerilee"
'DT'
[SS]
~???~
~~~~

>Great performance, I suppose?

'Don't have to try to be modest about it, I'm amazing in every single way, including singing.'

"No no, please, don't undersell yourself too much."

'Hrm, you're right, I'm being too low key about this.'

"...She's not serious."

[She might be. Could go either way.]

'But enough about me, let's talk about you!... Get out there.'

>I beg your pardon?

'You get up on the stage and start singing, or I will hit you with pepper spray.'

"Oh, okay, so she's not being serious."

[Uh...]

>...
"..."

*CHU-CLICK!*

'SING!'

>Alright, alright!

"I will sick my demons on-"

*WHIRRRRRRR!*

"-right! Get singing!"

[...Please tell me that's not a laser cannon.]

'What? No, it's the cooling fan... huh... would a laser cannon's work? Wouldn't be able to store rockets in the same area... might need to look into this...'

[The world will never forgive me.]

"So, do you have a song?"

>Actually, yes. I prepared just in case.

"..."

>I learn, Cheerilee, I learn. Poppet?

She fired off TBDRLIATU, and launched a tape right into the music player.

"...DAMN."

'Told you, you were underselling it. HIT IT!'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E39MEY-5CDA

The changeling looked out over the crowd, a bit nervous to be so... 'out there'. Something he was certainly not used to. But one look at dear Cheerliee, and he was worried no longer.

>Like a gift left by heavens, it was easy to tell, It was love from above though it seemed of from hell, She had it's fire in her soul it was easy to see, how the devil himself could not take this from me. There were screams in the air as she started to dance. Every soul in the room keeping time with their hands, And we sang...

From the very darkest corners of hell, voices rang out.

~Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,~

>And the voices rang to make angels scream, we're singing...

~Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,~

>And we danced on into the night!

>Like a piece to the puzzle that locks into place, you could tell how we felt from the fear on their faces. We was spinning in circles with a hint of doom in our eyes. The room left them moving between you and I. We forgot where we were as the beasts lost their minds, and we sang to hell's wind as we danced through the night, And we sang...

~Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,~

>And the voices rang to make angels scream, we're singing...

~Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,~

>And we danced on into the night!...

He paused as a beautiful solo rang out, mixed with the cheers from those beyond.

>It was a gift of the heavens, it was easy to tell, It was love from above in the bottom of this hell. She had such fire in her soul it was easy to see, how the devil himself turn around and flee. There were screams in the air as we started to dance. Every poor soul in the room keeping time with their hands, And we sang...

~Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,~

>And the voices rang to make angels scream, we're singing...

~Ay oh ay oh ay oh ay,~

>And we danced on into the niiiiiiiiight!

He stopped, catching his breath.

Slowly, a few nervous ponies began to applaud.

>...There's demons or something back there, isn't there?

Several nodded. He turned around, and sure enough, standing at least ten feet tall and holding a guitar...

~...I thought it was a nice song...~

>...

~...fine.~

With a fwoosh, he was gone.

>...Huh.

[...WHAT THE FU-]
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>10
{BBB}
~???~
-???-
~~~~

>HEYA! Hi! Can I just get one of you to-

*SQUEAKKK!*

*BRAAAAAKAKAKAKAA!*

>...You there! Little Cragodile with the spear! I was wondering if I could get a quick interview

*SQEEEEEAK!*

*SHOWMKKKRRRKK!*

>...You there! The one next to the charcoal! Little... bunny.. hippo... thing? Bippo? Hippy? Hunny?... Hunny kind of works. Little Hunny! I- oh wow, that makes me sound like I'm coming onto the plushie.

*SQUEEEEAKA!*

>I didn't mean to offend! Please put down the torch-

*SQUEEEEEEE*

*CHUCHICK!*

*BLAM!*

>...BBB, old buddy, pal, I don't think they're up for an interview.

{BZZT! CHECKING... CHECKING... CHECKING... *DING!* CORRELATION FOUND WITH PREVIOUS STATEMENT AND ACTIONS OF SMALL FABRIC FACSIMILES OF ANIMALS! PREVIOUS STATEMENT'S LIKELYHOOD ----- NINETY EIGHT POINT OH ONE PERCENT!}

>Thanks BBB! Nice to get a second opinion on the matter.

