(FR) Lyler Meets Rainbom

>"ANERN! ANERN! ANERNERNERNERNERN-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU FUCKING HORSE."
>It's that time again, whether you like it or not.
>The day that you take care of Lyler, the quirky, secret twin of Lyra.
>In order for Lyra to go out on an occasional date with Bon Bon, or go see her and Lyler's parents, which is a story too serious and edgy to even discuss in a comedy short, you volunteered to help take care of Lyler.
>Which, you thought might help give you some of them... sexual favors.
>You know, the whole 'rub your sister, and you rub me.'
>It's classic.
>But no, Lyra wouldn't even do that for you.
>Instead, she just tossed you a pale grey hoodie and told you that 'being sad is in season, so you must be fashionable.'
>Now, you're stuck taking care of this Horse, that can only scream at the top of her lungs.
>"BUT ANERN. WHERE WE GONNAA GOOOOOOO???"
"We're going to the park, Lyler. We're going to the park that is on the opposite side of town so you won't be seen by unsuspecting eyes."
>"ARE WE GONNA PLAY A GAME?"
"I don't know. I was thinking-"
>"I would like to play a game. Attached to your waist right now is a belt filled with several needles that have been laced with-"
"Lyler, stop. No references today."
>Lyler shrugs and a laugh track plays.
>"IMMA POOP IN THE SANDBOX."
"Good, back to poop jokes. Fine. Whatever. Let's just keep going."
>And so you do. Step by step, you make your way to the opposite side of town.
>Lyler prances towards the jungle gym as you sit down on a park bench.
>Closing your eyes, you sigh, wishing there was some way to share your pain with the world.
>If you didn't sign a pact with Lyra, you wouldn't be doing this shit.
>What is your life?
>Lyler has put you through so much bullshit in your life time, that you've lost your sense of smell and no longer have the concept of an inside voice.
>In fact, you can't even hear what the fucking yellow pony says anymore.
>You just scream at her to talk louder over and over again and she cries and runs away.
>She'll just have to talk louder sometime.
>Or at least, you should approach her as to why she watches you sleep out of your upstairs window.
>It feels really protective, but it's a little weird.
>You'll have to thank her sometime.
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
>You open your eyes, finding Lyler has  fell inside of the dome of the jungle gym.
>"IMMM INNN JAAAILLLLLLL."
>You snicker to yourself.
>If she really thinks she's in jail, you could just keep her there all day.
>Lyler runs full force at the jungle gym, but collides into a bar and falls over.
>She rises to her hooves, turning her head and looking around at her new container.
>"THIS IS MY HOME NOW."
>You snicker to yourself, realizing that today might be easier than you thought.
>"Alright, come on..." says a tired, but familiar tomboyish voice.
>You turn your head, suddenly ashamed to be alive.
>Fuck.
>Someone is going to see you taking care of Lyler.
>"Alright, we're here," says a familiar blue pegasus behind you. "We got to the park. So now we can-"
>"BAAAAWWWLLLL" cries an unfamiliar low-pitched voice.
>Your eyes are drawn to a figure standing behind her, a figure that-
>Holy fuck.
>What the actual shit is that.
>No. Hold on. Seriously.
>What the fuck is this gruesome shitspawn of Luna's high school years of bringing doodles to life so they would bug her sister?
>The creature that could loosely be defined by the use of the word 'horse' wriggled forth like an octopus on 4 wiggly tenticles with hooves at the ends.
>You would think that this weird tentacle horse would be the end of the nightmares, but that would mean it would draw attention away fromthe lack of any existance of neck on this godforsaken bastard of pony genetics.
>But, It's not really the neck that's a problem.
>You've seen that 'Woah Nelly' horse, which couldn't be named more accurately by her parents.
>You know your life is going to be bad when your parents name you after a fat joke.

>Which explains a lot about why I write on 4chan.

>No, the head on this fucking walking example of God having forsaken you many years ago is bigger than the majority of it's body.
>In fact, it's slimy, engorged eyes seemed as if they consumed over half of the waifus on an anime forum for extra power, and still hadn't even touched any of the girls from Katawa Shoujo.
>It's bleached, greasy mane seemed to be different colors of muted colors of a swirling toilet filled of vomit comprised of Skittles and olive oil.
>Your mouth can only hang open in some combinations of pure surprise, shame, and existential dread.
>There is truly no more help for this world.
>It's about this moment, that Rainbow Dash looks up to see you.
>"Oh Celestia. Rainbom! We can't play here! There's-"
>"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
>As the creature, which shall further be regarded as Rainbom, begins it's chorus of screaming, Lyler raises her head to the sky and joins the screaming in two part harmony.
>Rainbow covers her ears with her wings as you rise to your feet and launch towards the rainbomination.
>You pick it up with two hands under it's non-existent wings and sprint towards the jungle gym.
>Tossing Rainbom into the dome of metal bars, you line the two retards side by side.
"YOU ARE BEST FRIENDS NOW. SHUT THE FUCK UP."
>The screaming stops.
>Lyler turns slowly to Rainbom.
>Rainbom looks up to Lyler.

