A Paper World

Anonymous 04/26/17(Wed)18:52:48 No.175112993▶
>>175112580
Hanako attempting to write a story of her own after feeling inspired by something she read.
She eventually notices how she's essentially applying self therapy through safely reliving things which had a negative impact on her psyche, and begins to behave more healthily socially in reality.
I'm going to admit, that this idea seems...rather amazing, actually, and perhaps a bit ambitious. I'm not sure if I can do it justice.

Still, it'd be poor form to make no attempt.
As of May 4th, the date where I finished this, I'm not really sure if I did a good job or lost the main point of the work.

Nonetheless, I present it in the version that I consider complete.
---
A Paper World
----
There sat once a princess on a soft throne.

Weak was she from a life most hard.

And so her regent smoth-

---

She lashed out so fiercely with her pen across that sentence that it bit into the desk before raising up in the air just in time to bump the desk lamp.

She winced a little as the exposed bone in her wrist took the brunt of the impact.

The pain served as a decent distraction from the irritation, so she pressed on.

---

And so her regent coddled

---

A pause.  Three taps of the pen on the page beside that word.  This time, she stayed her hand. The rage ebbed away.

---

the young princess.  Even as her arms grew, her legs grew, and her awareness of the world around her grew, she was still the same little girl she was when

---

Fire roared in her mind's eye, and her pen hand seemed to move on its own.

---

happiness died.

---

Then the pen fell from her hands, and she crawled into bed.  She would not sleep, but she would write no more.

It was with weary eyes that she emerged from her room the next day to face Mutou's test. Biology was an easy subject to secure passing scores in, but...it did not make it any more pleasurable. Grabbing a can of coffee from the vending machine, she downed it and headed to the third floor restroom and seized a stall for herself.

Once the bell had rang, she made for the classroom and slipped in.

Her timing was perfect.  Mutou didn't even look her way, and Hisao did not dare look back at her.  It was so unlike the other day, where he could not remove his eyes from her.

It took all of her courage to not look at him, to not feel any sort of pity he did not deserve.

“This exam is a small one, and you will have the entire class period to work on it.  Do not rush.” With that, the tests were handed out.

The papers before her might as well have been written in English.  The first question took three reads alone, and it only made sense while she was penciling in the answer for the third question. At the least, the most heavily weighted portion were the two essay questions, which were easy enough to write most of the time.

It took her half of the last ten minutes writing the first one, and she eagerly began on the second.

---

The Princess came to hate her...and then a suitor arriv

---

So quickly it was on the page that she blinked a few times before she brought her eraser to bear.  Her eyes fell on the back of Hisao's head.

She sighed heavily, and felt the gaze of a few eyes on her, but the others were irrelevant.  She wanted the boy who wasn't looking to turn around and beg forgiveness.

Flinching from the attention and her thoughts, she straightened herself up and set to work on the last question.

“Time is up.”

She finished the last sentence with another, softer sigh, and let her pencil drop.

“Pass your tests forward.”

As soon as the paper was out of her hand, she took another one from her bag, and continued.  She had had time to mold the sentence in her mind, and this time she set it down on the page of her own volition.

---

The Princess came to hate her despite all the fine things that had been done, and then, one day, a suitor arrived...

---

Her stomach grumbled, and the eyes of her neighbors fell on her.  Pulling the paper carefully into her bag, she packed up and left while the tests were still being collected.

She stopped at the library and carefully slipped her books into the return slot and found the back most spot in the room.  Casting her eyes over the room to be sure she was alone, she took out that piece of paper and began again.

---

The Princess was not prepared for him, though he came in so softly that he could have been mistaken for a spring breeze.  Even the Regent, ever mindful of her surroundings, let the Suitor close in where so many had feared to tread for her wary yet

---

Hanako had to stop and turn her eraser loose once more, though only on that very last word

---

wary gaze.

---

She blamed fatigue for the lapse, and naught more.  Perhaps another adjective would have been better than wary if she saw fit to modify it, but what fit better?

The answer to the question eluded her for several minutes, however, and her mind wandered back to the exam.  With a sigh, she cracked open her biology textbook.

By lunch time, she decided that she might have gotten half of them right.  Slipping into the cafeteria, she gathered a small meal on a take out plate and retreated.

She needed sleep, as little as she knew she would get with the sun overhead.

Surprisingly, sleep came so easily, though wakefulness and fatigue came far easier.

Dread at seeing the clock reading 0139 was far more difficult.

She cast the take out tray off of her desk and into the empty corner of her room.  At this hour, even stepping out to toss something in the trash would draw unwanted attention.

Instead, she got everything she had written out on the desk.

