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- 0
- 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:20,000
- INDOXXI
- Support dengan like & share :)
- 1
- 00:00:52,830 --> 00:00:54,889
- [IN RUSSIAN]
- 2
- 00:01:12,383 --> 00:01:14,351
- [IN KOREAN]
- 3
- 00:01:15,386 --> 00:01:16,717
- [YELLS]
- 4
- 00:01:34,705 --> 00:01:37,003
- [IN ARABIC]
- 5
- 00:01:38,976 --> 00:01:40,841
- [IN ARABIC]
- 6
- 00:01:51,656 --> 00:01:55,148
- [ABBA'S "TAKE A CHANCE ON ME"
- PLAYS ON HEADPHONES]
- 7
- 00:02:24,455 --> 00:02:27,720
- WOMAN: And this display is all that's left
- of CONTROL, a secret spy agency...
- 8
- 00:02:27,892 --> 00:02:31,589
- ...which once battled against
- the criminal syndicate known as KAOS.
- 9
- 00:02:31,762 --> 00:02:34,492
- CONTROL was disbanded
- at the end of the Cold War.
- 10
- 00:02:34,932 --> 00:02:37,924
- Okay, up next, an exhibit...
- 11
- 00:03:19,243 --> 00:03:21,302
- [BEEPING]
- 12
- 00:03:44,368 --> 00:03:48,634
- Judy, the elevator is still doing that thing
- where it drops really fast.
- 13
- 00:03:48,806 --> 00:03:50,467
- Are you sure Maintenance fixed that?
- 14
- 00:03:50,641 --> 00:03:51,972
- Let me check.
- 15
- 00:03:52,143 --> 00:03:53,906
- Yep, they fixed it.
- 16
- 00:03:55,846 --> 00:03:57,143
- See you later.
- 17
- 00:04:00,217 --> 00:04:01,980
- - Hey, Max.
- MAX: Agent 50.
- 18
- 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:03,344
- [FLY BUZZING]
- 19
- 00:04:03,521 --> 00:04:05,614
- 16 floors down,
- how'd a fly even get in here?
- 20
- 00:04:05,790 --> 00:04:07,155
- - Hey, Max.
- - Max!
- 21
- 00:04:07,325 --> 00:04:08,656
- Hey, Larabee, 91.
- 22
- 00:04:08,826 --> 00:04:12,387
- Yeah, big day. Could be
- your last chance to push a pencil.
- 23
- 00:04:12,563 --> 00:04:14,394
- Field-agent test results are due.
- 24
- 00:04:14,565 --> 00:04:18,661
- Oh. Is that today?
- I wasn't really thinking about it.
- 25
- 00:04:18,836 --> 00:04:21,270
- Can you imagine Max as an agent?
- Little suit, little shoes.
- 26
- 00:04:21,439 --> 00:04:23,066
- [LAUGHING]
- 27
- 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:24,229
- Uh-oh. Two-nerd pile-up.
- 28
- 00:04:24,408 --> 00:04:25,397
- [IMITATES CARS CRASHING]
- 29
- 00:04:25,576 --> 00:04:26,978
- - Move!
- - Ow!
- 30
- 00:04:26,978 --> 00:04:27,478
- - Move!
- - Ow!
- 31
- 00:04:27,478 --> 00:04:27,705
- - Move!
- - Ow!
- 32
- 00:04:27,878 --> 00:04:30,642
- Pretty boys. Nothing but empty suits.
- 33
- 00:04:30,815 --> 00:04:33,841
- - Good morning, Bruce, Lloyd.
- - Why would you wanna be an agent?
- 34
- 00:04:34,018 --> 00:04:37,784
- I mean, lab guys like us, analysts like you,
- we're the real soldiers.
- 35
- 00:04:37,955 --> 00:04:40,321
- BRUCE: We're the true guardians
- of freedom and democracy.
- 36
- 00:04:40,491 --> 00:04:42,959
- And I hear we're getting
- a new cappuccino machine.
- 37
- 00:04:43,127 --> 00:04:44,560
- No, that's only for agents.
- 38
- 00:04:45,162 --> 00:04:46,288
- Oh.
- 39
- 00:04:58,509 --> 00:05:01,103
- MAN:
- Hey, Agent 23 is back.
- 40
- 00:05:10,388 --> 00:05:12,219
- Thank you. Thank you, thank you.
- 41
- 00:05:12,923 --> 00:05:14,823
- - Welcome back, 23.
- - Maxie.
- 42
- 00:05:14,992 --> 00:05:16,857
- So how was the assassination?
- 43
- 00:05:17,028 --> 00:05:19,826
- Maxie, you know assassinations
- are specifically prohibited...
- 44
- 00:05:19,997 --> 00:05:21,862
- ...by executive order 12333.
- 45
- 00:05:23,167 --> 00:05:25,158
- [ALL LAUGHING]
- 46
- 00:05:25,670 --> 00:05:27,001
- 23, you kill me.
- 47
- 00:05:27,171 --> 00:05:29,401
- - I could if I wanted to.
