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The Box 2: Crisis on Box-Earth

Apr 17th, 2013
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  1. The Box 2: Crisis on Box-Earth
  2.  
  3. >you are Boxtimus Alpha, guardian of the human race, as well as a handful of fluffies living inside of you
  4. >being a mecha and all allows for you to safely contain fragile objects in various compartments and hideaways
  5. >such as, of course, the fluffy ponies
  6. >your catalogue has no explanation for how they found you, but it does know why they entered your box-form, which you take to hide yourself from invading Kolyarn
  7. >the fluffy ponies have a deep-seated instinct to go inside of boxes when they lack a human home
  8. >homes also tend to be large and quadrilateral, much like boxes
  9. >each room usually also has four parallel walls, like a box
  10. >fluffies love boxes by nature
  11. >you’re not sure why
  12. >they even have a sexual fixation on them
  13. >you’ve been unfortunate enough to have to collect well over three hundred and fifty point seven samples of fluffy pony ejaculate
  14. >with this much DNA, you could get to work making clones in no time
  15. >and you probably should, all factors considered
  16. >the fluffies helped defeat an invading Kolyarn just a few days ago
  17. >its vents were clogged, and the fluffies survived the immediate explosion
  18. >there’s no explanation for how, but one isn’t needed
  19. >they were the only thing separating you from the same fate as the Kolyarn, and that’s what matters
  20. >today, however, is uneventful, like the previous few days have been
  21. >you are maintaining your box form, but keeping a watchful eye out for any trouble
  22. >the band of fluffy ponies are giggling and laughing as they play, while others huddle in a nearby corner to sleep
  23. >you’d laugh with them, but you don’t have humor capacitors
  24. >however, you spot something far above
  25. >a distant twinkle
  26. >a star, perhaps?
  27. >no, stars don’t move
  28. >and they certainly don’t move that fast
  29. >nor do they head directly towards you
  30. >in a flash, you transform into your fighting stance, and leap to the side
  31. >the object strikes the earth with incredible force, and you are sent flying from the shockwave
  32. >hopping to your feet, you see that it’s another Kolyarn
  33. >but it’s different
  34. >this Kolyarn is blood-red, and has six more arms than you do
  35. >each is tipped with a different weapon, such as a spear or a sword
  36. >he’s looking around for you, searching
  37. >opting to go for a stealth attack, you perform a flying double-stab
  38. >in a nanosecond, he’s gone
  39. >your swords stick in the ground to the hilt, and you nearly land on your main components
  40. >suddenly, a colossal fist strikes you square in the head, and you’re sent soaring into a junkyard
  41. >you try to speak, but only numbers crackle from your speakers
  42. >”0110111101101000001000000110011101101111011001000010000001110100011010000110000101110100001000000111011101100001011100110010000001110101011011100110010101111000011100000110010101100011011101000110010101100100…”
  43. >before you can even get to your feet, the Kolyarn is on top of you
  44. >he raises two double-edged arms and begins hacking away at your arms, face, and body
  45. >you feel wires fraying deep in your core, and a warning flashes that ARM UNIT #002 has been disconnected from host
  46. >just as quickly, one of your optics is cracked and shattered, and a point is driven into your speakers
  47. >finding unprecedented strength, you drive your remaining arm into the side of the Kolyarn’s head and begin to drill as deep as you can into it
  48. >the effect is minimal, but the Kolyarn staggers, and that’s all you need
  49. >you pull the drill out a begin delivering a series of sweeps and crosses, desperately trying to ward him off
  50. >it barely succeeds, but the Kolyarn is back to his feet in seconds
  51. >you run as fast as your legs can carry you, grabbing a handful of trash from the pile
  52. >while running, you open a hatch in your chest and cram the junk in there
  53. >it’s your power core
  54. >the more organic fuel you have in there, the more power you’ll have
  55. >the trash offers a short reprieve, but you’ll need much more than garbage to give you enough power to defeat this Kolyarn
  56. >suddenly, as though reading your thoughts, you hear the smarty pipe up
  57. >”Bawks-daddeh! Yuu otay?!”
  58. >”Hardly.”
  59. >”You otay? Fwuffies haf toughies! Can hewp!”
  60. >”Toughies can’t help me with this. Organic material is what I need right now, or else I don’t think I’m gonna win.”
  61. >you uproot a tree and put in into the compartment
  62. >temperatures spike in your wires, and your parts begin to move faster
  63. >”Fwuffies am owganic!”
  64. >”How do you know what ‘organic’ is?”
  65. >”Nu mattew! Fwuffies hewp!”
  66. >”No. If you do this, there’s no chance you’ll survive. Even the explosion wasn’t as dangerous as that.”
  67. >”Fwuffies nee’ hewp bawk-daddeh. An’ fwuffies GON’ hewp bawks-daddeh.”
  68. >you sense the fluffies moving from their compartment up, and over, and
  69. >into your power core
  70. >”No! Stop!”
  71. >”Fwuffies hewp!”
  72. >”Fwuffies hewp.”
  73. >”Fwuffies! Go! Hewp bawk-daddeh!”
  74. >your parts start moving faster and faster, electricity crackles across your frame, and you begin to glow red hot
  75. >”That’s enough power! You can stop now! No more of you need to sacrifice yourselves!”
  76. >they either don’t hear you, or they ignore you
  77. >steam begins pouring from all gaps and joints in your system
  78. >your CPU gets overclocked, and everything around you begins to slow to a crawl
  79. >”Wet’s wock, bawks-daddeh.”
  80. >with that, one final fluffy pushes your core to the brink, and your raw power output exceeds the maximum
  81. >breaking the sound barrier, you dash towards the Kolyarn, and ram your remaining arm through it with the force of a collapsing star
  82. >the power of your punch creates a tiny tear in space-time, and the Koyarn begins to spaghettify and spiral into itself
  83. >just as quickly as it starts, it ends, and the tear seals itself
  84. >you collapse as the power begins to fade, and you rest so that your parts don’t melt from the pure heat
  85. >as you drift into standby, you hear voices
  86. >several voices, all at the same time
  87. >”Hewwo, bawk-daddeh!”
  88. >”Fluffies? You survived?”
  89. >”Nu. We take da fawevah sweepies. Check yo’ fiwe diwectowy.”
  90. >you do as they say, and run through you files
  91. >when you get to your mainframe, you find a new sub-folder
  92. >FLUFFY_PONY.zip
  93. >their collective conscience was uploaded into your SSD?
  94. >”Dat’s wight!”
  95. >well, seems they can read your thoughts now
  96. >you transform into a box, and hear laughter and giggling
  97. >”Fankies, bawks-daddeh! Fwuffies can pway now!”
  98. >you transfer the .zip into your Box Form drive
  99. >and, this time, you really do begin to power down
  100. >right before you notice a brand new file appear
  101. >FLUFFY_SEMEN(91).bat
  102. >oh boy
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