The scribbling was in its infancy, but it was more than she had ever written when not forced to by a class.  A diary, she decided, certainly did not count.

This required effort.  It seemed like every sentence onward was a mile instead of less than a centimeter of page downward.

She turned the lamp on and stared down at the page, trying to find the words to continue.

---

And so a dance of sorts began, as Regent and Suitor alike twirled around the Princess, always nearby and always offering a hand up when she missed the steps.

---

She shut her eyes and stifled a yawn.  Even as her vision blurred, she pressed on.

However, they never let her pick the tune, and the dance never stopped, even as

Her grip on the pen tightened.

---

even as she started to hate it.  Even as rage boiled in her belly at their utter 'care' for her.

---

A growl slipped past her lips.

---

One fateful day while the Regent was gone, she struck out at the Suitor with all of her fury, and he fled before he was slain.

---

And that sentence sat before her for ages as her mind went back to Hisao in this room, and how quickly she ran him off.

---

And that day, the Princess became a Queen.  She sat on her throne with pride, for she was the master of all she surveyed.

And yet

---

And yet...

---

she was alone.

---

...she was alone.  Strings cut, she fell face down onto the desk and sobbed.

The only solace Lilly would be back soon.  She wouldn't be alone.  A small smile reached her face despite herself, until her mind followed that logic to its conclusion.  As soon as Lilly was back, Hisao would tell her what she said and did.

And then she really would be alone.

But...would that really be so bad?

At least, like the Prin- the Queen, she was willing and able to make her own choices.

With a moment to think, she turned back to the page and soaked it in clarity.

---

And it was only upon that throne that she felt remorse.  Why would she do such things? Why didn't she do anything sooner?  Was she the victim, always, of others?  Yes.

But did the Princess who was not strong enough to rule even herself ever say 'no, this will not be the way you say!'?

No!  She never did!

---

Tears stained the page.

---

She never ever did.

I never did.

---

She scratched that last bit out, but it echoed through her head louder than anything she had screamed at him.

Clicking the lamp off, she headed back to her bed and tried to bury those thoughts deep. Unfortunately, as she stared at the ceiling, awake in the dark, those ideas bounced around in her skull leaving the silence anything but peaceful.

Laying back, she held her eyes shut in hopes that she might slip away from the waking world.

And yet her mind was drawn back to the story.  Was she really so hopeless as the Princess?

Yes, she decided.  She had certainly been.  When Hisao came into her room, she had been so utterly impotent in her refusals to do as he asked that she had had to explode to get him to take her seriously.  If she had bothered to say 'stop' at any point before the conclusion of that moment, maybe things would be different.  That did not acquit Hisao, but...it certainly made the sentence of 'eternal banishment from her life' seem a little too stiff.

She wanted to take action, not be that worthless wretch that had had to chase him away, but the revelation brought her no pleasure.  Why did it have to come in the middle of the forsaken night?

A dry mouth and an aching head greeted her with the dawn.  And purpose strolled in after them to make the painful walk to the bathroom worth it.  Drinking water from the shower until the taste made her a little sick, she pondered how she could approach the future.

She'd probably be late to class, unless she hurried after she finished her shower.

Considering the time, she decided that really finishing the shower would be a waste.

Shutting the water off and grabbing her towel, she hurried back to her room to dry her hair.

She could definitely make it in time if she hurried!

With only her bag and yesterday's clothes, she raced toward class.  She WAS early.  The rush was just getting started!

The stares weren't beyond her notice, but they were definitely beneath her right now.  This was her situation to take control of.  They were utterly ignorant of how much power she had gained in one night.

They could pity or jeer but they would not stop her, she declared to herself as she strode toward Mutou's classroom.

And  then she posted herself up nearby the rear entrance.  Hisao didn't take the elevator, so there was only one way he could come from.  He would not escape her.

Still, as so many unfamiliar and uncaring faces passed by her, she found herself looking down or away more and more.

It was only when the bell rang and that she noticed that the hall was empty that her heart plunged in her chest.

Uneasily, she peered into the classroom.  Hisao's seat was the only empty one, aside from Mutou's.  Shutting the door, she took a moment to wonder.  Where could Hisao have gotten to?

His...his problem was his heart, so...

“Ms Ikezawa?” came Mutou's most gentle voice.

She nearly jumped out of her skin, but did her best to not look afraid.

“Yes, sir?”

“I would like to talk to you after class.” Her heart skipped a beat.

Mutou usually ignored her existence entirely.  He didn't sound mad, but...she wasn't really sure he could sound mad.  He looked annoyed at Misha, sometimes, but who in the world wouldn't?

As nice as she was, the girl was far too unaware of boundaries or volume.