- - Yes, you... Oh. Oh!
- 48
- 00:05:29,573 --> 00:05:32,098
- Did you see that face he made? Scary.
- 49
- 00:05:35,112 --> 00:05:38,445
- Six months' work. 18 million dollars.
- 50
- 00:05:39,817 --> 00:05:41,751
- Fricking agents, man.
- 51
- 00:05:41,919 --> 00:05:43,250
- MAN:
- Come on, let's see it.
- 52
- 00:05:43,421 --> 00:05:48,222
- MAX: A lot of chatter in this region
- involves nuclear material.
- 53
- 00:05:48,392 --> 00:05:51,919
- You may remember
- from page 627 of my last report...
- 54
- 00:05:52,096 --> 00:05:54,894
- ...that there has been an uptick
- in KAOS interest in nukes.
- 55
- 00:05:55,066 --> 00:05:56,966
- [BEEPING]
- 56
- 00:05:57,134 --> 00:05:59,967
- To wit, I offer
- the following conversation.
- 57
- 00:06:00,137 --> 00:06:02,298
- What are you doing? Are you texting?
- 58
- 00:06:02,473 --> 00:06:05,704
- Yeah, letting my fiancee know
- we won't be able to get married in June.
- 59
- 00:06:05,876 --> 00:06:07,434
- I'll still be in this meeting.
- 60
- 00:06:08,379 --> 00:06:09,971
- AGENT 23: Can I see that a second?
- - Yeah.
- 61
- 00:06:10,381 --> 00:06:11,405
- That's great.
- 62
- 00:06:11,582 --> 00:06:12,571
- [CRACKING]
- 63
- 00:06:12,750 --> 00:06:14,809
- That's weird. You lost your signal.
- 64
- 00:06:14,985 --> 00:06:16,953
- Sorry to interrupt, Maxie, go ahead.
- 65
- 00:06:17,488 --> 00:06:19,718
- Next time use your own damn phone.
- 66
- 00:06:21,058 --> 00:06:23,151
- Good morning, men. No, offense, Karen.
- 67
- 00:06:23,327 --> 00:06:24,589
- Snappy tie.
- 68
- 00:06:24,762 --> 00:06:27,560
- Sorry I'm late, but I just came out
- of a budget meeting...
- 69
- 00:06:27,732 --> 00:06:31,725
- ...with our incredibly abrasive, dismissive
- and sarcastic vice president.
- 70
- 00:06:31,902 --> 00:06:33,062
- MAX:
- It's no problem.
- 71
- 00:06:33,237 --> 00:06:38,231
- I have obtained a snippet,
- at great risk to a busboy in Balahd.
- 72
- 00:06:39,810 --> 00:06:41,835
- [MAN SPEAKING IN PUNJABI
- ON RECORDING]
- 73
- 00:06:42,012 --> 00:06:44,242
- "Aftab, how is your coffee?"
- 74
- 00:06:45,216 --> 00:06:48,083
- "Good, Dalip, it's decaf.
- 75
- 00:06:48,919 --> 00:06:50,216
- How is yours?"
- 76
- 00:06:51,422 --> 00:06:53,515
- "It is good also.
- 77
- 00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:56,223
- How is your muffin?"
- 78
- 00:06:57,762 --> 00:06:59,127
- Powerful stuff.
- 79
- 00:06:59,530 --> 00:07:01,964
- So "muffin," then, is a code word?
- 80
- 00:07:02,133 --> 00:07:03,794
- No, it is comfort food...
- 81
- 00:07:03,968 --> 00:07:06,835
- ...and quite frankly, more
- fattening than most people realize.
- 82
- 00:07:07,004 --> 00:07:08,403
- Which begs the question...
- 83
- 00:07:08,572 --> 00:07:12,736
- ...why would two
- hardened KAOS agents...
- 84
- 00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:15,708
- ...risk the carbs?
- 85
- 00:07:16,714 --> 00:07:19,205
- Because they are under
- a great deal of stress.
- 86
- 00:07:19,383 --> 00:07:21,044
- - Hence the decaf.
- - For Aftab, yes.
- 87
- 00:07:21,218 --> 00:07:23,584
- Dalip takes his full-strength. Why?
- 88
- 00:07:23,754 --> 00:07:26,552
- Because he has been sleeping
- on the couch for three days...
- 89
- 00:07:26,724 --> 00:07:29,994
- ...because he called his sister-in-law
- a "leathery hag."
- 90
- 00:07:30,194 --> 00:07:30,494
- People often say things
- in anger they don't really mean.
- 91
- 00:07:30,494 --> 00:07:33,019
- People often say things
- in anger they don't really mean.
- 92
- 00:07:33,197 --> 00:07:37,190
- Leathery hag, fat cow, ungrateful whore.
- 93
- 00:07:37,368 --> 00:07:42,237
- Just words, really, that shouldn't
- be used against you in a custody hearing.
- 94
- 00:07:42,740 --> 00:07:45,971
- Let it go, man. Those kids
- don't even look like you.
- 95
- 00:07:46,443 --> 00:07:48,070
- Can we put a pin in this, please...
