Eppy

Summer Day Shenanigans

Oct 9th, 2015
547
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  1. You stare at the perfect sphere before you and run your hoof over the wooden frame. This ball has come to be known to you simply as, “Earth”. It is a great blue marble that sits in the infinite void of space, always spinning around the sun in some cosmic dance the likes of which have no clear meaning. You place your hooves on one side and lightly brush against the raised lettering. This globe is both a foreign object and your adopted home. Your hooves trace through the continents and, for the moment, you are swept across wide oceans, rocky mountains, and arctic plains. The ball rotates easily on its pedestal until you come upon the continent you reside. This land is full of strange ponies and stranger humans who have all come together in their best attempt at a functioning society. As your hoof pinpoints the city you currently inhabit, you pause for the moment and admire just how small it is in the grand scheme of things. So many lives, you think, so many untold stories that you may never hear of. How easy it is to hold your hoof there on the small world before you. You imagine this sort of power could drive a pony mad.
  2.  
  3. “Noteworthy? Are you spinning that globe again?”
  4.  
  5. You snap out of your trance for the moment, “What? Oh, um, yeah! The bumps feel funny. Also, I think this one is broken.”
  6.  
  7. “Note, we’ve been over this,” Anon sighs lightly for the moment, “We do not have the same type of magical globes like in Equestria.”
  8.  
  9. “I know, I remember!” You stare intently at the continents, “But, they are so much more fun! You know you could even use them to look into the streets of towns and see ponies walking around?”
  10.  
  11. Anon chuckles, “Yes, you have told me before.”
  12.  
  13. “Puts Google Maps to shame, I say, to shame,” You simply cross your forelegs and shake your head disappointingly.
  14.  
  15. “Well, I do have good news for you today.”
  16.  
  17. You smile widely with the idea that there is good news.
  18.  
  19. “Princess Celestia has requested us to meet with her royal courier to retrieve a package.”
  20.  
  21. “Ooh~, what are we getting?”
  22.  
  23. “The Princess has sent some simple Equestrian jewels and gold as a token of appreciation. We’re to deliver them to a local museum in town.”
  24.  
  25. You scratch your chin for the moment, “Anon… That doesn’t sound like an adventure. Trust me; I’m an expert on the subject.”
  26.  
  27. Anon puts up his hand to silence you, “Then, we can go to the new ice cream sandwich shop they built next door to the museum.”
  28.  
  29. You bounce on your hooves for the moment, “Now -that’s- my kind of adventure! Still, I can’t help but wonder why Princess Celestia is going to have us do such a simple thing. You’d think she’d send some of her guards to do this.”
  30.  
  31. “I’ll be honest with you, Note, even I was told to simply accept and not ask a lot of questions.”
  32.  
  33. “Anon!” You gasp and scrunch your face, “Language! You always ask lots of questions! That’s Journalism 101!”
  34.  
  35. You wave your notepad about frantically to illustrate how very serious this issue is. He lightly dismisses your efforts before too long and you sulk a bit. Questions are really good things to ask! In fact, questions are all about asking, you confirm.
  36.  
  37. “We will be leaving soon. Please be ready.”
  38.  
  39. You salute Anon before trotting off to your room. Today feels like a green skirt kind of day as you squeeze yourself into your slightly narrower attire. Placing your hooves to your hips, you smooth out the sides and hang your tail neatly. You turn about in the mirror twice to make sure you have enough twirl before deciding on a white top. Covering up with clothing in the human world is seen as necessity, though quite a few ponies you remember back home always had their quirks of a scarf or saddle. You wonder if humans ever wear saddles before an image of Anon on all fours with a bit in his mouth forms in your head.
  40.  
  41. “Oh my…”
  42.  
  43. You blush and giggle for the moment until you hear a knock at your door. You open it to see Anon himself.
  44.  
  45. “Alright, let’s go.”
  46.  
  47. It is a fairly quick trip by car and the usual traffic causes the usual anger in Anonymous.
  48.  
  49. “Why don’t we turn on the radio?”
  50.  
  51. He scowls at the road before giving you a nod.
  52.  
