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midnightstrider

Chatlog With Lyra

midnightstrider
Jul 22nd, 2015
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  1. you alive?
  2. [5/26/2015 1:06:21 AM] Cadenzel Washington: Yes, I'm sick as fuck and I had a terrible day at work but I'm alive.
  3. [5/26/2015 1:06:33 AM] Nova: shit dude
  4. [5/26/2015 1:07:21 AM] Nova: i was gonna talk to you, but i think i should let you just rest
  5. [5/26/2015 1:07:39 AM] Cadenzel Washington: Yeah, try to handle 40+ orders when it's only you and your manager because your bone-headed co-worker bailed on you...AND you're sure as hell not at 100%
  6. [5/26/2015 1:07:47 AM] Cadenzel Washington: It waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas terrible.
  7. [5/26/2015 1:09:08 AM] Nova: hope you feel better soon, bruh
  8. [5/26/2015 1:09:50 AM] Cadenzel Washington: Thanks.
  9. [5/26/2015 1:10:21 AM] Nova: meanwhile, i'm right on the line about doing something; i just haven't done it because i couldn't be bothered to get up and grab something
  10. [5/26/2015 1:14:43 AM] Nova: dude, this is honestly the lowest i have ever sunk. in the history of ever. it's like this: i'm manupulative, to a point. the annoying part is that i don't catch it a bunch of the time. add on top of this the fact that i have moments of apathy, and i just really don't learn from mostly anything. i'm quite literally a ticking time bomb for doing something incredibly stupid, offing myself notwithstanding. i'm not asking for sympathy, pity, etc. i just have nothing else that can help aside from talking about it.
  11. [5/26/2015 1:15:09 AM] Cadenzel Washington: :(
  12. [5/26/2015 1:18:07 AM] Nova: what are the chances that someone else has got a triple-strike personality; psycho-sociopathic with asperger's. it's fucking insane. add the fact that i am aware of this shit and don't want it, you've got what i deal with when my mind decides to actually do something.
  13. [5/26/2015 1:19:06 AM] Cadenzel Washington: Well peeps with aspergers tend to be pretty introspective from what I know.
  14. [5/26/2015 1:19:14 AM] Cadenzel Washington: So that's where that comes from.
  15. [5/26/2015 1:20:59 AM] Nova: i'm done. i'm fucking done with this shit. i'm not going to off myself, cause it serves no fucking purpose other than giving people the finger one last time. i just can't deal with people anymore. i'm tempted to come out to just get myself somewhere cozy, but then i wouldn't be allowed outside at all. and without anything to entertain myself.
  16. [5/26/2015 1:22:19 AM] Nova: if i even at least didn't have my fucking intelligence, i'd be hapy
  17. [5/26/2015 1:22:37 AM] Nova: fuck, HAPPY. STUPID FUCKING KEYBOARD, AAAAAHHHHHHHHH
  18. [5/26/2015 1:26:45 AM] Nova: i asssume i've fucked myself over. again. either that, or triggered you to start introspecting
  19. [5/26/2015 1:27:43 AM] Cadenzel Washington: No, but I'm really just letting you vent. Just to be on the safe side.
  20. [5/26/2015 1:32:50 AM] Nova: it just feels like the asperger's is competing with the rest of me, and is contributing to my stupid mistakes. then i look back with better clarity and wonder what the fuck i've done. and when it's not a factor, i look back and wonder why the hell i've been a fucking asshole. shit never stops with me, and i honestly think that one of these days, i'm just gonna snap and go through with whatever comes to mind. thing is, they're never destructive to anyone but myself, and are all relatively quiet methods.
  21. [5/26/2015 1:34:05 AM] Cadenzel Washington: :( Yeah, shit sucks. I always feel like I'm fighting against it.
  22. [5/26/2015 1:35:54 AM] Nova: the one sister i have that doesn't like me pegged it right on the head when she called me manipulative; thing is, a good chunk of the time i don't even know i've been doing it
  23. [5/26/2015 1:36:31 AM] Cadenzel Washington: Damn...
  24. [5/26/2015 1:36:42 AM] Nova: there are times it happens and i don't catch it, which is a pain
  25. [5/26/2015 1:41:40 AM] Nova: i'm in a shitty spot - if i continue life as normal, i'm gonna end up in more shit before i'm gone, and cause my family stress; if i come out and go somewhere for "help", it'll tear the family in two most likely, some saying 'i told you so', some not believing i could be like that; if i go now, the family would be torn, but would eventually (probably in a decade at least) move on. i lose on all sides
  26. [5/26/2015 1:45:25 AM] Cadenzel Washington: Well, I think getting help would be well...helpful.
  27. [5/26/2015 1:46:31 AM] Nova: and if i do, i'd be in a spongy room for about 10 years or so. =_= yay.
  28. [5/26/2015 1:47:20 AM] Cadenzel Washington: I don't think it'd get to that.
  29. [5/26/2015 1:48:53 AM] Nova: would i be wrong in assuming that if i didn't have asperger's, that i'd be able to function at least half to what is normal according to society? in most likelyhood, i wouldn't have to deal with making retarded decisions and having frequent brain farts
  30. [5/26/2015 1:49:34 AM] Cadenzel Washington: It's a struggle, not gonna lie dude.
  31. [5/26/2015 1:57:47 AM] Nova: this is why i feel like i'd fit better in an abusive relationship; that way, someone could get a few good knocks in whenever i feel like this.
  32. [5/26/2015 2:00:19 AM] Nova: i'm serious, the presence of pain brought on by a few good punches would actually help by giving my mind something else immediate to focus on
  33. [5/26/2015 2:00:51 AM] Nova: no, i'm not going to start cutting; i'm more of a blunt force person than precision
  34. [5/26/2015 2:15:47 AM] Cadenzel Washington: :(
  35. [5/26/2015 2:15:56 AM] Cadenzel Washington: Just be careful.
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