- 96
- 00:07:48,245 --> 00:07:51,009
- ...and go back to Max's
- extraordinarily detailed report?
- 97
- 00:07:51,182 --> 00:07:52,945
- Thank you, Chief. All I'm saying is...
- 98
- 00:07:53,117 --> 00:07:55,984
- ...that until we understand
- that our enemies are also human...
- 99
- 00:07:56,153 --> 00:07:57,814
- ...we will never defeat them.
- 100
- 00:07:57,988 --> 00:08:03,654
- Yes, they are bad guys, but that
- is what they do, not who they are.
- 101
- 00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:05,724
- Let's continue listening...
- 102
- 00:08:05,896 --> 00:08:09,764
- ...and bear in mind that the next 100 pages
- can get a little bit dry.
- 103
- 00:08:09,934 --> 00:08:11,731
- MAN:
- Come on...
- 104
- 00:08:23,314 --> 00:08:26,306
- Easy, Durat! This stuff is radioactive.
- 105
- 00:08:26,483 --> 00:08:28,451
- One slip-up, and it's "ka-fricking-boom!"
- 106
- 00:08:28,619 --> 00:08:29,779
- MAN:
- Shtarker.
- 107
- 00:08:31,121 --> 00:08:35,023
- This is KAOS.
- We don't "ka-fricking-boom" here.
- 108
- 00:08:35,526 --> 00:08:37,153
- Sorry, Mr. Siegfried.
- 109
- 00:08:37,328 --> 00:08:40,764
- Get it in the truck,
- and let's burn this place to the ground.
- 110
- 00:08:40,931 --> 00:08:43,422
- But if we have what we want,
- why burn the building?
- 111
- 00:08:50,808 --> 00:08:53,072
- Any more questions?
- 112
- 00:09:17,167 --> 00:09:18,293
- Missed me!
- 113
- 00:09:18,469 --> 00:09:20,164
- [LAUGHS]
- 114
- 00:09:20,638 --> 00:09:23,732
- All right! All right! I'm out!
- 115
- 00:09:23,908 --> 00:09:25,899
- He was lying, Max. It was a good shot.
- 116
- 00:09:26,076 --> 00:09:27,373
- Thanks.
- 117
- 00:09:27,544 --> 00:09:30,240
- I am so sick of training.
- I wanna get out in the field.
- 118
- 00:09:30,414 --> 00:09:34,180
- AGENT 91: Give it up, 23! It's just you
- and Maxi-pad against the six of us.
- 119
- 00:09:34,351 --> 00:09:37,582
- Oh, gee, Maxi-pad,
- I've never heard that one before!
- 120
- 00:09:38,022 --> 00:09:39,990
- I never have actually heard that before.
- 121
- 00:09:41,759 --> 00:09:43,386
- [YELLS]
- 122
- 00:09:47,031 --> 00:09:48,225
- 23, you're bleeding.
- 123
- 00:09:48,699 --> 00:09:52,294
- It's a knife wound from the last mission.
- My blood gets pumping, it seeps.
- 124
- 00:09:52,469 --> 00:09:53,834
- LARABEE:
- Hey, Maxine!
- 125
- 00:09:54,004 --> 00:09:56,734
- Come over here
- and we'll play a game I like to call:
- 126
- 00:09:56,907 --> 00:09:58,772
- "Let's Go to the Dog Show."
- 127
- 00:09:58,943 --> 00:10:01,070
- I put a collar on you
- and make you my bi...!
- 128
- 00:10:01,245 --> 00:10:02,337
- [GUNSHOT]
- 129
- 00:10:02,513 --> 00:10:04,310
- [LARABEE GRO ANING]
- 130
- 00:10:05,950 --> 00:10:08,118
- I think I really got inside his head.
- 131
- 00:10:08,285 --> 00:10:08,619
- I am not proud of what I just did.
- 132
- 00:10:08,619 --> 00:10:09,950
- I am not proud of what I just did.
- 133
- 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:11,747
- Game over, Chatty Cathy.
- 134
- 00:10:13,657 --> 00:10:15,784
- [GRUNTING]
- 135
- 00:10:17,361 --> 00:10:19,761
- Game over when I say it's over.
- 136
- 00:10:20,230 --> 00:10:21,720
- - Okay.
- - Wet willy.
- 137
- 00:10:23,534 --> 00:10:25,229
- Okay. Who wants lunch?
- 138
- 00:10:25,402 --> 00:10:28,769
- Well, excellent work, 23,
- but I could've handled it my...
- 139
- 00:10:29,106 --> 00:10:30,130
- [MAN GRUNTS]
- 140
- 00:10:30,307 --> 00:10:31,706
- [EARS RINGING]
- 141
- 00:10:31,875 --> 00:10:35,311
- - Max, the Chief wants to see you.
- - It is nice to see you too!
- 142
- 00:10:42,753 --> 00:10:44,118
- You wanted to see me, Chief?
- 143
- 00:10:44,288 --> 00:10:46,756
- Yes, Max, yes, please, sit down.