  53. You press the button as the lights glow across the immaculate face of the device. Human radios can play music in many more ways than that of the ones from your home. You never even have to listen to commercials if you choose, but you still do in case something great happens. You press the buttons a few times until the radio reads, “Best of the 80’s.” Anon particularly enjoys this type of music and you turn the sound up just a pinch. You don’t recognize the song playing, but Anon smiles and begins to bob his head.
  54.  
  55. “What’s this one called?”
  56.  
  57. “Will you recognize me? Call my name or…” he stops for the moment and looks to you, “Oh, Don’t You Forget About Me. I remember it from a movie.”
  58.  
  59. Anonymous has this misty, glassy look to him for the moment. It is the look of somep0ny deep in thought about some time long since pasted.
  60.  
  61. “It’s an OK song.”
  62.  
  63. You listen to the lyrics as the car comes to a halt. Traffic seems to congregate around this part of the city no matter what time you are here. You have deduced that humans enjoy getting stuck at intersections because it allows them to share banter for the moment. They are often quite helpful to each other and deeply concerned if the person ahead has trouble seeing or driving in general.
  64.  
  65. “We’ll take an exit to a parking garage and make the next two blocks on foot.”
  66.  
  67. You simply nod in agreement with Anon. While the car is fast, too fast, you would be more than happy to hoof it. It takes a bit of fancy driving, the kind that bounces you around in your seat, but you make it to your stop. Anon parks and you look around at the many vehicles beside you. The smell hits your nose almost immediately as you step down from your seat. You can’t place it entirely, but it is like motor oil vitriol and the fairest hint of urine. Anon takes a deep breath as you walk from the dank garage.
  68.  
  69. “Good day to be outside, yes?”
  70.  
  71. You clamp you nose in your magic, “Yeah… Great.”
  72.  
  73. The walk goes by quickly as you pass all manners of humans and ponies on the street. It is always a sight to see the dull shades of humans against the flamboyance of ponies. Not to say that humans are always gloomy, some even shine brighter than the most gilded of ponies! A large building comes into view and you admire the size.
  74.  
  75. “Here we are,” Anon waves his hand through the air, “Now to find that courier.”
  76.  
  77. “What’d they look like?”
  78.  
  79. “Supposed to be wearing royal regalia with lots of Sun symbols on them… Probably a hat of some kind.”
  80.  
  81. You keep your eyes peeled for any suspicious looking pony. Nothing comes out immediately and you grow bored.
  82.  
  83. “Maybe he’s inside? Maybe he got stuck at the check-out!”
  84.  
  85. You gasp lightly into your hoof at the thought of it all. Anon hurries into the building with you at his heels. While there are plenty of ponies, nothing matches Anon’s description. Anon insists that you have a seat while he goes to chat up one of the human employees. You do as he asks despite how increasingly anxious you feel. Scoping the crowd, you take out your notepad and jot down whatever you can find. A sudden movement catches you from the corner of your eye and you follow it. A large, shadowy figure moves from a wall to a side door and disappears out into an alleyway. Stuffing your notepad away, you hop to your hooves and rush to Anon.
  86.  
  87. “Anon! Anon! I saw something suspicious!”
  88.  
  89. Anon turns away from the person he was speaking with and looks to you.
  90.  
  91. “I saw something leave out of the side door!”
  92.  
  93. “Was it the pony we are looking for?” Anon looks around quickly.
  94.  
  95. You shrug, “Maybe, it was weird.”
  96.  
  97. Anon seems a little curious as the two of your head out the side door. Stepping out into the sunlight, you quickly check around. There is a dumpster and a human sleeping beside it, so nothing too extraordinary.
  98.  
  99. “Are you sure you saw something?” Anon frowns lightly with you.
  100.  
  101. You nod, “Of course! I just don’t know what it was!”
  102.  
  103. “OK, well, I’ll go check out front again. Wait inside for just a few moments, OK?”
  104.  
  105. Defeated for the moment, you simply sigh and turn back into the building. You play the scene in your mind as you take a seat near the exit. Surely you weren’t imagining things and somepony had to see the door open up. You puzzle yourself until your puzzler is sore and ultimately drop the idea. Reclining in your seat, you keep your eyes on the front door for Anonymous. A human enters, a few more leave, and some ponies come and go between his absence. A rather powerful voice suddenly calls your attention and you turn to see the courier you had been searching for.
