Psychology of Love ( Part 3 of TwiJack )

Applejack walked along the road, pulling her napping little sister and the extra stock back to Sweet Apple Acres. It was early afternoon, though the sun was dipping to the horizon and the morning chill had returned with interest.  The breeze that had been present during the day had quickened to a steadily blowing wind, stripping the trees along the path of their multicolored leaves.  Applejack shivered and ducked her head.  There weren’t any clouds in the sky but Applejack’s farmer’s senses were screaming that there’d be rain come morning and no mistake.

She glanced over her shoulder at her sister sleeping on the seat of the cart, her long red mane pooled around her face, no longer tied back by the ever-present bow.  Applejack shook her head and faced forward again, still mystified at what had come over the little filly that day.

 "It ain’t like her to go dithering on about love and romance,"  Applejack whispered darkly.

"I wish I knew what was going" on in that little head of hers."

 It was easier to consider her sister’s strange behavior than to consider her own.  "Some Element of Honesty you are." she muttered scornfully, "Cant even be honest with yourself."  "She scared you with all that talk."  Applejack snorted in derision.  "No, not scared... Terrified."

She tried to keep her head, but felt tears prick at her eyes, hot and insistent. Despite herself, she couldn’t stop them from leaking out of the eyes.  "Don’t grow up on me" Apple Bloom..."  A sob choked her as it clawed its way out of her throat.  "Oh Mama, what would you’ve done?"  Applejack tried so hard.  But it wasn’t easy being ma, pa, and big sister for Apple Bloom.

When she wanted to be out with her friends or having a good time, she had Granny Smith and Apple Bloom to take care of.  As much as she loved the farm, she needed it more.  Without it how else would she take care of her family? Applejack angrily wiped at her leaking eyes.  "I got no time for self-pitying and blubbering."  She coughed harshly, willing the black feelings of loneliness away.

But Apple Bloom had presented a problem she couldn’t ignore or shove to the side.  She’d have to tackle it head-on.  "And what do I know about love."  She whispered to herself as she picked up the pace a little.  What did she know about love?  Not a whole lot.  She could admit it to herself at least.  "Never a pony to catch my eye; not that I’ve been looking."  But now it seemed like her little sister had a special foal she had her eye on.  Or a filly, come to think of it.

And what if she does have a filly who’s caught her eye? The thought was enough to give her pause.  She waited for the black despair, the creeping loneliness to come over her again, but she seemed to have beat it back for the moment.  "Well if it were me, I’d want my big sister to be there for me,"  "And not to yelp like a kicked dog whenever I brought up the subject."

 She cringed as she recalled her panicked response to Apple Bloom’s innocent questions earlier.  "I’m so sorry Apply Bloom... I didn’t mean to make ya cry. I just...  I just don’t know myself."  And there it was again.  That yawning, hungry loneliness that she could only keep at bay with hard work and sweat.  She felt its cold claws clutch her gut and stepped up the pace again until she was trotting down the road to Sweet Apple Acres, sweat streaming from her brow, hiding the tears leaking from her eyes.

~


Apple Bloom woke up when Applejack picked her up and placed her on her back, but it was a muzzy sort of wakefulness and she nestled into her sister’s warm back almost immediately.  It was dark outside, the sun having set on the way back to the farm.  The chill had turned to cold with the absence of the sun and even though it was still technically early Applejack felt bone tired.  It had nothing to do with a good day’s hard work and more to do with old demons snapping at her heels as Applejack walked the long road home.

Applejack carried her sister into her room and gently placed the filly into her bed.  She tucked her in, making sure the hoof-stitched apple quilt covered her completely.  She paused at the door looking over her shoulder at the peacefully sleeping filly for a long moment before she exited the room and walked down the hallway and into the brightly lit kitchen.  Granny Smith was snoozing by the cast-iron stove, and Winona curled up at the old mare’s hooves.  The coals inside the stove had burned down to embers.  Applejack picked up a jug of hard cider from the counter and poured a hearty measure into a pot and stirred up the coals a little.

As she waited for the cider to heat up, Applejack listened to the unique silence of the farm.  It wasn’t an empty silence devoid of sound; there was an amalgam of sound which indicated the farm was settling down.  The wind against the window panes, Granny’s snores, the old barn creaking as it settled, the ever-present leaf rustle of apple trees outside.  It usually served to calm Applejack after a stressful day, but today was a strange day.  It seemed to press in at her until she felt she might go crazy.  To fight it off, she started humming quietly to herself just to break the silence.

