Unforeseen Consequences - Celestia's creepy talk.

>Gotta be honest. I never expected that Celestia’s study would be this… simple, I guess is the word?
>It’s not like it was ugly or anything, but y’know, for somepony like her, I’d have thought that she would have lots of crazy cool designs and lots of gold and bling plastered on the walls. But, no! It was more like a comfy office than anything.
>Guess, I can put this on my long, long list of “things that the show got wrong”. I think I’ll put it right below of how annoying Purple really is.
>But, who cares, honestly? Especially when you were having the best breakfast ever!
“Dude! This coffee is something else! Where did you get it? Oh! And can I get more?”
>Seriously! Not even my top notch chaos can make something this good! And my old man? HAH! Whenever he makes coffee, it’s like I’m drinking his socks’ sweat… wait a minute...
>Oooooh! That guy is in so much trouble!
>My little revenge would need to wait, since Celestia was cool enough to pour more coffee into my cute mug “Certainly, I have more than enough to spare. I’m glad you are enjoying the coffee, I actually grow the coffee beans myself”
“Woah, really?! You made all of this?!”

>“Well, not all of it, the mug is one of many that my son has gifted to me…” Dude, that joke was like, super lame.
“…”
>Well, at least Celestia doesn’t get mad when somepony doesn’t laugh at her jokes… unlike a certain dadonequus that totally wasn’t me. Heck, she even giggled! “Sorry for that. I must admit that my humor is sometimes a bit lacking. To answer your question, yes, I did grow and tended the plant and then prepared the coffee on my own”
>Celestia said with a chill smile and calmly she took a sip of her mug. It said “Equestria’s best moms” that gotta be a gift from the dork “Gardening is a particular hobby I have had for centuries. It helps to relieve stress. But pray tell Eris, did my cooking leave you an impression as strong as the coffee?”
>Did she need to ask? I already ate like, twenty of those things! Never had pancakes this good, especially since my old man’s cooking tastes like he just fried his ear wax… wait a minute…
“You seriously weren’t kidding about these pancakes! I would ask for more, but y’know, gotta take care of my figure and all that.”
>“Fair enough.” Gotta give it to her, the way she nods and takes sips looks very classy “If anything, I’m just happy that you indulged this mare in having a breakfast with her.”
>Oh no! She went silent… uh… what do I even say to her? Pffft! As if I needed to be worried about breaking the ice!
“Uh-Huh… soooo, you said you wanted to chat, right? Well, why not, what you wanna talk about, Chief?”
>“Eris, I have to apologize for my lack of directness, but before I do my request.” Oh no, she went serious! Why did she become serious! Did I screw up? “I need to clarify something very important, neither Anon nor you are in any sort of trouble.”
“Not in trouble? Geez, you’re not giving me good vibes here, Chief.”

>“I fully realize that, but sadly, making that disclaimer was a necessity, because you see, Eris.” That sly look on her face only made me feel more creeped out “I want you to tell me about the humans and their world.”
> I… I… Oh, no! OH, NO! OKAY! Chill out Eris, you gotta… gotta do what? AAAAAH! SCREW YOU CELESTIA! Why did you have to ruin everything!
“How… How do you know…?”
>“How do I know about what? About what you and my son used to be in your previous lives? Eris, if you really believed that me and Luna wouldn’t be aware or even suspicious about your origins, then I’m afraid that you have heavily underestimated us.”
>What do I say? WHAT DO I DO?! This wasn’t supposed to happen! My old man went through a lot of trouble to make sure this could never ever happen!
>Wait… Luna, she guarded the dreams or something like that, right? Maybe she saw… BUT IT’S STILL NOT POSSIBLE! Discord’s barriers should’ve keep her out from any important stuff!
>“You didn’t actually believe that your father could best Luna at her own game, did you?” I-I actually did “Discord’s magic is powerful, but in the dreamscape, well, he can’t do much against my sister. There’s no need to be worried though. Both Luna and I are fully aware that they are nothing but past lives. It just happens that the two of you have the fortune of remembering them. I would say that is part of what makes you and my son extra special, wouldn’t you agree?”

>Oh… so they know, but they don’t care? That sounds a bit too good to be true, too good actually. MMM! There’s gotta be a catch somewhere!
“So… I’m not gonna get banished, or thrown into Tartarus, or get banished then thrown into Tartarus and then thrown into one of Purple’s lectures?”
>“Heavens, no! Why everypony always thinks that I will give them a horrible punishment is something that I will never know. I’m just curious about the subject of other worlds, that’s it.”
>Phew! I thought she was gonna laser me again! Alright, Eris! You dodged a bullet! Time to tell Celestia that you ain’t going into that stuff. Just… gotta do it with class, ‘cuz otherwise, I’m gonna get a laser in the face.
“I dunno chief, I kinda don’t want to talk about that. No offence, you’re cool and I know you won’t go and tell everypony about this, but… it’s just that I ain’t too fond of how much of a loser I used to be, y’know? I want to leave that past life in the past and move on with what I have, which is legit great stuff.”
>“I understand, that is why I’m not asking you about your or my son’s previous life. You will have to excuse my bluntness Eris, but I’m simply not interested in knowing about two beings that do not exist anymore and have no relevance in your current lives… or in your future.”
>Ugh! She had to come up with the cheesy stuff about the future, geez! At least she didn’t say destiny, that’s another thing she has over my old man. I swear I would have snapped in half if I heard that word for the hundredth time today.
“I’m not following ya, Chief. If you don’t wanna know about the losers we were…”
>“That you were in another life, don’t forget that part.”

