Jump #301: DCEU, in which CHROMESEID IS

[DCEU redux, jump #301]

Jump #301: DCEU

Drawbacks: World Wide Foe, Faster Than A Wrecking Ball, Fish Out Of Water, Zod of War, Suicidal Style, The Long View: 28,000 BC (2000)

Rolled the bit of wilderness that would one day be called Gotham

Saviour, Kryptonian-Olympian: The Sun hybrid, age 28 (0)

Let's Have A Clean Fight (Free)
Super Suit (Free)

>27,500 BC

Mistakes were made last night while drunk. This is my attempt to exorcise them

"Thanks, Barry! I owe you one!" I yelled behind my back as I suddenly appeared on the Olympians' doorstep in the distant mists of time. "Oh dear! What happened to you?" asked Artemis. "I...think I've just suffered a retcon" I said tiredly, rubbing the patch of skin where the Flash had helpfully vibrated a nasty chip directly out of the timestream with a little boost from divine powers. "Everyone seems to fear and hate me in the future. My lifetime supply of seafood is missing. And instead of tentacles I have-wait, Zeus! Who's my mom?"

"A woman in a very flattering skintight outfit who crashlanded here a few years ago, spent a few memorable weeks here and then left. Also, what's a retcon?" asked Zeus.

"It's the reason why I have no idea what the hell happened to Supergirl in the future" I said.

"I have no idea what a Supergirl is, but I want one. No, I want 20" said Zeus.

>18,020 BC

"Oh, so THAT'S a Supergirl" said Zeus as we stared at Kara fighting a murderer. Fast as a speeding sunbeam I exploded out of the sky, instantly splattered him and accidentally bounced Kara into the sky. Where Zeus gallantly caught her. He winked at me. Zeus and Kara proceeded to have lots of Kryptonian-Olympian hybrid babies that somehow didn't meaningfully affect the timeline until-

>3000ish BC

"Come back, you cowards!" howled Steppenwolf at the retreating parademons. "How DARE you be defeated by arbitrary amounts of Kryptonian-Olympian children!"

1/6

He turned around to find that his spaceships had been pushed out of the Earth's orbit. Then he realised the Motherboxes were missing. Then, I hurled him screaming into the sky where Kara (honorary earth goddess for breaking Zeus' pelvis multiple times during their rutting) punched him into a nearby mountain range.

"So uh...is he a god?" asked Kara awkwardly as we watched Steppenwolf bravely relearn how to walk from the crater he'd landed in. "Because I heard only a god can kill a god'
"I'll be honest" I said "Until recently I thought these movies were going to have the Apokoliptans just be weird aliens-"
>-sorry, movies?"
"Excuse me, I meant 'the portion of these celestial beings exuding into this reality was going to be wholly mortal' but Sny-I mean, some prophet told me their leader Darkseid is evolving into some sort of eldritch horror so. They seem to be gods, yeah. Can you finish up here? Atlantis is about to explode, and there's 7 random demons out there who're almost as powerful as Kryptonians"
"Alright. Darn, guess I can't kill him" said Supergirl, approaching the terrified Steppenwolf while carrying a big sword "so I'll just have to settle for breaking every single bone in his body until my layabout husband shows up"

>2999 BC

"Oh dear. Is that a reactive suit of armor made out of a Motherbox?" asked Ares as he found me and Hephaestus checking over my new armor. "Yep" I said. "That seems dangerous" he said dubiously. "After all that power you're absorbing from the sun, you want to mainline the perpetual power of a Motherbox too? I, the actual God of War, am a little disturbed by the implications". "You want to talk about disturbing implications, Ares? Have you heard Queen Heggra's consciousness inhabits the Motherboxes?" I asked.

Ares opened his mouth. He shut it. "That's stupid!" he said finally. "It's canon. Or...will be canon. Soon. When the Snyder Cut drops" I said.

2/6

>2990 BC

"Wee! Higher, higher!" cheered lil' Diana. WE flew around Paradise Island with her on my shoulders, dippling low enough for her to touch the ocean and soaring enough enough for her to clutch the clouds. "Alright Diana, what do good little sisters do?" I asked her as we returned before her bedtime.

"Always go for the neck" she recited obediently.
"And?" I chided her, raising an eyebrow.
"And never, EVER use a wishing stone because it might be cursed, put my future husband's soul in some other man's body, and thus let the god of lies and chaos trick me into raping an innocent man whose body he inhabits" she said.

Later, Hippolyta demanded to know where she learned to say "rape" and refused to believe it wasn't Poseidon who taught her.

>2XXX BC

"Mwahahaha! Having unleahsed the power of the Dreamstone I, Dechalafrea Ero, God of LIES and CHAOS, shall tear apart the burgeoning Indus civilisation in it's infancy!" shrieked an obvious villain as some amazons showed up to him. They started blasting him with spears augmented by reverse engineered Apokoliptan technology. While this distracted him, I burst out of the sky and punched another obvious villain into a crater. I then turned my laser vision on him, then had to shut it off quickly before i melted the ground around me.

"Oh, shit" I said, watching the Indus Valley go about it's business unknowingly. "Alright girls, it was lucky we stopped Decha-la-head-chala's rampage but it appears his vile machinations may in fact be the reason why in the future, every major human civilisation AND their sudden and inevitable collapse occurs. Zeus doesn't like it, but I think it's time we take a more proactive approach to keeping the peace. That wizard clan only JUST sealed those Sins, and he's having trouble. What do you think?"