She’d been humming for a while when she was interrupted by Granny Smith’s creaky voice, “Your mother used to sing that song to you when you was knee high to a grasshopper Applejack.  Used to put you right to sleep.”

“Huh? Oh sorry Granny, I didn’t mean to wake ya up.  I’ll quiet down.”

Granny chuckled softly to herself, “T’ain’t a bit of trouble, I reckon I get enough sleep to git on by.  Now, what’s troubling ya’?”

Applejack blushed, “Aw Granny, it ain’t nothing important--”

“Horseapples!” Granny barked, then her voice softened, “I may be nearly blind, but I’m only nearly blind.  I ain’t so blind yet I can’t see when my granddaughter’s hurting.”

Applejack turned away from Granny Smith’s piercing orange eyes, unnaturally sharp for a mare her age.  Uncomfortably sharp if Applejack was being completely honest.  She stirred the cider on the stove as an excuse to avoid the old pony’s eyes as she tried to think how to answer.  Unable to find any answers in the cloudy cider, Applejack sighed and turned back around, “Granny... what were Ma and Pa like?”

“Don’t you remember?  You weren’t all that young when they passed.”

Applejack sighed again, “I know... I just... I don’t know.  Today’s been hard for some reason.  Apple Bloom’s talking about love and it made me think about how quick she’s growing up.”

Granny chuckled, “Oh yes!  That little filly’s a right firecracker ain’t she?  You know, you sounded like your Mama just now?  She always used to sigh like that when she was talking about how you and your brother were growing so fast.”

Applejack smiled a little, but it was a pained smile. “Apple Bloom looks so much like Mama... she’s got her eyes.  That’s what I remember about Mama most.  Her eyes and her bright red mane.  Granny... sometimes it’s just hard, you know?”

“I know Applejack, but that filly couldn’t ask for a better sister than you.  And you’ve done yourself proud as a stand-in mother for her too.”  Granny began rocking in her chair and sighed as she settled herself in a more comfortable position, “Your daddy would be real proud of you, you know that, right?”

“Well, I don’t know about all that,” Applejack said, a slight hitch in her voice.  She stirred the cider again and then took it off the stove, pouring it into a ceramic mug and letting it sit to cool a little.  “He’d likely have something to say about the cider press needing a new pressure plate.  Then there’s the fence in the southern pasture that needs mending...”

Applejack trailed off as Granny’s snores interrupted her, but she smiled a more  heartfelt smile.  Granny always knew how to pick her back up on her feet.  Winona’s tail thumped on the ground near her and Applejack looked down to see the Border Collie gazing up at her with adoring, soulful eyes.  She patted the dog’s head and then took a sip of her cider, letting the mellow hot drink calm her frazzled nerves.  After she finished her cider she carefully placed the empty cup in the sink and whistled softly for Winona to follow her.  There was still some work to get done.

She had to bring up a few casks of cider for Big Mac to take into Ponyville tomorrow.  If she was right about the rain overnight, that would mean that the next day would be a cold one and hot cider would sell well.  Applejack began unloading the cart and putting away the baskets and crates that held the wares for the Apple stall in town, all the while humming her mother’s lullaby to herself.  High overhead, two stars shot across the sky, their twinkling tails almost touching one another as they went.

~



Twilight Sparkle made her way home from the Cafe Rodeon, stomach full and interest piqued.  She carried the sapling Apple Bloom had given her in a field of magenta magic and for once, she didn’t have a book open in front of her as she walked.


She’d been walking for what seemed like longer than it should probably take to get back to the library, her head still full of ideas about gardening and the books needed to make the project successful when she was broken out of her reverie by a sandy-voiced shout.  “Woah, watch it there Egghead!”  The call came an instant before Twilight was nearly knocked to the ground by a rainbow maned pegasus flying at dangerously low altitudes and dangerously high speeds.

“Rainbow!”  Twilight yelled after the rapidly receding pegasus, “Don’t fly so low in town, you’re going to hurt somepony!”

“We’re not in town any more, Egghead!  You’ve been off the road for ten minutes now!”  Rainbow Dash yelled as she turned back.

Twilight, startled, looked at her surroundings and sighed as she realized the pegasus was right.  Peeking up above the trees she saw the majestic branches of Golden Oaks Library in the distance. Rainbow Dash flew back to her, casually inverting her flight and giggling as Twilight began her walk back toward the library. “And they say I’ve got my head in the clouds.”  Rainbow laughed raucously at her own joke, clutching her belly.

“Laugh it up, clouds-for-brains,” muttered Twilight darkly.  “How did you even know where I was?”

