Supporting me, supporting you

You’re stirred awake as your alarm clock begins to blare, hand reaching out to quickly dismiss the siren as you fumble. Your eyes, though begging you to stay in bed and rest, wrench open as you groan. As you attempt to sit up, though, your free arm is clung to. With a smile, you look down at the culprit. Aqua, still deep in sleep, snores softly as she hugs you to her slumbering form, a bit of drool leaking from her partially parted lips. Though still exhausted, your heart swells with a deep sense of admiration and love, warmth trickling down your body as you sigh contentedly. Your beautiful, perfect wife. Your entire world, reason for living. You’re so glad she’s here, safe…with you. That she’s yours, that you—

Your eye twitches as you catch yourself. You told yourself that you wouldn’t think such unhealthy things again. Not letting it hamper your good mood, you lean over just a bit to plant your lips atop Aqua’s head, your free hand reaching down to squeeze hers. She lets out a sleepy giggle as she cuddles into you further, still asleep. You wish the both of you could stay like this forever. Safe in each other’s embrace. Away from the horrors of the outside world, of other people. Of those who would see you two ripped apart. Their jealousy knows no bounds. Every piece of shit, cocksucking motherfucker who sees you scowls at you, even if you can’t see it. They know about you and Aqua, and they hate you for it. They hate you and her both, though they never say a word, their eyes betray their true thoughts. Would that you could rip them out of their sockets without being taken away from the one person you need in life.

You shake your head roughly, frowning at yourself. No, no. You’re just being paranoid again. These thoughts don’t reflect reality. You’ve been careful. So, so, so very careful to make sure that no one knows about you and her. You don’t even wear a ring in public. It burns your skin every time you remove your wedding band, a maelstrom of agony crashing into your mind. But you know it’s for the sake of your wife’s career. You need her. She’s your everything ever, your reason for existence. You would never do anything to endanger her happiness. Never in a million years.

If she asked you to lie down and die for her, you’d slit your wrists on the spot.

“Aqua, sweetie,” You begin, forcing the dark thoughts from your head space. “It’s time to wake up. Eight AM.”
“Mmph…” She mutters in response, shifting uncomfortably as her eyebrows furrow.  “Nnnuh…five minutes…”
“You said that ten minutes ago, darling. Let’s get up, together.”

Moaning in protest, Aqua slowly sets herself up, unlatching herself from your arm (for now it’s just for now don’t worry it’s not the end calm down) as she takes on an exhausted face, looking over to you. Slowly, a smile blooms across her visage and she leans into you, snuggling into your chest with a yawn. You wrap your arms around her as the rising storm in your head calms, running your head up and down her back carefully. Truth be told, you’re exhausted. You don’t even know how you get to sleep half the time. Any slight movement causes your eyes to snap open, to make sure Aqua’s still there with you...but you know she’d never leave you. She needs you just as much as you need her. She’s told you as such…and you’ve witnessed firsthand the effects of you not being there. You embrace Aqua tighter as your head swims. She still has the scars on her wrist as proof of your failure to be there for her. Never again.

“We need to get ready for work, sweetheart,” You say gently, trying to let her enjoy the last few moments of rest until the day is over. “Let’s get ready. Do you want to take a bath while I make breakfast? Or—”
“With me…” Aqua mutters, holding you closer to her. “Take one…with me, please.”

Once more, your heart swells with euphoria. Nodding enthusiastically, you continue to hold Aqua, attempting to absorb as much of her love as you can before you finally relent. Grasping her hand with yours, the two of you stand, moving to the bathroom together. Aqua stumbles a bit as she lets out a tired groan, but keeps her fingers interlocked with yours as you lead. It was a foolish question to ask. Of course Aqua wants to be with you. Why would you leave her alone like that? She’d have a panic attack and it would be all your fault. Needing to stay off screen as she works is hard enough for her, she stays so strong…so you must be vigilant to stay by her side as much as you can. Never again. Never, ever again.

