The Dictator (2012)

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Tensions are rising
as the stand-off

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between the world community and the
rogue North African nation of Wadiya

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intensified today

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as U.N. Weapons inspectors were once
again refused access to the country

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by Wadiyan leader,
Admiral General Aladeen.

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I will take no options
off the table. And I mean what I say.

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Tonight we ask...
Who is General Aladeen?

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According to
Wadiyan propaganda,

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Haffaz Aladeen
was born in 1973.

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He did not know his mother,
who died in childbirth.

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General Aladeen was born
the only son of the Colonel Aladeen,

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himself a savage
and violent dictator.

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Next!

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Known for his iconic beard,

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he is protected
by 30 female guards,

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who he maintains
are virgin.

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Thrust into power
at age seven,

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he may just be the most dangerous
man in the entire world.

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All right,
let's get right to it.

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Do you have
nuclear weapons?

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What was the question?

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Do you have
nuclear weapons?

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Sorry, I can't hear you.

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Are you developing
nuclear weapons?

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No, I literally
can't hear you.

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I'm going to
another question.

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Oh, I can hear you now.

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Eccentric and with
unlimited oil wealth,

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he recently hosted
his own Olympic Games...

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On your mark, get set.

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...at which he won
fourteen gold medals.

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Aladeen! Aladeen!

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Often described
as ignorant,

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he changed
over 300 Wadiyan words to "Aladeen,"

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including the words "positive" and
"negative," causing mass confusion.

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Do you want
the Aladeen news or the Aladeen news?

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The Aladeen news?

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You are HIV-Aladeen.

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With pressure mounting,

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Aladeen addressed
his nation today.

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Aladeen! Aladeen!

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People of Wadiya,

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I come before you today

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to tell you that the world shall
kneel before our great nation.

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We are two months away from
enriching weapons-grade uranium

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to be used
for peaceful purposes.

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It will be used
only for medical research

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and clean energy.
It will, it will.

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And will certainly
never be used

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to attack Is...
Oh, boy.

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With that speech, today,

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the international community
is asking one question:

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Does the Mad Dog of Wadiya
have nuclear weapons?

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Now, show me
my nuclear weapons!

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I can't wait!
I can't wait!

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This is the Beard
of Doom rocket?

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This is my weapon?
I will be a laughingstock!

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All my friends
have got nuclear weapons.

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Even Ahmadinejad!

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And he looks like
a snitch on Miami Vice.

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Would it kill him
to wear a tie?

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I mean, is every day
in Iran casual Friday?

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Where is the Head of my Nuclear
Program and Procurer of Women?

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Where is Nuclear Nadal?

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You had Nadal executed,
Supreme Leader.

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Why did I do that?

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Supreme Leader!

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Nadal.

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We are just months away
from refining weapons-grade uranium,

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and we are set
to test the missile next week.

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It is too round on the top.
It needs to be pointy.

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Round is not scary.
Pointy is scary.

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This will put a smile
on the faces of the enemy.

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They will think that it is a huge robot
dildo flying toward them.

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No, Supreme Leader.

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The shape of the missile top
has nothing to do with aerodynamics.

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It is about
the payload delivery.

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No. It sticks in the ground,
and then kaboom.

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Supreme Leader,
I think perhaps

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some of your information
about bombs is coming from cartoons.

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Nonsense.
They were research films.

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And in them,
the victims of the bomb

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would get
very sooty faces

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and then a see-through
version of themselves

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started rising up towards Heaven
while playing a harp.

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In this film,
just one question,

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was there a duck who,
when the explosion is happens,

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his bill goes
around to the back of his head,

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and then in order to talk,
he has to put it back this way?

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There was somebody
who suffered a deformity like that.

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Okay.

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I am now 100% sure
that you are watching cartoons.

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Have you spoken to
the experts about this?

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- Have you consulted Professor Bobeye?
- Who?

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Professor Bobeye, the one
with the incredibly strong forearms

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that are miss-sized
for his body.

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The man you are discussing
is called Popeye.

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- Bobeye.
- He is not a professor.

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Popeye is, as the song
tells us, a sailor man.

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Indulge me. For one second,
pretend that I'm an idiot.

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Okay. I'm there.

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And explain to me
how this bomb

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will not land in Israel

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and then, literally,
bounce right back and blow up Wadiya.

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Supreme Leader,
let me explain to you.

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You've lost me.

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This is the missile
in Wadiya,

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you push the button, "Boop!"

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Israel...

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"No! Why?"

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Nuclear winter.

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The reality is...

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Oy vey!

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Us.

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Believe me, sir, if I could make
the device even a little more pointy,

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I would,
but I simply cannot.

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Okay. You know what?

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Let's just agree
to disagree, my friend.

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Okay.

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What? Why? No!

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- Don't you remember?
- Of course I remember!

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How dare you question my
memory? I remember everything!

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No, I would never do that!
Never! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that.

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Don't worry, it's fine.
Well done, my friend.

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Thank you.

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Wait! Wait!
Where are we going?

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Admiral General,
what if we just tell the United Nations

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we have no nuclear weapons?

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They will lift
the sanctions.

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We'll be free
to sell oil rights to the Jalabiya desert.

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Uncle Tamir.

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Do you not remember
what my saintly father

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made me promise him
on his deathbed?

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It was never
to sell Wadiya's oil.

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You remember that
was when he gave me power

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instead of you,
the rightful heir.

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You've been so cool about it.

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Now, let's go back
to the palace.

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It's the season finale

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of Real Housewives
of Shachahmahahfalimitahlicch!

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Aladeen! Aladeen!

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Death to the tyrant!

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Looks like we need
to find a new double.

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Because this one is...

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You know, I don't know
if he's going to get better.

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Oh, he's not going
to recover, sir. He's dead.

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Send his wife some
chocolate covered almond nuts

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in a cellophane wrapped box.
Delicious.

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We're going to send
your wife some almonds.

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Chocolate covered
versions of these.

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Maroush, I think I dropped
an almond in his head.

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Can you take it out?

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What I don't want to do is
send the body to the family

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and then they discover
an almond in his head,

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and they say,
"Why is there an almond in his head?"

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Take it out.

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Clean it!

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How am I gonna eat that?

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- Don't eat it.
- Oh, Maroush!

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Listen, everything
is gonna be just fine.

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00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:04,580
I don't want you to
worry about anything.

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Yeah, how 'bout looking in my eye
when I'm speaking to you?

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00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:11,795
It's very rude not to look at somebody in
the eye when they're talking to you.

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It's okay. Don't worry.
You're having a rough day.

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We shot the wrong man.

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I can fix this. I have a new
plan. We need to find a new double.

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One that is simple enough to
be manipulated completely.

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00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,918
I think we found
what you are looking for.

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00:12:00,094 --> 00:12:02,471
You think this man
looks like me?

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00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:05,265
You have
a very big barn.

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00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:09,061
You must have
many happy goats, hmm?

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What the fuck
does that even mean?

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Uncle Tamir,
this thing is an idiot.

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What makes you think
he can do the job?

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00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:22,074
May I remind you that his only real job is
to be shot in the head.

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Very well. Put him
through the process, okay?

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00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,205
Clip his nails,
file his teeth,

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00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:31,083
bleach his skin,
and shorten the penis.

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Megan! Megan!

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You now have herpes.

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Megan, you were
worth every penny.

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You were super hot.

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00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:49,268
Is my jet ready?

184
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:52,437
Yes, but do you
want to stay the night?

185
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:54,273
You know, I really
want to do some cuddling.

186
00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:55,524
No. Your time is up.

187
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,609
I have to be
with the Italian Prime Minister tomorrow.

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00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:00,320
Okay. Maroush,
give the goodie bag!

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00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:01,738
Thanks.

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00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:03,240
I trust
everything is in there,

191
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:05,033
as your manager requested?

192
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,202
Katy Perry said she got
a diamond Rolex.

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00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,955
That's because she let me
Aladeen in her face.

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00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:13,959
Okay.

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00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:16,295
Right. Are you sure you don't want
to stay for some cuddles?

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00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:17,379
- No.
- But, please.

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00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:18,964
I really want
someone to cuddle.

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00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:25,197
Breaking news now.
Just moments ago,

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00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:26,448
the U.N. Security
Council voted

200
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,909
to authorize NATO
air strikes against Wadiya,

201
00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:33,205
unless Admiral General Aladeen
agrees to address the U.N. In person.

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00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:35,207
And now, the world waits.

203
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:36,541
What will Aladeen do next?

204
00:14:56,938 --> 00:15:01,149
Next. No, no, no. No. Boring,
boring. Come on. Come on.

205
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:04,611
Beloved Oppressor,
I have just received disturbing news.

206
00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:07,030
Welcome
to the Munich Olympics.

207
00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:08,699
Shalom?

208
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,034
Oy vey!

209
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,786
Supreme Leader,

210
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,162
the United Nations
demands that

211
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:17,541
you address their concerns
about our nuclear program,

212
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:19,793
or they will vote to
authorize military action.

213
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:21,795
Summon my generals.

214
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,630
I'll join you after
I finish this level.

215
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,632
Bonus round. Mass grave.

216
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:42,566
Those gangsters at the UN
want me to address them.

217
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:46,611
Fine! I'll address them like they've
never been addressed before.

218
00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:48,071
How much time
have they allotted me?

219
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:49,740
Seven minutes, sir.

220
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,534
I'll talk for 14 hours!

221
00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:55,746
And three of those
will be untranslatable.

222
00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:57,247
Literally, baby noises.

223
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,545
Okay. Let's rehearse this.
Role play, role play.

224
00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:05,672
You, come on.
This'll be fun.

225
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,800
So, Secretary General,
your soldiers will weep...

226
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:13,472
I'm so sorry!
Listen, it was not my fault.

227
00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:16,099
I mean, somebody had
set the safety catch

228
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,018
to "Aladeen"
instead of "Aladeen."

229
00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:20,353
Look, I mean,
this whole gun...

230
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:23,523
It's gonna be fine.
You just need to ice it.

231
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,066
You got to ice.

232
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,735
Promise me
you're going to ice?

233
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,111
Okay. Tamir!

234
00:16:28,863 --> 00:16:30,614
Inflate my neck pillow

235
00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:34,075
and pack my book
of medium-level Sudoku.

236
00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:37,329
We're going to America!

237
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,482
America!

238
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:09,069
The birthplace of AIDS.

239
00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:17,244
Supreme Leader, I took the liberty
of hiring some extra security.

240
00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:18,829
This is Mr. Clayton.

241
00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:22,040
Admiral General,
I am here for your protection 24/7.

242
00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:23,208
Okay.

243
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:26,878
But in the interest of full disclosure, I
have to say I hate A-rabs.

244
00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:29,881
Well, that's fine,
because I'm not an Arab.

245
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:33,927
Well, you're
all A-rabs to me, the blacks, the Jews,

246
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:36,763
those blue tree-hugging
queers in A-vatar.

247
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:42,769
In fact, anyone from outside of
America is technically an A-rab.

248
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,021
Listen, while you're here,

249
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:48,400
I highly recommend a visit
to the Empire State Building,

250
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:51,570
before you or one of your
sand-monkey cousins takes it down.

251
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:55,699
Also, if you're interested in taking
in a Broadway show while you're here,

252
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:57,492
and you don't mind
the homo stuff,

253
00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:59,828
I highly recommend
Billy Elliot.

254
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,415
You know what, I like this guy
despite his liberal views.

255
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:04,708
Very good, sir.

256
00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:13,592
Supreme Leader, the suite has been
renovated to your specifications.

257
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:22,267
Twenty dollars a day
for Internet? What the fuck?

258
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:27,314
And they accuse me
of being an international criminal?

259
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:30,567
Beloved Oppressor,
try to get some sleep.

260
00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,277
Tomorrow is
your big speech.

261
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:35,363
Nobody touch the minibar!
It's a fucking rip-off!

262
00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:56,927
Rise and shine.

263
00:18:58,179 --> 00:18:59,179
Who are you?

264
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,848
We've actually
already met.

265
00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:03,516
Hello, Aladdin.

266
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:05,769
Clayton? I thought
we were friends.

267
00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:08,355
Nice to see you, too.

268
00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:11,024
Here's the deal.

269
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,360
I'm gonna kill you,
and then I'm gonna burn your body.

270
00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:14,569
No, no, no.
Please, don't.

271
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:18,823
But before I do I have
one very important question for you.

272
00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:21,576
Did you get a chance
to see Billy Elliot?

273
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,162
Yes.

274
00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:25,372
And?

275
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:28,208
I found it heartwarming
and life-affirming.

276
00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:32,045
Thank you!
How great is that show?

277
00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:33,630
It is.
It's great, yeah.

278
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:36,216
You know, he's got like
an artist inside himself,

279
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:40,053
but he's in this working class place
and no one understands him.

280
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:43,139
He's just like...
I'm gonna express myself in my dance.

281
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:44,641
And he expresses himself...

282
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:48,770
And he doesn't wanna use violence,
but he puts his violence into his dance.

283
00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:50,146
You should try that.

284
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,651
Okay. So, we gotta get down
to business. Enough chit-chat.

285
00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:56,236
I'm being paid to kill you.

286
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:58,029
But I'm gonna
torture you for free.

287
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:04,160
Are you serious?

288
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:05,578
Where'd you get
those relics?

289
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:08,248
From the Shah of Iran's
garage sale?

290
00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:09,666
Yeah, right.

291
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,167
I mean, I know there's
nothing more annoying

292
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:12,752
than a backseat torturer,
but, please, come on.

293
00:20:13,087 --> 00:20:14,421
This is great stuff.

294
00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:17,924
It's not great stuff.
That's like 1972, hello.

295
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:23,179
You won't be talking
so much smack with this up your butt.

296
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:26,850
That's the Anal Umbrella.
It's a good device, I grant you,

297
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:28,852
but where's
the splash guard?

298
00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:30,895
You're going to kill me
and your white shirt.

299
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:32,939
It didn't come
with a splash guard.

300
00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:35,025
You're gonna get chara
on your trousers.

301
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,193
I can see it has
a screw hole for one.

302
00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:38,695
Apparently,
I didn't get it.

303
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,072
All right, Mr. Smart Guy,

304
00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:43,366
check out this bad boy.

305
00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:45,910
Oh, that's not bad.
The Kandahar Cock Wrench.

306
00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:47,370
Okay, so, now
we're getting somewhere.

307
00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:50,290
It's actually been banned in Saudi
Arabia for being too safe.

308
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:53,793
You know,
this is totally depressing.

309
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,462
Listen, just show me
another one.

310
00:20:55,546 --> 00:20:58,298
You know, honestly, I don't even want
to show you anything anymore.

311
00:20:59,008 --> 00:21:00,300
Don't be like that.

312
00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:02,802
You know, I don't even think
you want to be tortured.

313
00:21:02,887 --> 00:21:04,220
I don't want
to be tortured.

314
00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:05,555
You're just, like,
taking all the fun out of it!

315
00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:07,807
You just want me to say
compliments all the time.

316
00:21:07,975 --> 00:21:10,810
So either you want the truth
or you want compliments. Decide!

317
00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:14,397
It'd be nice if I got just a little bit
of positive feedback about my tools.

318
00:21:14,523 --> 00:21:16,357
What else you got?
I'm gonna love the next thing!

319
00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:17,567
I will be supportive.

320
00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:19,152
All right.

321
00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:22,030
Just this. This pours
hot fire out on you.

322
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,199
Oh,
the Fallujah Firehose!

323
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,034
Someone's got
a friend in Syria!

324
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:27,577
I am pretty proud of it.

