Hello

so for the last few months, ive been picking up recording and editing videos as a hobby.

well, a bit longer than a few. I think I started in like November.

a continuous problem ive had tho has been that I record and render in 1080p60fps, and the raw footage and post-rendered footage looks pretty much lossless when viewing on the local file, but it looks like ass on youtube. Like, I've probably seen 480p videos that look less grainy.

So ive been researching and troubleshooting to the best of my ability for months now, tried too many different settings to list to no avail.

When I couldn't think of any more possibilities I reached out to multiple people making similar videos. Some of them I found use pretty much identical setups and settings to mine, while others have slightly different render settings. So naturally I tried to use their render settings. No improvement.

Over the last couple of days I've been getting help from one of my more techsavvy friends who knows a lot about this type of stuff. We've been doing a lot of testing, including me giving him the raw files and having him render on both adobe and vegas on multiple different render settings. The only conclusion we've come to is that its not a problem with the rendering, it's with the raw files.

Now, I've tested recording with fraps, shadowplay, OBS. They all have pretty much the same result in terms of quality, the biggest difference is that fraps creates much larger file sizes without any improvement in quality. I'm an inch from giving up.


I found something that I really enjoy, something that I could see my own improvement in from project to project. Kept pushing to learn new things as much as I could. Felt like eventually I might be able to make really cool stuff. The kind of shit that I've always been in awe at. Felt like there was a fire burning inside, and it felt really relaly good. Today I felt that flame blow out.

Now, I've been dealing with a pretty severe depression for the last 12-13 years. I've basically closed myself off emotionally and therefore haven't really been happy or sad, I haven't found true enjoyment from things for the longest time. All my actions have pretty much just been distractions from myself. I started getting help around 5 years ago, and I've learned to cope. But when people that know about my problems ask me how im doing, I pretty much just give them the same repeated answers.

"Yeah, I'm doing a lot better! Staying busy with work really helps a lot!" "Oh, y'know, I have my bad days just like everyone else, but I'm really learning to see the positives in most things. Overall I'm happy."

It's all pretty much bullshit. I don't want to tell them that I just feel flat. Empty. That I don't live, I just exist. I don't tell them how it really is because I don't want to be a burden.

I've found a love for editing. It's fun, challenging, fulfilling. For the first time in a decade I'm truly excited about something. I have ideas going through my head almost constantly, and I'm doing my best to implement them. I've failed a lot but it's a learning experience. Failing is a part of life.

But now I've hit a wall where I'm at my wit's end. I feel like there's no point in continuing if the end result is going to be shit, no matter how good it is locally. Somehow this has hit me a lot harder than I prefer to admit.

I feel disheartened, frustrated, sad, confused, angry and embarassed. Confused because I'm inexperienced with these emotions. Angry and embarassed because im letting such a small thing affect me this much. Yet at the same time there's a sense of being glad about finally being able to be sad about something, albeit about a stupid thing like this.

Sorry for the long read, but I had to get this out there, and I really don't want to talk about it with people IRL. They'd never understand. Plus they're not a part of this scene, or anywhere near as weird as I am, and you guys are.