Thread 72: Stories 1-15

https://archive.moe/mlp/thread/22651546/
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>Chrysalis
"18"
~~~~

>What the hell is that?

"What?"

>That, there, on your desk, what on earth did Two draw?

"Oh, uh... that's not Two."

>It clearly is.

"Isn't."

>Crayon drawings, lots of squiggles, and little hugs. I'd say that's a classic Two, unless you're hiding something from me concerning lack of contraception and past lovers.

"Pfft, HA!"

>...

"...It's not Two."

>Than who is it!?

"It's uh... a progress report."

>A what!?

"A progress report detailing what happened this week."

>From who!?

"Fifty Five."

>...Ahhhhh. And you're humoring him and then throwing them in the trash?

"Sure. Whatever."

>...What the fuck is that list you're writing?

"My report back to him. I write down all of the things that bring me hate over the week, and send them to him. It is how I vent."

>...That seems weird.

"I don't think he can read."

>...That's a long list.

"That it is."

>Well, whatever. Tell Fifty Five not to keep trying to mail me money.

"Can do."

She leaves.

After a brief pause, Eighteen opens a secret compartment, and stuffs the picture neatly on top of a hundred others.

After a pause, she keeps working on her list.

"...And then Chrysalis walked in, and she was a bitch..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>DT
"SS"
~~~

"Okay, what the heck is that?"

>What?

"That newest attachment on him, what the heck did you stick on him?"

>Toaster

"Oh for the love of... you put a heat emitter on him!? Why!? What, are you planning to BOIL YOUR ENEMIES from the inside out!? Dry up their water supply?! Just cause their eyeballs to dry up and crumble away!? Just catching them on fire for the fun of it!? WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT!?"

*DING!*

"..."

>...I like my daisy sandwiches toasted.

"...Share."

>NO! MY SANDWICH!

"SHARE!"

>NUH!

"COME BACK HERE!"

>NEVERRRRR!

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>Zephyrus
"Hilda"
~~~

>It figures that the moment I take the barest of rests that the whole kingdom would be thrown into turmoil.

"That is what you get for sleeping on the job."

>I had a concussions and a cracked skull!

"If I wanted to hear an infant cry, I would tell our younger brother that his knitting is awful."

>...Hilda, do not even jest about that, he works hard on that.

"You just want him to keep coming to you for lessons."

>I am the finest in the kingdom, if I may be so boastful.

"Except minotaurs."

>THE HORNS THROW ME OFF! Besides, we never see Minotaur around these parts.

"Your excuses are getting poorer."

>Very well. Hilda! Cover for me!

"No, sir representative of the minotaur kingdom, he just has a hard time capturing natural splendor he does not see with his own eyes, may we have a demonstration?"

>And scene. Take a bow.

"If I wanted to clean up your messes, I would have hired a maid. Be a king and start thinking on your claws."

>With the way this is going I might not have to worry-OW!

"DO NOT EVEN THINK THAT! I will rip every feather from your hide right here!"

>I was merely trying to lighten the mood-OW!

"Than proclaim you competency from the heavens, at least I would find that one funny."

>Oh, dear Hilda. Life would be boring without you.

"Fair warning, if we do get deposed, I'm personally conquering Silver Feather Fields and using it to live my life as a baroness."

>...Are you serious?

"Partly."

>Hilda.

"Oh don't give me that, you may come too. I need someone to hang the drapes."

>Your mercy is neverending.

"I am a just not-yet-a-baroness."

>...If I may be serious for the moment, we should remind the others to remain together in this time of strife to hold on to what is important. The last thing I want is dear uncle to be forced to shoulder something he has no interest or skill in or worse leave us vulnerable to those damned vultures. Mother will have to put aside her grievances, Siegfried will have to hawk up and we will all have to stick together and defeat this as a united dynasty.

"You should likely save the speeches for someone who wouldn't follow you into a one on one fight with the entirety of the kingdoms lordship."

>It would be more than one on one, your math is-OW!

"I am being supportive, take my words and cherish them."

>Oh believe me, I do... Hilda?

"Yes?"

>Thank you for standing by my side, even when I made so many choices some might call... unpopular.

"HA!"

>...

"Oh, Zephyrus... I know. You will make a good king someday, you just need to continue on... and maybe punch mother back the next time she hits you in the head."

>And get in the way of your stabbing? What cruel a monster would be I, if I took such a joy from you.

"We can share, you get the left cheek, I get the right."

>A fair and just not-yet-a-baroness indeed!

"And do not forget it."

>...You know, I think you would have been a powerful Queen, had fate not chosen me by mere months. For all the thought I was meant to be king... you could have been just as great.

"No higher praise could I be given... well, shall we continue on? For life and kingdom?"

>For peace and prosperity to all over whom we reside. Sister... it is time those who doubt saw the power... of the house Af Gryphonia. All of us.

Metal flashed in the light as they stepped forth. His blade, broad and wide. Her own, small and thin. Each one cleaned and ready to be used once more.

Side by side, equals, they strode to their father, the determination on their face in sync and unmistakable.

They were ready.

"They'll never know what hit them."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Sunset
"Variolus"
~~~