325
00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:29,245
There is a new model,
you know.

326
00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:31,790
I've got one that
works by Bluetooth.

327
00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:35,418
Screw it. Screw it!
Screw it!

328
00:21:35,753 --> 00:21:37,045
I'm going to enjoy this now.

329
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:38,880
No, don't. Don't.
Don't. Please, don't!

330
00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:50,308
No one will recognize
the body without this!

331
00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:52,811
The Supreme Beard!
You will be cursed!

332
00:21:52,937 --> 00:21:54,020
No, no, don't do it!

333
00:21:54,104 --> 00:21:55,897
Come on!
Why won't this catch?

334
00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:59,818
You foolish man! There is no earthly
fire that could ever light...

335
00:22:01,278 --> 00:22:04,113
The flames
of the righteous attack the unjust!

336
00:22:13,457 --> 00:22:16,876
I'll be back with help!
J. K.! Just kidding!

337
00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:23,716
My speech.

338
00:22:25,386 --> 00:22:28,555
Yo!
Average American shopper!

339
00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:30,723
I do not have
any money on me,

340
00:22:30,975 --> 00:22:32,183
but if you give me
your clothes

341
00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:35,395
I'll make a sizeable donation
in your name to al-Qaeda.

342
00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:47,615
Hey, hey, oh, oh!
Aladeen has got to go!

343
00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:51,286
Hello. I am
Admiral General Aladeen.

344
00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:53,580
I am here to
deliver my speech to the United Nations.

345
00:22:53,664 --> 00:22:55,498
Look, Admiral,
it's too hot for crazy.

346
00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:56,791
How dare you?

347
00:22:56,959 --> 00:22:59,002
Listen, Tamir is
coming right now.

348
00:22:59,253 --> 00:23:01,421
You're going to
be in big trouble. Here he is.

349
00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:03,214
Tamir! Tamir!

350
00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:14,350
Tamir, it was you, you snake!

351
00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:19,898
He's not the
legitimate leader!

352
00:23:19,982 --> 00:23:21,816
He's not
the legitimate leader!

353
00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:25,153
He's not the
legitimate leader!

354
00:23:26,655 --> 00:23:29,490
You have rehearsed the
speech I prepared for you?

355
00:23:29,575 --> 00:23:32,577
Yes. But when is
the General coming?

356
00:23:32,828 --> 00:23:33,995
He's feeling ill.

357
00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:36,331
Does he have worms in his shilshul?

358
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:37,582
Very possibly.

359
00:23:38,167 --> 00:23:40,668
Admiral General Aladeen
preparing

360
00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:42,837
to address the General
Assembly of the United Nations.

361
00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:43,922
An historic moment.

362
00:23:44,006 --> 00:23:45,673
He's approaching the podium.

363
00:23:46,008 --> 00:23:48,259
And he's walked
right past the podium.

364
00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:49,427
What is he doing?

365
00:23:49,845 --> 00:23:51,846
You are making
a fool out of me!

366
00:23:52,181 --> 00:23:54,182
Let's bring in Denise,
our U. N. Correspondent.

367
00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:55,475
What do you make of that?

368
00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:58,186
Well, I have to say,
he's got their attention.

369
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,688
Every eye in the room
is on him right now.

370
00:24:00,773 --> 00:24:03,191
And he's returning
to the podium.

371
00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:05,860
And he's fallen
off the stage.

372
00:24:05,945 --> 00:24:07,612
What do you make
of that, Denise?

373
00:24:07,863 --> 00:24:12,533
You know, he's clearly implying that the
U. N. Must fall before him.

374
00:24:12,952 --> 00:24:15,453
Drinking from the
pitcher of water directly,

375
00:24:15,537 --> 00:24:18,081
as opposed to
the glass that I'm sure must be up there.

376
00:24:18,165 --> 00:24:19,207
What do you think
that means?

377
00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:21,334
Again, it's another
attempt to say,

378
00:24:21,418 --> 00:24:23,628
"Listen, I'm not going
to play by your rules."

379
00:24:23,712 --> 00:24:25,380
And he seems to have
a pitcher of urine out.

380
00:24:25,881 --> 00:24:28,132
I believe he just
urinated in the pitcher.

381
00:24:29,885 --> 00:24:31,552
He is now drinking
his urine.

382
00:24:31,804 --> 00:24:33,471
It looks to be
his own urine.

383
00:24:34,014 --> 00:24:35,264
Sorry. You want?

384
00:24:35,516 --> 00:24:37,850
Trying to force it
on the Israeli delegation.

385
00:24:38,435 --> 00:24:39,852
That might be
the ambassador.

386
00:24:40,270 --> 00:24:43,940
He is dumping the urine
on the Israeli delegation.

387
00:24:44,191 --> 00:24:45,441
Oh, that's a good one.

388
00:24:47,277 --> 00:24:49,112
Okay, he's returning
to the podium.

389
00:24:49,613 --> 00:24:54,033
Much has been made
of the hostility between our countries.

390
00:24:54,535 --> 00:24:56,869
With the help
of the U.M.,

391
00:24:57,121 --> 00:25:00,540
I will draft a new
constitution for Wadiya

392
00:25:00,874 --> 00:25:05,878
and sign it in five days,
on Wadiya's Independence Day.

393
00:25:06,213 --> 00:25:07,213
No, no, no.

394
00:25:07,464 --> 00:25:09,215
This new constitution

395
00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:11,092
will end the dictatorship...

396
00:25:11,176 --> 00:25:12,176
No!

397
00:25:12,261 --> 00:25:15,722
...and it will
turn Wadiya into a

398
00:25:16,223 --> 00:25:17,557
democracy.

399
00:25:20,477 --> 00:25:22,895
No! Democracy? Never!

400
00:25:23,647 --> 00:25:24,981
Never!

401
00:25:26,150 --> 00:25:29,235
The Wadiyan people
love being oppressed!

402
00:25:30,070 --> 00:25:32,530
Dictatorship forever!

403
00:25:39,872 --> 00:25:41,372
Come on! Come with me!

404
00:25:42,166 --> 00:25:43,207
Hurry!

405
00:25:48,547 --> 00:25:50,882
Hello, person. Person.

406
00:25:51,133 --> 00:25:52,467
Black person.

407
00:25:53,135 --> 00:25:54,802
The double that
you found is good.

408
00:25:54,887 --> 00:25:56,637
He is almost as dumb
as the real guy.

409
00:25:56,889 --> 00:25:59,390
So, Wadiya will
become a democracy.

410
00:25:59,892 --> 00:26:02,060
China is a democracy,
too.

411
00:26:04,063 --> 00:26:05,772
Once that constitution
is signed,

412
00:26:05,856 --> 00:26:09,067
I will be able
to sell Wadiya's oil rights. Gazprom,

413
00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:11,694
you will have control of
Wadiya's southern oil fields.

414
00:26:11,779 --> 00:26:13,571
B. P., you will
control the north.

415
00:26:13,655 --> 00:26:15,073
Exxon, you will have
all offshore rights,

416
00:26:15,157 --> 00:26:17,408
provided you do not
use B. P.'s drilling rigs.

417
00:26:17,493 --> 00:26:21,496
And, Mr. Lao of PetroChina, you will
have the lease on our shale reserves.

418
00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:23,539
Some of those reserves are
in densely populated areas.

419
00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:26,250
Then unpopulate them.

420
00:26:26,752 --> 00:26:29,629
After you've paid me
my 30% finder's fee, of course.

421
00:26:30,089 --> 00:26:31,422
Gentlemen.

422
00:26:33,258 --> 00:26:35,426
So, you're going
to make billions.

423
00:26:35,511 --> 00:26:37,512
What will you do
with all those dollars?

424
00:26:37,971 --> 00:26:41,641
I will buy the house on Lake Como
next to George Clooney's.

425
00:26:41,892 --> 00:26:43,810
I love George Clooney!

426
00:26:44,144 --> 00:26:45,937
He's an old-fashioned
movie star.

427
00:26:46,021 --> 00:26:47,814
He gay?
He suck my dick?

428
00:26:48,607 --> 00:26:52,276
No, those are just rumors.
Are you a homosexual?

429
00:26:52,528 --> 00:26:55,113
No, no, no, it's more
of a power trip with me.

430
00:26:55,197 --> 00:26:56,739
Everybody has a price.

431
00:26:56,824 --> 00:26:59,909
Tommy Lee Jones let me roll it in my
fingers for two hundred grand!

432
00:27:07,209 --> 00:27:09,794
Oh, my gosh,
that was so crazy!

433
00:27:10,129 --> 00:27:12,296
I am so honored
to be able to help you.

434
00:27:12,548 --> 00:27:14,549
Finally, somebody
who knows who I am.

435
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:16,050
Yeah, of course!

436
00:27:16,135 --> 00:27:19,804
You're the Wadiyan dissident who was
standing up to that asshole Aladeen.

437
00:27:20,305 --> 00:27:21,806
It was so brave of you.

438
00:27:22,057 --> 00:27:24,142
- My name is Zoey.
- I don't care.

439
00:27:24,351 --> 00:27:25,351
What's yours?

440
00:27:25,644 --> 00:27:28,312
My name is Ala... son.

441
00:27:28,814 --> 00:27:30,648
- Allison?
- Right. Allison.

442
00:27:30,983 --> 00:27:32,817
What's your last name?

443
00:27:35,737 --> 00:27:37,071
Burgers.

444
00:27:38,073 --> 00:27:39,907
Nice to meet you,
Allison Burgers.

445
00:27:39,992 --> 00:27:41,701
- You know, I...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

446
00:27:42,369 --> 00:27:46,122
Allison, could you
please take your hands off my breasts?

447
00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:48,541
Those are breasts?
I thought you were a boy.

448
00:27:52,087 --> 00:27:54,755
- Where are you taking me to?
- To Brooklyn!

449
00:28:04,183 --> 00:28:06,309
So, yeah,
this is my store!

450
00:28:06,393 --> 00:28:07,852
This is the Free
Earth Collective.

451
00:28:08,103 --> 00:28:11,439
We are a vegan, feminist,
non-profit cooperative operating

452
00:28:11,523 --> 00:28:13,774
within an anti-racist,
anti-oppressive framework

453
00:28:13,859 --> 00:28:15,526
for people of
all or no genders.

454
00:28:16,778 --> 00:28:18,946
We are
a pure democracy,

455
00:28:19,031 --> 00:28:21,115
just like Wadiya's
going to be soon!

456
00:28:21,450 --> 00:28:23,159
Get me clothes,
little man.

457
00:28:23,452 --> 00:28:25,203
Oh, you know what, there's some in
the Earthquake Relief box

458
00:28:25,287 --> 00:28:26,829
in the lesbian bathroom,
right there.

459
00:28:26,914 --> 00:28:28,122
Right.

460
00:28:29,208 --> 00:28:31,626
So, Allison,
we're the only store in New York,

461
00:28:31,710 --> 00:28:33,920
other than that fascist
superchain Green World,

462
00:28:34,004 --> 00:28:36,005
that sells your nation's
specialty fruit, mafroom,

463
00:28:36,465 --> 00:28:38,549
which I know
you people eat a lot of.

464
00:28:38,884 --> 00:28:40,676
Oh, I hope that didn't come off
like a cultural stereotype.

465
00:28:40,761 --> 00:28:43,221
Because I'm, like,
the furthest thing from a racist.

466
00:28:43,513 --> 00:28:46,182
I pretty much haven't
had a white boyfriend since high school.

467
00:28:46,433 --> 00:28:48,226
Well, the darker races
are less choosy.

468
00:28:49,853 --> 00:28:51,854
Okay, that came off
as kind of offensive.

469
00:28:52,105 --> 00:28:53,439
Thank you.

470
00:28:54,775 --> 00:28:56,692
Anyway, let me give
you the grand tour.

471
00:28:56,777 --> 00:28:59,612
Up on the roof,
we have this amazing organic garden...

472
00:28:59,947 --> 00:29:02,448
Boring! Do you sell
any assault rifles?

473
00:29:02,866 --> 00:29:05,534
Oh, wait. I got it.
Humor. Right?

474
00:29:05,786 --> 00:29:08,287
I took a feminist
clown workshop once.

475
00:29:08,538 --> 00:29:10,581
Help! Help! I'm trapped
under a glass ceiling!

476
00:29:10,958 --> 00:29:12,583
What the fuck?

477
00:29:12,918 --> 00:29:14,835
I wasn't the best
student, but...

478
00:29:14,962 --> 00:29:17,380
We've got this wellness center
downstairs in the basement,

479
00:29:17,506 --> 00:29:20,758
where we do water birth.
Have you ever seen a water birth?

480
00:29:21,176 --> 00:29:23,386
Not a water birth,
but I've seen a water death.

481
00:29:23,637 --> 00:29:25,137
Wow. Was it moving?

482
00:29:25,597 --> 00:29:27,181
There was actually
very little movement.

483
00:29:27,307 --> 00:29:30,309
A little wriggling,
then two bubbles, and then a big bloop

484
00:29:30,477 --> 00:29:31,686
and the wallet floats up.

485
00:29:33,271 --> 00:29:34,563
You seem educated.

486
00:29:34,815 --> 00:29:36,440
Yes.
I went to Amherst.

487
00:29:36,858 --> 00:29:38,776
I love it when
women go to school.

488
00:29:38,860 --> 00:29:41,862
It's like seeing
a monkey on rollerskates.

489
00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:45,116
It means nothing to them,
but it's so adorable for us.

490
00:29:45,701 --> 00:29:47,618
Okay. Well, hey, Allison,

491
00:29:47,703 --> 00:29:50,955
you know, we'd love to have you work
here if you ever wanted to.

492
00:29:51,039 --> 00:29:55,209
All of our employees
are political refugees, just like you!

493
00:29:55,419 --> 00:29:56,460
There's Hannah over here.

494
00:29:56,586 --> 00:30:00,464
She's from El Salvador. She's a really
useful member of our team.

495
00:30:03,051 --> 00:30:05,553
Useful as what?
A coat hanger?

496
00:30:06,805 --> 00:30:08,639
- Come on.
- Allison, that's not funny.

497
00:30:08,974 --> 00:30:11,976
Okay. I tell you what,
get back to work, Captain Hook!

498
00:30:12,310 --> 00:30:14,478
- "Captain Hook." It's funny.
- No, it's not funny.

499
00:30:14,730 --> 00:30:15,730
Who's that?

500
00:30:15,981 --> 00:30:16,981
Oh, this is Joteph.

501
00:30:17,065 --> 00:30:19,483
He's from a Sudanese tribe
that has no concept of money.

502
00:30:19,735 --> 00:30:21,986
His entire village
was ransacked.

503
00:30:22,237 --> 00:30:23,320
Hey, Sub-Saharan!

504
00:30:24,573 --> 00:30:28,159
Do you think you could get me 100
child soldiers here by 5:00 p. M?

505
00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:29,285
No!

506
00:30:29,369 --> 00:30:30,661
Okay. Time out! Time out.

507
00:30:30,746 --> 00:30:31,954
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

508
00:30:32,247 --> 00:30:33,914
Shave your under-the-arms!

509
00:30:34,249 --> 00:30:37,084
I dread to think what kind of jungle
you have on your malawach!

510
00:30:37,419 --> 00:30:38,919
That is very inappropriate.

511
00:30:39,087 --> 00:30:41,922
Don't tell me what
to say and what not to say, little boy.

512
00:30:42,090 --> 00:30:44,258
You need to put
that finger away.

513
00:30:44,342 --> 00:30:45,718
I won't put my
finger away because...

514
00:30:45,802 --> 00:30:47,303
Look, I've got
two fingers now.

