Bones to Pick

>As you dial the handwritten number, you try to think back on the party last night.
>Unfortunately, you ended up drinking enough to entirely wipe the events from your mind.  But... you did find a phone number in your pocket.
>The handwriting is pretty good?  But that doesn't really matter, does it.
>No, what matters is figuring out who this is.  Figuring out who writes their "l"s as little bones, with skulls dotting the exclamation points in "Call Me!!"
>The phone rings... and rings...
>Just as you're ready to hang up, there's a click, then a woman's voice.
>"...hello?"
>"Uh, hey.  I was at this party last night, and someone gave me this number?"
>There's a squeal of delight on the other end.
>"Sweet!  Alright, alright, listen: meet me in the graveyard on the outskirts of town in 20 minutes, yeah?"
>"...who is this?  And why?"
>"...did I not write my name down?  Shit.  Well, I'll introduce myself when you get here.  As for why... well, lemme ask you something, numbskull: why do people usually hand out their number at a party~?"
>Fair point.  At least she sounds attractive enough.
>"...you're not gonna stab me when I get there, right?"
>"Why would I do that?  Got a dead or alive bounty on your head?  Eh, even if you did, I wouldn't make any bones about it, heh.  See you in a bit!"
>The woman hangs up, leaving you to shrug and make your way to the meeting spot.
>Why not?

>By the time you make it there, the 20 minutes has passed.  It's starting to get dark out... ah well.
>As you walk between the graves with purpose, you look around for your rendezvous point.
>Suddenly, you hear that voice again.
>"Over here, bonehead!"
>You follow her voice... to a concrete, above ground coffin.
>...
>"Don't just stand there, open it up!"
>...........
>The hell with it.  You open up the coffin, the lid of which is already askew anyway...
>And let out a shout when something grabs your hand.
>You feel your blood run cold when you realize it's a skeletal hand, with not a scrap of flesh on the bones.  Despite the lack of muscle, the bony hand grips your wrist firmly.
>The lid is suddenly thrown off the coffin with a loud snarl, and you feel the blood leave your face.
>Another bony hand grabs your shoulder as the creature within the coffin lets off a sound somewhere between a growl and a death rattle.  You close your eyes, fully expecting to be dead in seconds...
>...you soon feel the hands' grip loosen as the growl gives way to... laughter?
>You open your eyes, and shock hits you.
>The woman continues to laugh for a while, then catches her breath.
>"I love doing that!  Heh heh heh!  Anyway, you're that Anon guy, huh?  Name's Marris!  Marris Femur."
>She extends a bony hand as you blink a few times, taking in her appearance.
>While her hands seem to be more or less those of a skeleton... the rest of her seems more off.
>Long, slender leg bones seem to be in the shape of normal, non-skeletal legs.  A nonsensical bone tail waves happily behind her.
>Her forearm bones seem more or less what you expect from a skeleton, but her lower arms are almost cartoonish in appearance, looking very much like the stereotypical dog bone.
>Her skull is doglike in shape, with an actual snout... and a nose and ears, both surreally made of bone.
>Black, white-pupiled eyes glint with mischief as the woman smiles toothily.
>...but most striking is her torso.

>Despite everything else on her body being nothing but bare bone, her torso still seems to have flesh... and black fur.
>It's as if she's wearing skin and fur like some sort of macabre costume.
>A tight, tattered gray shirt and dangerously short denim shorts cover her body, with her fur playfully peeking through rips in both.
>The woman, Marris apparently, laughs, a loud, rattling sound that wouldn't be out of place in a Halloween store.
>"Whatsa matter with you?  Spooked?"
>You stammer out a nonresponse as she sinks into another spell of bony laughter, stepping out of the coffin and approaching you.
>"I figured, heh.  Most folks are when they see me!  But, whatever, yeah?  Part of being me."
>"W-who... WHAT are you?"
>She narrows her eyes and grins... though given her skull, it seems a skeletal grin is almost a permanent fixture on her face.
>"I already told you my name... but as for WHAT I am, well, I'm a skeleton, funnybone!  Sheesh, I figured that much was obvious, but I guess you humans ain't got much going on in here."
>She knocks on her own skull, a loud CLONK echoing across the graveyard.
>"W-why...?"
>"Why... what?  Meet you here?  I sleep here, marrowhead!  ...sometimes, anyway.  'S like a vacation home, yeah?  My own little slice of the human world!"
>"You vacation in this graveyard?"
>"Yeah, it's pretty rad, huh?  I fit riiight in; just had to evict the bony guy who was already in this coffin!"
>Marris cackles again at your horrified expression.
>"Nah, I'm just screwing with you!  I brought this from home; it was always vacant."
>That's a relief... but she didn't answer your question.