>Well, she did like to correct me like my old man… and it was as annoying as when he did it.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m the one who told the dork… Anon to take it like that. I meant, why do you even want to know about that dump?”
>“I already told you, I’m just curious about it, and before you ask the obvious, I can’t ask my son about that world. You know how he can overthink things at times, I’m afraid that he would take my curiosity in the wrong way, and well… have a nervous breakdown.”
>It’s not like she was wrong, my dork would probably run to the hills the moment Celestia said the word “human”, but it still was a bit too annoying that she thought I wouldn’t get mad.
>I wasn’t mad by the way, it’s just that… y’know… a little more of consideration would’ve nice.
“And you thought I wouldn’t? Geez, Chief! Thanks for the vote of confidence, but… Geez!”
>“I apologize for that, Eris, but I’m not forcing you into anything. If you don’t want to talk about this subject, then we can move onto why I asked you to come.”
>Which is exactly what I wanted! Thank you! But… that breakfast, man. It was sooo goooood! And she has being super nice, and… okay, okay!
>Let’s see what she wants to hear. If it sucks, then I say no and if it doesn’t, then… Gosh, Eris, you know it’s gonna suck… but you can’t be a total jerk with Celestia either!
“I kinda don’t wanna but, ugh! I’ll give this a shot, so tell me, Chief, what you wanna know about Earth?”
>“Earth? Hmm, I assume that’s the name of the human kingdom. Kind of dull if you ask me”.
“Kingdom? What? No! That’s the name of that garbage-filled planet!”

>“Aaaah, I see. Well, that doesn’t change my opinion about the name, if anything, your statement has only lowered my expectations about the environmental state of that world.”
>She wasn’t wrong… again.
“What made you think…? How did you…?”
>“I was just thinking out loud. Please, pay no attention to my little ramblings, as for your question, well, I already know a few things about that world. So no need to explain the amazing technology or the constant wars the humans have”
>Did she have cable TV here or something? Seriously, Celestia was starting to get creepy… again.
“I’m almost afraid to ask, Chief, but… how?”
>“I could mention the fact that Luna described seeing in my son’s dreams an enormous structure that contained technology far beyond anything that Equestria has to offer and far too realistic and detailed to be a product of his imagination, but I believe that his little laboratory is more than enough evidence.”
>Which Discord was supposed to change to look more like a pony thing. Great work there, dad. Your laziness is really something else.
“Yeah, but I meant how you knew about… well… the bang-bang problem”
>“Is that a human slang to call wars? Because if so, I must admit, it’s quite silly. To answer your question though, I must remind you that your father came up with a rather silly story how Anon’s world ended, a story that my son backed up with a tale of his own. It was quite easy for me to separate the truth from the lies”

>Gosh darn it, dork! No wait, this is still the fault of my old man and his never ending laziness.
“And… this happened before I was around… it must have… geez, my old man can be very dumb at times.”
>“Oh, no. That story worked wonders for most ponies, but as you know, I’m not most ponies. So, with that out of the way, I think that hearing about the human culture would be lovely.”
>Aah! So she wants to know about one of the many things I had no idea about.
“Culture? Well… uh… that’s gonna be tough to answer, Chief. It’s not like I know much about that stuff. Except for the Greeks dudes story about their… how do I explain it? Guess goddess is fine? Well, I think the praised a cool gal named Eris… among other less cool dudes… but I just read in the label of a bottle.”
>“So that’s where your name came from, a goddess of chaos, quite spectacular, if I must say so.”
>… I-I really wanna know how she manages to be always right.
“Okay, now you gotta tell me how you do that mind-reading stuff, ‘cuz it’s starting to give me the creeps.”
>“Oh, Eris! I can’t do anything like that! No, I’m just very good at deducing, and based on what you’ve said, it is clear that the humans have a vast array of different cultures, religions and countries. I have to admit, despite their war-mongering, the humans are a very colorful species”
>… Y’know what? I give up! Celestia plays a game too hard for me.
“Yeah… I still like Equestria more though.”
>“And I’m glad you do, but considering that you are clearly not feeling comfortable about this talk. I think we should put an end to our little class and move onto why I asked you to come here today.”
>FINALLY! GEEZ! That felt like it took forever! Wait… there must be a catch. There always is with her!