Thread 28: Stories 1-15

Thread 28 archive: http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/18413021
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>Twilight
"Rekulk"
'Vekir'
-Grehm-

Deep within the bowels of Canterlot castle, Twience is afoot! Er, hoof! Indeed, for within the Laboratory of Princess Twilight Sparkle, three Morlocks stand before a set of three pods, which are issuing an ominous mist. Twilight stands in a lab coat and goggles inside of a control booth.

>It! Is! Accomplished!

'...My hooves are wet.'

"That is the mist, sister."

'...I want my helmet back.'

"No!"

>Ahem! Guys? Up here.

"'Hello Twience Princess!'"

-Suits are in pods, yes?-

>Wha? Yes! But you can't just ask that, I have a whole speech and everything!

"But we would like for to walk among the ponies very quickish!"

'Yes! I am supposed to talk to the bubbly sister of Zhetri Tuuhl with the magical flash box and metal friend! The knowledge of the journey lisms must be miiiiine!'

>But-

-Please open pods.-

>Oh FINE! Something something dawn of a new era, BEHOLD!

Twi presses a button and the pods slowly shift open to reveal a set of chestplates, one blue, one green, one pink. The three step forward admire them...

>I really think I've outdone myself with these, state of the art, durable, and completely unin...ti...midating...uh...

Down below Rekulk has put on the green plate, Vekir the blue, and Grehm the pink.

>Grehm that one is supposed to be Vekir's...

Grehm tilts his head.

-She required the blue one.-

'It is pretty.'

>But don't you want the...eh, nevermind.

"Pardon my askings, Twience Princess but these do not seem to cover...anything."

>Elementary my dear Morlock, ahem...SUITS ON!

In an instant the Morlocks' suits activate, covering them in a material that ends in a series of 'Armored' hooves and a similar helmet. In the center of their chestplate a gem matching their color glows.

>These encounter suits are designed to all the specifications you asked for with some added perks. The material is like a second skin, blocking out all sunlight while not sacrificing maneuverability and mobility. Furthermore, FEEDING UNIT!

The helmets mouth area opens up and expands, revealing the Morlock's mouths and shading them at the same time.

>This way you can eat outside if you choose.

"Amazing!"

-Voice.-

>Hm?

-Your voice activates suits, would they not confuse our voices?-

>Oh that, they respond to my voice for tech support reasons, but it's a simple matter of programming them to recognize your individual voices. BLUE SUIT SET VOICE RECOGNITION! Now Vekir, say something.

'...I like this helmet better.'

"Oh for-!"

The light on Vekir's chestplate blinks three times then gives an electronic beep.

'EEEEE! It chirped like a Tunnel Moth!'

>Good it's calibrated, now Vekir say 'Helmet off'.

'But I like the helmet!'

>Just humor me.

'Helmet off...'

The helmet begins go disassemble.

'Helmetbackon!'

The helmet quick reassembles.

>...okay, that works, now for you other two...

Soon enough the green and pink suits are calibrated and ready, Twilight steps down from the control booth and smiles.

>So, what do you thi-oof!

Twilight is interrupted by a hug from Vekir, Rekulk and Grehm smile, having kept their helmets off.

"We cannot thank you enough, Twience Princess. Even in returning your end of a bargain you have shown us great genorosity. Generosity we will repay now!"

>Hm? I thought we were doing the repaying.

"This is...a gift from us. Grehm?"

Grehm nods and drags the bag they had loaded into the cart so long ago. He shakes it and out tumbles...a series of books. Twilight blinks and levitates one.

>Elder Peat Moss' Treatise on Mushroom Agriculture?

"These books we took from your library so long ago to help our people learn. Now we have learned and we are ready to return them to you!"

Twilight smiles.

>Thank you, Rekulk, these books are rather obscure but after the library was destroyed, to see that some of them were saved...just...thank you.

"Much thanks all around, Twience Princess! But now we must go! You have given us the chance to walk in daylight! So walk we shall! And talk! And make friends! Helmet on!"

-Helmet on!-

'Helmet was never off to begin with!'

