Snuffleupagus Story

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who was in kindergarten. The class had been working on reading and spelling bigger words like "rhinoceros" in the past few weeks. Well one day in the middle of November, the little boy returned his library book that he had just finished first thing in the morning and didn't have time to check out a new one.

At the end of every day, the teacher set aside 15 minutes for silent reading. The little boy still hadn't gotten a new book to read yet so he asked his teacher if he could borrow a classroom book for the time being. The teacher said of course as long as he was sure to return it.

Well the little boy thumbed through the children's books, looking for something that was appealing. Unfortunately for the boy, there weren't any books that struck his fancy. However; there was one book that the boy did think would be fun to look through.

The dictionary. Gripping the green bound book that smelled of old pages, the boy took a seat under his desk and began flipping the pages, looking for words like "pee" and "poop" and "stupid". Upon finding the first two words, the boy struggled to muffle his laughter before beginning to flip towards the "s" section. When he was approaching the page where "stupid" awaited his gaze, he caught a glance of something that was out of the ordinary. There was a word without a definition.

Having stopped turning the pages to stare upon this abnormality, the boy tried to sound out how to pronounce the word. The word in question was "snuffleupagus."

Whether it was by sheer luck, or something destined to be, the boy misread the word as "snuffleuphagus" which turns out to be the way that the actual word, "snuffleupagus" is pronounced. The class had recently gone over the sound that "ph" made so the boy was no stranger to the fact the word was pronounced "snuffleufagus."

The boy's curiosity got the best of him and he just had to know what this word meant. He approached his teacher and said, "Teacher! Teacher! I found a word in the dictionary that doesn't have a definition, can you tell me what it means?"

"Why of course," replied the teacher and gave the boy a forced smile. "What's the word?"

"Snuffleupagus," the boy said with a hint of wonder in his eye. However; all wonder quickly fled his face as he saw anger fill the teacher's.

"YOU! I WANT YOU OUT OF MY CLASSROOM. TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE, NOW!" Spittle flew from the teachers mouth with pure rage. The boy, now frightened, quickly fled out the door to get away from his livid teacher and go see the principal.

Confused, the boy could not understand what just happened. Was it something he said? Did his breath smell? Was the teacher still sad that her dog recently passed? Whatever the issue was, the boy was sure that the principal would help sort it all out.

Arriving at the principal's office and sitting in a chair in the waiting area, the boy swung his feet back and forth off the ground. "Sweetie," a voice broke the silence, "the principal is ready to see you now," the secretary said softly, giving the boy a heartfelt smile.

Timidly, the boy opened the principal's office door and stepped in. The principal was staring out his office window, the incoming light bending around his large stomach and making the dark curls of his hair look greasiest than ever. No one had ever heard the principal raise his voice to anyone, let alone voice his discontent about anything with anyone.

The boulder of a man turned to the boy with a wide, close lipped smile, complete with flushed cheeks. "Ah, young man, what brings you down to my office?" The boy sat down across from the principal's chair at the large wooden desk at the same time the principal plopped into his swivel.

"Well," the boy started, "it was silent reading time and I didn't have a book to read so I read the dictionary and I found a word that didn't have a definition. So I asked my teacher what the word meant and she sent me here." The peppered caterpillars that rested above the principal's eyes rose in confusion.

"Why this just sounds like a big misunderstanding!" The principal's lips drew tight as he extended the corners of his mouth up towards his ears, gleaming with optimism. The principal retrieved a pad of paper and a Ticonderoga from his desk and began scribbling words that looked like a foreign language to the boy with how looped the letters were. "Now son, tell me, what was the word? Was it a bad word?"

"I don't think so," the boy thought hard about how on Earth the word he had read could be bad.

"Well? Don't leave me hanging! What was the word?" The principal's voice bellowed with giddy anticipation. His gaze was still down on the paper as he continued writing something.

"The word was snuffleupagus." A silence fell upon the room. The soft notice of the pencil dragging and looping across the page suddenly stopped. The principal's writing hand began shaking as beads of sweat streamed down his forehead. The flush of his cheeks had spread to his entire face and upper neck. From beneath the layers of fat, cords began to protrude from his neck. Suddenly the pencil snapped in his hand.

The principal's hand slammed down on his desk with a force that would one day be used to break down an old shed door that he had seen his teenage daughter sneak into, that had now been leaking an earthy-smelled smoke. The principal rose and make piercing eye contact with the boy. As if the principal was a Gorgon, the boy felt like he had turned to stone and could not look away from this beautiful monstrosity. The principal's mouth began to move.

