Jump 396: Venture Brothers

Jump #396: Venture Brothers
>The Emperor: Worldly authority and power.
>Age: 34
>Location: State University
Yeeeah I'll be leaving here in REAL short order, just as soon as I get an honorary degree in exchange for a generous donation.
>Identity: Super Scientist (-100)
>Drawbacks: (+400) Testicular Torsion, Albino, Waylaid By Jackassery
Clearly I need to invest in sunscreen and hair dye. And a good doctor. And some way to achieve literally anything without being overwhelmed by idiots. Idiots, everywhere.
>Shapeshifter (700)
At last, I'm no longer facing a potential palette problem every time I change shapes. Previously it was a matter of making sure I had spent time in a given shape before, but now I can be a perfectly albino pack of cigaret- wait what do you mean albino
>Super-Competent (300)
Considering this universe, competence is a major necessity, especially if I'm going to be dealing with the idiocy of the locals.
>Cloning (200, Super Scientist)
Oh I think I can find a few good uses for this.
>Superscience (0, Super Scientist)
Well... I mean, science has always been a big thing for me, I may as well invest in it, no?

So, I don't have Team Venture. I don't have henchmen or even a nemesis (yet).

What I do have, however... is a national guard base abandoned back in the fifties, that I bought off the government for bargain basement prices. That is, a few gold bricks. The first group of jackasses to waylay me at my empty compound were rather... groovy ones. I took them in, fed them, gave them a place to sleep for a few days, and assorted pharmaceuticals in exchange for biological samples (taken mostly in their sleep) and nanite injection. Sadly, I didn't think to clone the dog.

Six months later, the two girls came back, as the others had apparently died. And then were turned into Venturesteins. Of course, they came back to a compound manned largely by assorted clones of the gang, mostly Fred and Shaggy- I mean, Ted and Sonny working as essentially disposable security and labor. This, of course, intersected quite nicely with Val's radical feminist agenda. Any remaining complaints disappeared when she found three clones of Patty waiting for her in her quarters, ready to wait on her hand and foot. Patty, our kidnap victim and Daphne expy, got to look up her family; she made a call to them, and then I sent her home after giving her two days of Jumper-level therapy (no, not through beatings). I replaced her with a clone, and Val was left none the wiser. Once she came out of her quarters, anyway.

After that, well, I basically did what I could to blend in with the setting and not attract too much attention. Val stuck around but didn't really do much, and eventually disappeared along with a decent fraction of the clones and a harem of Patty's. The Monarch once attacked my compound after somehow mistaking it for something related to the Ventures, but stopped once he realized that his minions weren't taking any casualties and all of the Teds were fighting HILARIOUSLY ineffectively. That is, trying to bully the enemy and not hitting any of them with their guns at all.

There were smaller things, and frankly I didn't get a whole lot done - every time I tried, there was something absolutely asinine that stopped me, like the time that all of the Sonny's simultaneously revolted and built a fifty foot statue of their dog. But all in all, it wasn't a bad time. Just a weird one.