{IT IS WHAT MY FUNCTION IS!}

*SQUEEE-*

*DAKADAKADAKADAKADAKADAKADAKA!*

*GLRH!*

>And I appreciate ya! Really I do! Best Camerapony in the world, don't let anyone tell ya' different!

{ACKNOWLEDGED.}

*TABLE SMASH!*

~CRUSH! SMASH! DESTROY!~

-HAVE AT THE, FOUL CREATURE! YOU SHALL NOT HURT THOSE I PROTECT!-

~Let's all fly to the castle... AND SMASH IT!~

-NEVER!-

*Rolling away noises.*

>...

{...BZZT! Do you wish to-}

>Nnnnnope.

{...understood.}
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>55
"13"
~~~

>Annnd... ta daaa! Deglassified!... Unglassed? Glassless?

"..."

>The word that means you don't have glass in you no more!

"It's... you know what? I like deglassed. Because it implies it's just removed what's there temporarily. But it will return... oh... it will return..."

>That's the spirit! Always something to look forward to!

"How are you chipper all the time!?"

>I'm not Chipper! I'm Applejack 55! Or Firejack... I like Firejack. Keep thinking to change my name, but I don't want to confuse anybody. Plus, someone might put together my secret identity!

"..."

>IGNORE THAT LAST PART!

"Ignore what now?"

>PHEW... close one...

"Riiight..."

>Oh, hey, you've got goo coming out of your nose-

"Imagine that, I was only swimming in it."

>Have no fear! Da da da daaaa! A TUBE!

"...Okay, sticking a metal tube in that hole is actually kind of clever. You even painted the tips black to look like your leg... that is really smart. That is really, really smart. Why have we never thought of that?"

>What? I don't know how to paint stuff.

"... Ah. Charred. Making more sense now. Still, bonus points for the tube thing."

>But it's not the tube that is special, but what is in it! TA DAAAA!

"..."

>...Napkin!

"I got it. Thanks."

She reached out to get a slip of the crumpled paper, only to have her hoof lightly bopped.

>NO NOT THAT ONE! Take THIS napkin! That one isn't a napkin! That's special!

Upon closer inspection, she did indeed see that it was less napkin than, well, soft envelope.

>At least... I think it's special.

An envelope that does not look like it was opened.

"Well, who's it from?"

>Dunno! Got it just before I left for Partyland! Told everyone I was heading out, and when I went back to my shed to get my spare gas can for the trip, there it was! My magic shack made it appear.

"What's it about?"

That, strangely, was the thing that took away his cheery attitude.

>I uh... I dunno. I can't read Equestrian. I've been trying, but it's hard... But I FEEL like it's supposed to be real important, you know?

He held up up, taking great care with it. Not crumpled, not even bent.

>Can you?

Sadly, she shook her head.

"I can't read it either."

>Heh.. least it's not just me! Isn't that cool, you can always find something to connect you to someone... like we're all not really all that different...

Softly, she sat down next to him.

"Yeah..."

Huh. Sun was almost fully set by now. She hadn't even noticed.

>...We're the luckiest changelings, you know?

Took everything she had not to punch him.

>I mean, in the whole wide time of Changelings, there's never been ones like us. We're the most special hive there ever was. We've got a whole lotta stuff Changelings just dreamed of having before... right?

His smile grew wide, and almost goofy.

>I've even got a shack. Did I tell you about my shack?

"You mentioned it once, I think."

>Yeah... changelings don't get shacks, normally. Especially not my old hive, we weren't allowed to have anything. Like shacks, or fires, or drinks. And we didn't get envelopes either. I've got the best life in the whole world.

She didn't know why, but something about that made her a little irritated.

"You live in a desert town in something no bigger than a closet and survive entirely on how much ponies like you for risking your life and doing stuff for them for free."

>Yeah! Exactly!

Like shooting at an iron wall made of happy with a pellet gun.

Until he looked at that envelope again, that is.

>I'm kind of scared this is someone asking for the shack back, you know? It probably belonged to someone before, but the ponies said I could have it. But what if someone else needs it?