>Are you sure this will prevent anyone from detecting me? We are in a place of Unicorn, after all.

"Please, as if anyone could break through our veil of deceit."

>I'm serious, this is super illegal.

"Oh, really? Draining someone of love is illegal, whoever would have thought?'

>No, not that... well, yes, that, but just pretending to be someone else is illegal.

"Oh I- wait what!?"

>It is.

"So, wait, any changeling ever using their magic is breaking the law?"

>Yes.

"Well, that's not being discriminatory."

>Okay, first off, really? Second, it counts for Unicorns as well... I've never seen it enforced for unicorns, but that's beside the point.

"How is that beside the point?"

>Oh for the love of... it's a new law!

"Made after the changelings arrived?"

>Yes!

"..."

>Hey, don't look at me, I didn't make it. I guess Applejack just wasn't having any of your species shit. Mare does not do things in halves, either all the way or nothing with her.

"Fantastic. Didn't the royal assigned to watch that annoying brat at least put up a token fight? I'm feeling offended here."

>...Erm... Applejack was that royal.

"...HAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHHA!"

>That is not the response I expected.

"AHAHHAHAHAHAHAH! AHHHHHAHAHAH! Ohhhhh... And Chitania thought this would actually work. All that rage for nothing."

>What?

"Nothing, nothing at all. Yes, your disguise will hold. You can be sure of that."

>Alright...

"..."

>...No, seriously, what was that?

"I said you made your ass look fat."

>REALLY!? I-... Oh, fuck you.

"...I'm not even going to touch that one."

>Fuck... youuuuu.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>10
"BBB"
'Coltsly'

>Dateline...hey, BBB, what month is it?

"UNKNOWN."

>Aw, don't worry buddy, we'll figure it out later. Anyway, where was I? Dateline whenever, I'm still here in Canterlot after all that...y'know, bad stuff happened, to get the scoop on just what the heck was going on there! We're on the case, BBB, and our first stop is-

'My store.'

>Gah! How long have you been standin' there?!

The unicorn behind the counter shrugged, lighting up her horn to dust it off.

'A while now, I like to hold court most days around this time. Ms. E. Coltsly, at your service. Would you like to come up to my office, I'd love an interview.'

>Noooot today, lady, WHERE WERE YOU ON THE NIGHT-

"MID-AFTERNOON."

>-right, BBB, MIDAFTERNOON OF A FEW DAYS AGO!?

'...here, in my store, examining my new stock. Would you like to upgrade? Your robot, well...I don't really think you could call these machines 'antiques' buuuut-'

>NEVER!

'Fine, fine, can't blame a salesmare for trying. But yes, I was here, overseeing a shipment of new stock from the home office. The Mark 8's, quite a special design, if you ask me, useful for home defense, keeping itineraries, and they make a mean flapjack.'

>...a flapjack?

'Yes, we're expanding into cooking, it's quite the-'

>Stop sidetracking me! Why'd ya have your 'bots turn their guns on the Queen?

'...because I'd have to have been an idiot not to?'

>...say what?