"I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU IN MY SCHOOL AGAIN. FROM THIS MOMENT ON, YOU'RE EXPELLED. LEAVE THE BUILDING IMMEDIATELY, I'LL CONTACT YOUR PARENTS TO PICK YOU UP."

The boy was flabbergasted. He could not believe what was happening. With a drooping head, the boys feet shuffled to carry him outside where he took a seat on the curb. It was about 20 minutes before his parents pulled up in the family minivan.

As the boy got in his usual seat in the back, neither of his parents looked back at him. The boy could tell his parents didn't know what to say. After they had been driving for five minutes, his father finally broke the silence in his usual abrupt fashion.

"Okay, I guess I'll ask. Your principal said you've been expelled but that's it, what happened?" The boy didn't know where to start but decided it was best to just tell it from the start.

"Well I didn't have a book for silent reading, so I decided to read the dictionary and I found a word that didn't have a definition. So I asked my teacher what the word meant and she sent me to the principal. Then when I told the principal what happened, he asked me what the word was. And when I said it he expelled me." The silence returned as quickly as it had been broken.

The boy sat there for what felt like a lifetime, waiting for his parents to respond. Neither of them were saying anything to him, nor to each other. After what felt like another lifetime, his mother finally said her first words of the ride.

"Well, what was the word?" The boy suddenly got hot all over. He didn't want to say it due to what had happened the first two times. But it was his parents and the boy could say anything to them.

"Snuffleupagus."

The car immediately began skidding to a stop, the sound of screeching rubber overpowering all other sounds. In the half second before the car began to stop, the boy heard his father's foot slam down on what the boy assumed was the brake. As the car was coming to its immediate stop, the boy saw the mother turn to look at her husband, her mouth agape and eyes wide.

As soon as the car came to a complete stop, the father was outside the car, flinging open the door shielding the boy from the outside world. Reaching over the boy, he unbuckled the seatbelt and grabbed the boy by the collar, pulling him out of the car and into the road. The boy thought he heard something rip when his shirt collar was yanked. The sun shone brightly in the child's eyes as he looked up at the pock marked face that was his father's.

"YOU ARE NO LONGER A PART OF THIS FAMILY. YOU ARE DEAD TO US. WE NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN." The boy stood there processing what just happened and before he knew it, his father and mother were speeding away in the minivan, back door still open.

Being so young, the boy had no clue how to get home from a strange place between his school and home. So he began walking. He walked. And he walked. And soon the light of day began to fade. When the sky bled red steaks into purple sky, the boy realized that it would soon be night and he'd be alone on the streets. With tears forming in his eyes, the boy sat down on the curb and buried his head into his knees.

The sound of tires rolling over nearby gravel caused the boy to lift his head. The unlit red and blue lights on the cars roof sent a feeling of relief throughout the boy's body. The police officer surely would help the boy find his way home.

"What're you doing out so late on your own, buddy?" The man asked, badge shimmering in from the nearby streetlight.

Holding back tears, the boy choked out, "m-m-my parents, they kicked me out of, of, of," the boy erupted into tears. He could hold them back no longer. The officer sat down next to the boy on the curb and placed a hand on his back.

"It's alright buddy, just take a few deep breaths. Slowly now, can you tell me what happened?"

"My parents. They kicked me out. Of the family. And I don't know where. Where my home is." The boy gasped for air between every few words. Having finally said it aloud, the boy broke back into tears.

"Why that's awful!" The officer remarked. "Tell ya what pal, why don't you tell me what happened, and then we can head back to the station and figure out where you live."

The boy sniffled and started, "well, in school we had silent reading, and I didn't have a book. So I started reading the dictionary. And then I found a word that didn't have a definition. I told my teacher about it and then she asked me what the word was. And then when I said it she sent me to the principal.

"When I got to the principal's office, I told him what happened and he also asked what the word was. When I told him he expelled me. Then my parents picked me up, and when I told them what happened they kicked me out of the car and the family. And now I don't know how to get home."

"Well it sounds like you had quite a day!" The officer was running his thumb and index finger over his blonde mustache. "Well I'll drive you back to the station and sort it all out. He stood, the boy following suit moments after. Walking to the passenger door to let the boy into his cruiser. The officer places his hand on the handle but pulled away and turned towards the boy. "Say, what was the word that you found?"

The boy immediately looked towards his feet and turned his head to the side. "I don't want to say."

"Oh come on, you can tell me." The officer pleaded. "Nothing bad will happen, policeman's code." The officer put a hand on his heart and the other in the air as if swearing on a bible. This action gained the boy's trust.

"The word was snuffleupagus."

The next thing the boy knows he was being slammed against the hood of the cruiser. "YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT," was all the boy heard before the force from being slammed against the car made his ears begin to ring. The boy blacked out.