"Sure, sounds good!" "Okay" "Praise Chromeseid!" yelled one.

3/6

"E-excuse me?!" I spluttered. I looked down at what my Motherbox armor looked like. I looked up. "Never say those words again"

>1900 BC
"Deny Chromeseid!" shouted the Indus Valley civilisation, destroying itself in a panic.

>716 BC
"Holy shit! Romulus just disappeared into a whirlwind!" I yelled, pointing at a whirlwind. "How? Why?! Did he WISH to disappear into a whirlwind?"

"I have a more pressing question" said Ares. "Why did you task the Amazons to conquer the world?"

"That damnable stone is out there, corrupting humanity! And some smartass wished for it to never be found! We have to do SOMETHING or all the woes of the modern era will persist into, well, the modern era" I grumbled.

"Well, I'm not complaining!" he said cheerfully. "I've never trusted those humans. Conquer away!"

>146 BCE
The Third Punic War occurred. Apparently someone wished "Carthage Delenda Est". The Amazons had overrun most of central Asia by now.

>4 AD
"Kush? What's it doing in KUSH?" I asked, overseeing a massive pillar of lightning some friends from Mesoamerica had gifted me. Behind me, a screaming army of Amazons was invading the New World.

>476 AD
Romulus Augustulus was assassinated with the Dreamstone in his posession. By an amazon. Specifically, by Diana. Who snapped his neck. And remembered what I said about tricksy wishing stones.

>1635 AD
"We're going to found a city here, milord" said some labourers commissioned by the Supreme Amazon Imperium to build a city in North America "called Gotham"

"NO!" I shouted. They groveled. "Alright, alright get up sorry trying to change the future and despite my best efforts" I said, frowning "and having derailed ALL the major conflicts of the modern age by pocketing that blasted stone people still seem to be afraid of their biomechanical sun god for some reason. Oh well. Look, just...build a city literally anywhere else, and name it something upbeat. Like...like Joyhaven"

4/6

>1918
The First World War fails to happen. Partly because Ares was on vacation in Australia at the time, partly because the GODDAMN monkey's paw rock was safely secured at this point, but mostly because Prussia had been annexed by the SAI centuries ago. However Diana does hook up with a charming flyboy called Steve Trevor on a chance encounter in Vienna.

Atlantean visitors to the worlds of surface frequently express approval about how the massive fire pits allow cheap and efficient disposal of pollution caused by their inferior technology's industrial revolution. Kryptonian-Olympian and Amazon-Olympian hybrid intermarriage has basically rendered various sections of the sky as different ethnostates, complicating the advent of air travel.

>Early 1919
Steve and Diana defeat Incubus and Enchantress after they STOLE THAT DAMN WISHING ROCK and attempted to betray me to Apokolips, at the cost of Steve's death. Already traumatised from seeing Steve sacrifice himself to blockade a tunnel while the wishing rock had been used to weaken her, Diana literally abandons the world for a century.

>1938
I stared at a sign. It read: Zatara's Magic Shop.
"Huh" I said, already astonished Nabu was canon.

>1966
"I'm putting together a team-" began Amanda Waller.
"No you aren't" I said flatly.

In unrelated news, the Luthor family have begun attempting to periodically kill me. I curse them with baldness.

>1980
A third Kryptonian enters low orbit in a pod. Kal-El is rescued by his ancestor Kara, and enlists in the army of metahumans I am building in preparation for an invasion from Apokolips. Kal's morose but kindhearted attitude and superhuman mental processing and senses wins the friendship of an odd, lonely fellow called Thaddeus Sivana who'd enlisted in the army.

I have become resigned to people saying CHROMESEID IS at highly inappropriate moments.

5/6

>1984

"Jesus, were the 80s always this eye-rapingly LOUD?" I asked nobody in particular.
"Wow. Thank you for letting me see the actual Dreamstone, my goddess" said Minerva, one of Diana's friends.
"Mmm, well. Just remember you can't use it" said Diana sadly. She had been working as museum curator for years. It made me very sad to see my sister reduced to this, but it was somehow more dignified than the alternative.
"Oh, I would never!" she said nervously, aware that not only was she in the presence of an actual goddess of this world but that her brother was standing right behind. Diana kept staring at the wishing stone after she left the room.

"Remember what I said would happen if you, say, tried to wish Steve Trevor back alive?" I said gently.
"I know, I know" she moaned. "I just miss him so much! If only there was some other way to resurrect him!"
"Wait. Wait, hold on" I said slowly, staring at Diana. "You uh. You do realise the Dreamstone was created BY a god whose main gimmick wasn't even resurrection right? And he was just some evil lil' shitter, while you're a child of Zeus whose power surpasses even Ares"
Diana startled. "We can?!"
"YES!" I shouted. "For fuck's sake, Zeus created the amazons from sea foam remember?! What did the amazons teach you?!"
"Warfare, medicine and culture. Not how to use god powers" said Diana sheepishly. I hung my head. I was a terrible oniichan. I was too busy trying to nip future Crisis events in the bud to realise my own sister was apparently too dimwited to learn how to be a god on her own.

So I showed her how to wield life energy ("You fly up and pose like a classical painting-yeah, perfect-stick out a hand and think REALLY HARD about a light beam!"), Diana resurrected Steve and they both lived happily ever after.

Also the Cold War never happened, because the defense budget allocated to the US and Russian puppet-leaders was all spent on big chrome statues of me with laser eyes of their own.

6/6