- 144
- 00:10:46,924 --> 00:10:50,451
- Your field-agent test results
- just came in and...
- 145
- 00:10:51,862 --> 00:10:54,524
- - Something wrong with your ear?
- - Absolutely not.
- 146
- 00:10:54,698 --> 00:10:57,132
- Would you like me
- to wait while you answer that?
- 147
- 00:10:57,301 --> 00:10:58,393
- Answer what?
- 148
- 00:10:58,569 --> 00:11:00,503
- Nothing. You were saying?
- 149
- 00:11:00,671 --> 00:11:03,071
- I was saying the results
- are quite extraordinary.
- 150
- 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,232
- In fact, your essay on existentialism
- was quite amazing.
- 151
- 00:11:06,410 --> 00:11:07,934
- I left that section blank.
- 152
- 00:11:08,112 --> 00:11:09,909
- Blank? Brilliant.
- 153
- 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,570
- Brilliant, Max.
- 154
- 00:11:11,749 --> 00:11:14,411
- - You passed with flying colors.
- - Yes!
- 155
- 00:11:14,585 --> 00:11:17,076
- You know what, sir?
- I can't say that I am shocked.
- 156
- 00:11:17,254 --> 00:11:19,984
- I felt good about this year's test,
- in light of the fact...
- 157
- 00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:22,853
- ...that in previous years,
- my fitness has been an issue.
- 158
- 00:11:30,367 --> 00:11:31,391
- Personal best.
- 159
- 00:11:31,568 --> 00:11:34,469
- But not anymore. I'm ready for duty.
- 160
- 00:11:34,638 --> 00:11:36,765
- I know how hard
- you've prepared for this...
- 161
- 00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:38,737
- ...and how much this means to you...
- 162
- 00:11:38,909 --> 00:11:41,070
- ...but I'm afraid I can't promote you.
- 163
- 00:11:41,245 --> 00:11:44,772
- - What?
- - I can't afford to give up my best analyst.
- 164
- 00:11:44,948 --> 00:11:48,145
- I mean, the amount of chatter
- you get through, and the reports...
- 165
- 00:11:48,318 --> 00:11:50,445
- ...I mean, they go way beyond
- the raw data.
- 166
- 00:11:51,155 --> 00:11:57,219
- So to be clear, you're not promoting me,
- because I do such a great job.
- 167
- 00:11:58,062 --> 00:12:01,498
- Max, the way you and I work
- is becoming a lost art form.
- 168
- 00:12:01,665 --> 00:12:04,463
- I spend half my days
- trying to convince the vice president...
- 169
- 00:12:04,635 --> 00:12:07,433
- ...that intelligence comes
- from humans and not satellites.
- 170
- 00:12:07,604 --> 00:12:11,040
- Men with hunches,
- that's where the real work gets done.
- 171
- 00:12:11,208 --> 00:12:13,142
- I'm very proud of you, Max...
- 172
- 00:12:13,677 --> 00:12:15,838
- ...very proud of you...
- 173
- 00:12:16,013 --> 00:12:17,878
- ...but I need you where you are.
- 174
- 00:12:41,872 --> 00:12:44,170
- MAX:
- I am sorry, but we can never be.
- 175
- 00:12:44,341 --> 00:12:48,368
- Despite today's setback,
- I will at some point become a field agent...
- 176
- 00:12:48,545 --> 00:12:49,807
- ...and when that happens...
- 177
- 00:12:49,980 --> 00:12:53,245
- ...one phone call could take me
- to the other side of the world.
- 178
- 00:12:53,851 --> 00:12:57,685
- Who am I kidding? I'm a middle-aged
- man who's missed the train.
- 179
- 00:12:58,355 --> 00:13:01,984
- You don't deserve this.
- I don't deserve you.
- 180
- 00:13:02,159 --> 00:13:04,627
- You're so young and so full of life.
- 181
- 00:13:05,696 --> 00:13:06,822
- Don't do it, Fang.
- 182
- 00:13:07,698 --> 00:13:08,995
- Don't love me.
- 183
- 00:13:09,166 --> 00:13:10,758
- [GRUNTING]
- 184
- 00:13:11,502 --> 00:13:12,799
- MAX:
- Here.
- 185
- 00:13:12,970 --> 00:13:14,938
- - Oh, great.
- - Sorry.
- 186
- 00:13:15,105 --> 00:13:17,573
- That was my last mile.
- I have no idea how fast it was.
- 187
- 00:13:17,741 --> 00:13:20,073
- You were moving.
- It's not easy to knock me down.
- 188
- 00:13:20,244 --> 00:13:22,474
- I have a low center of gravity.
- Pretty solid.
- 189
- 00:13:22,646 --> 00:13:24,978
- I'm just gonna call that one a 4:50.
- 190
- 00:13:25,149 --> 00:13:29,142
- Impressive. I once ran a 5:16.
- 191
- 00:13:29,319 --> 00:13:32,186
- Oh, really? That's, uh, slower.
- 192
- 00:13:32,356 --> 00:13:33,846
- Not everything's a competition.
