Two Quick Request Thread Bumper One-Shots

Just a few on the spot, in-thread bumper requests or something.

First one:

"Ponies find Anon strangely enticing. Sexually. Anon wants nothing to do with them.

One day, Anon finds a porn mag made by the ponies with drawings of him in there. I leave the rest to you."

>day [spoiler]pornography[/spoiler] [spoiler] [/spoiler]>in Equestria
>you're walking along when you stumble on a "playpony" magazine
>ugh
>you were not attracted to ponies, regardless of how many times they'd try to get in your pants
>it was something about how you looked to them, they just couldn't stay away
>you kick the damn thing away
>your foot misses a little and just opens up the rag to...
>oh god why
>it's YOU
>poorly photoshopped together from various pictures
>HOLY SHIT
>YOUR COCK WAS HUUUUUGE IN THIS PICTURE
>you smile
>this was perfect!
>you drop trou and let your little guy breathe
>you spend the rest of the day running around, butt naked, yelling
"SEE, THERE'S NOTHING THERE!"
>you are left alone from there on in

Today was the first day you enjoyed having a small penis

Second:

"Try the Anon that randomly falls asleep that everyone seems to want."

>day [spoiler]narcolepsy[/spoiler] [spoiler] [/spoiler]>in Equestria
>you are Anon
>you've been here for a while and apart from your narcoleptic episodes, everything is pretty peachy
>you're on your way to Applejacks for another apple pie
>fuck sugarcube corner, apples were soooo gooood here
>you spot the kicking horse in the distan-
>you are now floating on a huge apple pie
>how did you get here?
>what were you doing before then?
>nobody knows
>all you know is that you're floating on this apple pie and it smells DELICIOUS
>you swim through the air, downwards, towards the pie
>your eyes close in ecstasy as you reach to grab one of the soft, candied, syrupy apple chunks, planting your mouth against it
>OH SHIT IT MOVED
>you open your eyes and recoil
>THIS ISN'T PIE
>a confused and very flustered Luna stares back at you
"An-A-Anon? We... We never knew how you felt about us,"
>Why was Luna poking her head out of a giant pie
>how did an apple chunk turn into Luna
>WHY DID YOUR PIE DECEIVE YOU
>you couldn't shake the feeling her lips from your mind
"Luna?"
>you can't say much more as her front hooves erupt from the pie and wrap around your neck
"Oh Anon!"
>she kisses you back as you flail helplessly, suspended about the giant pie
>your flailing stops almost immediately
>your arms go limp, your eyes close once more
>Luna had been with you more than anypony else
>whenever you dropped, she'd come into your dream and keep you company
>she'd help you in scary dreams and enjoy the good ones with you
>and now your lips were against hers
>you were making out with a dark purple horse and it didn't bother you
>you'd had weirder dreams before, this was oddly realistic
>returning the embrace, you kiss her fiercely as your fingers run through her mane
>it was like a strange rubber than flowed between your fingers while remaining solid
>you bring a hand to her cheek, cupping it gently
>breaking the kiss, you open your eyes to stare into hers
"Luna, I wanted to thank you for being there for me. Every time my affliction hits me, you make it feel like a blessing,"
>she smiles, tilting her head to gently rub into your palm
"Anonymous, we have always l-
"WHAT IN EQUESTRIA'S NAME?"
>Luna walks in from the side
"THOU HATH PIE OF APPLES AND THOU DIGGETH IN BEFORE WE HATH ARRIVED? HOW UNCOUTH!"
>you're holding a huge chunk of apple once more
"Here, I saved you some," you reply
>you hand her the chunk, sinking back down onto the crust
"IT IS DELICIOUS, GOOD SIR ANON, WE THANKETH THEE,"
>you wake up soon after and walk back home
>there was an apple pie beside you and you ate it before you got to your place
>you'll give Applejack some bits tomorrow and her blanket back, she was kind enough to cover you up when you fell asleep
>even if your stomach was full, your heart was not

Today was a heavy day.