'You...you realize I run a SECURITY company, right? Coltsly Security Solutions is built on the reassurance that my products can keep a pony's family safe from anything the world throws at them while making their lives easier along the way. If I saw a brewing battle between a Princess of Equestria and a foreign royal, would it do for me to usher my droids down an alley and tuck my tail between my legs? Besides, it's not exactly like your fellows were calling for a peaceful resolution.'

>We were being loyal!

'...aaaand we weren't? How old are you?'

>No comment.

'Right, well it might come as a shock to you, but loyalty to one's royalty-forgive the rhyme- is not an exclusively changeling trait. I, personally, had recently been snubbed for the opportunity to replace the guard with some of the more advanced models from the home office. From the looks of things, I would've have said the motives behind this prospective scrap were stemming from the changelings' own snubbing in favor of a mister...'

"BRONZE POMMEL."

'Thank you, yes, him. I was keen to show, I held no ill feelings towards the Princess for her decision. It would have seemed downright traitorous to back down.'

>But it was far more complicated than that...right?

'Oh yes, you'll get no argument from me. Every issue is complicated these days, is it not? From the highest affairs of state, to the lowest squabble over property rights. Believe me, I hold no ill will towards your people, particularly if their buyers but...'

>What but?

'I suppose our two races are less than compatible. Oh certainly there have been tales of friendships springing up, but there seems to be a vast majority that favors hostility, and our first real contact with your race left a little to be desired in terms of civility.'

>Now come on, we made up for that like three times already!

'Perhaps, but to the eyes of a common pony, you could easily spin it you were just safeguarding a food source. They think you think of them as cattle, which doesn't really fly with Canterlot's more sophisticated populace. But I suppose for the most part the point is moot now, isn't it?'

>Because ya mostly got rid of us?

'I will not say I'm not pleased by the recent uptick in sales I got from the changelings migrating, but let's just face facts. It was a bad fit, your race is a square peg, and Canterlot is a round hole, the answer was never to force one to accept the other, the answer was to find a hole in which the peg would fit.'

>It coulda worked, people just needed to try harder.

'I suppose.'

And that was that, it would seem, Coltsly could only shrug at the notion.

'I don't know why you saw fit to ask me about matters of state, I'm just a businessmare. It's all I have been and it's all I will be. So long as the bits keep coming in, we could be rule by a purple hippo for all I care. All I've ever done is attempt to increase the prestige and income of my business. Now...'

Coltsly's horn lit up as she regarded the two...and a fruit basket levitated up onto the counter.

'Would you like one of these? I sent one to that couple, the one with the bat pony, and I believe you live in Canterlot.'

>...What?

'What what?'

>Why're ya givin' us a fruit basket!?

'Oh, did you not get targeted by any of the droids in the city?'

>Well yeah but-

'This is an apology on behalf of my company, some low-level programmer in the home office must have snuck in some kind of program that makes them automatically treat changelings as hostile threats. It's a shame how some mean-spirited goons can just get into the lower levels of a good company, but it should be fixed now.'

>Huh, thanks, I guess.

'No problem. Good luck with the story, I'm sure everyone wants to know what was really going on there.'

"PATRONIZING AUDIO LEVELS DETECTED."

'You know the Mark 8's come with a volume contro-'

>No!

'Can't blame me for trying.'

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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~

>Well, that was rude.

"Hey, you weren't eating it. It's been sitting there for ten minutes, it's fair game."

>No, not you eating my chocolate bar, this.

Pointedly, he holds up a note that had been dropped on his lap mere minutes ago.

"...What is this?"

>An apology letter from the king of the gryphons, apparently he had to cancel our meeting scheduled for this month.

"Hmmm... power play? Your Kingdom has lately gathered a, if I do say so myself, impressive population who are know for their battle prowess on a level unlike anything he could scrounge up, my meager population alone could defeat his army, even discounting my own abilities which could single hoofedly destroy his entire kingdom. He's likely throwing his weight around to show that he has the ability to snub you if he so chooses, and is not so afraid of retaliation that he would meet you if he didn't feel like it."

>...Uh huh. And how would you respond to that?