"You don't know, it might be something else you need."

Owlishly, he just blinked at her.

>What'cha mean? What else could I want?

Her self restraint was saintly by this point, one could tell by the lack of facehoofing.

"Like I said, you don't know. Maybe something good."

He smiled again. That same wide, goofy smile.

>Yeah...

Slowly, he leaned back, looking up to the sky.

>It's probably something good.

And just like that, he was back to being happy, deliriously, stupidly happy.

>Think the Queen will read it to me?

"We shouldn't bother her for..."

But he just smiled away, uncaring.

"...We'll ask 42 if you can ask her."

>Yeah, that makes sense, she's smart. There's a lot them that're smart, they'll know what to do. We've got, just, so many smarties. Like you! You seem smart.

"Sure. Let's go with that."

Like a child, he practically glowed, and held up his envelope again.

>We're the luckiest Changelings in the world.

Maybe if was his infectious attitude, maybe it was his childlike naivety, maybe it was just a concussion setting in, but regardless, even though she could still feel cuts and scraps all over her body.... 13 had to agree. If only for the moment.

"The luckiest in the world..."

She found herself staring at his prized possession once more, and couldn't help but feel a little happy for him.

When they explained what that lipstick on the front meant, his mind was going to blow.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>56
“Luna”
______

Darn. The walk up to the stage was more nerve-wrecking than he thought it’d be.

Bravado melted with every step until he was left a shivering, chitinous mass in the burning spotlight, in full view of no less than a hundred pairs of eyes.

A sudden tap on the shoulder caused him to jump yet reminded him of his singing partner and 56 looked over to see Luna. There was no fear in her beatific face, and why would there be? Speaking to a crowd this size was a cake walk for a princess.

But he was no princess.

She didn’t say a word. She only gestured to his eyes… then to her own.

His hold over his mic tightened and he nodded, beginning to smile. Look at her. That’s what she wanted him to do, look at her and pretend the crowd wasn’t there.

And suddenly, it was easier to breathe, to lift his mic, and to signal they were ready with a hoofs up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJLOCAWkRoc

>I can show you the world
>Shinin’, shimmerin’, splendid
>Tell me, princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?

>I can open your eyes
>Take you wonder by wonder
>Over, sideways and under on a magic moonlit ride

>A whole new world!
>A new fantastic point of view
>No one to tell us no
>Or where to go
>Or say we're only dreamin'~

Luna’s lips parted and the sonorous voice that met his ears set 56’s heart running circles around his ribcage.

“A whole new world!”
“A dazzling place I never knew”
“But when I'm way up here”
“It's crystal clear, that now I'm in a whole new world with you”

56 took a few steps closer.

>Now I’m in a whole new world with you!

“Unbelievable sights”
“Indescribable feeling”
“Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling”
“Through an endless diamond sky”

“A whole new world!”
>Don't you dare close your eyes
“A hundred thousand things to see”
>Hold your breath — it gets better
“I'm like a shooting star, I’ve come so far! I can't go back to where I used to be”
>A whole new world!
“Every turn a surprise”
>With new horizons to pursue
>Every moment gets better

Their voices commingled into a single harmony.

>“I'll chase them anywhere, there’s time to spare”
>“Let me share this whole new world with you”
>A whole new worrrrld
“A whole new worrrrld”
>That's where we'll beeee
“That's where we'll beeee”
>A thrilling chase
“A wondrous place”
>“For you and meeee”

By the time the music died away, 56 and Luna were touching foreheads, the former blushing so hard he was rendered speechless while the latter only offered a regal smirk.

“Hm, well done.”

And before he could respond, the deafening sound of applause broke the stunned silence.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Omake-ke-ke

>Blueblood
"PJ"
'Haymaker'
~~~~~~