  106.  
  107. “Noteworthy, I presume?”
  108.  
  109. “Oh, oh! Yes, that’s me!”
  110.  
  111. He holds a package before you, “On behalf of the Princesses, we are honored to bestow upon you and the human Anonymous…” He looks around for the moment, “Where is the human?”
  112.  
  113. You place your hoof to your chin, “Probably the bathroom.”
  114.  
  115. The royal unicorn huffs, “Fine, we are honored to bestow upon you this gift of friendship. May your days be long and your nights filled with stars.”
  116.  
  117. He performs some sort of salute that you have never seen and you awkward try to return the sentiment.
  118.  
  119. “Just - Just take the package.”
  120.  
  121. You do so with a silly grin on your face and wave him off. Anon would have been so pleased with how well you represented him just then. You think to yourself that it has been a long time now and decide to find Anonymous on your own. Gingerly heading towards the door with the package secured in your magic, you smile and hum to yourself. A commotion begins to stir outside and you hear somepony yelling. The voice sounds rather familiar to you as you get closer. Within moments, the voice grows in volume as a green pony with a jet black mane barrels through the door.
  122.  
  123. “Noteworthy! We have a problem!”
  124.  
  125. “I’ll say, we just met and you know me, but I don’t know you!” A smile crosses your face as you extend a hoof.
  126.  
  127. “What? Noteworthy, it’s me!”
  128.  
  129. You ponder, “Me? That’s a strange name for a pony, but I suppose I did know a ‘Freeway’ in grade school. Though she never did learn how to pull a cart, so I guess her name was a little…”
  130.  
  131. The green pony places his hooves to your shoulders and shakes you quickly, “Noteworthy! I need you to pay attention!”
  132.  
  133. “OK, no need to get so rough, Me.”
  134.  
  135. “My name’s not ‘Me’! I’m Anonymous!”
  136.  
  137. You beam, “I have a friend by that name too! Small, multi-dimensional world, huh?”
  138.  
  139. The pony looks at you with a great amount of frustration in his eyes the likes of which you have seen in only one other person.
  140.  
  141. “A-Anon? Did you… What?”
  142.  
  143. “No time to explain, we need to get going!”
  144.  
  145. You look over Anon carefully, “Well, I’ll be happy to get going, but you’ll really need to explain on the way.”
  146.  
  147. In a moment, you are chasing after your friend and, to his credit, he has gotten a lot faster. He races to a pile of clothing just slightly by the entrance and grabs them in his mouth.
  148.  
  149. “Werf heading to da ca’!”
  150.  
  151. He bolts off and you give chase as best you can. You have never seen Anon so worked up or as a pony and you are sure both of these things cannot be a good combination. The few blocks pass by in a near blur as Anon pushes through people and ponies alike until the familiar smell of the parking garage hits your nose. Anon stops at the entrance way quickly and you see him look around. He spits his clothing to the ground again and begins cursing the air.
  152.  
  153. “Did you see it?!”
  154.  
  155. “See what?”
  156.  
  157. “It just appeared from thin air and started talking to me. Something… unexplainable!”
  158.  
  159. “I see lots of unexplainable things, Anon. Like how you are a pony right now and putting mayo and mustard on a hotdog. I mean, what’s the deal with that?”
  160.  
  161. “Firstly, you eat pizza with ranch dressing. Second, why are you so calm about this!?” Anon’s yelling nearly blows your mane back.
  162.  
  163. You shrug once before sighing, “Obviously, something casted a spell on you, you can smell the magic residue in the air and all over your mane. I mean, they must be really powerful to achieve such a transformation. I’m sure they’ll turn you back.”
  164.  
  165. “That is why we are here! They said they would turn me back if I could find them by sundown today!”
  166.  
  167. “Why would they be at the garage?” You move closer to inspect Anon’s new tail and mane.
  168.  
  169. He fidgets about, “Well, they said they would be waiting where my ‘journey’ began.”
  170.  
  171. “Wow, Anon, you are so bad at riddles.”
  172.  
  173. His tail whaps back and forth as he gets angry, “Thanks, this is exactly what I needed to help me.”
  174.  
  175. He begins to calm down as you poke at his neck and flank. This is some solid transformation if ever you have seen one. No seams, no discoloration, not even a zipper!