"Write a note saying how disappointed you are that you could not meet as expected, and make several insinuations you're going to be paying his kingdom a visit here soon to 'see the sights' and set him on edge. Continue with such for a week, than abruptly say you won't be able to because you've got something of greater importance to be seen, before 'being caught' by the paparazzi with me and Celestia while the three of us are doing something crazy and utterly pointless, just to show him his kingdom is lower on the list than either of us care for."

>...

"Hey, if he wants to snub you, show him he does not know the meaning of the word snub."

>Or he might just have his own problems.

"Pfft."

>...You know the scary part is, that's not bad political maneuvering, and would be pretty effective in showing distaste for actions. You're just really... creepy about it.

"Skillful."

>How? You never had to do royal negotiations.

"I'm just naturally gifted."

>At starting wars, maybe.

"And winning them!"

>...

"...Shut up."

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>Chitania
"PM"
'Librarian'
~~~~

>...

'DO YOU HAVE NO OTHER HOBBIES!? I never see you do anything but sit here!'

"No, she's got a real important thing ta' do, so don't you be botherin' her! I will pop you one!"

'I meant you!'

"...Wait, really? You're... actually talkin' to me?"

'Yes! All you do is sit there and occasionally try to flick little hoofballs into a hat! Aren't you bored!?'

"...Well, yeah, sometimes, that's why I talk ta' Chitty. She talks back."

'She barely tolerates you!'

"Still ain't a virgin no more if you pay for it, honey.'"

'....WHAT!?'

"Sorry, I'm not good with metaphors, and I only know a couple."

'I'm serious! How do you not go crazy!?'

"Most o' my job is standing on a corner waiting for someone to come along who don't look like the type to turn me in, pretty boring. So I mostly make up pop songs in my head. Sides, ain't like there's anythin' to do around there."

'Oh for the love of... YOU'RE IN A LIBRARY!'

"I thought that meant no screamin'."

'I MEAN YOU CAN READ!... You can read, can't you.'

"WHOA! Hey! Uncalled for! I ain't that dumb! I can read just fine, missy!"

'SO READ!'

"...What about?"

'Whatever you're interested in!'

"Oh, uh... I don't think you got books on that."

'...Ew.'

"Not that! That's work, that ain't a hobby!...Don't want to even think about it when I don't have ta'."

'So just... find a new hobby!'

"Why do you care?"

'Because I have to look at someone every day in my library not using my library! STOP IT! IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE! There's so many different paths you can take, so many worlds and a fountain of new information to drink from, but you're content dying of thirst while sitting in it! This place holds more knowledge than any one pony or gryphon or whatever could ever hold, and you want none of it! The secret of the world is all around you, and even the bug monster knows it! STOP INSULTING THE VERY CONCEPT OF KNOWLEDGE YOU STUPID WHORE!'

"..."

'...'

"...Ya'll got problems."

'HATE!'

"But uh... okay. Guess I can grab one."

'...'

"..."

'...WELL!?'

"I'm thinkin'!"

'...'

"...Oh! I got an idea! I'm gonna get revenge!"

'Wait what-'

"EEE! Be right back, Chitty!"

>Don't fucking call me that.

"Sorry!"

'Wait, what are you saying- And she's gone.....Did... Did I just mess up? IS LEARNING BAD!? Are some ponies not meant to learn!?'

>Seeing as you've been annoying her and insulting her and are likely on the top of her revenge list, probably.

'MY LIFE IS A LIEEEEEE!'

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 >Aj
"Fluttershy"
~~~~

>...What is this?

"It's a giant teacup."

>Ah. Powers goin' outta control again?

"No."

>...

"...I like tea."

>...Kay.

"Not going to question that?"

>Ah'm a damn alicorn who's friend is a chaos infused ali-pegaus and Ah'm lookin' at a damn giant teacup filled with chocolate milk that smells like taffy. Ah'm not questionin' a goddang thing.

"Oh... okay."

>...

"...Do you want some?"

>Yes.

"I wouldn't, it tastes like beavers."

>...How do ya' know what beavers taste like?

"..."

>...Nevermind.

