My Story

Ok.... let's talk a bit.

So I want to start from the top about myself. My experience in hypnokink, and the bullshit I keep seeing in this community.

This is not meant to call anybody out directly, this is just an overall sort of... ramble/rant. There's no real structure to this. I'm just going with what comes to me.

First off, I've been in the hypnosis community for about 10 years. I've seen A LOT of things, have always been insanely curious, but never actually tried anything with anyone. I've listened to files and gone into trance, but never had an actual session until LITERALLY last week.

The simple reason? Because people are shitty. Nobody really understood, in my eyes anyways, what made hypnosis so great. The connection, the bond, the process of going under.

Everybody wanted some sort of cult, some sort of quick off, a sex slave, or otherwise. I'm not into that.

I wanted someone who just GETS hypnosis, let me really INDULGE in those feelings, IMMERSE into those fantasies, someone I can TRUST to take me down down down to that deep place I've been craving.

A friend who will talk to the void and fall with me... down to that deepest part of my mind...

In time, I met a wonderful friend, whom I got to know very well and is still one of my closest friends, through hypnosis. She changed my life, her and my group of friends, lifted me when I was about to end it all.... and told me to go get help. I did, and they're the reason I met my fiancé, and the reason I'm here today.

We never explored hypno together, we talked about it, fantasied about it, but never did anything. The truth is, I was always sad about that. I always wanted to explore this. I wanted to feel it. I wanted to know what it was like. I wanted to indulge in those feelings. But that never stopped us from being friends, from being open about our hypnosis interests.

So through that time, seeing her go under, seeing others go under, seeing almost everyone having those experiences and not me....

I felt... Envy. Resentment. Jealousy. Sadness. Anger.

Fear.

Anxiety.

That I would never be able to experience this.

So I ended up falling into a bad place. I ended up trying to find someone... anyone....

And found someone who set off my alarms.

Again.

And again.

Everywhere I looked the only people who were interested in me were the ones who I knew did not have any interest in hypnosis, but just wanted a quick means to get off and control someone. They were being manipulative, toxic, desperate, or just wanted to use it for sex.

I realized that doing this, I was never going to get that real connection or experience that I wanted. I can't just play with anyone like I see so many others doing. Maybe that was my fault? Maybe I have too high standards?


And I realized... just how skewed things are. Just how desperate people are for.... anything. So much so that they get themselves into serious trouble... either making enemies, or becoming abused.

So I gave up. I repressed it for years, not even able to talk to my fiance about it. She's not into it, why would she care.

And I think this is kind of why people act this way..?
They have those same feelings of envy, resentment, jealousy, anger.
Wonder why THEY can't experience that?
Why THEY can't get lucky?
When everywhere they look, everyone else is getting that experience.
So they give into those feelings.
They feel entitled.
They want to get off.
And just hope that one day they'll get lucky. One day someone will give them what they want.
and that's ALL they want.
They're tired of looking, just so desperate for something, ANYTHING.

......

I'm not saying everyone is like this. Sometimes... people get what's important... but still fall into those same traps.
They become upset, jealous, angry, that someone would deny them a session.
Instead of respecting their boundaries, they become hostile, pushy, just wanting to experience hypno.
Putting the well being of their friend on the line for something as much of just wanting to experience hypnosis
Unable to accept the fact that they need to give them space
Unable to accept the fact that this is going to happen.
Settling back onto fear, anxiety jealousy.Lettingitoverwhelmthemnoknowinghowtohandleitcan'tletittakeovercant.

......

I.... can see myself falling into these traps...

I can easily see myself becoming scared about being denied....
Especially now with somebody who I finally feel like I resonate with....
After 5 or 6 years of repressing.... After 10 years of being on the side lines....
Someone who... not only do I feel like could take me down to that place that I've wanted for so long...
But somebody who I consider an amazing friend...
Someone who gets hypnosis better than anyone I've ever met... who understands the importance of the process, the connection, the intimacy.... and not just the end result.

I've had many anxiety attacks about that, about being afraid that I was being denied, about being afraid that I was going to loose it again, that I still was unable to experience hypnosis, that I was insignificant and this was all hopeless....

But I refuse to fall into that place.

Because I love them as a friend.
They mean too much to me.
For taking me out of my shell.
For finding someone who gets hypnosis after so long.
For finding someone who is an inspiration to everyone around them.
For someone who is willing to take me down.
For finding a genuine and honest.
Friend.

And THAT is more important than ANYTHING else.
If they told me they need space, I would respect it.
If they told me they were hurt, I would talk to them.
If they told me they didn't feel comfortable with doing a session.
I would be sad and jealous.
But I would respect their decision.
Because they're my friend.
And I love them. No matter what.
*********************************************************************************************************************************
I want this to be clear to everyone:

I understand what it's like.
To be in that space.
To be afraid.
To be jealous.
To be envious.

I know what it feels like.
To feel as if you'll never get that chance.
To feel as if everybody else is getting theirs.
To feel as if you're just there, observing, never to achieve that goal that you want.

But you must never forget.
Nobody owes you anything.
Nobody is obligated to give you anything.
You are not entitled to a session.
You are not entitled to a dom.
You are not entitled to a sub.
PERIOD.

You should strive to meet people in this space.
Make friends.
Make connections.
Build bonds.
Allow those bonds and foundations to build and build.
Because with that connection, with that foundation, with that trust?
That's what hypnosis is all about.
And that's where you can reach states and sensations.
You never thought possible.

All I ever wanted.
Was a friend.
Who was willing to take me down.
Who understood what makes hypnosis so good.
So fascinating.
So hot.
And respected me as a friend first.
And did this from their heart.
Not because I paid them to.
Not because I manipulated them to.
No.
Because we share a bond. A connection. Because they want to, because I want to.
Because they feel safe with me, and I feel safe with them.

I'm glad this time I finally found a space of people I can call friends...
Who understand what makes hypnosis so great...
Who are willing to share and give me these experiences...
I couldn't ask for anything more.
People who accept me for who I am.
And people who I can call friends <3
***************************************************************************************************************************

If you made it to the bottom, I'm sorry you had to read this.

I'm also sorry if this triggered anyone in any way.

Huge shout outs to all of my friends. You know who you are <3333333333333333