When the boy finally came to, he was in a baggy orange jumpsuit, most likely designed for use by little people. There were handcuffs around his wrists and ankles. He was sitting in a courtroom with several other inmates. The judge was going through several cases in one sitting and handing out sentences left and right. Soon it was the boy's turn. He was shoved by some man in a uniform to go stand in front of the judge.

The judge looked down and lowered his glasses to get a better look at the boy. "This has to be some kind of joke." The judge did not seem pleased.

"No, your honor, it is not a joke." The boy turned around to see the officer who had arrested him standing several steps behind him.

"Ok, let's get this over with quickly. Why are you here, boy?" The judge's voice emanated an irritated tone.

"Well," the boy started, "I was in class and I didn't have a book to read for silent reading so I decided to read the dictionary. When I was reading it I found a word that didn't have a definition so I asked the teacher what it meant and she sent me to the principal. Then I told the principal what happened and said the word and he expelled me. Then my parents picked me up and I told them what happened and said the word and they kicked me out of the family. Then the cop found me and I said the word and he arrested me."

The judge blew air quickly out of his nostrils, laughing in jest to himself at the ludicrous situation. After several seconds of silence, the judge spoke, "Well? What was the word?"

The boy hesitated for a few second.

"Snuffleupagus."

The gavel slammed. "30 to life."

45 years passed. The boy, now man, had been let out of prison. He had been inside for so long, and spoken to so few inmates and guards, no one really knew why he was there other than the warden. Due to overcrowding in the prison and the man being the only inmate who had never even gotten into a scuffle, the man was deemed fit for life in society and was released.

Walking into the world was a strange experience. It was something so foreign, yet so familiar to the man. He had nowhere to go. No one to call. And no memories of locations in the world other than what the inside of his childhood bedroom looked like. Not knowing where to go, the man just began walking.

After walking for what seemed to be half a day, the sun was beginning to set. Having found his way into the downtown of a small suburban town, the man hunkered down in an alleyway between a restaurant and a barbershop to shelter himself from the wind. Slumping against the cold side of a building, the man closed his eye and tried to catch some sleep.

Footsteps of a passerby neared and then stopped. The man opened his eyes to see a man, who appeared to be homeless, staring down at him. "You too, huh?" The homeless man asked. Taking a seat next to the released inmate, the homeless man extended his hand for a handshake.

"Name's Steve." Steve stared at the man, who was wary of physical contact with other people after the 45 years he spent in close quarters. "Guess not." Steve drew back his hand in disappointment.

"I'm sorry," said the man in response to Steve's dejected appearance. "I just got out of prison, I'm not used to the outside world." A look of sympathy washed over Steve's face.

"Mind if I ask why you were inside?"

"Well," the man started. It had been decades since he last told this story. "When I was a boy, I was reading a dictionary. I found a word that didn't have a definition so I told my teacher about it. When I said the word she sent me to the principal who in turn expelled me. When I told my parents what happened and said the word, they kicked me out of the family. Then a cop picked me up and I explained what happened and I was arrested. Then I told this all to the judge and he sentenced me. Been in there for 45 years. And after all this time, I still don't know what the word means." The man shook his head, chuckling lightly to himself. The whole thing sounded so stupid when said aloud. He looked over towards Steve. Steve looked like he had seen a ghost.

"Was... Was the word snuffleupagus?" Steve trembled just trying to complete the sentence.

"Yes! It was! How did you know!?"

"Because the same exact thing happened to me." He pain of the past could be seen in Steve's eyes. It was apparent he had buried that saga in his life long ago.

"Please tell me, do you know what it means? Oh, please tell me what it means." The man was begging now, grabbing Steve by both his shoulders.

"I do know what it means, but I can't tell you. You have to find out for yourself. And you're in luck, because the meaning to the word is very close. See that church with the bell tower across the street there? Well if you go in the church, and go immediately left, there's a spiral staircase. Go up the staircase to the top and you'll find a ladder leading up to a hatch. Go up the ladder and through the hatch. There you'll find yourself in the bell tower. And inscribed on the inside of the bell, is the definition of the word."

"Oh thank you so much! You have no clue how much this means!" The man hugged Steve and got up and began running. After 45 years, he would finally learn the meaning of the word that had ruined his life.

Running towards the street, the man looked back for one last glance at Steve. A brief moment of confusion passed through his mind when he realized that Steve was gone. There was no way a man could disappear that quickly, but that was a new mystery that could be solved another day, for today was the day he learned the meaning of the word. Sprinting now, the man sprinted into the street.

BAM, the man was hit by a delivery truck and killed instantly. Always look both ways before crossing the road.