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>AJ
"Rarity"
~~~

"Well, if I do say so, this is an odd sight."

The pompous prissy pony was quite shocked to find her friend, of all places, a bench in Canterlot park.

Even curiouser, she seemed quite melancholy, despite the... area she was in.

>Oh... hey, Rar.

"Darling, you look positively crestfallen! Whatever is the problem, Applejack?"

>Ahhh.. it ain't nothin' ya' can help me with.

"Now Applejack, I am offended, as your friend I would have you know that I am capable of helping with any issue you might have. Come come! Tell me all about it!"

Without waiting for a reply, the white pony took her place next to her, and drew in close.

>...It's kinda personal.

"Personal to you or someone else?"

>Mostly someone else... but kinda me too, Ah' guess.

"Now I simply must hear it, come now!"

She sighed, defeated with little more than gentle nudging. That, alone, told Rarity that this was something she very much wanted off her chest, but had to be goaded into it.

>Let's just say... Ah' found out somethin' about Chrysalis's mom, and... ah' don't know iffin' Ah' want ta' tell her about it. It might hurt her feelin's.

Instantly, both eyebrows shot up in a curious glance. Normally, Rarity would have explained in a great many details how Chrysalis's feelings are the last thing anyone should take into account in any way, save perhaps the amount of how much she would feel being covered in fire ants after being slathered in honey, but she was not a tactless being, she knew that occasionally, one must simply sit back and listen.

No matter how much she wanted to make it known that Applejack even hesitating to knock that megalomaniac down a few hundred rungs was sheer lunacy.

>Ah' know what yer' thinkin', but... dang it Rar, ya' might not get it. She worships her mom. Ya' ever seen her talk about her? Ah' have, she loves her ta' bits. Ah' don't know what happened ta' her, but Chrysalis... dang it, when she talks she just lights up about it, just starts talkin' like she's talkin' bout the greatest thing ta' ever grace the earth, cept herself.

Okay, she was being supportive, but even Rarity had limits. If Applejack was offended when she rolled her eyes, she was just going to have to deal with it.

>Ah' know, Ah' know, but... ah' don't know.

"Darling, is it really that bad?"

>It's... Ah' don't know iffin' it's bad... ta' them, at least. Makes mah' dang stomach flip when Ah' think about it, but those changelin's are weird.

"Tell me about it. But really, Darling, you are the element of honesty, surely you know how important it is to be truthful."

>Yeah... but Ah' also know how much it hurts sometimes.

The mare sighed, slumping in her seat just a bit more.

>It ain't... it just ain't right ta' go after her folks like that. Her mom's gone, she's gone and ain't comin' back, and it ain't right ta' drag up the misdeeds she did in the meanwhile. It ain't right.

"So then, why not simply not tell her?"

>Ain't that simple. Arana knows too, and... well...

"Well, now I'm questioning you at all. We both know that Chrysalis has been nothing but cruel regarding the dear's mother, and it should swing both ways."

>Ah' know, but... but this is a little different.

"I really don't see how."

>Sciderella did all that stuff cause she liked it, cause it was fun ta' her little messed up brain. It ain't right that Chrysalis brings it up, it makes me sick when she does, but this ain't the same as that. This is cause... cause...

She deflated even further, looking very much like a balloon that had the air let out of it, slowly.

"Because of what, darling?"

>...This'd be like iffin' Ah' learned mah' mom... ah' don't know... iffin' she saw me and some other kid in a burnin' buildin', and could only save one, and she picked me.

Rarity reeled back, positively aghast at the horrible image.

"Good lord, Applejack!"

>She didn't do that, Rar, just an example.

"Still! How ghastly!"

>Well, that's kinda what Ah'm at. It's like... iffin' that did happen, would Ah' want ta' know about it? Would Ah' feel better iffin' someone told me? Of course not, it's too late ta' do it, Ah' understand why they did it, and it wasn't right but it happened anyway. All it would tell me is that she wasn't... wasn't perfect.

"Oh... oh, Applejack."

A comforting limb enclosed itself around shaking shoulders, drawing her in close for a tight embrace.

"It's not the same thing."

>It is... Ah' know this is bad ta' say, but Ah' feel like this is the one part o' her Ah' get, ya' know? Ah' get why she gets all excited talkin' bout her mom rippin' heads off hydras, Ah' get why she gets breathless running outta things ta' describe with her. Ah' get seein' them as somethin'... special. More special in the whole wide world than anythin' else... and dang it, Ah' don't care iffin' we don't get along, Ah' don't care iffin' she's a whiny, stupid, annoyin' little thick skulled idiot, Ah' don't wanna take that from her. Cause...

"Because... you're afraid she'll fight back, and try to take it from you?"

She went still, and Rarity felt like kicking herself. Obviously, that thought hadn't occurred to her.

"Not to say she would, even I don't think she'd go that low, I'm just asking."

That was a lie, of course, but it was better than the alternative.

>...Ah' don't know.

"Applejack, I understand-"

>No ya' don't.

There was no malice in that, only simple statement of fact. It was not meant to offend, the white pony knew, it was not meant to be a jab, or anything of that sort. It was simply put, her saying, without question, that no, she did not understand what it was like to have nothing left of your parent but a memory, and know that a single description of an event could shatter all the majesty and wonder you clung to with those memories. She, having both her parents alive and well, could never understand.

It hurt, knowing that she could only understand why she could never understand that, but she accepted it.

"...Of course. So, what are you going to do?"

That rigid form shook a bit, just a bit, before growing stern, hard and unmoving.

>...Ah'm gonna tell her.

"But, why?"

>Cause too many know now. Arana and Chitania both know, and one of 'em is gonna blab eventually. Ah' guess iffin' this has gotta happen... it needs ta' be from someone who gets it, and ain't gonna rub it in her face. Everyone else jus' thinks she needs ta' come down some pegs... but damn it, this ain't the way ta' do it. Iffin' she's gotta know, Ah'm gonna be the one ta' tell her.

"Applejack..."

>Least she can't hate me anymore, right? Figure we're at the limit.

With that, she shuffled out of the embrace, standing up and giving a single, thankful nod to the other.

>Thanks fer' listenin' Rarity.

"You don't have to do this alone."

>Yeah... Ah' do. This one needs ta' be between her and me. We don't understand jack about each other most days... but at least this part, we'll understand. She ain't gonna like it... Ah' just can make it go down a little easier.

She was not stern, nor resolute as she walked off. Still every bit looking as if she was headed to the gallows. But still, ever forwards she marched to what was surely going to be one of the worst talks of her life.

And behind her, Rarity could do nothing but watch.

Watch... and try to be there after it all inevitably fell apart.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
~~~

