8. Peter The person whom Jesus looked back at as he was walking the lonely path of cross at the peak of Golgotha, was Peter; He was the representative of the beloved 12 disciples. Today, you should feel once again Jesus' gaze that looked back at Peter with a loving heart, even while his heart was bitterly sorrowful for his concern for God's will. However, Peter denied Jesus three times saying that he did not know Jesus. He stood separated from God's will and without any relationship to Jesus.

Although Jesus knew these things, he looked back at his beloved primary disciple Peter, for he wanted to find even one person on this earth who could cover his back on his way toward death, and even one person who could sympathize with his mind and body. Today, you should realize that Jesus' will to find one true person was immersed in his blazing gaze, looking back at his beloved disciple Peter. There would not be any more sorrowful moment than this for Jesus who came with the responsibility of fulfilling God's overall dispensation. It was so because there was no one who understood his painful heart. He could not find one person who could inherit his mission as he was going the way of Golgotha, the way of death. Therefore, Jesus was pierced by an indescribable sorrow. Only God understood his painful heart and was concerned for him. When Jesus recollected about his 30 years of life, the painful course walked as he undertook the burden of God's sorrowful situation, he was overwhelmed by the desire to blame humankind and to curse the earth. However, in suppressing such a mind, he stopped his footsteps and looked at Peter who was following. You should clearly know that if you cannot feel Jesus' inner heart today, then you cannot inherit God's Will in place of Jesus. Then, what would Peter's mind be as he looked at Jesus? He must have been in an indescribably miserable situation, remembering the original relationship of love which he had in the past with Jesus, and groaning in his loneliness. Peter's heart must have hurt so much as he saw the crowd mock the sorrowful Jesus, blame the innocent Jesus, and pull the innocent Jesus. However, Peter came to stand in the position of thinking only of himself. He did not realize that Jesus came as the messiah with the mission of changing the whole world. When the maiden servants approached Peter who stood in this situation and asked "Aren't you one of Jesus' people?" he replied, "I don't know him," three times. You should clearly know that Peter represented all of humanity on the earth. When we recollect once again the situations of Jesus and Peter, we come to happened throughout the process of whole human history. (225) Although Peter denied his teacher three times at the difficult situation, Jesus truly looked at Peter turning his body toward him. Therefore, when Peter looked at Jesus who had forgotten about his own difficulty, his own sorrow, his own situation and was looking at him, a great transformation occurred in Peter's mind. Peter's emotion exploded when he saw Jesus, forgetting about his own sorrow he truly loved him, and was concerned with his future. Moreover, at that moment Peter realized his identity, as he rekindled the old relationships he had with Jesus when he felt joy, anger, love, and everything together with his Lord. Peter saw Jesus Christ striving to pioneer the way of human salvation. As he saw that he felt his shortcomings. In other words, when he thought that he stood in the position of a disciple who should have dedicate his whole hearted loyalty to Jesus alone, Peter realized how great a gulf existed between the faith of Jesus toward God and his faith toward Jesus. When he realized that he believed Jesus as his Lord but did so centering on himself, he was intolerably ashamed in front of Jesus' glance toward him. In other words, he lamented over his unfaithful self. Peter's mind was suddenly transformed and a stirring desire to live for his Lord emerged in his heart. From the moment when Peter realized his unfaithful self, he felt ever more poignantly his shortcomings, as he compared the life course of himself with Jesus. The three disciples deeply felt how their lives were so self-centered, as they observed carefully Jesus, who offered everything of himself as a sacrifice to God for God's Will and for all people of this earth, without ever seeking his personal happiness, and who never became resentful of complaining as he was dragged on with the burden of the cross. Therefore, the disciples repented in front of Jesus Christ, who was not self-centered, and were able to determine and pledge to inherit and practice the will which Jesus always cherished. Then, what did Peter feel? He felt the disbelief of those around him as he felt his own disbelief. Peter was able to look through the sorrowful and lonely heart of persecuted Jesus in Jesus' gaze, as he saw the evil people around him as they bound the innocent Jesus Christ and felt pleasure in lashing him. Peter felt the insolence of that environment in front of the burning gaze of Jesus. There, Peter, the disciple of Jesus, determined righteously to fight against such insolent powers around him, until the Lord would come again to destroy the evil people. (2-28)