The three Morlocks march out of the lab, ready to seize the day. Twilight smiles after them, before beginning to organize the books, it wasn't exactly a resplendent gift, but it was the thought that counted, and there was a lot of thoughts in them.
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>10
"Fleetfoot"
{BBB}
~~~~

>Hiya! Thanks for seeing me!

"I was ordered to do this, I want that on record."

{PLACING ON RECORD!}

>On the record it goes! Now, how have you liked the new regime change to the Wonderbolts? Loooota controversy surrounding the choice, and there's talk of backroom deals leading to this, anything to say on that?

"I have no idea why, everything was going fine! We were all performing at weddings and other events, we were all making great shows for the Canterlot Elite, we got to go to VIP parties, everything!"

>...What about the airforce stuff?

"...Oh! Uh, sure, we did that too."

>Liiiike?

"...Events... events that transpired..."

>Nobody saw you guys when Canterlot was invaded.

"We were holding off a second contingent of Changelings!"

>No you weren't.

"How do you know!?"

>...

"...Wait, shi-"

{BEEP!}

"GAH!"

>Don't worry about that, he censors. Kids read this stuff, you know? Now, about these 'other changelings'?

"Right, when I said that, I meant... monsters. There were monsters we were dealing with."

>Which were....

"...Classified."

>Since when are anything you guys fight classified?

"...Uh... WE FOUGHT A DRAGON ONCE!"

>Oh! Awesome! You personally?

"..."

>...You personally?

"...Yes, and totally not someone standing in for me."

>...Then why'd you add-

"SMOKEBOMBATTACK!"

*POOF!*

*FAN NOISE!*

"..."

{I HAVE A FAN FOR THOSE!}

>He does, guy is like a giant swiss army knife of awesome.

"...I plead the fifth."

>The fifth what?

"POCKET SAND!"

*BLOOP!*

"A F*BEEEP* SHIELD TOO!?"

>Made. Of. Awesome.

"...FLEE!"

>...I think that went well.

{CONSENSUS, AGREED! VERY WELL!}

>Glad you're honest with me.
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>SA
"Cadence"
~~~~

>Why are you packing sunscreen?

"In case it gets sunny out, silly!"

>...Fair enough? Why the floaty toy?

"Oh, you know how Two loves her toys."

>Right, guess I can't argue with that. And the towels?

"Shiny, when have we ever not needed a towel on one of these trips?"

>...Huh, got me there... and the snorkel?

"Why wouldn't I bring that?"

>You do know we AREN'T going to the beach, right?

"..."

>...Riiiight?

"..AHAHAHAO-OF COURSE! SILLY! I KNEW THAT! WHAT MADE YOU THINK THAT!? NOOOOO! THE S-SNORKEL IS... IS BECAUSE... GLOBAL WARMING! Yeah! Icecaps could melt at any time, need to be prepared!"

>...

"..."

>...If I pretend I bought that, will you stop twitching.

"I'll try."

>Then I totally believe you.

"Great! You should! Because I'm right!"

>...

"...NEH!"

*TOWELTOTHEFACE!*

>...Yeah, she needs this vacation... I should have asked for sexy stuff. Sexy mouth stuff.

"I HATE THAT SO MUCH!"

>...

"...I mean, I'm not here."

>Of course.
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>Spike
"Celestia"
~~~
>Hey, Celestia, I got a question for you?

"Oh, no, you too?"

Spike smiles and then takes out a golden crown with a sun motif, in the center, a large golden topaz is set

"... S-Spike?"

The inner band reads 'Dawn will break each day, with promises of new opportunities, new hopes, and new life'

>It's... really late. And I'm sorry. But... Happy belated Mother's Day.

"... I'm not crying. I'm not crying. Shiny already does this way too much to me-"

Spike hugs her

"Still not crying-"

She feels Spike's tears on her legs

"Dammit."
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>42
"Vakir"
~~~~~~

>...What are you doing on my head?

"AH-HAH, HELMETED SISTER OF ZHETRI TUUHL! I HAVE GAINED THE ABILITY TO WALK AS YOU DO!"

>...You think I ride around on ponies heads or something?

"Not that, to walk underneath the great sun demon and not be devoured by his invisible hands of warmth! The magic of the Twience Princess defends me!"

>So what do you me- are you trying to take my helmet?

"Yes! I have heard it is law that if the helment is taken from a changelings head, it is stolen!"

>...Right...

"...Stolen means to take, yes?"

>Take illegally, yes.

"Ill... egal?"

>Against the law.

"...ACK! A THOUSAND PARDONS HELMETED ONE! I did not know!"

>It's fine, I- you're still trying to steal my helmet.

"IT IS SO TEMPTING!"

>My helmet is a symbol of my status as head of the Changeling Army, you cannot have it.

"...Very well! I shall fight the temptation to take it, as my kin have fought our desires to consume our pups!"

>Horrifying.

"Survive well, helmeted one, may we meet again under-NEH!"

>You aren't getting it off.

"...NEHNEHNEH!"

>...

"...Be well, friend!"

>...

"...EEP!"