- 193
- 00:13:34,124 --> 00:13:35,853
- Well, if it were, I'd win.
- 194
- 00:13:36,026 --> 00:13:38,221
- Ah. Are you flirting with me?
- 195
- 00:13:39,296 --> 00:13:41,389
- Not at all. Are you flirting with me?
- 196
- 00:13:41,565 --> 00:13:43,328
- That depends. Is it working?
- 197
- 00:13:43,867 --> 00:13:45,698
- Not at all.
- 198
- 00:13:45,869 --> 00:13:48,337
- Well, nice meeting you!
- I admire your focus!
- 199
- 00:13:48,505 --> 00:13:50,234
- [YELLS]
- 200
- 00:13:51,942 --> 00:13:53,534
- Am I invisible?
- 201
- 00:14:05,656 --> 00:14:08,352
- [ALARM WAILING]
- 202
- 00:14:29,413 --> 00:14:32,211
- Bruce, Lloyd, what happened?
- 203
- 00:14:32,382 --> 00:14:34,907
- And what is that ungodly smell?
- 204
- 00:14:35,285 --> 00:14:36,582
- Fear.
- 205
- 00:14:38,322 --> 00:14:39,619
- I'll be back.
- 206
- 00:14:39,790 --> 00:14:41,225
- [ELECTRICITY BUZZING]
- 207
- 00:14:45,762 --> 00:14:46,854
- AGENT 99:
- Freeze.
- 208
- 00:14:47,030 --> 00:14:48,327
- Freeze.
- 209
- 00:14:48,966 --> 00:14:50,490
- - No, you freeze.
- - You freeze.
- 210
- 00:14:50,667 --> 00:14:52,794
- - I told you to freeze.
- - Freeze times infinity.
- 211
- 00:14:52,970 --> 00:14:54,267
- Oh, my God.
- 212
- 00:14:55,072 --> 00:14:56,471
- - You.
- - You.
- 213
- 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,437
- - Are you CONTROL?
- - I'm Maxwell Smart.
- 214
- 00:14:58,609 --> 00:15:00,577
- I am a CONTROL analyst. Who are you?
- 215
- 00:15:02,346 --> 00:15:03,904
- I'm Agent 99.
- 216
- 00:15:04,081 --> 00:15:07,278
- Oh, my word. You are Agent 99?
- 217
- 00:15:07,451 --> 00:15:10,181
- - I am a huge fan!
- - Thank you.
- 218
- 00:15:10,354 --> 00:15:12,083
- [CLATTERING]
- 219
- 00:15:20,731 --> 00:15:22,460
- What are you doing?
- 220
- 00:15:23,166 --> 00:15:24,656
- I'm right here, just talk to me!
- 221
- 00:15:24,835 --> 00:15:27,269
- I'm going to cause a diversion.
- You run and get help.
- 222
- 00:15:27,437 --> 00:15:29,405
- - I really don't think that that's a...
- - Shh.
- 223
- 00:15:29,573 --> 00:15:31,507
- - Did you just...?
- - Shh!
- 224
- 00:15:49,693 --> 00:15:50,887
- Go, go, go!
- 225
- 00:15:51,395 --> 00:15:52,419
- MAN 1:
- Wait!
- 226
- 00:15:54,865 --> 00:15:56,230
- MAN 2:
- Somebody shut it off!
- 227
- 00:16:04,207 --> 00:16:06,971
- MAX: Good, 23, just in time.
- I think I got one of them.
- 228
- 00:16:09,012 --> 00:16:10,604
- Is that the Chief?
- 229
- 00:16:12,049 --> 00:16:13,676
- AGENT 99:
- Yes, it is.
- 230
- 00:16:13,850 --> 00:16:15,078
- Sorry about that, Chief.
- 231
- 00:16:15,686 --> 00:16:17,677
- Is that a dent in his head?
- 232
- 00:16:27,331 --> 00:16:29,663
- [WHISTLES]
- 233
- 00:16:34,571 --> 00:16:36,266
- Hi. Hi.
- 234
- 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:39,273
- Agent 13, you are in a tree.
- 235
- 00:16:39,443 --> 00:16:42,708
- Yeah, communications got knocked down,
- so they put me in a tree.
- 236
- 00:16:42,879 --> 00:16:44,870
- - Old-school stuff.
- - Glad to see you're okay.
- 237
- 00:16:45,048 --> 00:16:46,072
- Yeah, yeah.
- 238
- 00:16:46,616 --> 00:16:49,949
- Well, I have to get going.
- Would you raise up the walkway, please?
- 239
- 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,418
- You don't have to get going.
- You don't have to go.
- 240
- 00:16:52,589 --> 00:16:53,783
- Yeah, I've got a meeting.
- 241
- 00:16:53,957 --> 00:16:55,549
- - How you been?
- - I've been well.
- 242
- 00:16:55,726 --> 00:16:58,456
- - Everything good?
- - It's great. Well, I gotta...
- 243
- 00:16:58,628 --> 00:17:00,220
- Could you come back this way?