He nodded at her and led the way into the classroom.

She decided, despite the looks that she got as she came in, that she should stay in class today. She knew that, in part, she deserved them.  Normally, she at least tried to look like she cared about her appearance.

The lecture was incredibly dull, but there was no group work and she was grateful.

No Hisao.

The English teacher.  Lectures about how the final exam would be incredibly important punctuated with threats about how everyone here needed to have good English skills to survive in the modern world.  A lot of groaning.  A reading aloud segment that she didn't have to be involved in.

No Hisao.

Mathematics.  Solo work.  Absolutely terrible work involving so much dragging through the mud...

By lunch time, she had given up hope on finding him in class and decided to hit the cafeteria before resuming the search.

Shizune and Misha were on her before she could get far.

“Hana-” Misha cleared her throat and put on her 'Shizune' voice.  “Ikezawa, have you seen Hisao?”

“No.  I was just looking for him,” she said, doing her best to affect a neutral face.

Sign language.  A lot of it.  Shizune's hands were moving really fast, and her arms even got into the process a little more than she was used to.

“Um...what are you saying?” she asked when the responses were not forthcoming.

“Oh, um.” Misha's hands stopped.  “Every time he's skipped class, he's been with Lilly and you, right?  But you're here, and we know Lilly's on an approved absence and not even in Japan.”

“How do you know that?”

“Technically every student has to report when they're not in school for insurance purposes,” she recited from memory, “but you know that Shizune knows about big things like this before they happen.”

Shizune smacked Misha on the arm, and she picked up the signing.

“Anyway, since you know him, could you check the infirmary for us?  It can't be an emergency, but we think maybe he went down there and the Nurse had him rest, and he's sleeping in....you know?”

Hanako forced herself to nod even as she trembled a little bit.  They would have heard an ambulance, probably, if it had been an emergency, but her mind couldn't help but formulate every possibility.

The thought that he might be sick and dying somewhere came to mind most quickly, and it was the wind beneath her wings as she hurried through the dwindling crowds.

The tearoom was first, and she saw the first time they had lunch there as she stared at its empty interior.

She blinked the vision away as she shut the door.  The infirmary really would be next, she told herself.  Sprinting once she broke free of the crowds and got outside, she was inside the nursing building before long.

The Head Nurse's office was quiet as she burst in.

“Ah, Ms Ikezawa, are you all right?” His smile gave way to a bit of a frown as he saw how out of breath she was.

“Is...is Hisao here?”

“Hisao Nakai?”

She nodded.

“No.  Haven't even heard anything about him.”

“Okay, thanks!” Hanako whirled around and hurried off.  He wasn't hurt and he wasn't in the tearoom, so where could he be?

The next thought she had was to check the roof.  The hallways were empty by this time, and she found herself flying up the steps...until the last flight where she stumbled.  Though she caught herself, her momentum was spent.  It took all of her strength to haul herself up the last set of steps.

She pushed through the door and heaved a shaky sigh.

No one.

Turning back around and very nearly falling but for the door frame to catch her, she pressed herself back toward the stairs.  Thankfully, the railing held strong as she leaned on it to help herself down.

Utterly bereft of her steam, she barely made it back down to the third floor hallway before she fell onto the railing on the wall.

Thankfully, her arms held and she pressed herself back to her feet.

“Are you all right, Hanako?” Misha asked.

“Yeah...did you find Hisao?”

“He's in his room.  He said he was feeling tired.” Misha smiled and leaned in.  “He admitted he was just skipping class.”

Shizune smacked Misha on the shoulder, much harder than the last time, and the girl gave a loud yelp.

There was some signing and a nod shared between the two, before Misha said, “since you wouldn't abuse this information, here's his room number...”

Hanako bowed twice in way of thanks before moving off.  Her body was trying to quit on her, but she wasn't about to stop now.

Draining another can of coffee, she plodded across the campus grounds toward the male dorms. She still found herself wobbly as she pushed herself up the steps and counted the numbers down the hall.

Finally stopping in front of room 119, she knocked on the door softly and held her breath. Hopefully, he was just taking a day off to read after the test.  Hopefully, nothing was wrong and everything was all right.  Hopefully-

She barely heard the murmur that came through the door, “Kenji, if it's you again-”

“It's me.”

Silence for a few moments.

The door opened and Hisao's tired eyes snapped wide open, he could barely raise his voice to a conversational level. “Are you?”

He stopped himself, but she knew what question was about to pass his lips.

“I'm fine.  Are you all right?” she asked, hoping to 'strike first'.

He blinked, looked away, and said, “yeah.”