*SCUTTLE!*

>...At least she stopped going after my ass...
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>Dadling
"Random Changelings"
~~~~~

>Hey guys! I'm back for a visit!

"...Who the hell are you?"

>...It... you know? The one who ate the window that one time?

"...Huh?"

>I was on the west corner during the invasion.

"Not ringing a bell."

"And I know bells."

"Are you the one who juggles?"

"That's me!"

"Oh. Are you him?"

"..."
>...

"...What?"

>Come on! You guys know me!

".............."

>...I fucked the nightguard?

""""""""OOOOOOOOOH! YOU!""""""""""

"Yeah, what's up buddy? How you been?"

>...Is that really my only defining-

""""""""YES!""""""""

>...Sigh.
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>Dadling
"Jugglejack"
[Various]
~~~~

>At least I HAVE a single note!

"Yeah! It's nice to have a thing!"

>AND I get laid!

"...Shoot. I don't get that."

[AAAWWWWWWW!]

[FUCK! I LOST SO MUCH MONEY!]

[MY BETTING POOL! RUINED!]

[WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THIS!?]

>...What are they going on about?

"You know, I don't know. There must have been a bet if it was a one time thing with you guys. Rude, right? They're jerks sometimes."

>Suuuuree...

[WHYYYYY!?]
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>SA
"Celestia"
~~~~

>Yes.
"No."
>Yes.
"No."
>Yeeeesssss.
"Noooooo."

>You are coming on our vacation.

"Shining Armor, I cannot just abandon my kingdom on a whi-"

>Got Applejack to get someone to fill in.

"...I can't just-"

>Made sure they have a way to contact us instantly.

"...I have to worry about-"

>No you don't.

"...My-"

>Catering is provided.

"DAMN!... Why take me?"

>Because as your once sworn guardpony, I am dedicated to defending you from being overworked and overstressed. As I have yet to master an 'antistress' bubble, this is what I'm working with.

"You're retired."

>You know, seeing as I once saved your kingdom from an invasion of bug ponies, then again from a GIANT bug pony, I'm not 100 percent on that.

"...Point. You're going to make me go, aren't you?"

>Make you is a strong word, since you're kind of several times stronger than me.

"Hmm... I do suppose I need some time off."

>And someone to blame too! So, if Applejack complains, it's not your fault for once.

"Oh, now you're just making it too good. You evil stallion you, keep this up and I'll share my cake with you."

>I would accept, but I fear insanity should you do so. The idea of you willingly sharing cake? Madness!

"Well, at least I will have company in my insanity."

>Celestia, I'd be company with you on a sinking ship.

"Let's not jinx ourselves, should we?"

>Certainly not!

"...Oh, alright, you've talked me into it. Let me start packing."

>Knew you'd see it my way, stickyfling!

"...Oh wow, right, I remember that one!"

>Glued him to the ceiling for six hours.

"And then you just said "Good gracious, man! You're dirtying up the princesses glue!"."

>Pfffthahah! A-and then you were like "That's an imprisonable offense."

"S-so-ahahah!-so you cut him down and then go "RUN! RUN YOU FOOL! I'LL HOLD HER OFF!"

>AHAHAHAH! A-a-and then you pretend to try to go after him and he just TEARS OFF down the hall and hides under his bed!

>"AHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!"

"Ahaha...hah... hoo... I miss those days..."

>Yeah... yeah, we used to get into crazy stuff...

"...How's Cadence?"

>Better now that she realizes we're not going to a beach.

"Pffthahah... that pony, I swear."

>Yeah...

"...Well, shoo! Don't stay in here, I might be packing my unmentionables!"

>Oh please, we both know I've WORN several of those unmentionables for a dare on a couple occasions.

"And you just looked amazing, I'll have you know."

>Well, obviously. I always look amazing. But you're right, I've got more packing to do. See you later, Celly! Let's have some fun, alright? It's been WAY too serious around here recently, we need to blow off some steam.

"That's called "Private bathtime", Shining Armor, and I would prefer it if you did not draw attention to it."

>HAH! See you, Tia!

"See you later....... yeah... I think I need some fun... I really do..."

A warm glow emitted from her horn, and she picked up the little note he had 'discretely' dropped on his way out.

"...I'll hide it from him one of these days... surely..."

Swiftly, that note went into her private safe, and joined what looked to be thousands of others.

"Someday...."
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>29
"32"
~~~~

>My kin sealed within walls so tight! I bring news!

"Oh? What news? Has that damned queen finally choked on a bagel and died, sputtering uselessly as all stand around her, softy applauding when the last throes of death overtake her?"

>...Ah, no. I just wished to mention my daily visits would be missed by a time or two-

"DON'T-"

>...

"I mean, whatever for? I do enjoy the company."

>Oh, nothing much. Mine matriarch of employment simply wishes some time off for myself, and I will be accommodating her.