  176.  
  177. “So, tell me, what does the riddle mean?”
  178.  
  179. “Well, even I’m not totally sure, but I guess they could mean when you got the letter?”
  180.  
  181. Anon nods for the moment, “Yes, I received the letter when I was at work. Maybe they are at the hospital?”
  182.  
  183. “Sounds plausible! Where do you go?”
  184.  
  185. “Just a moment, Note, I want to put my clothes safely away.”
  186.  
  187. You scoop up Anon’s belongings and toss them onto his back. He seems a bit confused for the moment, but adjusts quickly enough. He walks briskly ahead of you and you take the moment to get a good view of his backside for posterity. You make it to the car quickly enough and stand by for the moment. Anon rummages through his pockets, getting his snout stuck and wiggling furiously back out. His keys dangle in his mouth as he works his teeth around the black dangling bit. You hear a sharp beep and Anon smiles widely at his work.
  188.  
  189. “OK, thash not sho ba’.”
  190.  
  191. Anon carefully pushes his hoof against the door and under the handle. You never considered it before, but human doors are certainly complicated. The door finally pops open after much deliberation and a few swear words. He carefully tosses all his belongings inside and slams the door closed. A hoof shaped imprint sits squarely on the panel that he pushed and you see Anon’s brow furrow. The two of you move briskly to the main streets before Anon breaks his silence.
  192.  
  193. “I still don’t understand how this could happen,” He looks to you quickly, “What do you know about this kind of magic.”
  194.  
  195. You bounce your eyes lightly, “Well, I never went to the College for Gifted Unicorns or anything…” Anon doesn’t react and you explain how that is a very prestigious school in Equestria. “Anyhow, I can’t tell you much other than that this is some strong magic!”
  196.  
  197. “But, magic does not work on humans.”
  198.  
  199. You smirk, “How would you know?”
  200.  
  201. “We’ve done… Extensive testing on this subject” Anon turns his face from you.
  202.  
  203. It is a rather quiet for the rest of the trot, but the faces you pass keep you occupied. Arriving at the hospital, you stare up at the massive structure. For creatures that do not have magic, the marvels of their ability to engineer such colossal buildings boggles your mind. You begin walking towards the door, eager to see where Anon works for the first time, when you feel something yank at your tail. You turn your head to see Anon holding you back with a strange look on his face.
  204.  
  205. “Note, I just realized something.”
  206.  
  207. You look to him with concern, “What is it?”
  208.  
  209. “I’m a pony,” Anon hangs his head slightly.
  210.  
  211. “Wait, I thought you realized that like 30 minutes ago?”
  212.  
  213. He looks back up at you, “No, I mean, how do I go inside like this?”
  214.  
  215. You smile and try to alleviate Anon’s fears, “I like using the front door, myself.”
  216.  
  217. “No, I mean, like this!”
  218.  
  219. Anon waves his hooves up and down himself and you notice his chest and forelegs are rather well-muscled.
  220.  
  221. “I-it’s no problem…”
  222.  
  223. He scowls, “Are you drooling?”
  224.  
  225. “H’wha’?” You wipe the trickle of slobber from your face, “I mean, no, you’ll be fine! Honestly, no one will even know! That’s what you want, right?”
  226.  
  227. After a moment of thinking, Anon nods and you both head inside. The interior is cold to you, not just in temperature, but in design. The walls are white with blue stripes every few feet and the rug is a simple grey and blue squared arrangement. Silver desks and odd terminals make way for benches and chairs for the sick and tired to rest on. Anon stands still and sniffs deeply at the air. A smile crosses his features and you see this sense of belonging in his eyes.
  228.  
  229. “Alright, Note, the woman at the desk there, her name’s, ‘Alison’ and you are going to distract her.”
  230.  
  231. “Why do I want to distract her?”
  232.  
  233. Anon looks around before closing the gap between you, “I need to get to the mailroom which is off limits to the public.”
  234.  
  235. “Ohhh, so this is a mission,” You tap your hooves together excitedly.
  236.  
  237. You saunter up to the human at the front desk and smile widely, “Good day, ma’am. I’m looking to medicine today and I have many questions.”
  238.  
