Doomguy in a different hell

from /hhg/ - Hazbin Hotel General Thread #228 & #229
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>i feel like if (The Doomslayer) saw demons like (the ones in HH) he wouldn't really consider them demons because they look nothing like the ones he's fighting
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>You've got a point there. He'd be all like "the fuck is this? ya call this a demon?"

>Imagine if someone sent him to Hazbin Hell on a mission.

>>Guy has the door to his office smashed to splinters as Doomguy kicks it down
>>He's got Charlie slung over his shoulder, and he's clearly not happy
>>"YOU SAID THERE WOULD BE DEMONS"
>>"YOU SAID THERE WAS AN ENTIRE HOTEL FULL OF THEM IN DIRE NEED OF RIPPING AND TEARING"
>>He sets Charlie on the desk
>>"DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A FUCKING DEMON TO YOU?!"
>>"SHE'S A FUCKING FIVE-FOOT-TWO THEATER GEEK. IVE SEEN TRITES THAT WERE BIGGER THAN HER."
>>The contractor tries to explain himself, but Doomguy cuts him off
>>"SHE WAS SINGING PUTTIN ON THE RITZ WHEN I FOUND HER FOR FUCKS SAKE"
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>Charlie right now
>just being cute and want to help people
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>>"Wait, you're the one who sent him?"
>>"You're going to have to pay for the damage he did to my hotel."
>>"He blew the front doors off the hinges with a rocket launcher."
>>"We JUST got done fixing them after the last time that happened. I'm honestly a little bit annoyed."
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>>Directs the slayer to Imp City next
>>Door is again kicked down, harder this time
>>Doomguy has Moxxie tucked under one arm like a football, and is dragging the lifeless corpse of pic related (Imp from Doom 2016.yaypeg) with the other
>>Puts Moxxie on the desk
>>"THIS IS NOT AN IMP YOU DROOLING FUCKWIT."
>>He hefts the corpse of the Doom-imp with both hands and hurls it across the desk. Blood and viscera get everywhere.
>>"THIS. IS. AN. IMP."
>>He jabs a finger at the corpse
>>"THAT THROWS FIREBALLS AND FEEDS ON HUMAN FLESH"
>>He points at Moxxie
>>"THIS THING HAS FRECKLES AND IT'S WEARING A FUCKING BOWTIE."
>>"OH AND DID I MENTION? "
>>"THIS ONE FRICKING SINGS TOO!"
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>>Millie peeks past the destroyed door
>>"Uhhhh any chance I could get my husband back darlin'? We were just about to go out to dinner."
>>Doomguy helps Moxxie down from the desk.
>>"Of course, sorry I delayed you. I just really wanted to make sure I got through to this guy."
>>Millie and Moxxie make themselves scarce
>>Doomguy turns back to the contractor
>>Grabs him by the collar and hoists him into the air.
>>"NOW LISTEN UP! I WANT A REAL GODDAMN DEMON TO FIGHT AND I WANT IT NOW."
>>"AND IT BETTER BE A BIG ONE TOO. IF YOU WASTE MY TIME WITH ANYTHING SMALLER THAN A MANCUBUS YOU'RE GONNA FIND OUT FIRST HAND WHAT I DID TO THE SPIDER-MIND!"
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hope we can see more of this
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I was thinking I'd try to put a tail on it this thread. Someone suggested Doomguy vs Val or Vox, but that would, you know, be an actual fight, and I don't really know how to write action. I was going more for comedy. I might have a take that I could try soon.
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>The contractor begs him off and swears that he can provide the exact location of Hell's rulers
>The Original Demon, and his infernal bride
>Those who hold sway over all other denizens of Hell
>The source of all demonic activity
>It's just enough to pique his interest
>"THIS BETTER BE GOOD."
>He swears it will be
>The Slayer loads up his arsenal and embarks for his latest target
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>Doomguy returns
>It was not good
>This time, the door is instantaneously converted to sawdust under the force of Doomguy's foot
>He's princess-carrying Lilith, who in turn is princess-carrying Lucifer
>"DO YOU THINK I'M SOME KIND OF FUCKING JOKE?!?"
>The contractor shrinks behind his desk
>"YOU SEND ME ON A MISSION TO KILL THE TWO MOST POWERFUL AND DANGEROUS DEMONS IN HELL..."
>The Slayer sets Hell's premier power couple on the desk
>"...AND INSTEAD I GET ALBINO-MAD HATTER AND HIS FUCKING MOMMY-DOMMING WIFE?"
>Lu and Lilly give each other a look and blush. He's not exactly wrong but...
>"TAKE A LOOK AT THIS."
>He drags the contractor over to the window and presses his face against it
>Somehow, the mutilated corpse of a cyberdemon has ended up on the sidewalk outside
>A full-grown cyberdemon
>Many times the size of anyone else in the room, with rocket launchers for arms, polymer alloy armor for skin, and targeting computers for eyes
>Lying there in a pool of its own blood
>"THAT IS A PROPER DEMONIC OVERLORD"
>He points back at Lucifer, still cradled in Lilith's arms
>"THIS IS A PAIR OF FUCKING WEIRDOS I WOULD HAVE MET AT ONE OF MY MOM'S COCKTAIL PARTIES RIGHT BEFORE SHE HANDED ME A PLATE OF CRAB PUFFS AND TOLD ME TO GO UPSTAIRS SO I WOULDN'T HARSH ANYONE'S BUZZ"
"Hey now..."

>The Slayer ignores the pair of so-called demons he dragged in here, still focused on the idiot who's chewed up a huge chunk of his eternal life on bogus targets
>"YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY."
>He hoists the contractor up once again
>"FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU."
>He hurls the unscrupulous businessman against the wall
>"FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME."
>He cracks his knuckles
>"FOOL ME THREE TIMES, AND I'LL GET LAPD ON YOUR ASS USING YOUR OWN SPINE AS A BILLY CLUB."
>Even his scream is silenced by the space marine's white-hot rage
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>"So, the janitors will take care of this right?"
>L&L gesture around the room at the scattered remains of the strange figure who'd apparently had it out for everyone in Hell, but couldn't deal with it directly
>"I hope so, because I sure as shit won't"
>As he turns, he notices that the moron he just put out of his misery left the email program running on his computer
>He glances over the most recent message
>It's written in an infuriatingly familiar language, talking of how some infuriating goals might be achieved via some infuriating means
>At the very end, a set of dimensional coordinates, and an imploration to proceed there for an in-person debriefing ASAP
>How interesting
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>Many realities away, the True Demons wailed in anguish
>Their agent had been discovered
>And disposed of
>In typically brutal fashion
>Their plan to redirect The Doom Slayer's boundless wrath onto another universe's version of Hell had failed
>He'd seen right through their scheme
>And now he knew where they were
>And he was angrier than ever

-FIN-

Let's just wrap it here folks. Sleep tight.