515
00:30:47,387 --> 00:30:48,429
Okay.

516
00:30:48,513 --> 00:30:52,099
If you do not stop using hateful
language, you cannot work here.

517
00:30:52,517 --> 00:30:54,477
All right. I promise.

518
00:30:54,561 --> 00:30:55,770
Okay.

519
00:30:57,189 --> 00:30:59,774
I tricked you,
Wolverina.

520
00:31:01,109 --> 00:31:03,778
Justin Bieber's
chubby double!

521
00:31:06,031 --> 00:31:07,865
Hairy Potter!

522
00:31:15,791 --> 00:31:17,458
Good-bye, old friend.

523
00:31:24,591 --> 00:31:25,966
When will the Supreme
Leader be better?

524
00:31:26,051 --> 00:31:27,093
In time.

525
00:31:27,260 --> 00:31:31,597
He's resting in his bedroom
and must never, ever be disturbed.

526
00:31:32,015 --> 00:31:33,516
Time for bed.

527
00:31:37,687 --> 00:31:40,856
Being Aladeen has its perks,
does it not?

528
00:31:44,111 --> 00:31:45,694
Dropped your belt.

529
00:32:01,795 --> 00:32:03,170
What are you doing?

530
00:32:03,255 --> 00:32:04,463
She tried to milk me!

531
00:32:04,714 --> 00:32:05,714
No.

532
00:32:05,966 --> 00:32:08,134
They are trying
to pleasure you.

533
00:32:08,301 --> 00:32:11,053
Allow the girls to use
their many talents.

534
00:32:20,689 --> 00:32:21,730
No!

535
00:32:21,815 --> 00:32:24,316
Supreme Leader!
The girls!

536
00:32:24,651 --> 00:32:27,319
Girls, show him
your bosoms.

537
00:32:53,221 --> 00:32:56,849
Let me in! I have
85 rooms at this hotel!

538
00:32:56,933 --> 00:32:59,018
It's me, Admiral
General Aladeen!

539
00:32:59,102 --> 00:33:00,394
I lost my beard!

540
00:33:00,979 --> 00:33:02,104
You don't got a pass,
you don't get in.

541
00:33:02,189 --> 00:33:05,524
But I'm staying here! I paid twenty
dollars for the fucking Internet!

542
00:33:06,318 --> 00:33:09,195
How much do you charge
for assassinations?

543
00:33:29,633 --> 00:33:31,634
Why is this
happening to me?

544
00:33:32,552 --> 00:33:35,888
All I ever did was
steal my country's wealth

545
00:33:36,348 --> 00:33:39,391
and execute anybody
who did not agree with me,

546
00:33:40,018 --> 00:33:41,143
and many who did.

547
00:33:41,811 --> 00:33:42,895
Why me?

548
00:33:43,313 --> 00:33:47,024
Why is it always
the good guys? Why?

549
00:33:54,032 --> 00:33:55,241
Nadal?

550
00:34:41,621 --> 00:34:43,622
Welcome to
the Death to Aladeen Restaurant.

551
00:34:44,332 --> 00:34:47,084
Wait. You look
very familiar.

552
00:34:47,460 --> 00:34:48,752
Do I know you?

553
00:34:51,172 --> 00:34:53,632
Sorry.

554
00:34:54,009 --> 00:34:55,217
So sorry, Supreme Leader.

555
00:34:55,427 --> 00:34:57,219
Don't worry.
I'm 50% to blame.

556
00:34:59,889 --> 00:35:02,099
No! No! Supreme Leader!

557
00:35:02,976 --> 00:35:04,935
Definitely not.
I must be going.

558
00:35:05,020 --> 00:35:06,145
No, no. Stay, please.

559
00:35:06,438 --> 00:35:08,564
If you hate Aladeen
and you like good food,

560
00:35:08,648 --> 00:35:11,650
this is the place for you.
This way. Here we go.

561
00:35:26,416 --> 00:35:27,666
Enjoy it.

562
00:35:31,338 --> 00:35:32,629
No! No!

563
00:35:48,188 --> 00:35:49,355
For you.

564
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:51,815
What is your name?

565
00:35:52,233 --> 00:35:53,442
Allison Burgers.

566
00:35:54,235 --> 00:35:56,987
That's a made-up name.
What's your real name?

567
00:36:00,700 --> 00:36:01,742
Ladis.

568
00:36:02,035 --> 00:36:03,077
Ladis what?

569
00:36:03,495 --> 00:36:05,371
Ladis Washerum.

570
00:36:09,167 --> 00:36:11,585
So your name
is like the sign. "Ladies Washroom"?

571
00:36:11,669 --> 00:36:13,379
That is a made-up name.

572
00:36:13,755 --> 00:36:15,297
What is your real name?

573
00:36:15,507 --> 00:36:18,509
I am interested.
We are interested.

574
00:36:22,555 --> 00:36:23,764
Emploice.

575
00:36:24,182 --> 00:36:25,432
Emploice what?

576
00:36:25,725 --> 00:36:28,185
Emploice... Muswashans.

577
00:36:30,772 --> 00:36:32,272
That is a made-up name.

578
00:36:34,567 --> 00:36:35,692
Okay.

579
00:36:35,777 --> 00:36:37,903
What is your real name?

580
00:36:38,571 --> 00:36:39,863
Max.

581
00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:41,240
Max what?

582
00:36:41,449 --> 00:36:45,202
Imumoccupancyu
One-hundred-and-twenty.

583
00:36:48,248 --> 00:36:50,499
There's a number in the name?

584
00:36:50,583 --> 00:36:53,210
Who are you?
An Aladeen sympathizer?

585
00:36:53,420 --> 00:36:56,171
No, no, no!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. No, no, no!

586
00:36:56,256 --> 00:36:57,256
No!

587
00:36:57,340 --> 00:36:59,758
It's Aladeen!
It's Aladeen without the beard!

588
00:37:00,135 --> 00:37:01,885
No! It's not Aladeen!

589
00:37:02,762 --> 00:37:03,804
Hasan, lock the door!

590
00:37:06,891 --> 00:37:09,351
Wait, wait, wait, no!
There you are, cousin!

591
00:37:09,811 --> 00:37:12,146
This is my cousin.
I see you've all met him.

592
00:37:12,355 --> 00:37:15,149
He's very simple
and backwards. I'm sorry.

593
00:37:15,233 --> 00:37:16,358
- Sorry.
- It's okay, sit.

594
00:37:16,443 --> 00:37:17,776
- Okay.
- Sit and eat.

595
00:37:18,319 --> 00:37:19,611
Have a seat, cousin.

596
00:37:20,238 --> 00:37:22,614
Very sorry.
My apologies. Enjoy.

597
00:37:22,824 --> 00:37:25,909
What are you doing here?
And what has happened to your beard?

598
00:37:26,369 --> 00:37:29,538
I've been replaced by this body
double who's a total imbecile.

599
00:37:29,664 --> 00:37:31,290
How are you alive?

600
00:37:31,458 --> 00:37:34,126
How am I... Wait.
You don't know?

601
00:37:34,210 --> 00:37:35,335
No.

602
00:37:35,420 --> 00:37:38,797
Every single person
you had executed is still alive.

603
00:37:39,215 --> 00:37:41,216
We all live here
in Little Wadiya.

604
00:37:41,301 --> 00:37:43,760
The executioner, he is
a member of the Resistance!

605
00:37:44,137 --> 00:37:45,345
You mean I never
executed anybody?

606
00:37:45,430 --> 00:37:46,472
No.

607
00:37:46,556 --> 00:37:48,557
Like, honestly, zero people.

608
00:37:50,393 --> 00:37:54,396
Nadal, you must help me
get back into power.

609
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:56,315
What? No.
Why would I do that?

610
00:37:56,399 --> 00:37:58,775
I have a perfectly
good job here. I'm a Mac Genius!

611
00:37:59,611 --> 00:38:01,612
What do you do?

612
00:38:03,656 --> 00:38:06,950
Mostly, I clean
semen out of laptops.

613
00:38:08,203 --> 00:38:10,204
Congratulations.
Living the American dream.

614
00:38:10,747 --> 00:38:13,415
Okay, fine. I will help you.
On one condition.

615
00:38:13,499 --> 00:38:14,750
Name it.

616
00:38:14,834 --> 00:38:16,460
You reinstate me
as Head of Nuclear Research,

617
00:38:17,337 --> 00:38:18,837
so I can finish
building my bomb.

618
00:38:19,214 --> 00:38:20,214
Deal.

619
00:38:20,423 --> 00:38:22,674
One last thing.

620
00:38:22,967 --> 00:38:25,427
You will let me build
a round nuclear weapon.

621
00:38:25,845 --> 00:38:28,013
Never. It must be pointy.

622
00:38:28,556 --> 00:38:30,682
- Wait a minute. This is...
- Whoa.

623
00:38:31,893 --> 00:38:34,478
Okay, compromise. Conical.

624
00:38:34,562 --> 00:38:36,313
- Round. Round.
- Teat-shaped.

625
00:38:37,398 --> 00:38:38,649
Okay.

626
00:38:38,816 --> 00:38:40,275
- Okay. Deal.
- Deal.

627
00:38:43,613 --> 00:38:45,447
Ladies and gentlemen
of the press,

628
00:38:45,531 --> 00:38:48,742
our Supreme Leader
is indisposed to answer your questions

629
00:38:49,035 --> 00:38:52,746
as he is currently
drafting Wadiya's new constitution,

630
00:38:53,039 --> 00:38:55,082
which is scheduled
to be signed

631
00:38:55,166 --> 00:38:58,252
at the Lancaster Penthouse
Ballroom in three days.

632
00:38:58,336 --> 00:39:00,003
Thank you.
No further questions.

633
00:39:13,935 --> 00:39:16,478
There is no way we're going to
get anywhere near this hotel

634
00:39:16,562 --> 00:39:18,939
without a security pass.
This is ridiculous.

635
00:39:19,691 --> 00:39:21,358
- Wait.
- What are you doing?

636
00:39:21,609 --> 00:39:23,610
Hiding from that
lesbian hobbit.

637
00:39:24,112 --> 00:39:25,195
That woman,
you know her?

638
00:39:25,571 --> 00:39:27,406
I cannot begin to tell you
what an honor it is

639
00:39:27,490 --> 00:39:29,366
to be able to provide
all of the catering...

640
00:39:29,450 --> 00:39:30,742
Well, of course.

641
00:39:30,827 --> 00:39:32,119
...and the mafroom
for this signing.

642
00:39:32,203 --> 00:39:33,870
You just paid
this month's rent!

643
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:35,998
She offered me a job.

644
00:39:36,082 --> 00:39:38,834
Can you imagine that?
Me? Working?

645
00:39:39,002 --> 00:39:42,379
Listen, hold onto that badge. It's the only
thing that'll get you past security.

646
00:39:42,463 --> 00:39:43,422
Okay, thanks.

647
00:39:43,506 --> 00:39:44,965
Wait a minute.

648
00:39:45,300 --> 00:39:49,177
Wait, her company is catering the
event. She has a security pass!

649
00:39:49,387 --> 00:39:51,555
That is the answer.
This is the plan.

650
00:39:51,639 --> 00:39:54,141
Okay? You will take that
job and you will work for her.

651
00:39:54,475 --> 00:39:57,311
I will get you
an identical beard and costume.

652
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:58,812
And then on
the day of the event,

653
00:39:58,896 --> 00:40:01,982
you enter the Lancaster
as a member of her staff.

654
00:40:02,066 --> 00:40:04,067
You will find the double,
switch with him,

655
00:40:04,152 --> 00:40:06,611
then rip up the constitution
in front of the whole world.

656
00:40:07,071 --> 00:40:10,282
Me? Work for that
hairy titted yeti?

657
00:40:27,342 --> 00:40:28,383
Kimberly?

658
00:40:29,218 --> 00:40:30,218
Zoey.

659
00:40:30,428 --> 00:40:31,511
Who cares?

660
00:40:31,971 --> 00:40:34,514
I've come here
to apologize

661
00:40:34,891 --> 00:40:38,185
about some of the comments
I may have made about

662
00:40:38,353 --> 00:40:40,312
Captain Hook and Blackie.

663
00:40:42,273 --> 00:40:43,273
Great!

664
00:40:43,649 --> 00:40:45,901
And I accept your job offer
as general manager.

665
00:40:45,985 --> 00:40:48,028
Well, you can't be the manager,
because I am the manager.

666
00:40:48,363 --> 00:40:49,488
Well, I can
if I killed you.

667
00:40:52,241 --> 00:40:54,242
I think I'm starting
to get you.

668
00:40:54,327 --> 00:40:56,453
All right, then...
I will get you.

669
00:40:57,372 --> 00:40:59,039
Great!
Let's get you to work!

670
00:40:59,540 --> 00:41:01,124
Yeah?
Hold on one second.

671
00:41:01,376 --> 00:41:04,002
Hey, my man!
Excuse me. Hairnet!

672
00:41:04,128 --> 00:41:05,128
Yeah.

673
00:41:05,671 --> 00:41:08,131
I need a little of the
quinoa salad, please,

674
00:41:08,341 --> 00:41:11,134
and throw a couple of
extra cranny-b's on top, if you could,

675
00:41:11,344 --> 00:41:14,137
and I kind of need you
to hurry up, chief. Chop-chop.

676
00:41:17,266 --> 00:41:18,266
Next!

677
00:41:20,228 --> 00:41:22,145
Whoa, whoa!
Occupied!

678
00:41:22,230 --> 00:41:24,523
Out. I have to clean.
Come on, out you go, out you go.

679
00:41:24,607 --> 00:41:25,899
- What? You're hurting me!
- Out. Come on.

680
00:41:26,275 --> 00:41:29,403
Hey, Allison,
can you take out the garbage? Thanks.

681
00:41:36,494 --> 00:41:39,955
Look! One of the
customers left a tip of

682
00:41:40,248 --> 00:41:44,626
some Nair and some female razors.
Does anybody want to use it?

683
00:41:49,966 --> 00:41:51,091
Stop that.

684
00:41:52,093 --> 00:41:53,385
Suck it, loser.

685
00:42:00,309 --> 00:42:01,726
Clean-up on aisle four!

686
00:42:14,449 --> 00:42:16,032
Hey, buddy, I saw that.

687
00:42:16,117 --> 00:42:18,452
That is very disrespectful
to your leader.

688
00:42:18,661 --> 00:42:19,744
Whatever, dude.
Who are you,

689
00:42:19,829 --> 00:42:22,289
Osama bin Laden's
best friend?

690
00:42:22,457 --> 00:42:25,000
No, he is not
my best friend!

691
00:42:25,209 --> 00:42:26,877
Though he has been staying
in my guest house

692
00:42:26,961 --> 00:42:29,045
ever since they shot
his double last year.

693
00:42:30,214 --> 00:42:31,965
Now the guy won't leave.

694
00:42:32,049 --> 00:42:34,259
I know why this guy's
the most hated man in the world.

695
00:42:34,343 --> 00:42:36,344
You just have to go
to the bathroom after him.

696
00:42:36,471 --> 00:42:38,388
You go to the bathroom
after Osama,

697
00:42:38,473 --> 00:42:41,224
you will realize
the true meaning of terrorism.

698
00:43:00,536 --> 00:43:01,703
Here is the plan.

699
00:43:01,787 --> 00:43:03,538
We're going to take
this helicopter tour

700
00:43:03,623 --> 00:43:06,082
and fly over
the Lancaster to spot its weaknesses.