>Hey, Chrysalis? Ah' need ta' talk ta' ya about yer....

"GLK! GLKKKKKK!"

>...This a bad time?

'I am a little busy at the moment.'

>Ah see ya' got yer' hooves full.

'That I do.'

"GLRGL!"

>...We gonna fight now?

'Unless you want to let it happen.'

>Well, he HAS been a problem...

"...GLK!?"

>...Nah, we better do it. We've been action free fer a buncha damn threads now, it's gettin' annoyin'.

'Eh, I see the logic. ENGARD!'

"GLK!"

>HEY! No usin' him as a club!

'You can have one too!'

>Oh, fine... SPIKE! C'MERE! AH NEED TA' USE YA' AS A TOOL!

[And we are back to show-usage, yay.]

~~~

*Sunset walks by*
*Sees Chrysalis and AJ using Spike and 29 as swords and beating each other*
*Turns to Variolus*

>...This is the world you caused.

"OH GOD I AM WORST QUEEN!"

~~~

>Random passer by
~~~~

>...BRIIIIILLLIANT!

And thus, Changeling-Dragon-Ball was born.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>, Changeling-Dragon-Ball
I'm sorry
NC
>Chitania
"Sunset"
'Variolus'
~~~

>So, you want to see my true power? Very well... you're going to love this.

"I doubt that."

>What you're seeing here is my normal state. And this-!

*FWOOOOOM!*

>Is what is known as a Titan Queen!

"...Yeah, got the basics down, I was hoping-"

>And this...

*FWOOOOM!*

>Is the state past that, this is what is known as a Titan Queen... or you can just call it a Titan level 2.

'Ho hum, so you grew a bit and your hair got spikier, so what?'

"...Wait, what? Level 2? That doesn't make any sense, are you talking out of your-"

>And this...

SHOOM SHOOM SHOOM!

