Anon is Unbearable (AnonVs.Unicorn)

>Day New Clothes.
>You are Anonymous.
>You live in the Everfree Forest.
>You spend winters with the bears.
>And enter life-or-death combat with them regularly.
>As you are not dead yet, you are pretty hardcore.
>It is your fifth summer.
>Your clothes are more for decency than protection by this point.
>And failing at the first too.
>Time to get new digs!
>
>You decide to stake out a road between two pony towns.
>Within a few hours you hear a carriage being pulled down the road.
>You remember to make sure that the ponies don’t have horns.
>Fucking unicorns.
>Fucking magic.
>No horns.
>Delightful.
>Wait until carriage passes under your branch.
>And drop onto the top of the carriage.
>Land with only a small creak.
>Infiltration successful!
>You sit down on roof and begin rooting through to find the fancy pony-clothes suitcase.
>Going through pony-things always distracts you.
>They are, you assume, the dominant species.
>How they live interests you.
>Just, not enough to learn their language.
>Tossing a suitcase full of paperwork off the carriage, you open another.
>Jackpot.
>
>Grinning, you root through the pony-clothes, for a basic idea of what you’ve found.
>Male-pony things, tuxedo, undershirt, top hat.
>All useable.
>Setting the suitcase aside, you check the last suitcase.
>Dresses, hats, feathers.
>Girl-pony.
>Useless.
>You prepare to toss the suitcase when something catches your eyes.
>A shoe.
>You wiggle your toes and realize you haven’t had shoes since your first winter.
>You dig deeper.
>So.
>Many.
>Shoes.
>Most look extremely painful.
>Walking through snow barefoot is painful.
>You could handle a little pain.
>
>Beneath the clothes and the shoes, you find something else.
>Underthings.
>Why does girl-pony need underthings?
>As you sit there stretching them between your hands, pondering the necessity for pony-underthings, you fail to hear someone join you on the roof.
>“Ahem.”
>That gets your attention.
>You turn.
>Slowly.
>Fuck.
>Unicorn.
>With a monocle.
>This guy is big time.
>
>“Excuse me, but what are you doing with my wife’s undergarments?”
>You tense.
>Unicorn spoke to you.
>You understood unicorn.
>Maybe, he could understand you too?
>A chance to explain yourself.
>No.
>A chance to rejoin civilization.
>No more living in the woods.
>No more running from Timberwolves.
>No more wrestling Manticores.
>You could have hot meals and clean, well fitting clothes.
>And shoes.
>Oh good heavens so many shoes.
>For the shoes!
>
>You open your mouth to explain.
“Grawrgroargrerrrrrr,” you growl.
>Oh right.
>You’ve been speaking bear for the last five years.
>He screams.
>You scream.
>And punch him in the snout so he can’t magic you.
>Unicorn collapses on top of the carriage.
>You grab both suitcases and prepare to jump off the carriage.
>You look back at the unicorn.
>Maybe you could still explain yourself.
>Dropping the suitcases, you walk back to the unicorn.
>Reaching down, you hold out your hand
>And snatch that monocle right off his unicorn face.
>As you pick up the suitcases again, he calls after you.
>“Wh-what are you?  Why are you doing this?”
>You grin back at him and place his monocle over your right eye.
“I’m a damn bear, man.  I do whatever I feel like.”
>
>Today was a pretty good day.