  239. Anon slips out from the corner of your eye and heads towards the mailroom. The woman before you has a mildly nasal tone to her voice as she questions you.
  240.  
  241. “OK, do you have insurance?”
  242.  
  243. You lean on the counter in your most undaunted of poses, “I have no idea what that is.”
  244.  
  245. “Are you a citizen or just a tourist?”
  246.  
  247. “Partial citizen in training. I can name all the states and I know which side to place a salad fork on my plate,” You beam proudly.
  248.  
  249. Alison looks to you with a bit of a displeased glower, “Miss, this is a very busy establishment and, if you’re not currently having a heart-attack, please have a seat and I will gather some paperwork to fill out.”
  250.  
  251. You stumble towards a bench as you keep your eyes peeled for Anon’s return. It is not more than a minute before you see the familiar green stallion bolting towards the door.
  252.  
  253. “Note, move, quick, run, now!”
  254.  
  255. Another human appears from the mailroom and shouts, “Stop that thief!”
  256.  
  257. You don’t know where the thief went, but you sure don’t want to get caught up in legal nonsense! Sprinting after Anon, you hear a bit more yelling before you end up outside in the fading light of the warm sun.
  258.  
  259. “Did you find the pony that did this, Anon?!” You shout as you give chase.
  260.  
  261. He breaks into a full gallop and disappears around an alleyway. You rush to his location only to be caught and dragged against some pony. Looking up, you see it is Anon with a terrified expression on his face. There is a long pause between his breaths until he finally speaks.
  262.  
  263. “I don’t hear sirens…”
  264.  
  265. You whisper for some reason, “Did you find the pony that did this to you?”
  266.  
  267. Anon releases you from his sturdy grip a little sooner than you wanted, “No, nothing.”
  268.  
  269. He slumps down onto his backside and looks terribly defeated. You try your best to console him with a hug and a smile.
  270.  
  271. “Buck up, Anon, I’m sure we’ll bump into whoever you’re looking for.” You think for the moment before you nuzzle Anon, “What did this pony look like anyways?”
  272.  
  273. A drawn out sigh escapes Anon, “He looked like nothing I’ve ever seen. The head of a pony, but a serpent-like body.”
  274.  
  275. You raise an eyebrow, “What?”
  276.  
  277. “I am serious! With a lion’s paw and a snake tail and everything. Its body was just a jumbled mess of parts like some sort of… Like some discordance in nature.”
  278.  
  279. “Discordance?” The word rolls around your mouth, “Hmm, where have I heard that before?”
  280.  
  281. You had probably read it in some magazine or in the news. Reading is strange like that sometimes! Regardless, you have never heard of such a thing like Anonymous described, but you have never not heard of it either. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, you pat his back and reassure him that all will be well.
  282.  
  283. “Come on, let’s think of another place your monster could have been talking about.”
  284.  
  285. “Where my journey began… Gah! I can’t think and the sun’s already going down” Anon looks to you with sad eyes.
  286.  
  287. You think and puzzle and ponder as hard as you can before you come up with a journalistic idea.
  288.  
  289. “Anon!” You squeeze him tight, “What if it’s not a riddle and your monster is really back at your house?!”
  290.  
  291. “What? No, that would be stupid… Oh my god, he’s probably at my house.”
  292.  
  293. With renewed faith in being human, Anon leaps to his hooves and beckons you to follow him. With daylight fading, you move quickly through the streets that never seem to sleep. You never just walk with Anon outside like this and it is kind of nice even if he feels some impending doom.
  294.  
  295. “Uh, so, today was pretty fun, Anon.”
  296.  
  297. He smiles and shakes his head, “I’m glad it wasn’t a total waste. Oh, did you ever find the package.”
  298.  
  299. “Oh, yes! I put it with your stuff in the car.”
  300.  
  301. At the edge of the block stands Anon’s house shining and proud against the setting sun. Moving up the driveway and to the door, Anon pauses briefly.
  302.  
  303. “Damn it, I don’t have my keys! Can you magic the lock open?”
  304.  
  305. You shake your head quickly, “I’ve never picked a lock before.”
  306.  
  307. Anon presses his ear to the door and scowls, “I can hear the television. I swear…”
  308.  