701
00:43:06,417 --> 00:43:10,003
Remember, we're just two
ordinary American tourists

702
00:43:10,338 --> 00:43:12,339
looking at the sights.

703
00:43:12,548 --> 00:43:15,842
Don't worry, nobody gonna suspect
anything. It's a great plan, pointy.

704
00:43:16,302 --> 00:43:17,802
Don't do anything
to arouse any suspicions.

705
00:43:17,887 --> 00:43:20,722
Don't worry.
I am Wadiya's number one actor.

706
00:43:20,806 --> 00:43:23,475
You don't win four
Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.

707
00:43:23,559 --> 00:43:25,894
Yes, you do,
because you gave them to yourself!

708
00:43:26,354 --> 00:43:29,064
My performance in
Aladeen Jones and the Temple ofDoom

709
00:43:29,148 --> 00:43:30,190
was outstanding.

710
00:43:30,274 --> 00:43:31,650
I give it thumbs down.

711
00:43:31,734 --> 00:43:33,443
Have you seen
You've Got Mail Bomb?

712
00:43:33,945 --> 00:43:36,404
Yes, I've seen them all!
They're all terrible movies!

713
00:43:36,489 --> 00:43:37,864
Listen to me. Okay?

714
00:43:38,241 --> 00:43:40,033
You are a terrible actor.

715
00:43:40,117 --> 00:43:44,246
I urge you, right now,
keep your performance small and real.

716
00:43:44,330 --> 00:43:46,248
All right, can you
get me a cloak?

717
00:43:46,332 --> 00:43:47,332
Why?

718
00:43:47,416 --> 00:43:49,167
Because I think
my guy would be wearing a cloak.

719
00:43:49,252 --> 00:43:53,463
No, your guy wears an American flag
sweatsuit and a sheriff's badge.

720
00:43:53,548 --> 00:43:54,548
I need the sheriff's badge.

721
00:43:54,632 --> 00:43:56,049
For what?

722
00:43:56,133 --> 00:43:57,425
You're sheriff
of American douche-town!

723
00:43:58,177 --> 00:43:59,177
That's rude.

724
00:43:59,262 --> 00:44:00,262
Listen.

725
00:44:00,346 --> 00:44:04,224
We're going to walk over
there, act very inconspicuous.

726
00:44:04,684 --> 00:44:05,725
- Okay. No problem.
- This has to work.

727
00:44:05,851 --> 00:44:07,519
Don't worry.
Just relax.

728
00:44:10,189 --> 00:44:11,273
Are you okay?

729
00:44:11,691 --> 00:44:12,691
My guy has a limp.

730
00:44:13,192 --> 00:44:16,278
I fell off me horse
at the old Bull & Bush Pub

731
00:44:16,362 --> 00:44:17,529
because
I am a cockney.

732
00:44:17,697 --> 00:44:18,863
Listen! Listen, okay?

733
00:44:19,031 --> 00:44:21,741
You need to focus up right now
and be prepared

734
00:44:21,909 --> 00:44:24,119
to deliver a small,
subtle performance.

735
00:44:24,203 --> 00:44:25,620
- Okay, great, okay.
- Okay, good.

736
00:44:25,705 --> 00:44:27,247
Okay. So, when
we go to fly...

737
00:44:27,331 --> 00:44:28,999
Don't do that
with your eyes!

738
00:44:29,083 --> 00:44:30,750
You can't be
a Chinese person on this thing, okay?

739
00:44:30,835 --> 00:44:32,127
I'm not chink,
I'm Chinese-American!

740
00:44:32,211 --> 00:44:33,295
No, but you cannot
hold your eyes!

741
00:44:33,379 --> 00:44:34,588
Nobody is going to think
you're Chinese-American

742
00:44:34,672 --> 00:44:35,630
because you hold
your eyes like that!

743
00:44:35,715 --> 00:44:37,173
It's racist,
what you are doing!

744
00:44:37,258 --> 00:44:39,801
Do you know it's a fact
that they cannot pronounce their R's?

745
00:44:39,885 --> 00:44:41,052
They pronounce them
as L's.

746
00:44:41,137 --> 00:44:43,013
So instead you know
what "rabbit" is in Chinese?

747
00:44:43,097 --> 00:44:44,222
I don't know
how to speak Chinese.

748
00:44:44,307 --> 00:44:46,516
- It's "labbit."
- It's not "labbit"!

749
00:44:46,601 --> 00:44:49,227
Yes! Who Shot Loger Labbit
was a huge hit in China!

750
00:44:49,312 --> 00:44:50,312
Nobody...
It's stup...

751
00:44:50,396 --> 00:44:51,438
All right, I don't care.
This is stupid, okay?

752
00:44:51,814 --> 00:44:54,482
Okay, I'll do Filipino.
I like to work, I like to talk.

753
00:44:54,567 --> 00:44:55,817
- Don't.
- I like the shit, I do the kids.

754
00:44:55,901 --> 00:44:56,901
Stop that.

755
00:44:57,737 --> 00:45:00,488
Your Filipino
is the same as your Chinese!

756
00:45:01,032 --> 00:45:02,365
Now who's being a lacist?

757
00:45:03,075 --> 00:45:04,909
- You're being lacist now.
- I'm not being racist!

758
00:45:04,994 --> 00:45:06,661
Right now we have to
get on this helicopter

759
00:45:06,829 --> 00:45:08,913
and we have to act
like true Americans.

760
00:45:09,081 --> 00:45:10,790
I guess you don't want me
to play black then.

761
00:45:11,292 --> 00:45:13,251
Of course I don't want you
to play black.

762
00:45:13,377 --> 00:45:15,086
Okay. Just throwing it
out there.

763
00:45:15,212 --> 00:45:16,755
Okay. Don't.

764
00:45:18,007 --> 00:45:19,090
Okay, don't do that.

765
00:45:19,216 --> 00:45:21,092
- I see what you're doing.
- That's how they walk.

766
00:45:21,177 --> 00:45:22,135
I see what you're doing,
it's not cool.

767
00:45:22,261 --> 00:45:23,261
It's how they walk.

768
00:45:36,942 --> 00:45:39,069
I love being
an Americans!

769
00:45:39,570 --> 00:45:41,654
America is number one!

770
00:45:42,448 --> 00:45:44,449
Oh, I am from U.S.A.!

771
00:45:44,533 --> 00:45:46,910
My father also
from U.S.A.

772
00:45:47,536 --> 00:45:51,373
My great-grandfather fought
in the American Civil Jihad.

773
00:45:52,458 --> 00:45:54,709
I am very proud
to be an American.

774
00:45:54,794 --> 00:45:57,420
I am America's
number one douche.

775
00:46:00,841 --> 00:46:02,759
I've fooled them. Job done.

776
00:46:03,552 --> 00:46:06,388
So, how are things back at the Palace?

777
00:46:06,889 --> 00:46:10,600
Fine, but guess
who's still living in my guest house?

778
00:46:11,644 --> 00:46:12,644
Ooh, Bin Laden?

779
00:46:14,063 --> 00:46:15,355
Yes, Osama.

780
00:46:15,439 --> 00:46:18,066
Bin Laden flooding the bathroom
every time he showers...

781
00:46:18,150 --> 00:46:22,028
And how hard is it to put a bath mat
down, Bin Laden?

782
00:46:24,031 --> 00:46:27,033
Hey, do you remember
my favorite sports car?

783
00:46:27,118 --> 00:46:28,660
You mean your Porsche?

784
00:46:28,744 --> 00:46:30,245
Yes... the 911.

785
00:46:30,329 --> 00:46:32,747
911, it's the best!

786
00:46:33,374 --> 00:46:37,335
So I was driving my 911 near the
palace one day...

787
00:46:37,420 --> 00:46:39,629
and I totally crashed!

788
00:46:43,759 --> 00:46:46,010
It's ok, I've already ordered a new one.

789
00:46:46,095 --> 00:46:49,013
A brand new 9112012.

790
00:46:51,475 --> 00:46:54,352
You know, while you are here, you
should try to see some of the sights...

791
00:46:54,437 --> 00:46:57,564
such as the Empire State Building...

792
00:46:57,648 --> 00:47:00,525
and Yankee Stadium.

793
00:47:00,609 --> 00:47:05,196
And I'd love to see the fireworks
over the Statue of Liberty.

794
00:47:10,161 --> 00:47:12,370
Hey, have your old back problems been
bothering you?

795
00:47:12,455 --> 00:47:16,166
Oh, it's been terrible! It got so bad that
I made myself a back brace.

796
00:47:16,250 --> 00:47:20,795
- Really?
- Yes, look, I'm still wearing it.

797
00:47:22,465 --> 00:47:24,841
Hey, my English is getting good...

798
00:47:24,925 --> 00:47:28,553
...I bet I can count down from five
faster than you can!

799
00:47:28,888 --> 00:47:30,805
Five, four,
three, two, one!

800
00:47:36,687 --> 00:47:38,521
Allison! Are you okay?

801
00:47:38,606 --> 00:47:40,064
I... Yes.

802
00:47:40,149 --> 00:47:42,775
You know what?
You people, you make me sick!

803
00:47:42,860 --> 00:47:45,320
You see a Middle Easterner
on an aircraft

804
00:47:45,404 --> 00:47:48,448
and you just assume
that he's hatching some violent plot?

805
00:47:48,532 --> 00:47:53,077
Allison Burgers is a persecuted
dissident, not a murderous madman!

806
00:47:53,162 --> 00:47:55,997
He was reported saying, "Let's take out
the guards at the Lancaster."

807
00:47:56,081 --> 00:47:58,541
Guess what?
We deliver to the Lancaster!

808
00:47:58,626 --> 00:47:59,626
Good one!

809
00:47:59,710 --> 00:48:02,795
Maybe he wanted to
take the guards out for a falafel!

810
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:04,130
That's a bit
of a stereotype,

811
00:48:04,215 --> 00:48:07,342
but I get the idea.
Great idea! Yeah. You...

812
00:48:07,426 --> 00:48:10,428
You know what?
Is it a crime to care about your job?

813
00:48:10,513 --> 00:48:11,679
Yeah! Well,
it is in Wadiya.

814
00:48:12,306 --> 00:48:15,266
Where did you get your diversity
and sensitivity training, huh?

815
00:48:15,351 --> 00:48:16,559
The Stasi?

816
00:48:16,644 --> 00:48:20,647
Let's see how you feel about racial
profiling when white people...

817
00:48:33,244 --> 00:48:34,786
And I know
what I'm talking about

818
00:48:34,870 --> 00:48:37,413
because I majored
in Fem Lit!

819
00:48:38,249 --> 00:48:39,457
Come on.

820
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:42,794
Hey! What are you doing?
Where are you going?

821
00:48:42,878 --> 00:48:43,878
Don't worry!

822
00:48:43,963 --> 00:48:46,047
Just suck the fatoot
of the biggest guy, you'll be fine.

823
00:48:46,131 --> 00:48:47,131
You're really
fucking me here, man!

824
00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:51,469
The police here
are such fascists!

825
00:48:51,554 --> 00:48:52,679
Yeah, right,
and not in a good way.

826
00:48:52,763 --> 00:48:54,389
It just makes me so mad!

827
00:48:54,473 --> 00:48:57,225
You know, Zoey,
you were great back there.

828
00:48:57,309 --> 00:48:58,935
Thanks. I just...

829
00:48:59,562 --> 00:49:01,104
I don't know,
I just feel so sorry

830
00:49:01,188 --> 00:49:02,564
that wherever
you go in the world,

831
00:49:02,648 --> 00:49:04,315
you're the victim
of police abuse.

832
00:49:04,400 --> 00:49:05,483
Well, not always the victim.

833
00:49:05,651 --> 00:49:09,946
Come here.
I'm just so sorry! You're okay now.

834
00:49:10,197 --> 00:49:11,281
All right?

835
00:49:11,365 --> 00:49:13,741
And I'm not gonna
let anything bad happen to you.

836
00:49:13,826 --> 00:49:15,535
You know what? Let's get you
back to the collective, okay?

837
00:49:16,328 --> 00:49:17,287
Come on.

838
00:49:17,371 --> 00:49:18,371
No, a bit more.

839
00:49:18,998 --> 00:49:20,290
Okay.

840
00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:22,959
- Come on, let's go. I need to go to work.
- I feel so sad!

841
00:49:24,628 --> 00:49:25,712
Let's do another hug, okay?

842
00:49:25,838 --> 00:49:27,505
Allison, why are you sad?

843
00:49:28,674 --> 00:49:30,008
The brutality?

844
00:49:30,301 --> 00:49:32,093
Did you suffer
from sexual abuse?

845
00:49:32,177 --> 00:49:35,305
Yes, they raped me in
a very unprofessional way.

846
00:49:36,682 --> 00:49:38,641
Oh, no.
We have to get you to the Rape Center.

847
00:49:38,726 --> 00:49:40,560
You have a center
for rape here?

848
00:49:40,644 --> 00:49:42,895
Great! I'd love to go!
Maybe another time, you know.

849
00:49:42,980 --> 00:49:46,274
Hire a limo, have some
cocktails, bring my raping shoes.

850
00:49:54,950 --> 00:49:56,326
Can you get me that one?

851
00:49:57,536 --> 00:49:58,536
Which one?

852
00:49:59,121 --> 00:50:00,788
The one with
the "fuck-me hooves."

853
00:50:01,582 --> 00:50:03,833
You're bizzare. I'm going to have
to change the channels now.

854
00:50:04,293 --> 00:50:07,086
...tour from hell
for an Ohio couple earlier today when,

855
00:50:07,254 --> 00:50:08,463
...with shades of 9l11,

856
00:50:08,547 --> 00:50:11,591
their helicopter tour
of the Manhattan skyline was cut short

857
00:50:11,675 --> 00:50:15,803
by what police are now
calling a "terrorism misunderstanding"

858
00:50:15,888 --> 00:50:19,724
involving a man named
Emer Gencyexitonly.

859
00:50:20,517 --> 00:50:21,517
Etra.

860
00:50:23,228 --> 00:50:24,395
We have a problem.

861
00:50:29,401 --> 00:50:31,819
Hannah, that guy from the
Lancaster's coming tomorrow morning,

862
00:50:31,904 --> 00:50:33,696
so why don't you take
the mafroom downstairs

863
00:50:33,781 --> 00:50:35,782
and make some sort of
a nice display?

864
00:50:35,908 --> 00:50:38,451
I just want everything
to be perfect.

865
00:50:39,078 --> 00:50:40,161
Zoey?

866
00:50:40,245 --> 00:50:41,412
Allison. Hi.

867
00:50:41,580 --> 00:50:44,165
To thank you for what you did
today at the police station,

868
00:50:44,249 --> 00:50:46,501
I have decided to
bestow upon you a gift.

869
00:50:46,877 --> 00:50:49,212
- That's sweet. What is it?
- Yeah.

870
00:50:56,595 --> 00:50:59,263
I don't know
what that is.

871
00:50:59,431 --> 00:51:02,141
It's fine.
Please, gobble up my little mouse.

872
00:51:02,935 --> 00:51:04,185
Snack on my
tiny raisin.

873
00:51:04,436 --> 00:51:05,895
Give her
a mouth bath. Go.

874
00:51:07,940 --> 00:51:09,899
Oh! No!

875
00:51:10,943 --> 00:51:13,444
No, I am not
going to do that.

876
00:51:13,779 --> 00:51:15,988
I'm getting a lot of this
and not much of this...

877
00:51:19,618 --> 00:51:21,828
Listen, I understand
that you're having urges, okay?

878
00:51:21,912 --> 00:51:22,954
Right.

879
00:51:23,038 --> 00:51:25,623
But you need to
take care of them by yourself.