- 244
- 00:17:01,431 --> 00:17:03,092
- Yeah, yeah, I think I will.
- 245
- 00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:04,764
- What time?
- 246
- 00:17:05,235 --> 00:17:07,760
- Well... Mm.
- 247
- 00:17:08,171 --> 00:17:09,900
- I get it.
- 248
- 00:17:11,007 --> 00:17:12,998
- Who wants to talk to a guy in a tree?
- 249
- 00:17:13,176 --> 00:17:14,473
- I get it.
- 250
- 00:17:15,579 --> 00:17:18,377
- Hang in there.
- Don't cry, don't... Please don't cry.
- 251
- 00:17:28,959 --> 00:17:31,052
- [BEEPING]
- 252
- 00:17:39,403 --> 00:17:41,496
- CHIEF:
- Okay. Let's get started.
- 253
- 00:17:41,671 --> 00:17:44,333
- You'll have to bear with me,
- I'm still a little fuzzy.
- 254
- 00:17:44,508 --> 00:17:46,976
- I got a pretty good
- hit in the head yesterday.
- 255
- 00:17:47,144 --> 00:17:51,137
- Yes, it was dark in there.
- You probably tripped.
- 256
- 00:17:51,314 --> 00:17:54,374
- I hurt my knee. It was smoky too.
- 257
- 00:17:55,819 --> 00:17:57,878
- CHIEF:
- All right, here's what we know.
- 258
- 00:17:58,054 --> 00:18:00,852
- Wait. Chief, I request
- the cone of silence.
- 259
- 00:18:01,024 --> 00:18:04,755
- Max, not the cone of silence.
- We're in a safe room, for God's sakes.
- 260
- 00:18:04,928 --> 00:18:06,520
- We thought CONTROL was safe.
- 261
- 00:18:07,297 --> 00:18:08,628
- Okay. Lloyd.
- 262
- 00:18:12,569 --> 00:18:16,403
- CHIEF: Okay, we have reason to believe
- that our security was breached by KAOS.
- 263
- 00:18:16,573 --> 00:18:18,837
- - You have to speak up.
- CHIEF: Can you hear me?
- 264
- 00:18:19,009 --> 00:18:20,840
- - I'm not hearing anyone.
- - What?
- 265
- 00:18:21,011 --> 00:18:22,945
- CHIEF: Can you hear me?
- AGENT 99: What did you say?
- 266
- 00:18:23,113 --> 00:18:25,673
- - Bruce, it's not working.
- - It's not working!
- 267
- 00:18:26,950 --> 00:18:29,748
- Chief! I hit you in the head
- with a fire extinguisher!
- 268
- 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:31,888
- No, no, no, we're not ready yet.
- 269
- 00:18:32,055 --> 00:18:33,989
- LARABEE:
- Okay. All right.
- 270
- 00:18:34,157 --> 00:18:36,421
- - It doesn't work, get rid of it.
- - Turn it off.
- 271
- 00:18:36,593 --> 00:18:39,187
- This thing is no good.
- It's a useless piece of garbage.
- 272
- 00:18:39,362 --> 00:18:41,523
- - Turn it off!
- - Larabee, you all right?
- 273
- 00:18:41,698 --> 00:18:43,632
- Larabee wants out!
- 274
- 00:18:46,570 --> 00:18:48,197
- [YELLS]
- 275
- 00:18:48,371 --> 00:18:51,169
- Today's the day, and we're gonna
- get rid of this damn thing.
- 276
- 00:18:51,341 --> 00:18:53,935
- LARABEE: That is cold. That's cold.
- AGENT 91: All right, easy.
- 277
- 00:18:54,110 --> 00:18:55,737
- CHIEF:
- All right, are we done?
- 278
- 00:18:55,912 --> 00:18:57,277
- Yep. I can hear now.
- 279
- 00:18:57,447 --> 00:19:00,541
- Sorry, Chief, someone led me to believe
- the cone was ready.
- 280
- 00:19:00,717 --> 00:19:03,413
- For the record, I never actually
- used the word "ready."
- 281
- 00:19:03,587 --> 00:19:06,147
- "I'll show them the cone.
- The cone's the shizzle."
- 282
- 00:19:06,323 --> 00:19:07,722
- - You said that to me.
- - All right, shut up.
- 283
- 00:19:08,425 --> 00:19:09,449
- Listen up, people.
- 284
- 00:19:09,626 --> 00:19:11,958
- There's been a rash of thefts
- of nuclear material...
- 285
- 00:19:12,128 --> 00:19:14,562
- ...especially yellowcake,
- over the last three months.
- 286
- 00:19:14,731 --> 00:19:19,361
- Now, based on Max's intel, we were
- able to get Agent 38 inside KAOS.
- 287
- 00:19:19,536 --> 00:19:21,731
- We must've been close
- to uncovering something...
- 288
- 00:19:21,905 --> 00:19:23,736
- ...so KAOS hit us and they hit us hard.
- 289
- 00:19:23,907 --> 00:19:25,675
- They hacked our system...