  309. Within an instant, Anonymous smiles widely and looks to his hooves. He lines himself up to the door and raises his muscular back leg. With two swift kicks, the door snaps open and you shiver a bit from the show of force. You know Earth ponies are strong, but this is just showboating. Anon quickly hurries inside and you peak your head around the splintered door frame. Inside is a yellow Pegasus with a long, pink mane and some amazing assortment of parts that fits Anon’s description. They seem to be watching a movie on the Netflix with a large bucket of popcorn.
  310.  
  311. “What the [Not Safe For Pony] are you doing in my house?!”
  312.  
  313. The little yellow pony immediately jumps out of her chair and cowers in fear behind the sofa. The monster, on the other hoof, turns casually about with a strange grin on his face.
  314.  
  315. “Well, if it isn’t Anonymous!” He pulls a large clock out from thin air, “And just in time too! You can only watch so much Vin Diesel before it all starts sounding the same.”
  316.  
  317. He snaps his fingers and the television turns off. The scared little pony carefully crawls out of hiding and looks to the monster.
  318.  
  319. She wipes her mouth on her foreleg before speaking, “D-Discord? What’s g-going on?”
  320.  
  321. “Nothing, my dear, just a little hiccup in our movie night.”
  322.  
  323. Anon grinds his teeth and stomps his way towards Discord, “I found you! Now, change me back so I may report you to the police for breaking and entering!”
  324.  
  325. Discord simply smiles and pats Anon on the head, “Take it easy, Rambo, we’re just on our way out. Come on, Fluttershy, it’s getting late in Equestria.”
  326.  
  327. “Like hell you’re leaving! Turn me back!” Anon puffs out his chest and desperately tries to make himself taller.
  328.  
  329. “Who are these ponies, Discord?”
  330.  
  331. “No one important.”
  332.  
  333. “Your friend here turned me into a pony for no reason!”
  334.  
  335. Anon’s yelling startles Fluttershy and makes you a little nervous as well.
  336.  
  337. “Oh, I’m sorry. Discord sometimes gets a little carried away with his pranks. What little critter are you supposed to be?”
  338.  
  339. Anon scowls at the baby-talk before announcing that he is a human. Fluttershy looks a bit confused at this before Discord snaps his claws again. In a moment, Anon distorts and reemerges as his old self, albeit more naked. He covers up as best he can, but you still saw a lot of all the things. For the moment, you hold onto the nice image in your head until the yellow pony starts drooling a bit.
  340.  
  341. “OK!” You shout quickly, “I say this is no harm, no foul!”
  342.  
  343. You hastily push Fluttershy out of the house and Discord follows her. He smirks to you and waves.
  344.  
  345. “What kind of critter is that?” Fluttershy looks as close as she can without falling over.
  346.  
  347. You glare, “The kind who is very likely to eat winged ponies.”
  348.  
  349. She lets out a frightened gasp as you gnash your teeth and make a ripping sound. Discord just looks you over before chuckling into his paw.
  350.  
  351. “Arrivederci.”
  352.  
  353. With a snap of his claw, the two of them disappear without a trace. You step back through the shattered door frame and find Anon with a towel around him.
  354.  
  355. “Today was exceptionally stupid.”
  356.  
  357. You nod quickly, “I agree! What was the point of watching TV? This seemed like an awful lot of trouble for someone to go through.”
  358.  
  359. A smile creeps over your face at all the questions brewing in your mind. You definitely must find that pony and her friend again!
  360.  
  361. Anon sighs, “I’m just happy to be me again. I have to rescue my car tomorrow and then we’ll put the valuables in the hands of the museum.”
  362.  
  363. “I bet it’ll make for a great exhibit. ‘Princess Celestia’s Family Jewels’! I can see it now.”
  364.  
  365. “Eh, let the curator name the exhibits, Note.”
  366.  
  367. Anon shakes his head for the moment, but you think the name summarizes what customers would be getting themselves into. Does Anon even write? Moving towards the downed door, Anon hefts it up and gingerly places it against the frame. He shrugs and looks to you.
  368.  
  369. “I am sorry about the ice cream, but what if we break into a bottle of Port?”
  370.  
  371. Nodding solemnly, you agree that you have earned some delicious wine. You hope that Anon does not put pants back on until after the wine for you feel like you have earned that too.
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