880
00:51:25,916 --> 00:51:27,750
Myself? What? How?

881
00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:29,544
You need to
touch yourself.

882
00:51:29,711 --> 00:51:32,380
I don't touch myself.
Do you touch yourself?

883
00:51:32,756 --> 00:51:35,007
I think most
healthy people do, yes.

884
00:51:35,092 --> 00:51:38,428
Yeah, you touch your own
malawach? Disgusting! Yuck!

885
00:51:38,512 --> 00:51:39,595
Yuck!

886
00:51:39,847 --> 00:51:43,266
Stop joking, all right?
You've never jerked off?

887
00:51:45,269 --> 00:51:46,853
Okay, come with me.

888
00:51:46,937 --> 00:51:48,938
Where are you taking me to?
The Rape Center?

889
00:51:52,985 --> 00:51:54,485
This is silly.

890
00:51:54,820 --> 00:51:56,154
Okay...

891
00:51:56,655 --> 00:51:59,574
Take your penis out
and put it in your hands.

892
00:51:59,658 --> 00:52:00,700
This is silly.

893
00:52:02,661 --> 00:52:06,622
Now, slowly move your hand
up and down.

894
00:52:06,707 --> 00:52:07,790
Okay.

895
00:52:08,625 --> 00:52:10,793
I told you already,
this is...

896
00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:15,298
Wait.

897
00:52:15,757 --> 00:52:17,550
What sorcery is this?

898
00:52:17,634 --> 00:52:20,678
Some people
wait a lifetime

899
00:52:20,762 --> 00:52:25,475
For a moment like this

900
00:52:25,559 --> 00:52:28,811
Some people
wait a lifetime

901
00:52:28,896 --> 00:52:31,814
For a moment like this

902
00:52:31,899 --> 00:52:37,236
Whoa, I can't believe
it's happening to me

903
00:52:37,321 --> 00:52:40,239
Some people
wait a lifetime

904
00:52:40,324 --> 00:52:45,828
For a moment like this

905
00:52:50,459 --> 00:52:54,795
I can't believe
it's happening to me

906
00:52:56,256 --> 00:52:59,050
I did it!
I just jerked it completely off!

907
00:52:59,134 --> 00:53:00,593
I did it all by myself!

908
00:53:00,677 --> 00:53:03,012
With this hand right here!

909
00:53:03,096 --> 00:53:06,307
I grabbed my bilbul
like I was strangling a bird.

910
00:53:06,391 --> 00:53:08,559
And I smacked it
and I smacked it and I gave it a flick,

911
00:53:08,644 --> 00:53:09,977
and out came
my own labeneh!

912
00:53:10,229 --> 00:53:11,229
Zoey?

913
00:53:11,396 --> 00:53:14,982
Zoey! You have
changed my life!

914
00:53:15,526 --> 00:53:19,570
Give a man a vagina
and he will shpichs for a day.

915
00:53:19,905 --> 00:53:23,366
Teach a man to use
his hand as a vagina,

916
00:53:23,575 --> 00:53:25,409
and he will shpichs
for a lifetime.

917
00:53:25,869 --> 00:53:27,995
Oh. No, no. Thank you.

918
00:53:29,039 --> 00:53:31,415
Allison, you may need to keep
your voice down because...

919
00:53:31,959 --> 00:53:34,460
We've got a lot of customers.
You may want to go wash up.

920
00:53:34,545 --> 00:53:35,586
Fine.

921
00:53:35,671 --> 00:53:38,339
Joteph, go and hose down
my Crocs.

922
00:53:38,757 --> 00:53:41,842
I've done my labeneh
all over the wellness center.

923
00:53:46,223 --> 00:53:47,515
Okay.

924
00:53:50,269 --> 00:53:52,895
The guy from the Lancaster
is going to love this.

925
00:53:53,730 --> 00:53:54,730
Okay.

926
00:53:55,065 --> 00:53:56,274
Good night, Allison.

927
00:53:56,567 --> 00:53:58,150
I'll see you
tomorrow morning.

928
00:53:58,360 --> 00:54:00,903
Good night! Thank you again.

929
00:54:05,242 --> 00:54:07,618
This is nice. Or lovely.

930
00:54:12,833 --> 00:54:14,292
- Who is it?
- Nadal.

931
00:54:14,376 --> 00:54:15,418
What are you doing?

932
00:54:15,502 --> 00:54:17,128
I've discovered
this amazing thing.

933
00:54:17,254 --> 00:54:19,046
I have to show you
how to do it.

934
00:54:19,798 --> 00:54:20,965
It's called self juicing.

935
00:54:21,049 --> 00:54:24,051
You put your hand
on your bilbul and you rub it,

936
00:54:24,136 --> 00:54:26,387
and then you can make
your own labeneh come out.

937
00:54:26,471 --> 00:54:27,847
You don't have to
spend any Rolexes.

938
00:54:27,973 --> 00:54:29,765
You don't have to give
any dirty diamonds.

939
00:54:29,850 --> 00:54:32,685
I cannot believe I'm having this
conversation with an adult man.

940
00:54:32,769 --> 00:54:34,353
What do you mean?
You knew about this?

941
00:54:34,479 --> 00:54:35,813
Everybody knows about this.

942
00:54:36,481 --> 00:54:39,817
We all know about this
from the age of 12, 13.

943
00:54:39,985 --> 00:54:41,986
Why does nobody
ever tell me anything?

944
00:54:42,154 --> 00:54:44,947
Because you have everybody executed
who tells you anything.

945
00:54:45,240 --> 00:54:47,658
Listen, I'm thinking of
revealing my true identity

946
00:54:47,868 --> 00:54:49,660
to the hairy titted ape woman.

947
00:54:49,745 --> 00:54:51,954
Whoa! No, what?
Why would you even do that?

948
00:54:52,039 --> 00:54:53,581
I think she'll be
cool with it.

949
00:54:53,832 --> 00:54:55,291
She will not be cool with it.

950
00:54:55,417 --> 00:54:58,461
How is she tojudge?
She shaves her armpits once a year,

951
00:54:58,545 --> 00:55:01,172
and she takes lovers
outside of her ethnic group.

952
00:55:01,381 --> 00:55:03,257
Are my crimes any worse
than hers?

953
00:55:03,508 --> 00:55:05,509
Remember, you hate her.

954
00:55:05,761 --> 00:55:07,219
And everything
she stands for.

955
00:55:07,638 --> 00:55:09,597
- Okay.
- I have to go now.

956
00:55:10,932 --> 00:55:11,932
I despise you.

957
00:55:12,142 --> 00:55:14,185
You know, sometimes you say
some very hurtful things.

958
00:55:14,353 --> 00:55:15,853
Anyway, I'm going to
hang up on you.

959
00:55:15,979 --> 00:55:18,856
No, come on. This is
like a real opportunity for me.

960
00:55:18,940 --> 00:55:20,024
I want to hang up first.

961
00:55:20,108 --> 00:55:21,817
I've hung up.
I hung up already.

962
00:55:23,528 --> 00:55:25,780
That is your voice
doing that noise. You have not hung up.

963
00:55:25,864 --> 00:55:27,531
I am hanging up. Click...

964
00:55:28,742 --> 00:55:29,950
Nadal, are you still there?

965
00:55:31,453 --> 00:55:33,704
- Nadal, are you still there?
- I win.

966
00:55:34,581 --> 00:55:36,165
No wonder you're a Mac Genius.

967
00:55:37,042 --> 00:55:38,501
What a fucking idiot.

968
00:55:45,258 --> 00:55:53,307
Zoey!

969
00:55:56,728 --> 00:55:57,895
Zoey.

970
00:56:09,241 --> 00:56:10,241
Zoey?

971
00:56:12,953 --> 00:56:13,953
Etra.

972
00:56:15,747 --> 00:56:16,747
Etra...

973
00:56:43,316 --> 00:56:45,776
Etra, is this because
you're the only virgin guard

974
00:56:45,861 --> 00:56:47,027
that I left a virgin?

975
00:58:16,243 --> 00:58:18,828
One, two...

976
00:58:20,914 --> 00:58:21,997
Bloop.

977
00:58:23,583 --> 00:58:24,750
Text book.

978
00:58:26,461 --> 00:58:29,296
Thank you so much
for meeting me early, Mr. Ogden.

979
00:58:29,631 --> 00:58:31,382
I cannot wait for you
to sample our mafroom.

980
00:58:31,550 --> 00:58:33,342
You are gonna swear
that you're in Wadiya.

981
00:58:34,344 --> 00:58:36,262
Excuse me.
What is that over there?

982
00:58:36,555 --> 00:58:38,514
That is a "C"
in your window.

983
00:58:38,723 --> 00:58:40,850
No, no, no... They're totally
biased against this. They hate us.

984
00:58:40,934 --> 00:58:42,685
No, it's not.
I know what a "C" means.

985
00:58:42,769 --> 00:58:43,978
It's not a very good...

986
00:58:48,400 --> 00:58:49,567
Oh, my God!

987
00:58:50,735 --> 00:58:52,194
Allison, what happened?

988
00:58:54,906 --> 00:58:56,490
I don't know, I...

989
00:58:56,783 --> 00:58:59,243
I was downstairs
self juicing.

990
00:59:01,037 --> 00:59:02,037
All night?

991
00:59:02,330 --> 00:59:03,330
Yes.

992
00:59:03,498 --> 00:59:04,790
I'm sorry,
you were doing what?

993
00:59:05,250 --> 00:59:06,417
Doing the jerk off.

994
00:59:06,793 --> 00:59:08,544
Jerking myself to totally off.

995
00:59:08,628 --> 00:59:10,170
- I'm sorry?
- Let me show you.

996
00:59:10,380 --> 00:59:11,589
- No.
- She taught me.

997
00:59:11,756 --> 00:59:12,840
Oh, she taught you, did she?

998
00:59:12,924 --> 00:59:15,342
- No...
- Well, thank you very much.

999
00:59:15,510 --> 00:59:16,677
The contract is canceled.

1000
00:59:16,761 --> 00:59:17,761
- That's it!
- No.

1001
00:59:17,846 --> 00:59:19,263
No, I'm going to Green World.
It's over.

1002
00:59:19,431 --> 00:59:20,848
- No, Mr. Ogden.
- Remember, I have to pay that...

1003
00:59:20,932 --> 00:59:23,893
- Please, no, no.
- Self juicing. Filth!

1004
00:59:24,936 --> 00:59:26,020
Oh, my God...

1005
00:59:26,438 --> 00:59:27,521
Zoey...

1006
00:59:27,772 --> 00:59:29,315
We must get
that contract back.

1007
00:59:29,608 --> 00:59:30,774
We can't!

1008
00:59:30,984 --> 00:59:33,903
It's impossible.
We can't compete with Green World.

1009
00:59:34,613 --> 00:59:36,447
We will see about that.

1010
00:59:36,531 --> 00:59:39,658
But from now on,
it is my way

1011
00:59:39,743 --> 00:59:44,413
or the highwahahtmaa-
fferrohshelechnichway.

1012
00:59:45,040 --> 00:59:47,458
There has been
a regime change!

1013
00:59:47,542 --> 00:59:49,877
Yo! You are
stocking the shelves.

1014
00:59:50,295 --> 00:59:52,713
You, senile
Romanian accountant.

1015
00:59:52,797 --> 00:59:54,465
You are on
the cash register.

1016
00:59:54,633 --> 00:59:58,552
The CEO of Green World
does not drive a hybrid!

1017
01:00:00,805 --> 01:00:02,973
The chemicals
in Green World produce

1018
01:00:03,224 --> 01:00:05,392
made this boy
grow tits!

1019
01:00:11,066 --> 01:00:13,233
You promise not
to steal again?

1020
01:00:13,318 --> 01:00:14,985
I won't. I won't!

1021
01:00:15,236 --> 01:00:16,946
Give him one more
for fun, Viktor.

1022
01:00:36,967 --> 01:00:38,384
Good choice.

1023
01:00:53,108 --> 01:00:54,775
Hi, Viktor.

1024
01:01:10,792 --> 01:01:12,376
Supreme Grocer.

1025
01:01:12,460 --> 01:01:14,211
The radicchio
has been washed and sorted,

1026
01:01:14,295 --> 01:01:16,046
and the spray hose
has been tightly coiled.

1027
01:01:16,131 --> 01:01:17,798
Very good. Now go upstairs

1028
01:01:17,882 --> 01:01:20,134
and finish composting
the wheatgrass tailings, okay?

1029
01:01:20,218 --> 01:01:21,468
Yes, Supreme Grocer.

1030
01:01:23,471 --> 01:01:24,805
Zoey!

1031
01:01:24,889 --> 01:01:27,141
What? Look...

1032
01:01:27,767 --> 01:01:28,809
Wow!

1033
01:01:29,436 --> 01:01:30,894
It's amazing!

1034
01:01:30,979 --> 01:01:33,731
Oh, it's not amazing.
It's just a little less shit.

1035
01:01:34,024 --> 01:01:35,816
Well, thank you.

1036
01:01:37,027 --> 01:01:38,777
- Sorry.
- Oh, of course.

1037
01:01:38,862 --> 01:01:41,739
- Personal.
- Thank you. Thank you again.

1038
01:01:43,908 --> 01:01:45,826
- Hello?
- I have some very good news.

1039
01:01:45,910 --> 01:01:46,952
What is it?

1040
01:01:47,037 --> 01:01:50,664
I managed to buy some beards at the
wig store today that are perfect.

1041
01:01:50,749 --> 01:01:52,958
No, Nadal,
it must be real hair.

1042
01:01:53,043 --> 01:01:55,085
- And from the head of a great man!
- What?

1043
01:01:55,170 --> 01:01:56,837
Like Castro or Gandalf.

1044
01:01:56,921 --> 01:01:58,172
No...

1045
01:02:01,009 --> 01:02:03,677
Well done, Nadal.
This beard is perfect.

1046
01:02:08,850 --> 01:02:10,934
Those are lovely flowers.

1047
01:02:11,019 --> 01:02:12,936
You know, Zoey is
thinking of opening

1048
01:02:13,021 --> 01:02:15,355
an eco-friendly
flower section to the store.

1049
01:02:15,440 --> 01:02:18,734
This is the fifth time you've mentioned
her today. What is going on?

1050
01:02:18,818 --> 01:02:20,486
The signing
is in two days.

1051
01:02:20,570 --> 01:02:22,404
Tell me you're not
falling for this woman!

1052
01:02:22,864 --> 01:02:25,532
Of course I'm not.
This is silly.

1053
01:02:25,867 --> 01:02:28,869
Okay, good. All we need to do
is slip into this chapel...

1054
01:02:28,953 --> 01:02:30,120
And yet, it's strange.

1055
01:02:30,205 --> 01:02:32,122
The other day,
I asked her to, you know,

1056
01:02:32,207 --> 01:02:34,875
gobble on my bilbul
and she said, "No."

1057
01:02:34,959 --> 01:02:36,960
So obviously
I wanted to execute her.

1058
01:02:37,045 --> 01:02:40,297
But the thought of
her decapitated head actually upset me,

1059
01:02:40,381 --> 01:02:42,132
- so I decided not to do it.
- No.

1060
01:02:42,217 --> 01:02:45,552
When the thought of someone's
decapitated head upsets you,

1061
01:02:45,637 --> 01:02:47,387
that is love.

1062
01:02:47,639 --> 01:02:50,641
- I swear, I don't even like her at all.
- You don't like her?

1063
01:02:50,809 --> 01:02:53,560
She has the body shape
of a 14-year-old boy.

