Hahaha, oh wow, guys. I just had the worst experience. So, you know I got bumped up to palace guard recently, right? New plumes, new tabard, halberd all shined up with some tassels hanging from it (only part I don't like, screw tassels) and one of those sweet crossbows with the goat's foot.

So, the elven delegation is coming in, and we've all been told to keep in absolute tiptop shape for it. Kit polished, no spitting on duty, eyes straight ahead, you know what I mean, right? So, there's this one elf chick with the delegation, and I swear to Pelor, hottest, most lithe little thing I've ever seen. Tiny, but hot as hell's flames. So, she starts making eyes at me, and I figure...hey, only live once, right?

So while the ambassador is hobnobbing and I'm off-duty, we go into this unused observatory in the Northwest Tower and start doing what any two adults WOULD do in the situation. Midway through, though, the door slams open and the elf ambassador stomps in, while we're still half-naked on the table, and just stares in shock and disbelief. You know when you're about to have your entire life crash down around you, how you remember even the tiny details? Well, I'll never forget the one word he said, then and there.

"...Grandma?"

Lucky for me, he was apparently too embarrassed to report it, otherwise I'd be out on my rear right now.
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"We go into this unused observatory in the Northwest Tower and start doing what any two adults WOULD do in the situation"

Engage in a genteel, refined conversation regarding the configuration of astronomical constellations in the night sky, the nature of stars as massive astronomical bodies which fuse atoms of hydrogen and helium to create heavy elements (in fact, almost every atom in the universe that is not a hydrogen or helium atom was created inside a star) and produce heat and radiation from their plasma's internal fusion reactions, and the aberrant, Far Realm entities that may lurk within some of those stars?

THIS IS WHY THE ELF WOMEN ARE GOING TO HUMAN MEN, LUTHANDRIEL.