Cynicaltrout80 | CynToday at 8:56 PM
OOF
I never use snapchat and the new person is already my #1 bestfriend on snap.

Also
Ignore everyone else's name
I never change default names
Although
I'm not replacing alisha
Before you get the thought
HyperionToday at 9:00 PM
so you finally took my advice and dumped-
oh
ok good
Cynicaltrout80 | CynToday at 9:00 PM
Dumped?
HyperionToday at 9:00 PM
i'm kiddingggg
Cynicaltrout80 | CynToday at 9:00 PM
Megan and I are actually
We stopped arguing
And grew closer
owo
HyperionToday at 9:00 PM
tungsten dioxide
tungsten dioxide is o = w = o
Cynicaltrout80 | CynToday at 9:01 PM
I couldn't replace alisha
But I'm afraid because I don't message her she's moved on..
Or gonna
Soon..
HyperionToday at 9:01 PM
hell no she hasnt moved on from you
Cynicaltrout80 | CynToday at 9:02 PM
:o
HyperionToday at 9:02 PM
she would never do that
Cynicaltrout80 | CynToday at 9:03 PM
I'm afraid of losing Alisha... I stopped texting her to see if she would think of messaging me first, because that would give me a sign that she still cares.
I don't take people's words as proof
But their actions
HyperionToday at 9:03 PM
you dont need signs that she still cares for you
oh.
Cynicaltrout80 | CynToday at 9:04 PM
It makes it more logical to come up with an question or possibly a solution
I'm not talking about just alisha
But
You understand my point?
HyperionToday at 9:04 PM
Yeah.
Cynicaltrout80 | CynToday at 9:04 PM
I have a shit ton of self fears from past relationships that affect my future
I've been cheated on alot. So all I ever think about alot is, if she is ever cheating
Or
Friends
I've had people turn on me so fast
Suddenly
Just because they saw weakness in me
So I don't accept words anymore
But actions
And I hid myself away
From everyone
I keep alot to myself now
I was thrown down never to be picked up
I had to learn to pick myself up and I'm struggling to keep my balance
I'm struggling not to start over
Or not to give up
HyperionToday at 9:07 PM
I don't know what to say so I'll just put this here
Cynicaltrout80 | CynToday at 9:08 PM
I've been trying to find my own courage to do shit
Like saving someones life gives me hope that I can actually do something
I gave someone who planned to die in less then a month with nothing
Something
Something that they needed
They still don't fully accept me
That will take awhile.
But
I know I did it
She went from a constant depression to some happiness everyday
I did good
And I saved another person
I found hope in myself for that
HyperionToday at 9:10 PM
You're a good person
Cynicaltrout80 | CynToday at 9:11 PM
Yknow what all this is for
HyperionToday at 9:11 PM
No.?
Not really
Cynicaltrout80 | CynToday at 9:11 PM
So I can get the courage to face my thoughts.
To face alisha and not get overwhelmed by she doesn't care or this and that
Or to stop thinking megan might cheat
I know she won't
But part of me wont accept it.
It's this side of me I need to rid of.
This is what Kayffer was talking about. Accepting little by little how I am everyday
HyperionToday at 9:12 PM
It's part of you cyn, and trying to get rid of it won't help
Cynicaltrout80 | CynToday at 9:12 PM
I am, slowly
Over taking my bad thoughts
Not rid but
Calm
Calm the side
HyperionToday at 9:13 PM
I see..
Cynicaltrout80 | CynToday at 9:13 PM
Thinking I can do nothing
I probably won't have this mindset again for awhile..
For a good week to a month most likely
Butn
But
It's progress
I had this one
Really old bestfriend
Like
Hell
I met her through Sara
And
Her and I almost dated but we decided not to because, we didn't want those feelings because we didn't want to know what would have ended up in a ruined relationship
But past that
One day
I completely snapped on her.
It was and still is
The worst day I ever had
HyperionToday at 9:15 PM
wow..
Cynicaltrout80 | CynToday at 9:16 PM
I
Lost her as a friend completely
My sister
And friend
Also got jumped that day
I was emotionally overwhelmed by this
Anger, hate m
Ect
And took it all out on her.
Saying this to the point
She left
Completely.
HyperionToday at 9:17 PM
cyn, you need a therapist
Cynicaltrout80 | CynToday at 9:17 PM
I still have the messages
But
This was last year btw
And I know I do
But it's not that easy
The point I'm getting to.
I ran into her again a few months later
Maybe
8?
Something like that.
Well, after trying to say sorry and all that. She gave me the real reason she left
Because "I couldn't move on."
And that
Changed me
I half forgot the point I was proving tbh.. lost by emotion.
But
It was hearing that, I just changed.
HyperionToday at 9:21 PM
Cyn you need to know something about your first relationship with someone else. The first relationship you go into will never be successful. It'll end up like this.  That's why you need to learn from it, and improve yourself as a person from it. You don't need to dwell on the past like that. Ok?
Now I don't want to sound like her
or sound like an edgy fuck
but you really need to move on
Cynicaltrout80 | CynToday at 9:22 PM
I know.
And I think that to myself everyday.
Literally.
I have moved on from her yes
I accepted the fact that she gone
I'm not emotional anymore
It was only for a minute
But there still isnt alot I can move on from like that