"Sexually?"

>WHAT!? NO!

"29, if you will pardon my blunt manner of speech, you have got to get on that again. Hit it hard."

>MINE SWORD OF FANTASY IS WIELDED ONLY FOR THE MOST HIGH OF ROYALS!

"And your delusion of mind is matched only by your sheer level of unsuccessful attempts."

>I AM WEARING THEM DOWN!

"Something is crumbling down, for sure. Though I worry it be more thine mind than the sexual inhibitions of those you seek."

>...Just take these books!

"Oh, how kind of you, more reading material!... Huh, this book is kind of light, actually."

>It's uh... it's full of the good cheeses and a tiny bottle of wine. I made sure they checked the first three, and they were so lazy they didn't bother past that.

"...You are my brother, I want you to know that. There could be not a drop of blood between us, and you are forever my brother. This is nothing but truth."

>So you'll stop deriding my attempts?

"Did you not hear me? On what planet does a brother not give his kin a harder time?"

>...Blast.

"MMM! LIKE HEAVEN IN MY MOUTH!"

>Please don't alert them to me bringing you this!

"It's okay, if we hear someone coming, I'll pretend to suck you off. That'll dissuade them."

>Think that will work?

"If not, it will at the very least be hilarious for one of us."

>Which one?

"..."

>...32? Which one?

"MMMMMM!"

>...This shit is why I need a vacation.

"MHMHMHMMMMMM!"
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>SCENE - PARTYLAND - EXT

"The bug queen frolics in brief, ignorant joy at the hard wrought spectacles of the themepark, but as she hops about like the trollop she is, she sees her just deserts emerge from STAGE LEFT"

"Balloons, fist shaped balloons, fists made out of hundreds of balloons, fists made out of hundreds of fist shaped balloons emerge from all sides"

"Accepting her fate, Chrysalis wails how her mother never loved her and how she never learned to not be a bitch, she awaits the punishment the Party ponies have planned"

"Enter CHEESE SANDWICH and PINKIE PIE from RIGHT, as they sing about the importance of how CELESTIA is really cool, they then POP the nearest balloons, causing a ripple effect of balloon-delivered justice"

"Chrysalis is punched by the cascade of balloons for a full 2 minutes and 36 seconds, a painful, elongated and worthy punishment"
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>SCENE - DESERT - EXT

"The two opponents stand opposite to each other. The two Queens of the changelings, together again for hopefully the final time."

"They prepared to charge, each one planning to call upon their vast arsenal of annoying and sneaky powers to annoy each other to death with their ineffectual and stupid bitchiness."

"BUT IT WAS NOT TO BE! For you see, in the sky, above both of their heads, the very moon itself has been carved into the shape of a gigantic fist. With a single push from someone who is actually somewhat useful to the world, it started it's descent."

"Below, Chrysalis sees what is about to come, but she is accepting. She knows this is all she will ever amount to in her life, and prepares to be smashed by the fist of justice she deserves."

"In front of her, Chitania continues on unabated, too stupid to realize what is yet to come."

"The next five minutes are Chitania punching her in the face."

"And then the moon finally lands."