“Can I come in?” she said, her mind drifted to everything that could imply, and she followed up, “to talk, I mean?”

He stood aside from the door and opened it all the way so quickly that she was shocked to see his head bowed.  “Okay.”

Hanako stepped inside and hastily set herself down on his bed.  He helped himself into the desk chair as she did.  His face was an utter mask as he looked at her.  Unlike before, he had no fake smile.

In some small way, that comforted her as she said, “I'm sorry.”

He perked up and she quickly added, “I meant what I said, but...erm, I mean, I don't hate you.”

“I was just trying to help.” He raced to his moral high ground so swiftly, and with such offense that she had to stop herself from replying with the very first words to cross her mind.

She hadn't come this far to let either of them repeat their past mistakes.

“Hisao, I...I get that I need help, but...we're friends, right?”

Hisao nodded, though only slightly.

“Well, we have to listen to each other, then.  You shouldn't be my friend just to help me.”  Tears soaked her cheeks.  “I've had enough of everyone pitying me.  I want that to be done for you and Lilly.”

He was silent as he stared at her, before he bowed his head.  “Lilly didn't pity you.  She told me that I should let you have your space, that I should let you do what you needed to do and just be there if you wanted anything.”

It was a small consolation.  Lilly's limited faith in her was but one white mark on a black record.

Still, she nodded.  She was not going to be a slave to what happened in the past.  The chains pulled tightly at her neck and limbs, but she would pull until every last bone snapped or the bonds did the same.

“Well, I still have to have a talk with her.  What she does...well, how she treats me isn't all okay, and it's at least partly my fault for not saying anything.” She looked away from his gaze, staring at the bare walls.  It just drove home how little he had been here.  Did he have anything that really made this place his?

Was he the same as her, just with different chains?

Hisao sighed, and she drew her gaze back toward him as he said, “okay, so...what do we do about this?”

And then a new red string seized her throat.  How did she approach this?  Had she already destroyed the chances of them being more than friends?

Did she even want it?

“Well, I...uh...have to go back to class.  Mutou wanted to talk to me...maybe, tomorrow, when Lilly comes back, we can...talk more?” She stood up and very, very carefully leaned down to kiss his right cheek.  To his credit, he did not flinch from her scars as she bared them utterly to him.

As he blushed at her and she blushed right back, she said, “I didn't want you to think that...you weren't handsome.”

With that, she turned on her heel and walked away.

“You're as beautiful as ever,” he whispered right to her heart just as she got to the door.

Turning back, she smiled and was about to bare her heart when her stomach rolled loudly.

Hanako felt the urge to sink into the carpet under her feet. “C-c-can I borrow some change for the vending machine?  I...didn't get lunch.”

He chuckled as he stepped over to the desk and pulled the top drawer open.  “Here.  Don't worry about paying me back.  I, uh, you've already done it.”

Her heart skipped a beat, and it took her a moment to realize that he was holding his hand out toward her.  Grabbing the money, she left.

The snacks she grabbed from the vending machine did little to help her hunger, but at least she was able to stare at the front of the class and absorb some of what the teachers were talking about.

And then she came to Mutou when he sat alone.

“You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Ah, Ikezawa.” He blinked a few times.  She couldn't really blame him for expecting her to not show up.  “I wanted to say, when I saw that you were working at the end of the biology exam, I was worried.  It is getting closer to final exams, after all, and though your grades are not outside of passable on this subject...”

He shuffled some papers, seemingly contemplating his next words.  Hanako gulped as she saw the guillotine being raised.

“However, those worries seem to be misplaced.  Very few others in the class displayed your level of passion and insight in understanding and answering the essay questions, and I think that you could benefit from some...additional study.”

Wait, what?  She tried to parse the sentence in her mind.

'You did well, so...you need more study,' didn't sound quite right.

“Uh, thank you?” she said.

“Ah, well, I'm sorry, this is kind of...revolutionary.” Mutou rubbed the back of his head.  “I know you aren't in any clubs, and this wouldn't really be a club, per se, but I feel that the traditional lecture, group work, and class time format might be stifling to you.”

While she was trying to consider how to respond, he reached into his desk and pulled out a textbook, though not any she recognized.

Fundamental Skills and Concepts in Patient Care

It looked a little worn.

“This isn't an assignment, so you can opt out if you like, but I'd like you to read a chapter or two and discuss it with me next time we both have time, perhaps on Monday.  If you're interested in more difficult subjects, I can dig up a better manual for you, but this is what I have for now.”

Her tired mind took a few seconds to link it all together.

“I-is this a club?”