- 290
- 00:19:25,876 --> 00:19:26,176
- ...and learned the identities
- of all our field agents.
- 291
- 00:19:26,176 --> 00:19:28,576
- ...and learned the identities
- of all our field agents.
- 292
- 00:19:28,745 --> 00:19:30,804
- Around the world
- our people are under attack.
- 293
- 00:19:30,981 --> 00:19:33,040
- [DARTS WHIZZING]
- 294
- 00:19:38,188 --> 00:19:41,885
- Our only lead is the maker of the bomb
- KAOS used against us.
- 295
- 00:19:42,058 --> 00:19:43,582
- Vladimir Krs...
- 296
- 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:45,694
- - It's pronounced "Krstic," sir.
- - Yes...
- 297
- 00:19:45,862 --> 00:19:46,886
- [MUMBLES]
- 298
- 00:19:47,063 --> 00:19:48,428
- MAX:
- Krstic.
- 299
- 00:19:48,598 --> 00:19:49,758
- [MUMBLES]
- 300
- 00:19:49,933 --> 00:19:54,267
- Yes. He is a Bosnian national, and one
- of KAOS' favorite munitions suppliers.
- 301
- 00:19:54,437 --> 00:19:57,235
- Unfortunately, we have no idea
- where he is.
- 302
- 00:19:57,407 --> 00:19:59,534
- Actually, sir, we do. He is in Russia.
- 303
- 00:19:59,709 --> 00:20:02,735
- - How do you know that?
- - It was on page 482 of my report.
- 304
- 00:20:05,081 --> 00:20:06,708
- Doesn't anybody read my reports?
- 305
- 00:20:07,951 --> 00:20:11,409
- All right, our mission is clear, people.
- Find Krs...
- 306
- 00:20:11,588 --> 00:20:13,180
- - Krstic.
- - Yes. Find him!
- 307
- 00:20:13,356 --> 00:20:15,347
- - Kris Kringle. Fish stick.
- CHIEF: Yes, Krs...
- 308
- 00:20:15,525 --> 00:20:17,117
- - Okay, I got it, I got it.
- MAX: Krstic.
- 309
- 00:20:17,294 --> 00:20:20,889
- Use him to get to KAOS,
- then recover the stolen nuclear material...
- 310
- 00:20:21,064 --> 00:20:23,498
- ...before they can do something
- less than friendly...
- 311
- 00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:27,626
- ...and maybe, if we're lucky,
- we can apprehend the man behind it all...
- 312
- 00:20:27,804 --> 00:20:28,896
- ...Siegfried.
- 313
- 00:20:29,072 --> 00:20:31,973
- Pictured here with his
- number two man, Shtarker.
- 314
- 00:20:32,142 --> 00:20:34,975
- How are we gonna do that
- when our agents are compromised?
- 315
- 00:20:35,145 --> 00:20:38,012
- Put me out there, Chief.
- I'm not afraid to expose myself.
- 316
- 00:20:38,181 --> 00:20:40,240
- Do you ever think before you speak?
- 317
- 00:20:40,417 --> 00:20:42,817
- No, I just whip it out there.
- It's what's best.
- 318
- 00:20:42,986 --> 00:20:44,647
- Fortunately, we have other options.
- 319
- 00:20:44,821 --> 00:20:49,588
- 99 recently underwent massive plastic
- surgery, so her new face is not known yet.
- 320
- 00:20:49,759 --> 00:20:52,694
- We also have a new agent, Agent 86.
- 321
- 00:20:52,862 --> 00:20:54,124
- Who's that, sir?
- 322
- 00:20:54,297 --> 00:20:55,924
- It's you, Max.
- 323
- 00:20:57,734 --> 00:20:59,361
- All right, Maxie.
- 324
- 00:21:00,637 --> 00:21:01,661
- You did it.
- 325
- 00:21:03,607 --> 00:21:05,370
- Lloyd, may I have the C.O.S. Please?
- 326
- 00:21:10,180 --> 00:21:11,374
- I'm so happy!
- 327
- 00:21:11,548 --> 00:21:15,644
- I'm so happy!
- This is the best day of my life!
- 328
- 00:21:17,887 --> 00:21:21,323
- Max, you didn't push
- the button hard enough.
- 329
- 00:21:21,491 --> 00:21:23,982
- - So you could hear me?
- BRUCE: Yes.
- 330
- 00:21:24,794 --> 00:21:27,160
- - Right.
- AGENT 99: Excuse me, Chief, just a thought.
- 331
- 00:21:27,330 --> 00:21:31,266
- - I'm not questioning your judgment...
- MAX: 99, I insist on complete honesty.
- 332
- 00:21:31,434 --> 00:21:34,460
- If you have something to say to me,
- I wish you would just say it.
- 333
- 00:21:34,638 --> 00:21:36,970
- Max has no experience.
- I don't want him as my partner.
- 334
- 00:21:37,140 --> 00:21:40,541
- Well, that is a sucker punch
- to the gonads.
- 335
- 00:21:43,046 --> 00:21:46,982
- Hey, Max. We got you a lovely
- parting gift for your first mission.
