:02 to :09
At the word ‘pathetic’ and ‘punishment’ you’re having issues with plosives. No biggie. Either a pop filter or moving the pop filter forward or speaking off-axis (but not too much) should help the issue. Also check out the Kris Takihashi pop filter method as well.

:13 to :24
I think with the majority of your lines, you have too much restraint. Almost like you’re doing fake and quiet yells, being too afraid to yell because people are in the same room as you. You need to just be in the moment and let loose.

Let’s examine your dialogue here:
//////////////////

But we can’t give up!!! Is that what a hero would do?!!!

(stands in defiance and looks at people around him in the room)

Or would they keep fighting no matter what!!

(eyes of determination) (walks forward)

I may not be the strongest or the smartest but I’m not gonna just sit here while others are in trouble!”

//////////////////

Imo, you’re not showing the correct amount of intensity for these lines. The audience has to believe you. You need to let loose.

:27 seconds

I think you’re trying to do a voice of someone older but it isn't convincing yet. I realize this isn’t the most helpful of advice – because I personally struggle with sounding older as well. But it’s either a matter of training and taking workshops to develop this particular voice or to accept that it doesn’t work and to focus on other strengths. For now, in its current state, to add brevity to your demo reel, I’d remove it until you have more iterations and advancements for this particular voice.

42 to 57 seconds:

I feel the acting was actually decent for these lines but the writing isn’t where it should be. The lines show the correct emotions. He clearly is in grief – but the written lines need to be revised. I can't relate to the lines because the writing isn't where it needs to be. The writing in a demo reel is just as important as the production and acting.

Ok. Moving on.

1:00 to 1:09

Let’s examine your dialogue here:

//////////////////
What the hell did you do?!!!
You leave them alone!!
If you’re gonna hurt someone, take me ….
//////////////////

Again, same problems as before but the emotions aren't here. He has no power over the situation – and he knows this. He’s demanding, he’s angry....and shaken. There should be more fear in his words, a bit of fright along with hate and anger while he is making his demands.

“Normal voice”

1:09 to 1:26

I think your normal voice is taking up too much space in the demo reel. If you’ll use it, cut it down to about 5 seconds. Also..I feel the writing could use some work.

1:29 to 1:43
Remove any and all impressions out of your demo reel. Also again, you have issues with plosives here. 14 seconds for a spot is too long as well.

1:43 to 2:01

A few issues here. First, again, it’s too much dialogue here. Your spots shouldn’t be 17 seconds. Second, there’s issues with enunciation and diction here. I’m having trouble understanding what you’re saying.

Overall thoughts:

I think you’ve got the pieces to make a demo reel. It’s just a matter of refining areas and focusing on your strengths. If you haven’t already, I’d also strongly recommend taking acting workshops and coaching. It would be really helpful not only for getting the feedback but also to help you with being more comfortable with acting.