Chain 089: Food Fight

Chain 089: Food Fight
Location:
Age: 13
Identity: Drop-In
Drawbacks: None

[Free]      Am I Dead Yet?
[100/1000]  It's Simple And Plain
[250/1000]  This Just Sort Of Happened to Me
[550/1000]  But Enough About Me, Let's Kill You
[850/1000]  It's Called Evil Poison Bites Death
[950/1000]  Circulars and Ibuprofen

Thirteen years old? Step one, I'm aging to something more reasonable. Yeesh. Step two, why didn't I have half these perks during the last jump? Would've been damned handy. Either way, this whole thing was mildly insane, and simultaneously retarded and tragic. Like a comedian who had a stroke trying to keep on making comedy except they were never funny in the first place, but if you actually SAY that, everyone thinks you're a terrible person so you just kind of have to sit there until it ends.

Though I hijacked the Brand X-bot and went joyriding in it. Often. Sometimes I took others with me. It was funny, not gonna lie.

Also, I have no idea who half of these mascots are even supposed to represent. The generic brand ones were particularly disturbing, though. What the hell is a Quisp and why does it look like Caillou with a propellor attached to its head? Who is the Big Yellow Cowboy? Why shouldn't I squeeze the Charmin? And why won't anyone just give that god damn rabbit some cereal?

(Apparently giving him cereal made him break down. Turns out he's surprisingly sane when he's not fiending for sugary cereal, so at least I had SOMEONE on my side here.)

I distracted myself with the continuing upgrades to Hyperion, mostly. I'll have to plan a full revision to the warworld, but in the short term, the 'fuck everything within a parsec' plan is actually doable. I mean, it came stock with hyperspace-capable missiles, upgrading that to planet buster warheads wasn't difficult. It's really irritating trying to solve the attenuation problem with directed energy weapons, but at least I have an effective range measured in double-digit light seconds for now.