“Oh, I’ve been following you since you left the restaurant,” Rainbow laughed, “Fluttershy said you looked like you were lost in thought and asked me to watch out for you.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes at her friend, “Then why didn’t you tell me when I started walking out of town?”

“How was I supposed to know you didn’t mean to go out of town?”  Rainbow landed and started walking next to Twilight, “After all,” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm, “who’s got clouds-for-brains?”

Twilight winced and shook her head, “I’m sorry Rainbow Dash, I wasn’t being fair.”  She sighed, “I just got lost in my own head.  It’s been happening more and more lately.”

Rainbow flared her wings, resettling her primaries and preening the secondaries.  Around a mouthful of feathers she asked, “How...mhff...how come?”

“I don’t know.” Twilight moaned.  “I’ve just been distracted lately.  It’s like I can’t focus on what’s around me.”

Rainbow cocked an eyebrow as she worked on a particularly troublesome feather, then she smiled wickedly and said, “You got it bad,” Rainbow giggled.  She spat out the feather and resettled her wings.  “Who’s the lucky pony?”

“I’m sorry, what?”  Twilight said, tripping over her hooves.

The pegasus spread her wings again, letting the cool fall air rustle her newly preened feathers, closing her eyes in concentration.  Casually she said, “Oh yeah.  I’ve seen it all before.  A pony starts with being easily distracted, then she starts losing herself in her own little world.  Later comes moping around, sighing at nothing.  Standard stuff.  After that, it’s pretty much downhill from there.”

“Rainbow Dash, what the hay are you talking about?”

“Like you don’t know.”

Twilight took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “Okay Rainbow,” she said patiently, “let’s pretend--for the moment--that I have no idea what you’re talking about.  Now, with that consideration in place, do you think you could--clearly and succinctly--tell me what exactly you’re talking about?”

“Okay Twi, but there’s no need to call me sucky.  Anyway it’s clear to any pony with eyes that you’re head over hooves in love.”

Twilight tripped over her hooves again.  “I’m in what?”

“Love, duh!”  Rainbow stretched her left wing out and gave a couple of experimental flaps before she went back to preening.

“That’s what I thought you said.  But then I thought to myself, ‘Rainbow Dash couldn’t possibly think that I’m in love.  That’s the most ridiculous conclusion based on the shakiest premises ever.’”

“Really Twi?  You thought that?”

“Well no, not exactly that...” She broke off as Rainbow’s muffled chuckles clued her in to the joke.  “Oh haha,  Very funny.  But why in the world would you think I’m in love?  I don’t even date.”

Rainbow re-folded her left wing and started in on her right wing.  “Beats me Twi, I just calls ‘em like I sees ‘em.  And from what I--ow, that one hurt... from what I see, you’ve been bitten by the love bug.  I’m just wondering which of us you’ve fallen for.”

“The shocks just keep coming and coming,” muttered Twilight after she picked herself up from yet another faceplant into the dirt.  She sighed, “Okay, Rainbow Dash.  I’m not even going to try to follow your logic there.  But I am going to set this--comedic though it may be--absurd little misinterpretation to rest.  I am not nor have I ever been in love with any of you.”

Rainbow flapped her right wing, feeling the wind slide over her feathers and folded it back against her side, finally satisfied with her preening.  “Whatever you say Twi.  Maybe you just don’t know you’re in love.  Maybe it’s one of your... whaddya call it, subcon-something.  When you don’t know something but you really do.”

“A subconscious expression of romantic urges manifesting itself on my conscious actions as moments of losses of focus or extreme distraction from the waking world?”

“Uh... sure,  Whatever.  Ofcourse, when you say it like that it sounds boring.  My way is at least a hundred and thirty percent cooler.”  The two ponies emerged from the wilderness and crossed back into Ponyville.  The road was just a few dozen yards away.  “There ya go Egghead.  Back safe and sound.  You can thank me by getting me Daring Do and the Cult of the Time Frogs.  I heard it’s got a killer action scene where Daring Do snowboards down the side of a volcano as it’s erupting.”

“Thanks Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said, “I’ll make sure the Daring Do book is reserved for you tomorrow.”  She began walking toward the road when Rainbow called after her.

“And don’t forget what I said about you being in loooooooove!”  With a whoosh of displaced air she took off, spiraling up in her ascent.

“As if I could forget even if I wanted to,”  Twilight muttered to herself.  She began--once again--the short walk home.

~

Twilight arrived back at the library just as the sun was setting.  What should have been a ten minute walk after lunch had taken over an hour.  “Spike!”  She called. “Please be here.” she muttered.

