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- >Be Anon
- >Wake up
- >Do the Quadruple-S
- >Shit, Shower, Shave
- >and Sob
- >Why sob? Because for years now, Twilight Sparkle has been using every trick in the book to try and get in your pants
- >That book being an even more demented horse-version of Cosmo
- >Replete with its own brand of whacky sex tips guaranteed to woo any stallion!
- >That is, any stallion with an absolute dearth of dignity
- >Sadly, you do have some dignity, so you curl yourself into a tight ball on the floor of the shower as you sob
- Why, Celestia? Why me?
- >"Because I love you, that's why!", a certain purple voice excitedly whispers in your ear
- "DAW GAAAAAH!", you scream as you flail out wildly, making the shower curtain fall on you
- TWILIGHT! GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM!
- >"Don't worry, I'm not in the bathroom with you."
- >You peep out from under the curtain
- >Sure enough, the only creature in the room is you
- >At least, the only creature you can see
- Twilight, did you shrink yourself again? Did you forget the last time you tried that?
- >You hear Twilight let out a fearful shudder
- >"I don't think I could forget that if I tried. But nope! No shrinking!"
- >You stand, letting the curtain fall off you to the floor
- Then...where are you?
- >A playful giggle dances on your ear, making you nervous
- >"Come and find me, big boy~!"
- 1/
- >You walk downstairs into the kitchen and scan the area
- >No purple princesses in sight
- Twilight, you know I'm gonna kick you out of my house as soon as I find you, right?
- >"Oh, I doubt that very much. And keep searching! You're getting warmer~."
- Ugh.
- >You take a stomping tour of your kitchen, hoping Twi'll bang her head on whatever cabinet she's inside of
- >"Wa-wait! Go two stomps back!", she cries
- >Obliging her, you go backwards two stomps and stop next to your garage door
- >"I'm behind the door, stud."
- >Pushing the door open, you step inside
- >Nothing looks out of the ordinary from what you can see, and you know for a fact that there's nothing large enough for her to hide inside of
- Twilight? Where are you?
- >Her voice responds, louder this time
- >"Oh come on, Anon! Where's the fun in just telling you where I am?"
- The fun is in getting you out of my house.
- >"Sure," She titters, "but before that, why not have a snack? I left you a surprise on your workbench!"
- A surprise?
- >Cautiously, you make your way over to the bench
- >A hayburger is resting on top of the worksurface
- I'm gonna eat this and pass out, and then you're gonna rape me, aren't you?
- >"Come on, pick up the burger and take a bite, Anon, you're not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge."
- >You give a final look around, making sure that Twilight isn't hanging on the ceiling or some bullshit
- >Then, carefully, you grab a screwdriver and turn the burger around to check for a trip wire
- >Only to find something much, much worse
- 2/
- https://i.imgur.com/0F6nBVC.png
- >"I turned myself into a burger, Anon! Boom! Big reveal! I'm a burger! What do you think about that? I turned myself into a burger! W-w-what are you just staring at me for, hot stuff, I turned myself into a burger, Anon."
- >You glare at Twilight
- >She beams back at you
- >"I'M BURGER TWIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"
- >You pick her up, gently, and carry her out of the garage
- >"I see the Cosmo tip is working! Where are we going: the bedroom? Or do you plan to ravish me in the kitchen you sexy beast?"
- "It depends," you reply. "Can you still use your magic?"
- >Burger Twi chuckles "Oh my, I didn't know you were so lewd~~. I can do anything you want me to, Anon."
- >You feel what you hope is grease start running down your fingers from out of her patty
- Well in that case!
- >You throw open the back door and set her on the porch
- >"Anon?"
- Have fun fighting off the possums!
- >You shut the door and turn the bolt
- >"ANON WAIT! POSSUMS ARE ALLERGIC TO HAYBURGERS!"
- >You head back upstairs to finish your sobbing
- >Today was a wubba lubba kind of dub dub day
- /3
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