[hr]

"There, I think that's solved for awhile," you say. "You alright, Rainbow?"
>"Yeah, I think so," she says. "Thanks for helping me out, it was my time of the month to take care of... well, her."
>You nod and sit down on the park bench where Rainbow sits.
"So, what's the deal? Don't tell me you have some sort of secret Twin sister that's mentally handicapped."
>Rainbow scoffs at you.
>"Don't even joke about that, Anon. Do you have any idea how insensitive that is? Jokes like that promote a bad stereotype for the handicapped, and anypony who writes things like that should be ashamed."
"Right?" you say, nervously chuckling.
>"No, it's... aaactually, more weird than that. See, there was this weird thing that happened a while back that sent me to Earth for a period of time, but I was aged back, and there was this human that adopted me, but I didn't know who I was or anything. So, the human took care of me until I found out that My Little Pony was a real show in their world, and then Celestia and my friends came back to bring me back to Equestria."
"Oh. Well, that sounds sad. I'm sure you grew attached to the guy."
>Rainbow shrugs.
>"Well, I mean, I was. At the time anyway, but as I thought about it more when I got back, I thought it was kinda dumb and convoluted. ANYWAY. That's not the point. When Twilight casted her spell to send us back, something went wrong. So now, Rainbom is a thing."
"Oh, I see."
>"Yeah."
>Silence falls between the two of you as you look to the Jungle Gym where Lyler and Rainbom interact.
"Are we just going to... completely gloss over that she exists because Twilight accidentally made life?"
>"Yep," Rainbow says.
>Another silence falls between the two of them.
"Why the fuck does anyone read our stories?"
>"Beats me. In our other story, you're too dumb to figure out I like you."
"What did you say?" you ask.

[hr]

>Lyler looks at Rainbom intently, her eyes staring into the unnaturally formed oceans of pure black anguish that were Rainbom's eyes.
>Rainbom blushes, her mouth opening and closing widely, because she doesn't have a nose.
>"I KEEP A CACTUS IN MY BUTT."
>"CAN I TOUCH IT?" Rainbom asks.
>"I DONNO DO U USE HAND SANITIZER?"
>"NO IT TASTE TOO MUCH LIKE PEE PEE WATER."
>"ME EITHER BUT IN THE NOSE IS OKAY.
>"I DONT HAVE A NOSE BUT I SEE WHERE YOU'RE COMING FROM."
>"IS THAT A PUN?"
>"WHAT'S A PUN?"
>"I DON'T KNOOOOOOWWWWWWW!" Lyler screams.
>Rainbom begins to growl, opens her mouth widely, then in a torrent of putrid brown liquid, produces a yellow ball, with a single blue stripe and two red stars.
>"I HAVE BIG BALL," Rainbom yells.
>"I LIKE BIG BALLS."
>"DO YOU WANT TO TOUCH MY BIG BALL?"
>"WHERE DID U GET EET?" Lyler asks.
>"PONY TOPIC!" Rainbom screams.

[hr]

>An Airhorn blares as Flutterpriest leaps up from his chair.
>"No. It's time to stop!" screams Anonpencil from Skype.
"Dude, shut up. I'm writing jokes."
>"This isn't jokes. It's just cringe. Just ask anyone else what they think."
"Fine, I will."
>Flutterpriest opens to a different tab on Skype and messages his friend Ravvij.
"Hey Rav, What do you think of this story?"
>A minute passes.
>"Dude... this fic sucks. ...I've gotten more entertainment from stereo instructions."
"Really? shit. Uhh. I'll get a second opinion."
>Flutterpriest opens a tab to RobCakeRan53.
"Here, Rob. What do you think? I even included a My Little Dashie joke. Isn't it clever?"
>A minute passes.
>"Mother fuckin' crock of shit we have right here. This fic, to infinity and beyond, is the last thing I'd ever read, because after I read it I'd have killed myself. Waste Management wouldn't even touch it, saying it's too toxic for them to haul to the dump. What kind of joy did this bring to you, to write and create? Because to us it brought utter destruction and irritable bowl syndrom. Children are shitting themselves in agony, parents are leaving notes to their children's God parents about why they had to pull the trigger. Then we get to you, you cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit that you are! Hallelujah! Holy shit! I'd ask for some Tylenol but my mother just OD'd on them to try and forget your work."
"Oh. Damn. Uh. Well shit. Uhh... I'll fix it."

[hr]

>Lyler stares at Rainbom.
>Rainbom looks into Lyler's eyes.
>Lyler pushes herself closer to the blue blob.
>A blush forms on Rainboms dirty fur.
>"L-lyler... I..." Rainbom says.
>"Hey, Anon?" Rainbow says.
"Yeah? What?"
>"Your horse is going to mate with my horse."
>You turn to the two animals as they viciously rub foreheads with each other.
>With a sigh, you rise to your feet and walk back to the jungle gym.
"Okay, Lyler. Playtime is over."
>Reaching your arms in through the playgroud equipment, you pull out Lyler as the two gasp loudly.
>Lyler opens her mouth and begins to scream.
>"AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILLLLL ALLLLLWAAAAYYSSSSS-"
>Rainbom opens it's mouth to continue.
>"KILLLLLLLLLL JUUUUUUUIIIIIIICCCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
>You sigh, knowing you've likely torn apart two star crossed lovers, and will eventually, someday, walk in on these two fucking horses having weird, grotesque fuck session in a position that likely broke at least three bones.
>But that will have to be another day, as Rainbow Dash hands you a business card.
>You shove the card in your back pocket, deciding not to look at it until a later chapter in the story.
>Because right now, Lyler is doing the Hitler salute, and you have to go find some other playground to be in.
>It shouldn't be long till you get to the next one, but it will feel like forever until you make that third reich.
>Until then, you will have to live with knowing Lyler has a new friend, by the name of Rainbom.
>This is truly the end times.