Spike came out of the kitchen, his frilly apron on and a tea towel in his claws.  “Hey there Twi, I thought you’d be back a long time ago!  Fluttershy stopped by with Rarity about half an hour ago to see if you wanted to join them for dinner at Rarity’s house.”

“Oh Spike, I couldn’t possibly--” Twilight began.

“--I already accepted for you,” Spike interrupted apologetically, “sorry!  I thought you’d want to.  It’s still early, so you’ve got some time before it starts.”  He went back into the kitchen as the teapot whistled.

Twilight sat heavily on her haunches, blowing out a heavy sigh.  “Rrrgh!” She moaned, a bit melodramatically in Spike’s direction, “I really wanted to get back into the Canterlot shipment, Spike.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that, Twilight.”  Spike said brightly from the kitchen.  Sounds of clinking dishes and flatware reached Twilight’s ears and the heavenly aroma of fresh tea reached Twilight’s nose.  A moment later, he emerged from the kitchen with a teacup and a tin of cookies.  “I took care of the collection while you were out with your friends.  Y’know, the work went much faster without you dragging every book out and trying to read a dozen chapters at once.”  Smiling, he handed Twilight a saucer with a brimming teacup.

Twilight wordlessly levitated the teacup to her and took a sip. “Thanks, Spike,” Twilight said as graciously as she could.



“No problem, Twi.”  The baby dragon plucked a cookie from the tin and popped it in his mouth, chewing happily.

“Um, Spike?” Twilight asked hesitantly.

“Yeah?” Spike snagged another sugar cookie, this one with a glittering ruby placed in the center of it.  Licking his lips, he took another bite.

“Do I seem to be acting... strange to you?”

Spike took another bite, “No, not any stranger than usual... What are you trying to get at, Twi?”

She let the ‘stranger than usual’ remark pass, taking another sip of her tea. “Well, Rainbow Dash said it seemed like I was... behaving in a way which might lead somepony to believe that a combination of hormones, psychology and amorous emotional display was affecting my focus.”

Spike scratched his head with one claw, “Erm, do you mind translating that?”

Twilight blushed furiously, her voice dropping so low Spike had to strain to hear what she said.  “She said you’re in love?!”  Spike shouted.  Twilight cringed and nodded.  The baby dragon burst out laughing, “Oh, that’s a good one!”  He hooted, “You!  In love!”

Twilight frowned, her embarrassment evaporating in irritation, “What’s that supposed to mean?”  She asked, her voice deceptively calm.

Spike stopped laughing and coughed uncomfortably, “Uhm... I uh... I don’t know what you’re talking about Twi... More tea?”

“What, you don’t think I could fall in love?”  Twilight asked indignantly.  “Am I incapable of expressing romantic urges?  Am I not attractive enough for you to even imagine that I could be in a relationship?”

Spike closed his eyes against the tirade, wincing.  “No no no!  I didn’t mean any of that!  I just never, y’know, thought of you in a relationship!  You just seem to be happy with your books and studies!”

Twilight stopped in mid-rant, Spike’s words derailing her righteous fury.  It was true, she was happy with her books and studies.  At least, she had been. “I’m sorry Spike, I didn’t mean to lash out at you like that.  You didn’t deserve anything like that.”

Spike opened his eyes and gave Twilight a hug, “It’s okay, Twi.  I know you didn’t mean anything by it.  I just didn’t know you were so, uh... well, I didn’t know that it would strike such a nerve.”


“Neither did I. I can’t believe that Rainbow Dash of all ponies would be the one to be so observant!  Deluded, maybe.  But she seems to have hit on something I haven’t let myself recognize.”


“Oh yeah, that reminds me,” Spike went over to a box that was filled with books to be repaired and brought out a worn and battered book, the binding of which had been cracked repeatedly, “Rainbow Dash brought this by a while ago.  Said she’d finished reading it last night.  You realize that this copy was listed in ‘like new’ condition before she checked it out?  You really have to talk to her about proper care and maintenance of books.  It’s gonna take me ages to re-bind this copy.”

Twilight levitated the book over to her, cringing in sympathetic pain for the abused book, and read the title, Daring Do and the Fortress of the Yeti Chieftain.  “Hang on a second,” she muttered as she opened the book.  She leafed through the pages until it came to a particularly well-worn section.  Narrowing her eyes, she scanned the page furiously then slammed the book shut and tossed it back into the box with as much venom as she could muster (without causing further damage to the book).  “I am going,” she hissed between clenched teeth, “to rearrange that pegasus’ spectrum!  When I get done with her, radio spectroscopy will identify her posterior as a family of monocotyledonous flowering plants!”  She stormed out of the library, yanking the book back out of the box after her and slamming the door.