"The last thought from both of them is: We deserve this, and Celestia is so cool."
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>Chrysalis
"Twilight"
'SA'
[???]
~~~~~

>'So then we went up the side of the mountain. That is not a clever expression, little book, we went up the side of it. Like spiders. Mother made me carry her. Nothing was wrong with her, she just wanted me to do it.'... HAH! Man, Chitty's mom was a BITCH. Like, not even an awesome bitch like my mom, just a bitch bitch.

"I am noticing a cycle of abuse, yes."

'...Are you seriously trying to psychoanalyze her?'

"Well, why not?"

>Yeah, not like there's a whole lot in here. It's mostly just her bitching about her mom and... and...

She had frozen as she randomly flipped through the pages, her eyes slowly growing wider and wider as she read over the contents of the page she had stumbled upon.

"Chrysalis?"

She did not respond, verbally, only showing any reaction by her mouth slowly opening in a stunned gape.

Eerily, she looked to the other two in the room.

And then burst into hysterical laughter.

>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA!

'...M'kay.'

"You seem unsurprised."

'I'm not.'

>AHAHAHHAAHAHHAAHHAHAH!

'Not until you tell me why.'

"Can you actually understand her?"

'Surprisingly, Mane-Iac is a fantastic teacher.'

>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAH!

'...FIIIIINE!'

With that, he grumbled a bit and walked out the door, leaving only one very awkward alicorn, and a queen in hysterics.

After several long, long, loooooooong minutes, he returned, and not alone.

[What did you want?]

>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAahahahah..ahahahhahh...hahaha.. oooo... o-o-okay, okay... WOO!... okay... o-okay... here goes... SNK!...

"..."
'...'
[...]

>...'I watched the sun rise again today. Ever since that day I learned of her, of that Goddesses power, I find myself watching it more and more often. I wonder what it must be like to be able to move that so easily. I can move a boulder, on my best day I can move a house, but I couldn't move the sun. No matter how hard I pulled or pushed, it did not twitch. To have that much power... what must it feel like? Mother is far more powerful than I. She can move entire rivers with one swing. She can move any obstacle like it wasn't even there. But when I asked her, she would not try to move the sun. And that... more than anything, that scared me. She is so vast, so tall, but there is someone who is so much shorter than her, but that much stronger. To imagine the power that being of white must hold... That is why I will take it, someday. I will take the sun, and I will take it's power for my own. Even if the thought of facing such a being terrifies me to my very core, even if the idea is enough to make me wish to flee like a pathetic drone, I will do it. I will face that being someday. I will take her sun... and I will give it to us, not them. We can have the sunlight, at last... and I will stand above them all.'...

"..."
'...'
[...Wow.]

>...SSSNNKAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

"I... I really don't see what's so funny?"

>AHAHAHA-HEEE... C-Chitty was TERRIFIED of you! She thought you were this big strong unstoppable thing of power and sunshine! AHAHAHHA!

[I got that.]

>Seriously! There's a bunch of other stuff in here about how "Powerful" and "Magnificent" you must be, on and on and ooonnn! She was SOAHAHAH! Just imagining CHITTY shaking like a leaf looking at your picture is... is... AHAHAHHAHH!

[...]

"...Celestia? You okay?"

[...Chrysalis?]

>AHAHh...ahah.. yeah?

[If you see her first, tell her 'I'm sorry I didn't live up to the hype.]

With that, she spun on her heels, and walked out.

"..."
'...'
>...I thought it was funny...
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Mane-Iac"
~~~~~

>Hey, Maney, what can I do for you?

"AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAhAHHAHAHH!"

>In the fridge, I think, if 42 didn't get to it first.

"EEEEHEHEHEHEHHAHAAAAAAAA!"

>I don't know, four o' clock, maybe? Check with 18, she'd know.

"AHAHA! AAAAAHHAHAH!"

>No no, you don't need to thank me, always happy to help.

"EEEEEHHEHEHEEEEEHAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHH!"

>Awww, love you too Maney.

"AHAHAH!?"

>Turn it to the LEFT... There you go!

*SMASH!*

>...

"AHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

>I know you're sorry, it's okay.

"MWAHAHHEE!"

>No need to go into a speech about it.

"AHAH!"

*CRASH!*

>Ahhh, she means well............... what the fuck happened to my life?
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"You ever really regret deciding to do something? Like, really REALLY regret it?" Pommel asked Rat.

Rat's response came after his knife went flying through the air towards the face of the sea serpent that had coiled itself around the Widow's Regret.

"Nope, never! Why ya ask?" The pirate looked back at him as he deftly dodged a swipe of the beast's long tail.

"Oh no real reason, just curious," Pommel grit his teeth and let loose a bolt of magic that caught the monstrosity right in the eyes, making it thrash and release the boat, slipping downward into the churning frothing deeps of the Nightmare Tempset.

"Phew...okay, who's not dead!?" Pommel shouted, getting a chorus of groans and in some cases obscenities hurled back his way.

At the helm, Evergreen looked at the pooling blood from the wounds they'd inflicted upon the might sea predator, there was a concern in the captain's eyes. Pommel couldn't blame him, they'd already been within the Tempest for three days and it seemed as though the City of Gold was as distant as the day they'd entered this horrible vortex of storms and creatures.

"Damned beast," The captain finally growled, "Right lads, at your posts! We haven't wallowed in our misfortunes yet, we damn sure aren't going to do so now!"

The crew returned to their posts, some shaking their heads, others casting tired glances to their fellows. When the captain announced that they would be going into the Tempest, the promise of untold riches had allayed the concerns of going into hell. But foresight and hindsight are different from experiencing hardship first hand. They had weathered storms the first day, greater and more terrible than anything Pommel had seen a weather team cook up. The second had been awash with the vile scaly creatures that prowled beneath the waves, all forms of warped beasts with mouths full of sharpened serrated teeth and the dead eyes like a doll's.

And on the third day there was this Faust-damned serpent, attracted by the blood from their struggles with the killer fish. They'd driven the monster off no less than four times now and his instincts from fighting the parasite in Chitania's guts told him that it was most definitely going to go for round five. It was starting to wear on him...it all was.

