We need to have an open and honest conversation, and I’ve got a feeling you may not like it. But I could be wrong, and you may not care. I don’t really know, to be honest. And I’m not even really sure where to start, other than to just say it.

I can’t do this anymore. I thought I could, I really did. But I just can’t. For the past year, I’ve been trying. Hell, for the past six years I’ve been trying. But I constantly feel like I’m the only one who is. Yes, lately you have been, but it shouldn’t have just been lately. It shouldn’t have just been after it was too late, even though neither of us knew it was yet.

You keep making promises, and you keep breaking them. You keep saying it will get better, you’ll make the time to be here, you’ll do this or you’ll do that. But what do you actually? The same shit, day after day - and if there is a change, it’s always worse than it was before. And I’m tired.

I am so unbelievably tired of being the only one to hold this thing together. Of being the one to explain why Kenady hasn’t seen you at all for a week, and that no you won’t be home most of the weekend because you’re working then, too. I’m tired of trying to be okay with things that I’m not okay with. I’m tired of supporting every single thing that happens, just because I know nothing else. I’m tired of pretending that I’m still happy.

You probably didn’t even see it until Carla left, because I wouldn’t let you. But once she left, I suddenly had no one that I could confide in about things that I should have felt I could confide in you. The fact of the matter is that I haven’t felt like I could open up to you for a while now. Nothing is as important as work for you, and I want you to know that I don’t hold that against you. How can I when you’re just trying to be better?

My point is, I can’t keep waiting. Waiting for things to change, for things to even out. Waiting for things to get better, when I know they won’t. I can’t keep waiting and hoping that you will be around more, especially when you said yourself that after ALC and everything that comes next, it’ll be worse and you’ll be working more. I can’t keep waiting for promises that won’t last more than a week. And I can’t keep waiting for you to see that this is all suffocating me.

I am drowning over here, and you are completely oblivious. And maybe that’s my fault, for not letting you in. But it’s not like I haven’t tried. I’ve tried over and over again, and every single time, I’m dismissed and steamrolled. I shouldn’t have to just believe when you say I’m important, I should feel it - and I don’t.

You were always the one who told me that constantly trying to fix things for everyone was going to push me to my limits. I realize now what those limits are, and it sucks to say it, but I’ve reached my limit with us. I can’t keep trying to fix things, because it has been slowly killing me for the past year.

I don’t want you to think that any of this means that I don’t love you anymore, because I do still love you, and I always will. And I don’t want you to feel like this is all your fault - because some of it is on me for not realizing or opening up sooner. But I can’t stay and I can’t love you, without losing any more of me than I already have. And I don’t know what this means for me, but I will figure it out. All I know is that it is hard, and it will be harder still because of Kenady.

So now we just have to figure out what comes next. We can file paperwork, or we can just leave things be and come to some sort of agreement about what this means for us. Whatever you want to do, we will figure out. I don’t know what the future holds, for either of us, but I do know that I want you to be happy. I want you to have whatever else it is you want out of life. And I don’t want this to hold you back from that.