FoulMouth's Flutterswear: The Princessening

>"...and I was *this* close to starting my sentence with 'Zigga, please!' but I don't think Zecora would have appreciated it."
>You are creased up laughing.
>You're stood at the back of a crowded room, awaiting the arrival of Princess Celestia.
>Fluttershy is telling you about her trip into the Everfree.
>"Even the trees in there look like they want to rape your ass!" She whispers to you.
>'Stop! Stop I can't breathe!'
>"What's the joke?" A bass-y, musical voice floats into your ear from right behind you, startling you.
>'Mother of f...'
>Fluttershy shoots you a look.
>'...flying squirrels! Princess, I didn't see you there.'
>She offers a gentle smile that melts your heart.
>"So?" She prompts.
>"Oh, princess, I was just telling Anon a joke I heard about... flying squirrels...?"
>Celestia stares at you both.
>"Really?"
>'Yeah. It wasn't that funny, but Shy does such a good impression of a squirrel and it gets me every time.'
>After more staring Fluttershy tries to do a squirrel impression while gently hovering a foot or so off the ground.
>"Well, fair enough. Better get back to work." Celestia moves off.
>"You dick." Fluttershy digs you in the ribs. You just laugh more.
>Celestia has stopped almost exactly in front of you and is speaking to another pony. Fluttershy follows your eyeline to the marvellous sun-mark on the princess' flank.
>"You wanna wreck dat, Anon?"
>You spit your drink.
>"tear up dat azz, zigga!" she whispers in a voice you fear is just loud enough for the princess to hear.
>'Fluttershy shut the hell up!'
>"What, you aren't getting any younger and I bet you haven't got your dick wet since you got here."
>'Yeah, because I don't fancy fucking animals, thanks.Bestiality might be your idea of a Tuesday night in, but not for me thanks.'
>"Faggot."
>'Shy, sometimes I wish I'd never moved in with you.'
>She looks shocked and suddenly very sad.
>'No, no, I mean I wish I hadn't got you swearing so much. I dunno. I like being roommates though.'
>"Quit being such a bitch, then, and tell me if you'd ruin the Princess' as..."
>Celestia is staring at you both.
>"As... king of ponyville to keep up the good work this year.' She finishes in a squeak. 'If you had a really good reason to, I mean."
>'No. I wouldn't. That'd be rude.' You flatly state, trying to keep a straight face.
>"Good. I gotta go a check on the... flying squirrels." and then she was gone.
>'So, about that...' you begin.
>"For the record, I have FANTASTIC hearing, Anon." Celestia twitches an ear.
>You grab your collar and fan yourself a little.
>'Is it hot in here?'
>Celestia steps closer to you and lowers her voice even more.
>You gulp.
>"Answer the question you fucking faggot."
>'Wait, what the fuck?'
>"You wanna wreck this?" She shakes her ass a little. "Come on, what if I throw Luna into the mix, too?"
>'Princess, I...'
>"I'd fucking destroy Fluttershy, given the chance, too."
>You are stunned.
>Celestia laughs.
>"I'm joking! Get the fuck out of here, Anon."
>You just fucking bolt for the door.
>'Shy, scrape the bear cum out of your ears and listen to this shit!'