1064
01:02:53,895 --> 01:02:57,648
Well, that is
a particular weakness of yours.

1065
01:02:57,732 --> 01:02:59,650
Need I remind you of
the Menudo incident?

1066
01:02:59,859 --> 01:03:01,610
Those boys had
their eyes open.

1067
01:03:01,694 --> 01:03:02,986
They knew exactly
what they were doing.

1068
01:03:03,071 --> 01:03:04,571
We made them
have their eyes open.

1069
01:03:04,656 --> 01:03:06,824
You made me hold
one of their eyes open,

1070
01:03:06,908 --> 01:03:08,534
so they'd see what
you were doing to them.

1071
01:03:09,119 --> 01:03:11,161
They seemed to be having
a pretty good time.

1072
01:03:11,246 --> 01:03:13,705
They were not.
Those boys were crying.

1073
01:03:13,998 --> 01:03:15,249
Three of them
killed themselves!

1074
01:03:16,251 --> 01:03:17,376
Nothing to do with me.

1075
01:03:17,460 --> 01:03:19,837
Everything to do with you!
A lot of them wrote notes.

1076
01:03:19,921 --> 01:03:22,589
In their suicide notes
they named you by name!

1077
01:03:22,841 --> 01:03:25,133
It's all a rumor.
And you're being silly.

1078
01:03:25,718 --> 01:03:27,052
Hello, gentlemen.
How you doin'?

1079
01:03:27,345 --> 01:03:28,846
Are you guys
friends of the deceased?

1080
01:03:29,556 --> 01:03:30,931
How do I put this?

1081
01:03:31,182 --> 01:03:32,683
He was my nigger.

1082
01:03:33,017 --> 01:03:34,476
No, that's not
the way to put it.

1083
01:03:34,602 --> 01:03:36,228
- Whoa, whoa!
- No?

1084
01:03:36,479 --> 01:03:37,771
He was my negger.
Nigger. Nagger?

1085
01:03:37,981 --> 01:03:39,189
- No, no, no.
- What is that?

1086
01:03:39,274 --> 01:03:40,566
- Negar. Nigger? Nagur?
- No, no.

1087
01:03:40,650 --> 01:03:41,817
Please stop. Please.

1088
01:03:41,901 --> 01:03:42,943
I told you,
before we came in.

1089
01:03:43,027 --> 01:03:45,529
One word, do not say.
Is the exact word you're using now.

1090
01:03:45,613 --> 01:03:46,989
- No, I said Nuga...
- One dozen times.

1091
01:03:47,198 --> 01:03:50,117
Please relate to him that there could be
two funerals today.

1092
01:03:50,243 --> 01:03:52,202
I... Believe me
when I tell you,

1093
01:03:52,328 --> 01:03:55,622
we are here only
to pay our respects to a great man.

1094
01:03:55,874 --> 01:03:58,041
Okay, Eldridge's casket
is laying in the chapel right now.

1095
01:03:58,334 --> 01:03:59,877
We're gonna have the
viewing in a few minutes.

1096
01:04:00,211 --> 01:04:01,378
Thank you very much.

1097
01:04:03,006 --> 01:04:04,381
I love your music,
by the way.

1098
01:04:04,549 --> 01:04:05,924
No, it's not.
He's not a musician.

1099
01:04:06,050 --> 01:04:09,928
I'm so, so sorry that
Whitney turned out like she did.

1100
01:04:10,054 --> 01:04:11,305
- It's not Bobby Brown.
- Hey...

1101
01:04:15,977 --> 01:04:18,228
- Go there.
- Okay. Here we go.

1102
01:04:27,864 --> 01:04:28,947
Hello?
Somebody in here?

1103
01:04:29,032 --> 01:04:31,158
Nadal!
The Sub-Saharans have discovered us!

1104
01:04:31,242 --> 01:04:32,826
- What? Okay, okay, okay!
- Hurry, hurry!

1105
01:04:32,911 --> 01:04:34,411
- Just a moment!
- What you doin' in there?

1106
01:04:34,913 --> 01:04:36,538
Jerking off.

1107
01:04:37,123 --> 01:04:38,123
Open this door!

1108
01:04:38,583 --> 01:04:40,500
- No, no, no!
- Open the door now!

1109
01:04:40,752 --> 01:04:43,086
Quick! Plan B! Plan B!

1110
01:04:52,680 --> 01:04:53,764
Why did you
chop off his head?

1111
01:04:53,848 --> 01:04:54,932
You said Plan B!

1112
01:04:55,016 --> 01:04:56,808
Plan B was to have
coffee and regroup,

1113
01:04:56,893 --> 01:04:59,227
it was not to
chop his head off!

1114
01:05:07,278 --> 01:05:09,071
Good morning, Nadal!

1115
01:05:09,948 --> 01:05:12,282
Wake up!
Good morning, Nadal!

1116
01:05:14,827 --> 01:05:16,411
No, no, no, no, no, no!

1117
01:05:16,579 --> 01:05:17,621
Get this away from me!

1118
01:05:17,705 --> 01:05:18,956
You know, me and you
are quite a team.

1119
01:05:19,040 --> 01:05:20,040
No, no.

1120
01:05:20,124 --> 01:05:21,541
You know who else
makes a great team?

1121
01:05:21,626 --> 01:05:24,086
Ebony and ivory

1122
01:05:24,170 --> 01:05:25,587
No, no, no!

1123
01:05:25,713 --> 01:05:27,047
Live together
in perfect harmony

1124
01:05:27,131 --> 01:05:28,131
What is wrong with you?
Get it out of here!

1125
01:05:29,175 --> 01:05:30,175
Good one.

1126
01:05:34,639 --> 01:05:36,598
Splish splash
I was taking a bath!

1127
01:05:37,558 --> 01:05:39,142
No! Get it out of here!

1128
01:05:40,311 --> 01:05:41,979
Oh, that is weird.

1129
01:05:43,481 --> 01:05:48,318
I threw in some carob-covered goji
berries, just as a treat. Enjoy.

1130
01:05:48,820 --> 01:05:53,073
Thank you. That's very kind of
you. You're a very nice man.

1131
01:05:53,658 --> 01:05:55,659
What the fuck
did you call me?

1132
01:05:56,661 --> 01:05:58,495
I said you were nice!

1133
01:06:03,501 --> 01:06:07,421
Allison! The Lancaster just
called! We got the contract back!

1134
01:06:07,505 --> 01:06:09,589
- Great! Whatever!
- I know!

1135
01:06:09,674 --> 01:06:12,009
Green World is shutting down
their Manhattan store!

1136
01:06:12,343 --> 01:06:14,219
I wonder what
could have happened?

1137
01:06:16,180 --> 01:06:18,265
Be careful with that,
sweetheart. Be careful.

1138
01:06:18,599 --> 01:06:21,351
Oh, yeah, we're going to
have a nice big salad.

1139
01:06:22,186 --> 01:06:23,895
Celebratory cuddle?

1140
01:06:25,523 --> 01:06:26,606
Well done!

1141
01:06:26,774 --> 01:06:28,191
- You smell bad.
- I know.

1142
01:06:28,693 --> 01:06:29,776
Help!

1143
01:06:29,861 --> 01:06:32,070
Somebody help!
My wife is in labor!

1144
01:06:32,405 --> 01:06:34,031
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

1145
01:06:34,198 --> 01:06:36,992
Baby? The ambulance can't
be here for 20 minutes. Can you hold it?

1146
01:06:37,076 --> 01:06:38,744
I can't hold it!
It's coming out!

1147
01:06:39,037 --> 01:06:40,162
It's coming out!

1148
01:06:40,246 --> 01:06:42,956
Does anyone have
any medical experience?

1149
01:06:43,207 --> 01:06:46,793
I was Wadiya's Chief Surgeon
for the last 22 years.

1150
01:06:47,086 --> 01:06:48,879
Please.
Please help us. Please.

1151
01:06:49,130 --> 01:06:51,131
- Allison, they need your help. Come on.
- Okay, fine.

1152
01:06:51,758 --> 01:06:52,758
Come on.

1153
01:06:53,259 --> 01:06:54,342
Are you okay?

1154
01:06:55,762 --> 01:06:57,471
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?

1155
01:06:57,555 --> 01:06:58,930
Sorry! Old habits die hard.

1156
01:06:59,390 --> 01:07:01,058
All right, I'm going in.

1157
01:07:02,977 --> 01:07:04,019
That's the wrong hole!

1158
01:07:04,103 --> 01:07:06,063
- What?
- You just put your fist up the wrong hole.

1159
01:07:06,230 --> 01:07:07,856
If I had a dollar for
every time I heard that.

1160
01:07:09,734 --> 01:07:10,776
Get it outta there.

1161
01:07:11,486 --> 01:07:13,487
- Going in again.
- Okay, good.

1162
01:07:13,654 --> 01:07:15,238
Still my asshole!

1163
01:07:15,490 --> 01:07:16,990
What is wrong
with you, man?

1164
01:07:17,075 --> 01:07:18,533
You just put it in
my asshole again!

1165
01:07:18,618 --> 01:07:20,118
Just go up
from where you are.

1166
01:07:20,828 --> 01:07:23,455
The good news is,
your prostate is completely healthy.

1167
01:07:24,415 --> 01:07:26,083
That's good. That's good.

1168
01:07:26,334 --> 01:07:27,709
- Going in again.
- Okay, good.

1169
01:07:31,422 --> 01:07:32,589
Hold on.

1170
01:07:33,925 --> 01:07:34,966
What are you...

1171
01:07:37,011 --> 01:07:38,845
Allison, stop it!
You need two hands!

1172
01:07:39,180 --> 01:07:40,347
But I'm in the middle
of the text.

1173
01:07:40,598 --> 01:07:42,182
It's coming out!

1174
01:07:47,438 --> 01:07:48,814
- Where is that coming from?
- What?

1175
01:07:54,112 --> 01:07:56,113
I'm really sorry.
I'm gonna have to take this call.

1176
01:07:56,322 --> 01:07:57,656
Is there a phone
in my body?

1177
01:07:57,949 --> 01:07:59,282
What are you doing?

1178
01:07:59,408 --> 01:08:00,784
I'm in
the Lincoln Tunnel.

1179
01:08:00,993 --> 01:08:03,328
What? Okay, look.
We need to talk for a minute.

1180
01:08:03,663 --> 01:08:05,622
Hello, Nadal.
Listen, I can't speak now.

1181
01:08:05,706 --> 01:08:07,207
I'll speak to you later,
okay? Bye!

1182
01:08:07,542 --> 01:08:09,459
Stop talking to my vagina!

1183
01:08:10,795 --> 01:08:13,463
Zoey, the baby's stuck. I need you to put
your hand in and help me.

1184
01:08:13,756 --> 01:08:15,006
- What? No...
- Come on! Put it in!

1185
01:08:15,091 --> 01:08:16,800
- No, don't be scared. Put it in.
- Okay. Okay.

1186
01:08:17,051 --> 01:08:18,385
- I'm sorry.
- Put it right there on the right side.

1187
01:08:18,469 --> 01:08:20,387
- Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh!
- Push in.

1188
01:08:21,556 --> 01:08:22,681
I think I feel an arm!

1189
01:08:24,308 --> 01:08:25,308
That's my finger.

1190
01:08:38,698 --> 01:08:41,241
Excuse me. You guys
make a really cute couple together.

1191
01:08:41,325 --> 01:08:42,951
But maybe could you finish doing this

1192
01:08:43,035 --> 01:08:44,995
when you're not elbow-deep
in my pussy!

1193
01:08:45,329 --> 01:08:47,539
Okay, Allison,
you've got the head?

1194
01:08:47,832 --> 01:08:49,583
- I've got the head.
- Okay, it's coming out.

1195
01:08:49,667 --> 01:08:50,709
Come on, push!

1196
01:08:53,171 --> 01:08:56,006
Where are the rebel bases?
Where are the rebel bases?

1197
01:08:56,340 --> 01:08:57,883
Sorry, sorry.

1198
01:08:58,176 --> 01:09:01,136
Wait, I can see the head!
I can see the head!

1199
01:09:01,220 --> 01:09:02,345
I can't push anymore!

1200
01:09:06,851 --> 01:09:09,269
You did it!
You did it!

1201
01:09:17,528 --> 01:09:18,862
I sentence you

1202
01:09:19,197 --> 01:09:20,697
to life.

1203
01:09:23,201 --> 01:09:24,284
It's still attached!

1204
01:09:24,410 --> 01:09:26,369
Sorry. Oh, no.

1205
01:09:26,537 --> 01:09:27,871
- What's wrong?
- I'm sorry.

1206
01:09:28,080 --> 01:09:29,581
It's bad news.

1207
01:09:29,916 --> 01:09:31,041
It's a girl.

1208
01:09:33,169 --> 01:09:34,211
Where's the trash can?

1209
01:09:34,420 --> 01:09:36,421
No, no, no, no!
That's what we wanted!

1210
01:09:36,714 --> 01:09:38,381
We'll take her,
we'll take her.

1211
01:09:38,466 --> 01:09:39,466
Oh, baby.

1212
01:09:43,971 --> 01:09:46,806
You were so
amazing down there.

1213
01:09:47,141 --> 01:09:49,226
You saved
a little person's life.

1214
01:09:58,402 --> 01:09:59,986
It feels so nice
to kiss you.

1215
01:10:00,071 --> 01:10:01,488
I know. It's nice
to kiss you, too.

1216
01:10:01,572 --> 01:10:03,073
I love the hugging.

1217
01:10:03,491 --> 01:10:04,908
I just came.

1218
01:10:08,162 --> 01:10:09,663
I don't care.

1219
01:10:11,040 --> 01:10:12,165
Lie back.

1220
01:10:12,250 --> 01:10:13,291
Okay.

1221
01:10:13,376 --> 01:10:15,043
This is going to be
amazing for you.

1222
01:10:15,127 --> 01:10:16,461
Okay!

1223
01:10:29,600 --> 01:10:31,059
You have such
a small stomach.

1224
01:10:31,227 --> 01:10:33,520
It's like
a 10-year-old boy's.

1225
01:10:35,439 --> 01:10:38,066
Normally, I don't kiss
a 10-year-old boy's stomach.

1226
01:10:38,276 --> 01:10:39,484
They kiss mine.

1227
01:10:40,861 --> 01:10:41,861
See you in 15 minutes.

1228
01:10:45,283 --> 01:10:46,324
Okay.

1229
01:10:55,376 --> 01:10:56,710
Wait, wait.

1230
01:10:57,044 --> 01:10:58,378
Wait.

1231
01:11:00,339 --> 01:11:02,507
Allison,
before we go any further,

1232
01:11:03,384 --> 01:11:05,468
there's something
that I want to tell you.

1233
01:11:05,720 --> 01:11:08,305
You've got a dick.
I knew it.

1234
01:11:09,056 --> 01:11:11,182
Allison,
I don't have a dick.

1235
01:11:11,434 --> 01:11:12,684
Great!

1236
01:11:13,060 --> 01:11:15,437
And I've never been
with a guy with a dick.

1237
01:11:15,646 --> 01:11:16,938
Or any guy.

1238
01:11:18,607 --> 01:11:19,649
Or boys.

1239
01:11:21,819 --> 01:11:22,986
Just girls.

1240
01:11:24,363 --> 01:11:25,447
And children.

1241
01:11:25,948 --> 01:11:28,783
Not male ones.
Female ones.

1242
01:11:32,455 --> 01:11:34,706
What I wanted to
tell you was this.

1243
01:11:34,790 --> 01:11:37,959
I really want
to be with you, Allison Burgers.