"Boy, join me up here!" Evergreen shouted, Pommel could feel his critical glare bearing down on him.

With a sigh and a pat on the back from Rat, he climbed the steps up to where Evergreen stood with the helmsman.

"Somewhere I can hear old Discord himself cackling at our fortunes," Evergreen said, staring out at the turbulent ocean, the latest storm had subsided, yet even now both stallions knew that another would be along shortly.

"Nah, if it was Discord these storms would rain jellyfish and that serpent would be singing showtunes," Pommel said, "Trust me, I've...well, not met, been in the general vicinity of the guy."

Evergreen shook his head, "You live a charmed life, boy. Let us hope you'll be able to return to it."

"Yeah, it'll be one hell of homecoming party if I don't bite it out here first," Pommel sighed, "For what it's worth, if this city turns out to be a hoax, I'm sorry in advance."

"The way I see it, whether the city is real or not, Brahmos is going to follow us here out of spite," Evergreen's smirk was a thing to behold, "Because that big dumb whoreson can't let someone who's seen him weak live. It's why he came after me, it's why he'll come after you. So if the City of Gold IS a hoax and this damnable Tempest chews us up, I can at least die knowing that he'll be going to hell with us."

"What is that guy's deal anyway?" Pommel asked, "If you don't mind me asking..."

"It's a long story, lad," Evergreen shook his head, "One only I, Daw, and a bevvy of men long since dead are fit to tell it. Let's just say once upon a time I met a little filly named Jacqueline and a series of events transpired that made me the half-sighted hook-hoofed spiteful beggar I am today."

"Well, I guess it's better than Doc's vow of silence," Pommel shrugged, "Though there is one thing I got to ask."

"Yes?"

"Bilge Rat, Jack Daw, Doc, and Evergreen?" Pommel gave a bit of a chuckle, "One of these things isn't exactly like the others."

"Ah, well the story behind that is much much shorter," Evergreen cleared his throat, "One day my mother pushed me out of her insides and said 'Name the little bastard Evergreen!' Guess she knew she'd just given birth to an utter prick."

Pommel couldn't help but join as the captain laughed harder than he'd ever heard.

"But to whit, the reason I called you up here is I need someone to double up on watching out for the serpent and the other confounded creatures in this Faust forsaken stretch of water," Evergreen looked up at the crow's nest, "You and Daw get up there, one of you takes nights, the other days, report anything you see when you switch out at sunrise and sunset."

"Yes, sir," Pommel nodded, "You think we'll be able to blast it with the cannons next time?"

"If we can stop it from coiling around the ship," Evergreen growled, "Damned thing must have experiene dealing with ships, it knows to get in close so we don't take outselves to the depths with it."

"I'll try and think of something," Pommel said as he began to walk away, "Doc making any progress on his research?"

"The Coltec remain a mystery," Evergreen shrugged.

"Like they have since he started hitting his books," Pommel rolled his eyes and made to climb the rigging, his destination the crow's nest that sat perched atop the mast. In recent days Rat and Daw had redoubled both their training regimins, and while Moose Lee he was not, Pommel was proud of the fact he could climb these ropes like a monkey.

He shimmed and climbed his way to the top and nearly stumbled over the side...okay, maybe less monkey, more heavily concussed oranguatan.

"There ya are," Daw said, smirking, upside down from Pommel's current vantage point, "Was wonderin' whether or not ya fell in the drink."

"Oh you know how it is, big ugly serpent, tangled rigging, trying not to think too hard about Rat's dream about screwing a Siren, makes for slow going up the rigging," Pommel got up onto his hooves, "So...lookout duty, huh?"

"Yep, with old Heinrich cracking during the killer fish attack we need another set of eyes up here," Daw smirked, "So I volunteered you."

"How kind," Pommel rolled his eyes, "So, what's the set up, me days and you nights?"

"Nope, me days, you nights," Daw looked out over the ocean, "You can stay centralized up here, I'll fly ya in meals, get you a pillow to sleep, and get ya a piss bucket so you don't have to risk taking a header down yonder."

"How thoughtful," Pommel snickered, then sighed, "Think we're getting any closer?"

"Can't rightly say, lad," Daw shrugged, "If nothin' else, we'll go down in history as the only crew stupid and crazy enough to fight our way all the way through this shit hole."

"Yeah, and I get shipped off to the camel slaver...again, what the fuck is a ca-" Pommel stopped himself.

"Huh?"

"I was waiting for something to interrupt me," Pommel said flatly, "I guess the universe has a sense of humor. But yeah, can you give me any kind of idea of what a camel is?"