>You know, honestly? I never really saw things going down like this.

"Like what now?"

>Like... this. What's happening. The plushie attack, the sudden war, it all just sorta blindsided me. Where did they even come from?

"Partyland."

>Eh? How do you figure?

"Because that's where all the other main characters are right now so that means some stupid shit went down and we got the butt-end of it. The end being these... chaotic dolls. The dolls trying to make off with my potatoes- PUT THOSE THE FUCK DOWN!"

>Huh. That makes far more sense than it really should. Not you yelling, the other thing.

'Annnnd back. Did I miss anything?'

>BASTARD TRAITOR!

'Rude. And loud. Look, I said I was getting back-up.'

>Hold still so I can back my hoof up into your mouth, you coward.

'You won't be saying that when the next thread comes 'round and you all see what I brought to help!'

>...

"..."

'...'

"You didn't really bring anything did you?"

'N-no... I don't think the anons will elaborate on that....'

"Do you... need a hug or something?"

'Please? Thanks.'

>Well, this escalated into uncomfortable territory pretty quick....
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
"Rara"
'Fluttershy'
[Dash]
~~~

>DON'T YA' HOLD ME BACK!

"Applejack please, she likes this song!"

>NO SHE DON'T SHE'S JUST DOIN' IT TO TICK ME OFF!

'I think that's being a little petty minded.'

"Indeed, darling, it's not all about you."

'We have other interests.'

"I'm sure her reasons for this are totally valid."

[RIIIIIIIGHT INTO, THE DANGER ZOOOOOOOOOONNNNNEEEE! DUN NUH DUH DUN NUN!]

>She's singin' the dang music!

"Oh, you're just being silly."

'Really.'

[I'M GONNA TAKE YOU RIIIIGHT INTO, THE DANGER ZOOOOOOOOOONNNNNEEEE!]

>She's just repeatin' the one part Ah' hate! And lookin' right at me! IT'S DELIBERATE!

“And they call me a drama Queen.”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC Omake
>Pinkie
"SA"
~~

>So, let me get this straight... we went though this big, crazy event-

"Which thankfully only lasted half a thread."

>-no yeah, glad that sped up and ended on a high note, I'm with you there. No, my point is, we went through all that, and we DIDN'T end with the "And now you're married!" joke?

"Watching me suffer was more fun."

>...Ehhh.. kind of see the point. You got the crap kicked out of you."

"Lot of that was by you."

>I know, it was great!

"..."

>...I guess we COULD still do that as a twist.

"No."

>Awww... spoilsport.

"Do you actually want to marry me?"

>Ha! No, I just want to watch Chrysalis's eye pop right out of her head.

"..."

>...Don't you judge me.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>Chrysalis
"Applejack"
'Celestia'
~~~

>Wow, I did, like, nothing this thread! I was mostly on the sidelines just doing nothing but bullshit, with no major connection to any serious events going on outside of watching it happen and maybe having some small connection at the end!... This must be what it's like to be you all the time!

"FUCK ALL YA'LL!"

'Welcome to the club, sweetie. Welcome to the bucking club...'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Omake

>77
"88"

>Sister?

"Turnin' off the sun, runnin' through the night, I am the knife in a gunfight~"

>Siiiister?

"Somethin' somethin' are you afraid of the dark~?"

>Sister are you ok?

"Huh? Oh! Oh yeah, just getting into the part."

>The...part?

"Yup, method acting, it's great."

>You're...on your phone.

"Yup."

>How is-

"I'm playing Plague Inc. as a fungus."

>Ah...ok, well don't go anywhere, your part is coming, I swear.

"Can do!"

>Faust let this arc end before the year is out!

"Boom, insanity symptom! Ha, cure me now, bitches~"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC Omake

>Jetset
"OO7"
~~~~~~

>Alright, I got our first random omake challenge from an anon. Let me just get the envelope open annnnd- got it. Let's see here, they challenge us to 'say one good thing about the others Queen, and mean it.'

"..."

>I... huh... tough one right off the bat, I see. This might take us awhi-

"YOUR QUEEN HAS A REALLY REALLY AWESOME MANE AND HONESTLY I'D'VE HAVE PROBABLY TRIED TO STEAL A STRAND OF HER HAIR REGARDLESS OF THEIR COMPETITION."

>...

"Wheeeeew, man! That felt good to get off the ol' chitin. And yes, I meant it."

>Wow. I'm not sure rather my respect for you has risen or plummeted.

"I care. Anyway, your turn. Or, because knowing you and that you'd rather have your tongue snatched out than give a good point to my Queen, how about you just forfeit and-"

>I fear I could get lost in your Queens enticingly precocious leer at times....

"WOW."

>Yeah....

"Well... shit. I- really? You're serious?"

>The challenge said we had to mean it, right? Don't insult me by insinuating I'd cheat or not bring my all. I'm serious.

"And I thought I had it bad...."

>That's what you get for thinking, I told you that was a dangerous thing for you to do. But anyway, that concludes our first anonymous challenge. Don't forget to submit your own challenges and tune in next time... to watch us make bigger fools of ourselves....

"I just refuse to believe that it's her stare that gets you going."

>Shut. Up.
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