Spike stared in shock after her, working out her last outburst.  He pulled a book from a shelf and flipped to a page.  “Ah,” he said with satisfied smirk, “‘Poacaea, or grass, is a family of monocotyledonous flowering plant ubiquitous to Equestria with over ten thousand domesticated and wild species.  Hmmm.  Okay... her posterior will be identified as grass.”  His eyes widened and he dashed out the door after Twilight Sparkle.

~

It was just about sunset when Twilight found Rainbow Dash napping on a small cloud just east of the windmill on the other side of Ponyville.  Narrowing her eyes in concentration, she used her telekinesis to guide another nearby cloud directly over Rainbow’s sleeping form, then lowered the local temperature inside the cloud, causing a cascade of water to drench the pegasus in a splash of icy water.  Rainbow Dash jumped up, eyes wild and wings flared, “Who’s th-- What?! How--?!”

“Down here, clouds-for-brains!” Twilight called up to Rainbow.

Rainbow Dash blinked in surprise and shook her dripping mane out of her eyes.  She leapt off her cloud and glided down to Twilight, “Hey!  What’s the deal, Twi?!”

“What’s the deal?” Twilight growled.  She levitated Daring Do and the Fortress of the Yeti Chieftain and opened it, “Page 146.  Read it.”

Rainbow glanced at the page and her face paled a little as she read, “‘Daring Do nodded knowingly, ‘Oh, you’ve got it bad.  I’ve seen it before.  Love makes a pony do strange things.  A pony starts with being easily distracted, then she starts losing herself in her own little world.  Later comes moping around, sighing at nothing.  Standard stuff.  Of course, it could also be brainwashing zombie powder from a voodoo priest.  But you don’t--’” Rainbow cut off as Twilight snapped the book closed.

“‘Standard stuff, is it?”  Twilight poked at Rainbow with one hoof, “So you’ve seen it all before, have you?”

“Well,” Rainbow Dash hedged, laughing a little nervously, “not personally, no...”

“I can’t believe I even entertained the notion for even the slightest fraction of a second that you were even in the smallest way remotely correct!”  Twilight raged, “You’re as observant and empathetic of other ponies as a pickled beet!  What was I thinking?!”

“Woah there Twi, aren’t you overreacting a little?”  Rainbow looked concerned, “I mean sure, you’re right about me not really being interested in other ponie feelings and stuff, but I figured you’d know that too... I mean, I was just kidding around with you, you know?”

Her righteous fury derailed yet again, Twilight Sparkle deflated completely and broke down sobbing, grabbing Rainbow dash in a crushing hug.  “I-I just c-can’t seem to c-control myself!”  She cried, clutching at the pegasus, “I don’t know wh-what’s going on with me!”  Just then Spike came puffing up, breathing hard from the long run.

Rainbow Dash awkwardly patted Twilight’s shoulder with one hoof, looking desperately at Spike for some kind of help.  Spike just shrugged, though he seemed relieved to see Rainbow Dash still standing.  “Uh Twilight, it’s... alright?  You’re um, gonna be just...fine.  Right.”  Twilight just sobbed even harder.  “What is going on with you?” Rainbow Dash asked, “You’re never like this.  I mean, Rarity is, sure.  But not you.”

Twilight sniffed and choked back her sobs, swiping at her eyes with a shaky hoof.  “You’re right...  I don’t know why I’m acting like this.”  She pulled back from Rainbow smiling weakly, “Sorry about the wake-up call, Rainbow.”

Rainbow looked skeptically at Twilight, “It’s no biggie,” she assured her friend.  “Are you sure you’re okay now?  I can forgive being splashed awake once, but I’ll have to counterattack if you do it again.”

Twilight nodded.  Spike threw an arm around her shoulders, leading her back to the library.  He called back over his shoulder, “Hey Rainbow, can you tell Rarity and Fluttershy that Twilight isn’t feeling well and won’t be able to make it to dinner?”

Rainbow nodded, still looking at her friend with a worried expression on her face.  “Uh... Yeah, sure Spike.  I’ll get right on that.”  She shook her head and took off toward the Carousel Boutique.

“C’mon Twi,” Spike soothed, walking with Twilight, “let’s get you back to the library and into bed.”

Twilight nodded tiredly, tears still streaming from her eyes, though she wasn’t sobbing any more. She wanted to dissect the feelings she was being buffeted by, but she was too exhausted just now to think about it.