'Is it true? Have you found a way to ascend past a Titan Changeling?'

"... Pfft, that's silly, what would that make you, double Titan?"

'W-wait... she's doing it!'

>HAAAAAA! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

SHOOOOOOOOOMMMM!

'I-it's unreal! How is she generating that much power!?'

>HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

"And she is screaming, just, so much. Is this much screaming and shooming needed? This seems pointless.... and this is causing a lot of property damage for just standing around."

*Canterlot buildings begin to crack*

>AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"I mean, I could just shoot her or something if this was a fight, this is taking a LONG time."

*Canterlot starts cracking*

>AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

'STOP IT! STOP IT NOW CHITANIA!'

*Cracking and lightshow intensified!*

>AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Holy shit, are you still going? Do something already-"

*sequence of Primal insides of Chitania turning into a grub and then a baby.*

"I didn't mean that-"

>AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*BOOOOOOM!

"..."

'I-Impossible!'

>I'm sorry that took so much longer than the others... but I haven't had much occasion to practice this one. This is what I call... A Titan Level 3!

"..."

'...'

>...What?

"So... your hair just gets... really long?"

>Yeah? I mean, it's really, really long though, that's how you know it's strong.

"...I am so fucking done."

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Spike"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter and the day will last forever! Now for our main guest...SPIKE!!!

"Aw did I fall asl-"

>I ask the questions here! Did you know that Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand.

"Huh...no I didn't."

>Great! You now know a useless fact. See, we can be very educational.

"...but you just said it was useless."

>That's true. This knowledge has no application whatsoever!

"...then why did you-"

>I'm thinking about your future Spike!...but that's it for our show, so bye everypony!
Spike wakes up

"...did Pinkie get...Pinkier? Does that even...I need food."