"Imagine an ugly ball of fur and spite that smells bad and spits all the time," Daw mused, "And you'll about have it down. Also they got a neck like a really short giraffe."

"...what's a giraffe?" Pommel asked.

"Like a camel but taller and twiggier," Daw replied simply.

"Oh for fuck's..." Pommel grumbled as Daw sniggered.

"We're gonna be around each other a while, Pommy, better get used to my Puckish demeanor."

"Prickish is more like it," Pommel rolled his eyes as Daw let out a laugh.

"Getting the hang of it already!" She patted him on the shoulder, "Now try'n catch some sleep, aye? When ya wake up I'll be there with a lovely little breakfast, hey?"

Pommel nodded and yawned, "Sounds good...I don't think I've really had a good sleep since we entered this place."

His eyes closed, his body relaxed, he dreamed of home.

-------------------

The days drew on from there, days he slept, nights he kept watch. He kept Daw's company, and she his.

"-well he's kind of black all over and...well...a bug. Also he can shapeshift, he was reallying good at that."

"...lad, are you tryin' to tell me you're friends with a Faust-damned space alien?"

"What? No! They're not aliens...I don't think..."

"Sounds like a space alien."

"He is not!"

Sometimes the conversation got weird.

---------------------

Usually he never left the crow's nest, keeping to his vigil with Daw, but few and far between he would awake in the middle of the day and climb down for a bit of breakfast. As it stood, he'd usually sit with Rat but one particular day a voice called out to him.

"You, the addlepated simpleton, get over here!" The gruff and annoyed tones of Doc pulled him away from his usual seat to sit behind where the elderly earth pony was attempting to consume knowledge, surrounded by stacks upon stacks of books.

"Where do you KEEP all of these things!?" Pommel asked in exasperation.

"I have an extensive system as dense as my piles of equipment and books may appear, but I did not call you over to be griped at about mere procedure. There's something about my research into the Coltec I think is quite important," Doc slammed a hoof down onto his book, "Look."

Pommel looked.

"...I can't read Germaneigh," Pommel raised an eyebrow.

Doc sighed, "The Coltec were an empire of unicorns, one of the few in this region in the ancient world. By all accounts from native oral history and pictographs they relied heavily on their magic to dominate and enslave their pegasus and earth pony neighbors. You know the nastiness that's usually associated with an 'evil empire', sacrifices, slavery, conquest, pillaging, need I go on?"

Before Pommel could say Doc didn't, he did.

"Now, roundabout a half a millenium ago, the Coltec Empire, at the height of its resplendence up and disappeared almost overnight. Its cities left empty, its rulers gone as thought Faust herself decided she wanted to rewrite that paraticular chapter of history. Now, taking into account we now have ourselves a map of a city in the middle of this horrible place, let's see if we can't piece together what this means, hey?"

"I don't-"

"Of course you don't, and as much as I'm loathe to admit it, neither do it," Doc scowled, "Honestly I just needed a rube to bounce my ruminations off of like a sounding board. However...IF I am correct and this is some kind of...magical...unicorn...Coltec...cabal, that means you, the Bilge Rat, and any other unicorn on this ship just got that much more important. I have no doubts the Coltec left behind safeguards to ensure their non-unicorn enemies could not gain access to their treasures and I'd rather not go with Evergreen's plan B if we cannot do so."

"Which is?"

"Blow the entire city to hell and take the golden rubble, gold is indeed gold but I'd like a few shiny baubles for my own ego's sake. So please PLEASE, for the LOVE of FAUST, try not to die!"

"Love ya too, Doc," Pommel said as he walked away, "Maybe at this rate you'll tell me your story before one of us kicks it."

"I was born in a marsh to a croc and a leopard!" Doc shouted after him, giving a dry laugh.

"Asshole," Pommel muttered.

---------------------

"And these weapons-"

"Guns."

"-guns, they're like tiny cannons?"

"Yup, I'm actually surprised you guys don't have any of them here."

"How? We don't have any arms dealers...well, any of YOUR arms dealers."

"But you have cannons, and those little grenade looking things."

"Aye, but hooves, swords, and other sundry up close weapons have done us good so far, besides, these things need special saddles, yeah?"

"Not if you have fingers, which Diamond Dogs do!"

"Aye, and Diamond Dogs're stupid."

"...point."

"Heh."

REALLY fucking weird...

-------------------

"Wake up, lad," Daw's voice shook Pommel from his slumber as it had so many times before, "It's your shift."

"Bwuh? Oh, alright, yeah," Pommel shook himself awake, poking his head over the side of the Crow's Nest and gazing at the nigh impenetrable mist that surrounded the Widow's Regret like a shroud, "Is it just me or is this stuff getting thicker?"