>"That's great and all, but why did you invite me here?"
>She rolls her eyes, her tail waving with a quiet rattle.
>"Geez you're dense.  You sure you ain't dead too?"
>"DEAD?"
>Another eye roll.
>"Yeah, dead!  What, you figured the woman with a skull for a head, bones for arms and legs, and a coffin bed was alive and well?  No offense, but you really are a numbskull, heh heh!"
>"But... you're alive?"
>"Undead, bonehead, I'm undead!  Died and came back, easy as that."
>"..."
>She grins again.
>"Anyway, I'm getting off track here.  I invited you over for a little fun; you interested?"
>"...what kind of fun?"
>Her jaw drops...
>...off.  It hits the ground, and she picks it up before roughly reattaching it.
>"...yeah, I'm pretty sure you're a deadhead.  Or waaay too innocent to be getting blackout drunk."
>...no, no; you got her drift earlier.
>It's just...
>...she's a skeleton!  Mostly!
>Marris steps forward again, her bones quietly rattling.
>"C'mon, man, throw me a bone here!  I'm laying down all kinds of hints; I just need you to pick em up!"
>"Oh, uh, okay then... let's just, uh..."
>With another bony laugh and a grin, Marris begins fumbling with her shirt, trying to pull it off over her skull and revealing her furry midriff.
>...you can't help yourself.
>"...can I ask you something first?"
>Her expression softens a bit.
>"Huh?  Yeah, sure, fire away."
>"How did you die?"
>Marris lets her shirt drop back into place.  Her pupils shrink to almost nothing.  Her tail droops.

>Her once-confident voice takes on a more anxious tone.
>"Nah, you don't wanna hear me ramble.  It'd just blow the mood, yeah?"
>"Well, how long have you been dead?"
>"Err, l-let's just get to the fun, yeah?"
>She quickly yanks her shirt up and off, letting two huge, black-furred breasts flop free with a skeletal giggle.
>You can't help but stare, and she grins, her original, jovial tone reemerging.
>"Before you ask, yeah, they're real.  ...now, granted, they're PRESERVED... but they're still real, yeah?  Grab em and feel if you don't believe me!"
>...well, there's no better way to be sure, right?
>You hesitantly grab her chest, with the skeleton letting out a hissing moan of appreciation.
>"Mm!  You got a strong grip, huh?  Looks like I picked a good candidate to bring to the ol' bone zone, heh heh!"
>...this is too weird.
>You gently squeeze her tits once more, then let your hands fall back to your sides with a sigh.
>"Look, Marris, I'm sorry, but this is just too-"
>She takes a rattling breath, then sighs.
>"Too weird, yeah?  I've heard that one before.  I ain't new to this skeleton dance.  Lemme go ahead and just..."
>She pulls her shirt back on, covering up her impressive chest with some difficulty.
>"There.  Alright then, have a good one, Anon."
>She turns and walks back to her coffin, hanging her head a bit.
>"Why're you leaving?"
>She stops and turns towards you again.
>"Heh, I'm not a bonehead.  I know where this is going.  I'm going back to bed.  You're not interested in having a little fun, and I don't want to just talk.  Sorry, skully."
>She climbs into the coffin and gently shuts the lid with a huff.

>Without even turning to leave, you walk back to Marris's coffin, then gently open the lid.
>She's laying inside, arms folded across her chest as if she were just laid to rest.  A frown crosses her skull.
>"What?  Forget the way home?"
>"No.  I just want to talk to you."
>Her eyes search your face for a moment.
>"...why?"
>You shrug.
>"I feel like you need to talk about something."
>She snarls a bit.
>"That's pretty presumptuous, yeah?  You think I've got some kinda problem, yeah?"
>Marris hops from her coffin, landing with a clatter, then looms over you, growling.
>"You've got quite a spine, coming in here and trying to play armchair shrink with me!  Even if I did want to talk about how I died, I wouldn't spill my lack-of-guts for some no-name numbskull."
>Terror floods your mind, and you flinch, shutting your eyes.  She blinks a few times, still snarling...
>Then sighs as she returns to her previous slouching stance.
>"...alright, yeah.  I wanna talk about it.  You mind listening?"
>"Go ahead."
>"...see, I've been dead for a while now, yeah?  And it's been great; I love being a skeleton!  But, uh... there's... there's downsides.  Downsides I ain't gonna burden you with.  Nah, I just wanna level with you."
>She wraps a bony arm around you, leaning her surprisingly slight weight on your shoulder.
>"...it ain't always easy, being like this.  But I make the best of it, yeah?  That's why I invited you here.  I just wanted to have some good, not-at-all clean fun.  Just wanted to have a good bone, yeah?  You feel me?"
>You nod, and can't help but slipping in a gag.
>"I already felt you, remember?"
>She lets out a long PFFFT, then doubles over in clattering laughter.
>"Heh heh heh!  I'm a sucker for a good pun, and you just hit my funnybone, Anon.  You're a pretty humerus guy!"
>She nudges you with a bony elbow, her tone practically urging you to laugh.  You chuckle politely, and she beams.