1244
01:11:38,794 --> 01:11:40,045
Zoey,

1245
01:11:41,839 --> 01:11:43,923
I'm not really
Allison Burgers.

1246
01:11:45,009 --> 01:11:47,677
I'm actually
a little somebody called

1247
01:11:48,679 --> 01:11:50,680
Admiral General

1248
01:11:51,390 --> 01:11:52,640
Aladeen.

1249
01:11:57,063 --> 01:11:59,230
No, what's your real name?

1250
01:11:59,440 --> 01:12:01,191
Wait, this will
convince you.

1251
01:12:03,027 --> 01:12:04,069
Look, it's me!

1252
01:12:04,987 --> 01:12:08,156
The weapons inspectors
will bathe in their own blood!

1253
01:12:09,575 --> 01:12:11,034
That's your beard?

1254
01:12:11,118 --> 01:12:13,161
No, no, no!
It's not my beard.

1255
01:12:13,245 --> 01:12:15,288
My friend chopped the head
off Morgan Freeman.

1256
01:12:15,748 --> 01:12:18,041
It's a hilarious story.
I'll tell you later, okay?

1257
01:12:18,584 --> 01:12:21,878
You are out of your mind.
You're insane!

1258
01:12:22,046 --> 01:12:24,964
Well, you download songs
illegally from the Internet.

1259
01:12:25,508 --> 01:12:27,050
So let's not
throw stones, okay?

1260
01:12:27,802 --> 01:12:29,135
You're a murderer!

1261
01:12:29,470 --> 01:12:31,513
No, no, no!
Zoey, Zoey, Zoey! No.

1262
01:12:31,597 --> 01:12:34,849
You were just using me
to get access to that hotel!

1263
01:12:34,934 --> 01:12:36,142
No!

1264
01:12:36,227 --> 01:12:39,813
Zoey, I'm attracted to you
in a really fucked-up way.

1265
01:12:40,314 --> 01:12:42,315
Oh, my God!

1266
01:12:42,650 --> 01:12:45,193
I'm canceling that
contract tomorrow!

1267
01:12:45,653 --> 01:12:47,904
No, Zoey! What have
I ever done wrong?

1268
01:12:48,155 --> 01:12:50,156
You lied to me!

1269
01:12:50,241 --> 01:12:52,659
And you're wanted
for war crimes!

1270
01:12:52,743 --> 01:12:54,327
That stuff never sticks.

1271
01:12:54,912 --> 01:12:56,621
You need to leave now.

1272
01:12:57,665 --> 01:13:01,126
You have broken my heart
into Aladeen pieces.

1273
01:13:23,732 --> 01:13:26,109
With the signing of the
constitution tomorrow morning,

1274
01:13:26,193 --> 01:13:28,695
democracy in Wadiya
is just hours away,

1275
01:13:28,779 --> 01:13:31,114
and people are
in the streets celebrating.

1276
01:13:31,407 --> 01:13:35,452
Kill Aladeen,
kill Aladeen, hey!

1277
01:13:39,790 --> 01:13:41,624
What do you think of
Admiral General Aladeen?

1278
01:13:41,750 --> 01:13:43,668
We hate him. We hate him.

1279
01:13:43,794 --> 01:13:46,296
You know,
when we think ofhim, we...

1280
01:13:46,630 --> 01:13:48,965
We vomit, and we spit
and we don't want him.

1281
01:13:49,175 --> 01:13:51,301
What would you say to General
Aladeen ifhe were watching this?

1282
01:13:51,510 --> 01:13:53,178
I have a message
forAladeen.

1283
01:13:53,679 --> 01:13:54,888
Suevel.

1284
01:13:55,097 --> 01:13:57,640
Suevel. Suevel.

1285
01:14:16,660 --> 01:14:18,244
- Good-bye!
- Stop, stop, wait!

1286
01:14:18,329 --> 01:14:19,329
What are you doing?

1287
01:14:20,664 --> 01:14:21,664
How did you find me?

1288
01:14:22,249 --> 01:14:24,334
You texted me, like,
seven times.

1289
01:14:26,253 --> 01:14:27,921
I am executing myself!

1290
01:14:28,255 --> 01:14:29,589
What? Why?

1291
01:14:29,757 --> 01:14:31,299
Because no one
has ever loved me!

1292
01:14:31,675 --> 01:14:33,718
Your father would
be ashamed of you!

1293
01:14:33,802 --> 01:14:36,429
No, I've realized
I don't want to be like my father!

1294
01:14:36,513 --> 01:14:39,057
In fact,
I don't want to be a dictator anymore!

1295
01:14:39,141 --> 01:14:40,308
What's that now?

1296
01:14:40,517 --> 01:14:43,311
I've been on a spiritual journey,
man, like Eat, Pray, Love.

1297
01:14:44,563 --> 01:14:46,231
Have you gone insane?

1298
01:14:46,482 --> 01:14:48,524
I now know that
on the outside,

1299
01:14:48,609 --> 01:14:49,984
I am a bit of
a cocksucker.

1300
01:14:50,277 --> 01:14:53,154
- Yeah.
- But deep down I'm nice.

1301
01:14:53,405 --> 01:14:55,740
- Not really.
- Yes, I am! I'm like mafroom.

1302
01:14:56,033 --> 01:14:58,159
Hard and spiky
on the outside,

1303
01:14:58,244 --> 01:15:00,328
but soft and
really mushy on the in.

1304
01:15:00,537 --> 01:15:03,873
You're not like
mafroom at all. You're like an onion.

1305
01:15:04,166 --> 01:15:06,125
An outer layer
of cocksucker,

1306
01:15:06,210 --> 01:15:07,627
and when you
peel it away,

1307
01:15:07,711 --> 01:15:10,421
there is 10 more layers
of cocksucker underneath.

1308
01:15:12,549 --> 01:15:13,883
You are such a schmuck!

1309
01:15:14,176 --> 01:15:16,719
- Why are you speaking Yiddish?
- I picked it up.

1310
01:15:16,845 --> 01:15:19,305
What do you mean,
"I picked it up"? Who picks up Yiddish?

1311
01:15:19,390 --> 01:15:20,556
I'm in New York!

1312
01:15:20,641 --> 01:15:22,892
We're trying to erase
that country off the map!

1313
01:15:22,977 --> 01:15:25,061
I don't like the people,
but I like the way that

1314
01:15:25,145 --> 01:15:27,814
their words really sound like
what they're meant to be.

1315
01:15:27,898 --> 01:15:30,733
Oh, I'm sorry! Did I not get the
Evite to your bar mitzvah?

1316
01:15:30,818 --> 01:15:31,985
Oh, my God!

1317
01:15:32,069 --> 01:15:34,112
You've got real
chutzpah saying that!

1318
01:15:34,196 --> 01:15:36,406
Look, where has being
a nice guy gotten you, huh?

1319
01:15:36,699 --> 01:15:38,908
Standing on the edge
of a bridge about to commit suicide?

1320
01:15:38,993 --> 01:15:40,076
Still wearing Crocs?

1321
01:15:40,744 --> 01:15:42,161
What's wrong with Crocs?

1322
01:15:42,246 --> 01:15:45,248
They are the universal symbol of a
man who has given up hope!

1323
01:15:46,375 --> 01:15:48,334
You might as well
put sweatpants on

1324
01:15:48,419 --> 01:15:50,336
and go to Applebee's
for the rest of your life!

1325
01:15:51,380 --> 01:15:53,339
I'll give you that one.
I do look ridiculous.

1326
01:15:53,424 --> 01:15:57,260
Yes! Listen, if you won't
come down from there for yourself,

1327
01:15:57,344 --> 01:15:58,594
do it for your country.

1328
01:15:58,762 --> 01:16:00,513
If this constitution
is signed,

1329
01:16:00,597 --> 01:16:03,808
there will be free press,
women drivers, civil rights!

1330
01:16:04,018 --> 01:16:05,101
What are "civil rights"?

1331
01:16:05,394 --> 01:16:07,645
I'll tell you later.
They're hilarious.

1332
01:16:08,147 --> 01:16:11,607
Look, you alone can stop
these terrible things from happening.

1333
01:16:11,900 --> 01:16:14,485
You are the last
great dictator!

1334
01:16:14,903 --> 01:16:17,071
All of the others
are gone! Qaddafi,

1335
01:16:17,281 --> 01:16:19,782
Saddam, Kim Jong, Cheney.

1336
01:16:21,827 --> 01:16:23,286
You are right, Nadal.

1337
01:16:23,746 --> 01:16:25,830
I will become
the greatest dictator of all,

1338
01:16:25,914 --> 01:16:27,915
the envy of madmen
everywhere!

1339
01:16:28,125 --> 01:16:29,709
Yes, Supreme Leader!

1340
01:16:29,793 --> 01:16:33,171
From the mountaintops of North Korea
to the jungles of Zimbabwe,

1341
01:16:33,255 --> 01:16:37,508
let every child laborer
and sweatshop factory worker sing,

1342
01:16:37,593 --> 01:16:40,261
"Oppressed at last!
Oppressed at last!

1343
01:16:40,637 --> 01:16:43,431
"Thank Aladeen,
I am oppressed at last!"

1344
01:16:43,515 --> 01:16:44,682
Yes! Whoa!

1345
01:16:44,767 --> 01:16:46,059
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you doing?

1346
01:16:46,143 --> 01:16:47,518
- No, no, no, no, don't fall.
- I'm not doing anything.

1347
01:16:47,603 --> 01:16:50,271
Just do like a pull-up.
You know how you do pull-ups?

1348
01:16:50,356 --> 01:16:51,564
I invented the pull-up.

1349
01:16:55,861 --> 01:16:58,946
If you're just joining us, we
are at the Lancaster Hotel,

1350
01:16:59,031 --> 01:17:00,740
where in about 20 minutes,

1351
01:17:02,826 --> 01:17:04,660
General Aladeen will be signing the
new Wadiyan constitution.

1352
01:17:04,745 --> 01:17:06,579
Dignitaries from
around the world

1353
01:17:06,663 --> 01:17:09,582
are arriving now to witness
the creation of a democracy

1354
01:17:09,666 --> 01:17:12,460
that will undoubtedly change
the political landscape

1355
01:17:12,544 --> 01:17:14,253
of the entire region.

1356
01:17:14,505 --> 01:17:17,507
As Wadiya goes,
so goes North Africa.

1357
01:17:24,014 --> 01:17:26,808
Eddie Norton, next time,
you pee on me.

1358
01:17:27,101 --> 01:17:28,184
Whatever.

1359
01:17:28,519 --> 01:17:30,520
And tell Viggo Mortensen
he is on my radar.

1360
01:17:32,981 --> 01:17:35,358
How do you say,
"Fly is in the soup"?

1361
01:17:35,442 --> 01:17:37,276
Gentlemen, Tamir.

1362
01:17:37,653 --> 01:17:39,779
Let me introduce you
to my beautiful wife.

1363
01:17:40,322 --> 01:17:42,740
Mrs. Lao, it is my
very great pleasure.

1364
01:17:42,825 --> 01:17:44,992
No, no, no, no.
She does not speak English.

1365
01:17:45,077 --> 01:17:46,285
Watch this.

1366
01:17:46,995 --> 01:17:48,621
You ugly horse!

1367
01:17:49,289 --> 01:17:50,331
She doesn't know.

1368
01:17:50,958 --> 01:17:55,128
"Ohhh." See?
She goes "Ohhh" all the time. Watch.

1369
01:17:55,671 --> 01:17:57,338
Shaved ape.

1370
01:17:57,923 --> 01:17:58,965
"Ohhh."

1371
01:18:12,479 --> 01:18:15,481
Wait. That is how you intend to get me
across to the Lancaster?

1372
01:18:15,732 --> 01:18:16,816
Absolutely.

1373
01:18:16,900 --> 01:18:18,234
- Where'd you get that?
- I built it.

1374
01:18:18,652 --> 01:18:20,903
When I was going
to assassinate you.

1375
01:18:21,321 --> 01:18:22,405
You mean my double.

1376
01:18:25,075 --> 01:18:26,451
Sure. Yeah.

1377
01:18:34,209 --> 01:18:36,127
Bingo!

1378
01:18:39,173 --> 01:18:40,173
Love it!

1379
01:18:40,257 --> 01:18:41,299
- Here's what you do.
- Okay.

1380
01:18:41,383 --> 01:18:44,385
Zipline across,
kill the double,

1381
01:18:44,470 --> 01:18:47,054
and then rip up the constitution in
front of the world's media.

1382
01:18:47,139 --> 01:18:48,139
Piece of cake.

1383
01:19:02,529 --> 01:19:04,780
Hello, Lancaster!

1384
01:19:13,749 --> 01:19:15,041
I don't understand
what has happened.

1385
01:19:15,125 --> 01:19:17,210
My calculations
were very precise.

1386
01:19:17,878 --> 01:19:19,837
If you lose enough weight,
then the zipline will work.

1387
01:19:19,922 --> 01:19:21,631
Do you have anything
in your pockets?

1388
01:19:21,715 --> 01:19:23,382
Let me check.

1389
01:19:26,345 --> 01:19:27,553
What is that?

1390
01:19:27,638 --> 01:19:28,930
It's Vita Coco water.

1391
01:19:29,556 --> 01:19:31,057
Why do you have
Vita Coco water?

1392
01:19:31,141 --> 01:19:33,809
Because it has
as much potassium as three bananas.

1393
01:19:33,894 --> 01:19:35,478
The line is
still too heavy.

1394
01:19:35,562 --> 01:19:37,980
Is there anything else in your pockets
that could be weighing you down?

1395
01:19:39,983 --> 01:19:42,818
You're kidding. So then why did
you bring three bananas?

1396
01:19:42,903 --> 01:19:46,531
Because I don't trust the
advertising. I'm naturally suspicious.

1397
01:19:47,157 --> 01:19:49,659
Is there anything else you're
carrying? You're still too heavy.

1398
01:19:49,743 --> 01:19:50,868
Just this.

1399
01:19:52,704 --> 01:19:53,829
What is that, a brick?

1400
01:19:53,914 --> 01:19:56,332
All this time you've had a
brick? Why do you have that?

1401
01:19:56,416 --> 01:19:58,334
Well, to balance out
the weight from the other one.

1402
01:19:58,418 --> 01:19:59,669
You have two bricks?

1403
01:19:59,753 --> 01:20:00,795
Yes!

1404
01:20:00,879 --> 01:20:02,380
Throw them down
immediately!

1405
01:20:06,927 --> 01:20:09,387
Oh, my God!
There's a little goat eating the wire!

1406
01:20:12,432 --> 01:20:14,267
You need to lose
weight immediately!

1407
01:20:14,601 --> 01:20:17,228
My pockets are empty.
I could poo.

1408
01:20:17,604 --> 01:20:19,188
That won't be enough
to make a difference.

1409
01:20:19,273 --> 01:20:21,816
Yes, it will.
I haven't gone since Wadiya.

1410
01:20:21,900 --> 01:20:24,527
Losing power
has stopped me up like a cork.

1411
01:20:24,611 --> 01:20:25,903
Hurry!

1412
01:20:25,988 --> 01:20:28,573
Come on, Supreme Leader!
Make it rain! Make it rain!

1413
01:20:30,158 --> 01:20:32,410
It's out!
And it's pointy!

1414
01:20:33,453 --> 01:20:34,745
Somebody stop that man!

1415
01:20:36,582 --> 01:20:37,623
Yes!

1416
01:20:38,959 --> 01:20:40,167
What? No, no, no, no!

1417
01:20:40,961 --> 01:20:41,961
No, no, no!