"Hm? Oh yeah, yeah, in a bit, lad, I'm a bit keyed up from what I saw today. I'll keep ya company a while, aye?" She looked back at him.

"Sure, whatever floats your boat," Pommel replied, "Faust knows you don't need to ask my permission for...anything really."

There was silence again.

"He was fuckin' with ya, ya know that, right?" Daw said suddenly, casually, making Pommel turn.

"What? Who?"

"Evergreen, lad," Daw shrugged, "Just figured if we're more'n likely gonna die from monsters or exposure, ya should know the fullness of who you're with."

"What's he fucking with me about?" Pommel grimaced.

"The slavery," Daw smirked, "We aren't the types to leave a pony to a fate like that."

"WHAT!?" Pommel wouldn't have been surprised if the whole ship had beenawakened by his shout, "THEN WHY EVEN SAY THAT!?"

"Because it's funny to fuck with a 'Gardener'," Daw chuckled, "And frankly your face whenever we brought it up was damned adorable, like a puppy that stopped just short of getting hit by a moving cart."

"That's not fucking funny," Pommel said flatly.

"The subject of a joke rarely gets its hilarity," Daw's laughter had turned to a snicker, "Heard that from an Ibex monk once, unless he weren't a monk and just someone with an extensive memory of fortune cookies."

"Threatening a guy with slavery," Pommel shook his head, "That's some low humor right there."

"If it's any consolation, the punchilne may end up being we're all fuckin' rich," Daw exhaled, "Ya ever consider not goin' back?"

"Home? Never," Pommel replied, "There's too much waiting for me there, my friends, my family, my duty...as a gardener."

"Lad, do ya really think we hadn't figure it out the second it took ya almost half a minute to switch out the words?"

"No, I'm just being a smartass," Pommel sighed, "But no, I got too much waiting for me back home, even if they don't know it yet...what about you?"

"Me?" Daw blinked.

"Have you ever considered going somewhere...else?" Pommel asked, "I mean, a little work and you'd probably not even look like whatever wanted posters you got."

"...lad, I'm just gonna ignore ya giving me beauty tips for a moment," Something caught Daw's eye, "Because there's something out there."

"What?" Pommel's head whipped towards where Daw was looking, "Is it the serpent?"

Deep within the mist a figure swooped, there wasn't any way for Pommel to get a good look, but it was big and it was...wrong.

"Unless it went and grew wings, no," Daw said through gritted teeth, drawing her sword, "Raise the alarm."

"Right," Pommel nodded, "EVERYONE THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE MI-!"

Pommel's eyes went wide as a another figure, smaller, broke through the mist, a serrated beak and sharp claws coming right for him.

This was gonna hurt.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Completely NC addition

>Chrysalis
"Twilight"
'SA'
[Celestia]
-Applejack-
~~~~~

>Seriously! There's a bunch of other stuff in here about how "Powerful" and "Magnificent" you must be, on and on and ooonnn! She was SOAHAHAH! Just imagining CHITTY shaking like a leaf looking at your picture is... is... AHAHAHHAHH!

[…]

“…Celestia? You okay?”

The quaint smile that contorted Celestia’s lips was both motherly and sinister, and then her horn began to glow with a few accompanying rings.

>Ooookay, you know what? I can already see this turning real ugly real fast so yeah, that earlier stuff? Those laughs? Just jokes, Sunny D.

‘Yeah! W-we can all appreciate a good laugh at our expense! …r-right, Celly-Belly?’

But ‘Celly-Belly’ was more focused on the voice that had just answered.

-Consarnit, hello? ‘Tia? Did Ah get this right? Hello?-

[Yes, Applejack, I hear you.]

-Oh, good, almost forgot how t’ do this. Anyway, did ya need somethin’?-

[Mhm, I was calling to apologize.]

The silence that followed on Applejack’s end was one of confusion and it was shared with the others around Celestia.

-Um… apologize? Fer’ what? Nothin’s yer’ fa- okay, well, that’s a lie. A lotta things are yer’ fault at the moment but we’re workin’ through all that slowly but surely.-

[You misunderstand me, dear. I’m not apologizing for the current state of Equestria.]

-Okay. Then why?-

A blinding light blew out of Celestia’s eyes; it might as well have been a blink, but in that blink, a chilling darkness enveloped the castle, one so foreboding that Twilight let loose a petrified squeal and Chrysalis instinctively scurried into a corner. When she glanced out the window next to her, entertaining frenzied thoughts of diving through it, her jaw dropped while Celestia’s smile only deepened.

[For all the overtime we’ve coming our way because of this.]

>HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK, WHERE’S THE SUN?!

‘Ooooooh shit….’
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________