>...okay, fine.
>You gulp nervously, adjusting your shirt collar.
>"...alright, I'll do it."
>Marris tilts her head unnaturally far.
>"Do what, bonehead?"
>You shrug, the laziest possible answer coming to your lips.
>"You."
>Marris blinks, mouthing your answer...
>Then gets a wicked grin as her pupils widen.
>"Ooh, really?  You're gonna take me to the bone zone after all, yeah?  Awesome.  Gimme like, two minutes."
>She once again yanks off her shirt, her tits again bouncing free.  Somehow, a blush comes to her bony face as the cool night air hits her bare fur.
>Giving you a seductive wink, Marris slowly removes her shorts, tossing them into her coffin with a kick.
>Now fully exposed, the skeleton grins at you expectantly.
>"Whatcha think?  I'm pretty hot for someone stone cold dead, yeah?"
>...yeah.  You nod as you undress, Marris eyeing you with anticipation.
>Once you're fully nude, the wind blows, cold air chilling your bare skin.
>You start to shiver, and her seductive smile fades in favor of something else...
>Concern.
>"...you cold, barebones?"
>You nod, shaking, as your teeth begin to chatter.  She maintains her concerned frown as she steps closer to you.
>"Aww.  Sorry, man.  C'mere, c'mere."
>She throws an arm around you, then leads you to her coffin.  It now occurs to you that it's velvet-lined...
>Marris shocks you by lifting you up and gently laying you down in the coffin.
>It's longer and wider than you...
>And surprisingly comfy.
>She climbs into the box with you, lying down atop you.
>Her fur is comfortably warm compared to the night air.
>She gently wraps her skeletal arms around you, pulling you close.
>"I know I'm not all that warm, but I'm better than nothing, yeah?  Get cozy, man; I'm more concerned with you staying warm than anything."
>Teeth still chattering, you respond.
>"W-what about the b-b-bone-"
>She cuts you off.
>"Nuh-uh.  You're just getting warm cuddles, yeah?  Or as warm as a walking boneyard like me can give, yeah?"

>Despite the faint chill of fear still resonating in your spine, you can't deny that Marris is keeping you warm.
>...you know... you actually feel a little bad for being afraid of her.
>The skeleton raises up a little, looking down at you with a smile.
>"Still comfy, yeah?"
>"Yeah... thank you."
>"No problem.  Sometimes I forget other folks ain't immune to the cold like me.  Just sit back, relax, and let these ol' bones keep you warm, yeah?"
>She cuddles up close again, her black fur gently rubbing against your bare chest.
>Her breasts gently rest atop you, but she makes no sexual moves.
>Marris seems legitimately concerned with your keeping warm more than anything.
>As she keeps hugging you, your earlier questions bubble up in your mind again.
>"Old bones, huh?  How long have you-"
>"About 10... maybe 20 years?  Wild, yeah?  At least a decade of being a rad skeleton, heh.  Time sure flies."
>She sighs and repositions a bit, her fur tickling you a little as she does.
>"As for how I died... sorry, I still don't wanna talk about that.  You feel me?"
>You nod.
>"Thanks.  You know something?  You're an alright guy, bonehead.  You had a chance to walk away from this chatty bonespur, but you didn't.  You stuck around just to hear me out, yeah?  Thanks for that."
>She smiles...
>And gently plants a bony kiss on your forehead.
>"You lay here and stay comfy.  I ain't gonna let you catch a chill, yeah?  Morning's coming later."
>She cuddles up close again, and you smile.
>"You know... there's something we could do that'd keep me warm and kill some time..."
>You snake a hand up and cup one of her tits, with her again letting off a hissing moan.
>"...nah, nah.  It's too cold for you here.  Lemme just-"
>She scoots down a little, her breasts dragging across your chest.

>Once satisfied with her position, Marris wraps her arms around you again, now being face to face with you.
>She smiles warmly, black eyes staring into yours.
>"Comfy still?"
>You nod once more as her eyes narrow.
>"Great.  Watch this."
>She kisses your forehead again as she suddenly sits up...
>Leaving her arms around you.
>The now disarmed Marris sits upright, scoots back, then falls back forward, landing so that her crotch is even with yours.
>She grins as her arms slowly begin pushing you back and forth, grinding your rod against her.  Marris lets off a bony chuckle as you feel yourself steadily growing more and more... excited.
>She continues to tease you this way, occasionally winking or throwing in a pun here and there.  Eventually, she sits back up, reclaiming her arms and grinning.
>You're on the razor's edge when she cackles again.
>"Guess it's time to bury this bone, yeah?"
>She plunges down into your length, taking you in fully just as you hit your limits.
>However...
>Despite you having already came, Marris continues to rhythmically slam herself up and down your shaft with a grin.
>"Uh..."
>"What?  Done?  I know, I know... but guess what?  The ride never ends with me, numbskull!"
>Marris laughs as she rides you well on into the morning.

>...you awaken to the sound of crows cawing.
>You try to rise out of bed... then reality hits you like a truck.
>You're still in the coffin... and Marris is laying atop you, sleeping quietly with her head on your chest.
>Despite being naked and in an open coffin, you're warm and comfortable.
>...comfortable enough to shrug and fall back asleep, hugging the skeleton closer and enjoying the warmth of what fur she has left.
>Guess you can only say...
>You had a skele-ton of fun.