Serious post: Love is Far Away.

At this point of time, I'm beginning to question my commitments
and friendships I've got. I do not wish for anyone to take this personally,
but I believe things have ran their course at this time.

If I wind up unfollowing or cutting any of you, just understand that
we have different values and I have nothing against you as a human being.
But in essence and understanding, I need to take a different path.

There are better to things to focus on right now than wasting money on stuff
I have no jurisdiction over yet alone a reason to be hanging around with.

What I will refuse to do is state any names, because I'm a lot more understanding
than that. But I want to make some points clear that might hurt some readers of
my piece:

1) I'm not a doormat at all when looked at past the surface level. If I am pushed into
a corner, I will respond in kind and I tend to be very outspoken if the situation
does arise that I will need to act.

2) The reason I act inconsistently on another servers vs. my own and in trusted people's DMs is
a very simple concept. I am not the type who wants to get burned emotionally once again, because
in all due honesty people are just selfish and disgusting sometimes. What I am trying to say here
is that I am a bit of a misanthrope, through the experiences I have gathered along the way.

While I do indeed yearn for friendship and love, I also am all too aware that being let down is
an inevitability. I would for one love to toss this misanthropy off a cliff, but I am too painfully aware that
it is not that simple.

3) I do my best to not forget the positive elements of a friendship, even if things get fraught. Loyalty is
a very strong element to me, and once that loyalty and trust is gone it is next to impossible to get it back.

4) I've had to do this too many times in the past. But I don't tolerate drama. At all. Drama is an annoying construct
that not only can ruin friendships, but it can burn bridges and ruin people's lives. I've been fortunate to not have
too many drama queens in the past few years, but it is indeed SOP for me to burn the bridge on any I find.

5) Overall, I am a bit dead inside. What do I mean by that? I do have goals, I do have ambitions, but the road to them
has proven difficult and not fun to conquer at times. In a sense, it has created a self defeating prophecy. A path where
while I know what I need to do, I'm all too painfully aware that my dreams can get shot down in a flash. It has happened
many times in my life to the point it is a neverending cycle.

What I wish to do is break that cycle and finally find my joy.

That requires work, and while I am working on it I know it is not an easy ordeal.

6) I deeply care about everyone who I consider my friends, and understand I am a sensitive individual. However, calling me out appropriately is acceptable. Yes, it may hurt. Yes, I may cry. But I'm also what TV Tropes calls a broken bird. If you're able to accept that sometimes I may get a little snappy at things, but are willing to work with me through it...then I appreciate it no matter what my initial response. The number one thing I can't stand are people who use others to get their messages across.

My ex did that.

7) There's a lot of skeletons in my closet, sadly. I will tell them to those close to me, but I really hate looking back on the past too much as it can control a person.

8) At the end of the day, I'll be true to myself If I help people, its because I choose to do that. It's not because I feel obligated in any way.

9) I despise time wasters and people who can't stand on their own two feet, instead choosing to hide behind something else.

I really do not have to explain this one.

Exception: It's someone who understands they need to learn and grow. In that case, I'm willing to look past that because nobody in this world is perfect. Otherwise, honestly I'm very quick to use my philosophical sword to smack those people away.

10) I do yearn for certain aspects of my life, I can't hide an absolute truth like that. But I also know that I may never get those aspects back.

Because in order to move forward, you have to not let the past rule you.

Now that I got those 10 points across, I really need to finish my message to all of you, and I will not hold anything back as I do so.

I am 100% done with the FE community at large. It as a whole has a lot of growing up to do, and right now I not only do not feel safe in the community but the inactions to stop two obvious predators is as clear as crystal. Let me make this point clear and concise: There are some good people in that community. I know them. I talk to them. But right now, its just not a welcoming community.

As a person, I'm going to try and uphold these principles so that people do better understand me in this subject matter. I've been misunderstood too frequently by some of my newer friends when in all due honestly, a lot of these have been constants for the longest time now. But, I am now aware that trying to understand me is not an easy science when I bottle myself up and say absolutely nothing.

I will remain true to myself. I really hope nobody is shocked by this, but it seems too many people assume I bend over backwards for people when in reality...I'm more or less impressed by their conviction enough to lend a hand. Conviction is important. It shows where you stand. It shows who you are.

11) While I can occasionally have a childish streak, I rather keep that to my inner circle. Because in the end, I'm more of a protector who uses their magic and sword to swat away anything that could threaten their brothers, their sisters, and their family.

If that makes any sense.

Anyway. Love is far away...