Stepping into the restroom, Aqua blushes a bit as you take the initiative, tentatively disrobing her and relieving her of her sleepwear. She lets out a soft noise of protest, but relents when you kiss her cheek in response, causing her to flush. She’s so cute. You know she likes it when you do these things for her. It makes her feel like you’re taking care of her more directly. The last time you didn’t do this, she almost hurt herself. Slipped taking off her pajama pants and hit her head on the bathtub rim. You sobbed yourself to sleep for at least a week after. Like this, you can make sure something like that doesn’t happen. Never again.

Freeing her of her clothes, she shakily attempts to strip you in response, but quickly becomes too embarrassed as she reaches your waistband. You chuckle softly in response as you pet her head, running the water for her as you take care of yourself. It’s just right. You make sure it’s just right. You make sure it’s just right because you want Aqua to be happy with it. Her happiness is your happiness, and you are her happiness, so if Aqua’s happy, you’re happy, and if you’re happy, Aqua’s happy, and if you’re happy, youuuuuuuu gently tuck your arms under Aqua’s legs as another wraps around her back, lifting her up in a princess carry as she lets out an “eep” of embarrassment. She leans into you, kissing your lips as you smirk. Gently, you lower her into the water, taking care to be quick moving in behind her. Never alone in the tub. You found her like that. The memory was seared into your neural pathways, as a constant reminder of what you work so hard for. Never alone in the tub. Never again.

You sit in the bath together, you behind her, as you lazily wash her body, more enjoying the intimate time together. You don’t want to rush it. You can’t rush it. You moved too fast once and Aqua was worried you were getting sick of her. That you didn’t want to do this or be with her or…no. No, stop dwelling on it. It’s fine. You’re being careful. You’re doing everything right. You’re doing everything right for her. You’re fine. You’re fine. You run your fingers through her hair as you wash it carefully, Aqua giggling before you as she snuggles back into you, letting you work.  As the minutes in the tub together run on and on, you finally make the decision that you two should get out. It’s been half an hour, at least, and you two still need to eat. Aqua pouts, but agrees, and you rinse off to leave together.

After dressing Aqua (no mistakes will happen again no more lapses in judgement) and yourself, the two of you enter the kitchen. Pulling the chair out for Aqua, she gives you a small smile and a peck on the cheek as she sits down. She’s close to you. She’s within arm’s reach if she really needs you. It’ll be fine to leave her like that for a moment. Calm down. You settle into making a simple meal. You make sure that it’s not too healthy. The last time you fucked that up, Aqua was worried you thought she was fat. You would never think that, but the knife marks along her tummy you found after drove you to-

You catch yourself before you slam the knife clean through a carrot. Your hands shake as you catch your breath, trying to focus. Looking back over to Aqua, you can see her staring at you. Oh god, please no.

“Sorry, just felt a sneeze coming on,” You quickly lie. You’ll beat yourself for this later. It’s for her happiness. “Had to catch it. I’m alright.”
“Are you sure?” Aqua asks bluntly. Her eyes begin to water. No, nononono--

Leaving the knife on the counter, you bound to Aqua with haste, wrapping your arms around her. She clings to you in response, burying her face into your shoulder as you give long, careful strokes down her back. Please, please. Please, you’ve been so careful. You’ve been so sure! Don’t let one small outburst cost you everything!

“Yes, honey,” You continue. Your heart beats out of your chest. “Of course. Everything’s fine, and I love you. You’re perfect, okay?”
“O-Okay…” Aqua sniffles, arms clasped around your body. Tighter than shackles. “Sorry, I just…I worry so much…I need you, I-“
“I know, honey. I know. It’s okay. I feel the same way.”

Slowly kneeling before her, you continue the hug, now on eye level with one another. You pray that things will be fine from here. You fucked up and gave her more stress than she already has, but maybe your pleading worked. Please let it have worked. Please, please. Please. Never again. Never, ever again. You’ll stay at her side. You’ll do everything you need to keep her happy. You’ll try your absolute hardest to never, ever hurt her again. You’ll be just as perfect as you need to be for her. Just as perfect as she is for you. You’ll never fail her again.

Never again.