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 >77
"88"
~~~~

>You're getting the hang of it.

The "Hang" he was referring to likely wasn't considered special by most. Simply punching a wall over and over and over. Nothing really impressive, to be sure.

Unless, of course, one were to look closer, and noticed that every nearly single solitary strike had landed in the exact same area.

Again, this would not be that impressive... had he not been spinning her around randomly after every strike.

"It's starting to be easier to tell where stuff is. I just... know. I can smell the dust from the broken crystal, I can feel the heat where my hooves were, I can just... feel it."

>Your senses were always exemplary, sister. Your prowess with a knife, something that requires great sophistication and timing, proved it. But you need to quit pushing yourself so hard, you will adapt in time.

"Not like I've got anything else to do."

>Now that's just not true, there is a great many things to experience around here.

"What, taking in all the sights?"

>...Must you do that everytime?

"It is how I cope."

>Your coping mechanism is giving me a twitch.

"I know, I can hear it."

>...Seriously?

"No, not seriously, that's fucking dumb."

>Ah... but there is more to it, I'm sure. You do not need to do this.

"...Yeah-"

Another spin.

Another perfect shot.

...A smile.

"I do."

>...If you insist.

"You don't have to stay with me."

>...Yeah. I do.

"Hrpm, being sappy again."

>What can I say?... It's my coping mechanism.

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>32
"Rarity"
'Vekir'
-Watchdog-

"You want a suit."

>Yes.

"A pink suit."

>Yes, the brighter and pinker the better.

"...Cadence, darling, did your cooking somehow make you possess 32?"

>Oh yes, ha ha ha, I can pay you!

"I don't believe showing up looking like a peacock is going to give a good first impression."

>No, don't you see? It's genius, they'd be expecting me in some kind of dark gaunt cloak or some such, if I dress in a bright pink, no one will-

"Take you the least bit seriously."

>...bugger.

"Perhaps a fetching midnight blue would do you better, play up the mystery while pushing the danger to the back?"

>Perhaps...but-

'ZHETRI TUUHL!'

>Hrk!

The changeling was pounced to the floor by the sudden impact of a small bright blue shape that crashed into him, wrapping her forelegs around his neck and hugging tightly.

'Zhetri Tuuhl, it is most of the fortuneness that I have found you AND the Diamond Princess in the same place!'

>Vekir...can't...breathe...

'Vekir can breath, do not be silly.'

"Vekir, darling, you're choking him."

'Oh...oops. My mistake.'

>Much better.

-Hey, squirt, did ya go in here, we're running low...on...-

"..."

-So Iiiii'm just gonna wait in the hall.-

"You do that."

'Zhetri Tuulh, Rarara, the news is fantastic, Vekir has finally found her guardian of bodies, and she shall go forth to the land of Catbirds to Moot their Kings-!'

>"What?"

'Vekir leaves soon, but I wanted to see you both again, to tell you that you shall be in the thoughts of Vekir as she travels the world, ambassadorializing all along the way!'

Vekir bounded from where she had hugged 32 to give Rarity the same treatment.

"Y-you're leaving in an hour?"

>Do you have any money!? Supplies?!

'Of course! Dog bot!'

-Watchdog!-

'BEHOLD OUR SUPPLIES!'

-Huh? Oh, right.-

A mechanical hand held up what appeared to be a potato sack bulging with...presumably provisions.

>You didn't steal those, did you?

Vekir released Rarity, looking at the changeling with a tilt of her head.

'Of cooourse not. Vekir asked.'

-And I stood behind her as tall as I could. They agreed pretty fast.-

"Oh dear."

>Ok, one, when you come back, we are having a long discussion on what 'extortion' is. Two...

The changeling pulled the small morlock into an embrace, a fatherly smile spreading across his face. When he stepped back, he slid the bag he'd carried from his office to her.

>Inside this bag should be enough gems to barter some currency wherever you go. Be safe out there, little one, see the world your people have discovered, and when you come back? I'll will not see the small, enthusiastic...rather kleptomaniacal little girl who embarked, but a young mare I'd be happy to call my colleague.

'I shall do you proud, Zhetri Tuuhl, this I swear! And you, Diamond Princess Rararara! Vekir shall do pride to all! Come robo-doggy, ONWARD!'

In a flash, she was off...then she came back, grabbed the bag of gems, and was off again.

-Wow, where'd ya get all of those?-

>Hm? Oh they're quite rich, living underneath a mountain that has mines exploiting ores and such will do that.

-Wow, I kidnapped the wrong kinda-uhhhhhhhhhh, so I'm just gonna go follow her.-

>Yes, please, and Mr. Dog?

-Mhm?-

>Please keep in mind that that Morlock is of a special significance to me. If I find out harm came to her under your care, I will find you and I will disembowel you.

-Uh, don't got bowels no more, pal.-

>Oh, how silly of me. I will find your old body, excise the bowels, stuff them into that metal carapace of yours, THEN disembowel you. Understood?

-...heylookit'srunawayo'clock!-

KA-FLEE!

"A bit gratuitous, don't you think?"

>I think we can agree Morlocks and Diamond Dogs are...similar on the IQ scale?

"Point, so about your bill for this."

>Oh...right. I believe I just gave her my last vestige of wealth.

"..."

>I'll see myself out.

"No no, we'll set up a tab, please, come with me, we'll see you fitted for your...Robin's Egg Blue suit."

>You're the expert.

"And don't you forget it."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >42
"Spitfire"
~~~~

>...I'm embarrassed for you.

"You know what? You should be. I'm embarrassed for us all."

>You seriously thought weighted gear would help them train?

"It worked out great for the Wonderbolts."

>It worked out because said Wonderbolts were on performance enhancers that compensated for their lack of physical ability.

"Yeeeep. Did not take into account the drugs. The drugs should have been high on the list, I admit that, but I did not take them into account, and am suffering for it."

>Well, they're suffering for it.

"I'm suffering with them. It's mutual. I am there in spirit."

>That is not remotely the same thing.

"I'm trying to look on the bright side here. Why are you so pessimistic?"

>Because even my brain has stopped pitying me, and now does little more than mock me.

"...What?"

>I said that guy is on fire.

"That is not what you sa-OH FUCK! HOW!? HOW DID YOU-"

>Freaking out is not a valid fire suppressant.

"HOLD ON BUDDY! I'M COMING! I'M-OH FUCCCCCKKKKK!"

>...To think, Shining wanted me to try this. The fool.

"FUUUUUUCCCKKKKKK!"

>...The... fool...

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