“Well, it's just the two of us, so...it's really more like mentoring, but we could call it a club.” Mutou shrugged.  “Even if medicine isn't my specialty, I did take a few classes in university before I really drilled down on more physical sciences, so I can hold my own in a conversation.”

Taking the textbook, she felt a little dizzy as she tried to work out what this meant. “Then, um, the first meeting of the Yamaku Science, I mean...Medicine Science Club is adjourned?”

Mutou smiled.  “Hear hear.  I look forward to hearing your insights on the subject.  I think you might have a knack for the biological sciences, Ikezawa.  Have a good day.”

“Thank you, sir.”

It was all she could do to make it back to her room and crack the book.

Thankfully, the first chapter was an explanation of some of the history lessons.  Medicine, nursing specifically, had advanced incredibly throughout history.  It had been an old profession but a young science.

And much more than that and the fact that the Nightingale Reformation was really important, in the grand scheme of things, turned to so much mist as she somehow found herself awake on her bed the next morning.

Groaning at her empty stomach, she saw the clock and was eternally grateful, for once, to be up at 0500.

Actually taking a shower, this time, and sneaking into the 'double ration' line at the cafeteria, she felt like a new woman.

Hisao walked past her as she waited outside of class, and they shared a smile.  That childish part of her that loved Lilly was glad that today she would be back, and it was all too easy to forget that they needed to have a serious talk.

Still, class time burned away so swiftly, and before she knew it the text from Akira came in.

We'll be here soon, kids.

She must have gotten a hold of Hisao's phone number too.

Straightening herself up, she went to the front of the school.

Hisao did join her there.

It was...almost ideal.  Akira had a winning smile, Lilly was happy even though she yawned almost as much as she spoke, and everything was all right.

Still, Akira's phone rang barely the minute after they got out of the car, and her hopes sank as she saw the number.

She didn't answer it right away, though.  “Sorry to kick you out of my car and dash, but those slackers can't leave me alone.  You don't mind carrying her bags, do you Hisao?”

“Not at all,” he said with utter sincerity.

“I'll help too.”  Hanako swiftly grabbed the heavier one, nonetheless.

“And here I was thinking I'd have to carry anything at all,” Lilly said as she shouldered a backpack before the pair could take anything else.

“Well, I leave her in your care, you two.  Make sure she gets some sleep instead of studying her head off for a test that her teachers will totally let her delay for a day or two.” Akira winked, before she climbed back into her car and rode away.

It wasn't a long walk back to her room.  After Lilly's belongings were set down, Hisao quickly made some excuse about needing to work on homework.

And then Hanako said, “I'm sorry to bother you so soon after you get back, but there's something I need to say.”

“I'm all ears,” Lilly answered with a patient smile, patting the bed beside her.

“I yelled at Hisao this week.  I don't know if he told you,” she admitted, not sitting down.

“He did admit as much.” The blonde's smile shrank just a bit.  “I was surprised to return and see you being so civil.”

“Did he tell you what I said?”

“No.  He seemed so...out of sorts.  I don't think he expected that from you.”

“Well, he shouldn't have had to, I-”

“Oh Hanako.” Lilly stood and reached toward her, but she quickly took a step away.

“Well, I have some things to say to you, too.  Could you please...sit and listen?”

A moment passed in silence, before she nodded softly and had a seat.

“I know I'm not perfect.  I know I need help, but...I'm not going to be the helpless girl you met all that time ago, so we're...” She tried to swallow the lump in her throat.  “You're not going to treat me like a lost puppy any more.”

The noiselessness between the two of them grew into a vast void, before Lilly finally said, “I suppose it was pride that made me ever, for a moment, think you were doing well because of Hisao or me.”

“You two did help.  I'm not going to lie about that.  But I realized after I yelled at Hisao, after everything I said and so much time just...stumbling through life, that I'll never learn how to walk with you two holding my arms.”

“I think I'm going to need some time to think about this, Hanako, and...” She gave a great and unladylike yawn. “And perhaps a nap before dinner.  Could we talk more then, perhaps?”

“No matter what, we'll always be friends.” Hanako stepped forward and carefully put her arms around Lilly.  “I just need to be honest, so I don't end up yelling and ruining everything, again.”

And the other girl returned the hug and held her there. “You didn't ruin anything, Hanako.  We should have paid more attention the same way you should have said something; good friendships like ours only fall apart when both people don't do something.”

Sharing a smile as they parted, Hanako bowed her head and said, “I can come get you when it's dinner time, if you want?  I have a chapter to read for...a class.”

“Sounds wonderful.  See you then.”

She stepped out of the room and sighed contentedly as she made her way back to her desk.  Cracking the medical manual, she realized that the future was hers.  And she was going to grasp it tightly!