4chan Hazbin Hotel story: Baxter vs Sir Pentious

from /hhg/ - Hazbin Hotel General Thread #167
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>of course the peace couldn't last
>someone had to go and say something stupid
>which naturally culminates in Baxter pointing viciously at Sir Pentious and snarling:
"Please! You're a hack and couldn't invent your way out of a wet paper bag! Stand aside, you're obsolete!"
>Pentious takes this as well about as expected; hood flaring, every visible eye glaring, and fangs bared
"Obsolete! I'll show you obsolete, you glorified goldfish! I am Sir Pentious, noted kingpin!"
>the various spectators exchange glances
>Baxter rolls his eyes and scoffs, as if he has already won the argument
"How much did you pay Killjoy to say that? And that picture of you with a skateboard! Can you even use one of those?"
>Pentious sputters
>Doc steps forward and clears whatever passes for his throat:
"Gentlemen, there's a more civilized way to settle this."
"Oh yeah? Like what? Pentious knows he's a has been; why else would he be in this hotel?" Baxter asks, crossing his arms and sneering.
"Says the guy living in the hotel," Zap mutters, not-as-under his breath as he probably wanted
"What was that?"
"Nothing!"
>Sir Pentious, who has been glaring at them during the interplay, surges forward and thrusts one clawed hand forward, index finger extended:
"I've got it! Let's have an invent-off! You and me--we'll let our machines do the talking!"
>Baxter leans back on his heels, intrigued, but Sir Pentious is moving full steam ahead and ignoring everyone outside of his own head
"Yes, I've got just the thing! Come along now," he says, curling one hand around Doc's arm and pulling him along towards the door
>the present Egg Boi's--#27 and #356--exchange looks, #27 says (in stage whisper):
"Who let him watch those dance off competitions again?"
>#356 shrugs
>at the door Pentious turns back and fixes Baxter with another glare
"You'll rue this day, Baxter! I'll ensure it!"
"Yeah, yeah," Baxter flaps one dismissive hand in Pentious' direction, "three days, sundown."

Cont, I guess.
-
>Pentious hisses audibly and slams the door behind him
>he can be heard shouting on his way out of the hotel; apparently he would be making Baxter regret ever being born, among other things
"Not the subtleist guy, is he?" Zap grumbles
"Going to make it hard to keep it from Vaggie," Stretch says
"I'm more worried about Charlie," John says from where he'd been watching the entire exchange with a bit of popcorn
>the three of them grimace at the idea of Charlie's disappointed face
>Baxter huffs and runs a hand over his face
"What a pain in the ass."
>He turns to look at Zap and Stretch
"You two in for this? I've got a couple things that should work against that hack; shouldn't take too much to get them up and running."
>Stretch flashes him a thumbs up and Zap shrugs:
"Sure, I got nothing better to do."
>Baxter leads them to the door, once there Stretch turns back to the remaining spectators:
"You guys can keep a secret, right?"
"Sure," John says and raises up his popcorn bag
>Angel shrugs
"It's not like it's my business anyway."
>Egg Boi #27 and #356--who had been left behind in Pentious' haste--give him a thumbs up
"You can count on us!"
"Well, let's get this done and over with," Baxter says.

--

>the next three days are... interesting
>explosions, shouting, villainous diatribes, and attempts at secret-keeping right out of an Ian Fleming novel
>attempts that are alternatively assisted and saboaged by other hotel residents depending on who and what was more amusing
>in the end the only people who don't seem to know about the upcoming epic battle between Sir Pentious' over-the-top machines and Baxter's more streamlined designs are Vaggie and Charlie
>even the Radio Demon had taken an interest in the coming battle; popping into the middle of Baxter's lab and exclaiming:

Cont.
-
"My, my! Just when I thought things had become dull around here, you chaps find a way to make things more exciting!"
>Baxter, ignoring Alastor, fixes a glare on Zap
"You told her, didn't you?"
"Who? Nifty! Of course I did, you don't keep things from Nifty!"
>Baxter runs a hand over his face, leaving a smear of oil on his goggles, and grumbles under his breath
>it's Stretch--sent on a caffeine run--that finds out about Husk's betting pool
>he puts his money on mutual destruction, not even feeling a little guilty about it
>by sundown on the third day they're all exhausted to the point of mania and covered in questional fluids
>but it's done, and they're going to crush Sir Pentious with it
>they're out, and in position and ready to rumble
>Husk and several other residents, most of which are in on the betting pool, stand atop a nearby roof; ready to spectate
>Alastor is chattering away into his mic about the upcoming battle
>for his part, when he arrives, Sir Pentious doesn't even seem to be affected by the marathon inventing
"Tremble, for you have invited the wrath of I, Sir Pentious, upon you! Prepare yourselves, for there shall be no mercy!"
>Baxter, sporting deep bags under his eyes, groans
"Where is he getting his energy from?"
"No idea, but if we can harness it we can fix that issue with the engines," Zap says.
"You," Baxter says, pointing at him, "this is why we are friends."
>Stretch definitely doesn't regret his bet now
>Baxter opens the comms and shouts:
"Get off your high horse, old man! You're old news and today I'm going to make you recognize it!"
>he glances at Stretch, his own hands on the controls
"Fire!"
>at that command it begins: Baxter's sleek tank against Pentious' massive airship
"Don't underestimate me, boy! I have decades of more experience and more tricks up my sleeve!"
>Pentious shouts, returning fire
"Yeah, yeah, tell someone who cares!"
>several explosions, lasers, and critical malfunctions later both machines are destroyed

Cont.
-
>both Baxter and Sir Pentious are engaged in fisticuffs when a feminine voice interrupts:
"What the hell is this?"
>Vaggie stands on a bit of wreckage, eyebrow raised, and finger raised in their direction
>she's got her spear in her other hand
>behind her stands Charlie with big sad eyes
"You guys were doing so well! What happened?!"
>As one Baxter and Sir Pentious say:
"Well, he--"
>they stop and glare at one another
>Baxter punches Pentious in the face
>Pentious tackles him and tangles him up in his tail
>Vaggie presses one hand to her face
"They aren't going to stop are they?"
>she turns her eyes towards where Stretch is helping Zap from out of a bit of bulkhead
"You two got an explanation for this?"
>Stretch and Zap exchange a look, and Stretch says:
"It was all Doc's idea!"
>Doc looks up from helping the EggBois piece themselves back together
>Vaggie narrows her eyes at him
"... Fuck."


Please kill me, I feel especially autistic now.