1418
01:21:06,236 --> 01:21:07,778
Supreme Leader!

1419
01:21:11,158 --> 01:21:13,326
Get out of here
before Tamir kills you.

1420
01:21:14,077 --> 01:21:15,161
Who is Tamir?

1421
01:21:15,579 --> 01:21:16,954
Tamir...

1422
01:21:17,039 --> 01:21:19,749
The bald bastard
who did all these terrible things to us!

1423
01:21:20,542 --> 01:21:22,251
I thought
his name was Dennis.

1424
01:21:23,795 --> 01:21:28,466
How would you
even make that leap? Tamir to Dennis?

1425
01:21:29,676 --> 01:21:31,677
- Go on, get out! Get out!
- Come on, Montzi!

1426
01:21:31,762 --> 01:21:32,762
Quick!

1427
01:21:35,974 --> 01:21:37,516
Just jump.
It's not that far.

1428
01:21:38,685 --> 01:21:39,935
Efawadh.

1429
01:21:40,020 --> 01:21:41,687
It is almost time.

1430
01:21:44,524 --> 01:21:46,859
I like goats.

1431
01:21:48,028 --> 01:21:50,488
I am very stupid.

1432
01:21:52,407 --> 01:21:54,533
This is
an historic moment.

1433
01:21:54,618 --> 01:21:57,453
Admiral General
Aladeen of Wadiya

1434
01:21:57,537 --> 01:21:59,038
is going to be signing

1435
01:21:59,122 --> 01:22:02,792
the first democratic
constitution in the history of his nation.

1436
01:22:02,876 --> 01:22:06,837
Across the globe,
people are glued to their television sets.

1437
01:22:06,922 --> 01:22:09,507
The people of Wadiya
are celebrating

1438
01:22:09,591 --> 01:22:12,426
what will be
a new chapter in their country.

1439
01:22:13,261 --> 01:22:16,180
Just moments away now
from putting his signature

1440
01:22:16,264 --> 01:22:18,641
on the first
democratic constitution.

1441
01:22:19,393 --> 01:22:22,228
That's Tamir Mafraad,
Aladeen's trusted advisor,

1442
01:22:22,312 --> 01:22:25,314
sharing a lighthearted moment with
Chinese businessman, Xiang Lao.

1443
01:22:25,399 --> 01:22:27,274
Any thoughts on
what they might be saying, Mike?

1444
01:22:27,359 --> 01:22:30,236
I thought I made out
the words "Harvey Keitel."

1445
01:22:32,823 --> 01:22:34,448
Don't know
what that meant.

1446
01:22:34,533 --> 01:22:37,284
Maybe they shared
a hot dog together, I'm thinking?

1447
01:22:37,369 --> 01:22:41,747
That would make sense. He's wiping the
mustard off his face and chest.

1448
01:22:41,832 --> 01:22:43,124
Excuse me!

1449
01:22:43,208 --> 01:22:44,667
You have to let me in.
You don't understand.

1450
01:22:44,751 --> 01:22:46,419
He's trying to
stop the signing!

1451
01:22:46,503 --> 01:22:48,045
Tamir is now speaking.

1452
01:22:48,130 --> 01:22:49,130
Today,

1453
01:22:49,840 --> 01:22:51,590
we begin a new era.

1454
01:22:52,134 --> 01:22:55,177
Wadiya will be
open to the world.

1455
01:22:55,262 --> 01:22:56,846
Open to the future.

1456
01:22:56,930 --> 01:22:58,431
And open for business.

1457
01:22:59,933 --> 01:23:03,352
The document is
ready to be signed, Supreme Leader.

1458
01:23:11,945 --> 01:23:14,697
What are you doing?
This man is an imposter!

1459
01:23:14,781 --> 01:23:19,243
No! This traitor tried to kill me
and had my beard removed!

1460
01:23:19,327 --> 01:23:21,537
Look!

1461
01:23:21,621 --> 01:23:24,039
Arrest the viper Tamir!

1462
01:23:24,124 --> 01:23:25,833
And now in another

1463
01:23:25,917 --> 01:23:29,545
amazing turn of events,
Tamir Mafraad is being taken away.

1464
01:23:29,629 --> 01:23:32,173
This constitution

1465
01:23:32,257 --> 01:23:34,925
is nothing
but a license for oil companies

1466
01:23:35,010 --> 01:23:38,512
and foreign interests
to destroy my beloved Wadiya!

1467
01:23:38,597 --> 01:23:42,266
Wadiya will remain
a dictatorship!

1468
01:23:52,027 --> 01:23:53,402
Oh, be quiet.

1469
01:23:53,779 --> 01:23:56,781
Why are you guys
so anti dictators?

1470
01:23:57,032 --> 01:23:59,867
Imagine if America
was a dictatorship.

1471
01:24:00,243 --> 01:24:04,455
You could let 1% of the people
have all the nation's wealth.

1472
01:24:04,790 --> 01:24:06,248
You could help
your rich friends

1473
01:24:06,333 --> 01:24:08,876
get richer by
cutting their taxes

1474
01:24:08,960 --> 01:24:12,213
and bailing them out
when they gamble and lose.

1475
01:24:12,672 --> 01:24:16,967
You could ignore the needs of the poor
for health care and education.

1476
01:24:17,052 --> 01:24:18,719
Your media
would appear free

1477
01:24:18,804 --> 01:24:22,932
but would secretly be controlled
by one person and his family.

1478
01:24:23,016 --> 01:24:27,269
You could wiretap phones,
you could torture foreign prisoners.

1479
01:24:27,354 --> 01:24:29,522
You could have
rigged elections.

1480
01:24:29,606 --> 01:24:31,690
You could lie about
why you go to war.

1481
01:24:32,234 --> 01:24:34,026
You could fill your prisons

1482
01:24:34,110 --> 01:24:37,738
with one particular racial group
and no one would complain!

1483
01:24:38,073 --> 01:24:41,450
You could use the media
to scare the people

1484
01:24:41,535 --> 01:24:45,454
into supporting policies
that are against their interests.

1485
01:24:45,539 --> 01:24:48,916
I know this is hard
for you Americans to imagine,

1486
01:24:49,000 --> 01:24:50,960
but please try.

1487
01:24:51,044 --> 01:24:53,295
I will tell you
what democracy is!

1488
01:24:53,713 --> 01:24:55,840
Democracy is the worst!

1489
01:24:55,924 --> 01:24:58,843
Endless talking
and listening to every stupid opinion!

1490
01:24:58,927 --> 01:25:01,011
And everybody's
vote counts,

1491
01:25:01,096 --> 01:25:04,765
no matter how
crippled or black or female they are.

1492
01:25:05,684 --> 01:25:07,059
Democracy...

1493
01:25:13,817 --> 01:25:15,109
Democracy

1494
01:25:16,486 --> 01:25:20,614
has hairy armpits
and could lose five pounds.

1495
01:25:21,825 --> 01:25:25,119
Democracy looks like
a midget in a chemo wig.

1496
01:25:26,496 --> 01:25:29,915
Democracy, your mother
called the other day

1497
01:25:30,041 --> 01:25:31,166
and I forgot to
give you the message.

1498
01:25:31,293 --> 01:25:35,379
It was something very important
about your grandmother.

1499
01:25:37,090 --> 01:25:39,717
Democracy kisses you
because she wants to,

1500
01:25:39,801 --> 01:25:43,679
not because her father
is in the next room chained to a radiator

1501
01:25:43,763 --> 01:25:45,890
with electrodes
attached to his nipples.

1502
01:25:46,725 --> 01:25:51,061
Democracy is flawed!
She is not perfect!

1503
01:25:51,730 --> 01:25:53,230
But democracy,

1504
01:25:56,776 --> 01:25:57,776
I love you.

1505
01:25:58,903 --> 01:26:01,989
And that is
why I call for real democracy!

1506
01:26:02,073 --> 01:26:03,866
A real constitution!

1507
01:26:03,950 --> 01:26:05,909
And real elections
in Wadiya!

1508
01:26:12,542 --> 01:26:14,543
Oh, no!

1509
01:26:15,420 --> 01:26:16,587
Come on!

1510
01:26:23,470 --> 01:26:26,639
Democracy,
I will make you one of my wives.

1511
01:26:27,724 --> 01:26:30,142
Okay, only wife.
We'll vote on it.

1512
01:26:30,769 --> 01:26:32,686
I'll shave
my armpits for you.

1513
01:26:32,771 --> 01:26:34,855
Praise be to the Creator!

1514
01:26:34,939 --> 01:26:37,358
And please stop using
that organic deodorant.

1515
01:26:37,442 --> 01:26:39,652
You could gas the Kurds
with that stench.

1516
01:27:06,805 --> 01:27:08,722
You died
protecting me, Efawadh.

1517
01:27:09,474 --> 01:27:10,474
Hello!

1518
01:27:10,767 --> 01:27:11,767
You are alive?

1519
01:27:11,976 --> 01:27:14,937
Of course!
It is my job to be shot in the head.

1520
01:27:18,608 --> 01:27:20,484
- Is he okay?
- He's fine.

1521
01:27:20,568 --> 01:27:23,153
Luckily the bullet
hit him in the brain.

1522
01:27:24,280 --> 01:27:26,115
So,

1523
01:27:27,575 --> 01:27:28,617
what now?

1524
01:27:28,910 --> 01:27:32,246
I return to Wadiya
to participate in fair elections.

1525
01:27:44,217 --> 01:27:47,761
Let's now look back
at the wonderful events of the past year.

1526
01:27:47,846 --> 01:27:50,639
After Wadiya's
first free elections,

1527
01:27:50,724 --> 01:27:53,684
President Prime Minister
Admiral General Aladeen

1528
01:27:53,768 --> 01:27:56,353
won 98. 8% of the vote.

1529
01:27:58,898 --> 01:28:02,484
But the big story today is the
marriage of President Prime Minister

1530
01:28:02,569 --> 01:28:06,321
Admiral General Aladeen
and his new bride, Zoey.

1531
01:28:10,577 --> 01:28:13,203
I now pronounce you
man and wife.

1532
01:28:23,047 --> 01:28:25,257
Are you okay, my love?
What did you step on?

1533
01:28:25,341 --> 01:28:26,633
Oh, yes! No, no.

1534
01:28:26,718 --> 01:28:30,387
It's my people's tradition.
We always smash a glass at weddings.

1535
01:28:30,472 --> 01:28:32,306
- I'm Jewish!
- What?

1536
01:28:32,390 --> 01:28:33,682
Mazel tov!

1537
01:28:38,688 --> 01:28:39,730
Are you okay?

1538
01:28:40,732 --> 01:28:43,400
That's fine.
I don't mind. It's great!

1539
01:28:43,860 --> 01:28:45,569
Come here, my love.

1540
01:29:05,298 --> 01:29:07,174
Jachnoon, President
Prime Minister Aladeen.

1541
01:29:07,258 --> 01:29:10,552
Jachnoon. Nadal. I have to be back
at the palace in an hour.

1542
01:29:10,637 --> 01:29:12,930
Zoey thinks I'm at yoga.

1543
01:29:13,348 --> 01:29:14,348
I have great news.

1544
01:29:14,432 --> 01:29:17,226
We are just days
away from testing the new missiles.

1545
01:29:17,310 --> 01:29:19,269
I have re-engineered
the oxidizing ducts

1546
01:29:19,354 --> 01:29:20,813
and the payload
delivery systems.

1547
01:29:20,897 --> 01:29:25,609
But you'll be happy to know,
the missile is now pointy!

1548
01:29:26,861 --> 01:29:28,821
Who cares if it's pointy?

1549
01:29:28,905 --> 01:29:30,072
What?

1550
01:29:30,573 --> 01:29:32,866
You do.
You care if it's pointy.

1551
01:29:32,951 --> 01:29:34,618
Why would I care
about such a trivial detail?

1552
01:29:34,702 --> 01:29:36,954
Are you serious?
Are you serious right now?

1553
01:29:37,038 --> 01:29:38,038
Of course I'm serious.

1554
01:29:38,122 --> 01:29:39,581
That's why you
had me executed!

1555
01:29:39,666 --> 01:29:42,960
The shape of the missile has nothing to
do with the payload delivery.

1556
01:29:43,044 --> 01:29:45,462
That's what I said!
That's what I said the first time!

1557
01:29:45,547 --> 01:29:46,964
No, that's what I said,
and you went crazy.

1558
01:29:47,048 --> 01:29:49,258
No! You said
Professor Popeye this...

1559
01:29:49,425 --> 01:29:51,176
Professor Popeye
is a cartoon.

1560
01:29:51,302 --> 01:29:52,553
No, I know this!

1561
01:29:57,225 --> 01:30:00,394
So, we're opening
300 Women's Centers,

1562
01:30:00,645 --> 01:30:04,565
but I'm going to have to take a
break for a little bit because

1563
01:30:05,233 --> 01:30:06,608
I'm pregnant.

1564
01:30:06,693 --> 01:30:07,860
What?

1565
01:30:11,573 --> 01:30:14,074
Are you having a boy
or an abortion?

1566
01:30:37,640 --> 01:30:38,682
Hello, gentlemen.
How you doin'?

1567
01:30:38,766 --> 01:30:40,309
Are you guys friends
of the deceased?

1568
01:30:40,393 --> 01:30:43,186
Do you want me to say this
in front of his widow?

1569
01:30:43,271 --> 01:30:44,313
I was his lover.

1570
01:30:44,397 --> 01:30:45,898
No. That is
not true.

1571
01:30:46,316 --> 01:30:48,317
I saw him perform
with the Globetrotters.

1572
01:30:48,401 --> 01:30:50,903
I thought
he was outstanding. I befriended him.

1573
01:30:50,987 --> 01:30:53,113
No, it's
a different person.

1574
01:30:53,197 --> 01:30:56,533
His message
of don't worry and being happy

1575
01:30:56,618 --> 01:30:57,784
was so powerful.

1576
01:30:57,869 --> 01:31:00,120
No, this is
Bobby McFerrin. I told you this outside.

1577
01:31:00,204 --> 01:31:02,456
Whatever the scandal
you went through,

1578
01:31:02,540 --> 01:31:04,374
you're still
the best golfer in the world.

1579
01:31:04,459 --> 01:31:05,626
Let's go.

1580
01:31:07,170 --> 01:31:08,545
O-M-G.

1581
01:31:09,631 --> 01:31:11,006
Oh, my God.

1582
01:31:13,926 --> 01:31:19,640
Oh, my...

1583
01:31:25,980 --> 01:31:27,105
Zoey.

1584
01:31:28,608 --> 01:31:30,817
That's some good head!

1585
01:31:33,071 --> 01:31:35,197
That is called payback
and it feels so good!

1586
01:31:35,281 --> 01:31:37,574
How did it feel for you?
How did it feel for you?

1587
01:31:37,659 --> 01:31:39,451
I prefer it with goats.

1588
01:31:40,161 --> 01:31:41,703
Where is
the Supreme Leader?

1589
01:31:41,788 --> 01:31:42,788
No, no.

1590
01:31:42,872 --> 01:31:45,290
Now that is
called payback!

1591
01:31:45,500 --> 01:31:46,833
Oh, great!

1592
01:31:52,256 --> 01:31:55,300
Don't touch it.
Don't touch it.

1593
01:31:55,760 --> 01:31:57,094
You don't have
to touch it.

1594
01:31:57,178 --> 01:31:58,220
Sorry. I was...

1595
01:31:58,304 --> 01:32:00,138
Just give us...
We don't...

1596
01:32:00,223 --> 01:38:41,039
Just give me
a couple of millimeters to myself.