- 336
- 00:21:47,150 --> 00:21:49,414
- Oh, a pocketknife.
- 337
- 00:21:49,586 --> 00:21:51,918
- Not just a pocketknife, Swiss Army knife.
- 338
- 00:21:52,088 --> 00:21:54,579
- Comes with tweezers, pliers,
- a tiny magnifying glass.
- 339
- 00:21:54,758 --> 00:21:57,921
- Fish scaler, a saw, a flamethrower,
- chisel, a wire-crimping tool.
- 340
- 00:21:58,094 --> 00:21:59,959
- - What was that thing you said?
- - Chisel?
- 341
- 00:22:00,130 --> 00:22:01,893
- Before that.
- Did you say flamethrower?
- 342
- 00:22:02,065 --> 00:22:03,396
- - Yeah.
- - Check it.
- 343
- 00:22:06,036 --> 00:22:08,197
- We also added a crossbow
- that fires harpoons...
- 344
- 00:22:08,371 --> 00:22:12,102
- ...connected to spider-silk nano-thread.
- Has the strength of steel cable.
- 345
- 00:22:12,275 --> 00:22:14,766
- It's a time-consuming,
- labor-intensive technology.
- 346
- 00:22:14,944 --> 00:22:17,071
- The spiders
- have to be individually milked.
- 347
- 00:22:17,247 --> 00:22:19,215
- And they do not like it.
- 348
- 00:22:19,382 --> 00:22:20,713
- No, they don't.
- 349
- 00:22:20,884 --> 00:22:22,852
- Gentlemen, you're the best.
- 350
- 00:22:23,353 --> 00:22:24,377
- Thanks.
- 351
- 00:22:41,438 --> 00:22:43,838
- WOMAN: Ladies and gentlemen,
- while you are in your seats...
- 352
- 00:22:44,007 --> 00:22:46,202
- ...please keep your seatbelts fastened.
- 353
- 00:22:47,110 --> 00:22:49,704
- I feel really good about us as partners.
- 354
- 00:22:49,879 --> 00:22:51,574
- 23 says that's important.
- 355
- 00:22:52,315 --> 00:22:54,943
- "Trust is a must." That's what 23 says.
- 356
- 00:22:55,118 --> 00:22:56,142
- Does he?
- 357
- 00:22:56,319 --> 00:22:59,311
- You and I share a bond, I think.
- 358
- 00:22:59,489 --> 00:23:03,653
- We both know what it feels like to look
- in the mirror and not like what we see.
- 359
- 00:23:03,827 --> 00:23:06,625
- You with the surgery,
- me with the weight loss.
- 360
- 00:23:06,896 --> 00:23:08,887
- I wanna show you something.
- 361
- 00:23:13,069 --> 00:23:14,161
- That was me.
- 362
- 00:23:14,337 --> 00:23:16,237
- AGENT 99:
- Wow, impressive.
- 363
- 00:23:16,406 --> 00:23:18,067
- Congratulations.
- 364
- 00:23:18,241 --> 00:23:19,731
- Thank you.
- 365
- 00:23:22,345 --> 00:23:25,280
- This is me.
- 366
- 00:23:26,116 --> 00:23:27,845
- MAX:
- Wow.
- 367
- 00:23:28,017 --> 00:23:29,917
- Very impressive, 99.
- 368
- 00:23:30,620 --> 00:23:33,180
- You were truly hideous back then.
- 369
- 00:23:35,759 --> 00:23:38,284
- Since we are going
- to be portraying husband and wife...
- 370
- 00:23:38,461 --> 00:23:40,827
- ...maybe we should get our story set.
- 371
- 00:23:41,164 --> 00:23:42,654
- Okay, good idea.
- 372
- 00:23:44,534 --> 00:23:49,028
- We met at a marketing convention in Vegas.
- Married a year later. No kids.
- 373
- 00:23:49,205 --> 00:23:51,105
- I like your parents, but you hate mine.
- 374
- 00:23:51,274 --> 00:23:52,639
- Do we want kids?
- 375
- 00:23:52,809 --> 00:23:55,676
- Well, you do,
- but I'm concentrating on my career.
- 376
- 00:23:55,845 --> 00:23:58,609
- I don't know if that's fair.
- I mean, I'm older than you are.
- 377
- 00:23:58,782 --> 00:24:01,808
- - Well, not by much.
- - Really?
- 378
- 00:24:03,386 --> 00:24:06,719
- When they gave me a new face,
- I had them...
- 379
- 00:24:07,557 --> 00:24:09,650
- ...take a couple years off.
- 380
- 00:24:09,826 --> 00:24:11,316
- You know, why not?
- 381
- 00:24:12,162 --> 00:24:16,861
- Well, if that's the case, then you are
- at an advanced age, and you should be...
- 382
- 00:24:17,033 --> 00:24:18,830
- Well, no. I was never...
- 383
- 00:24:19,002 --> 00:24:23,200
- I'm just saying that your eggs could dry up
- and fall out of your uterus.
- 384
- 00:24:23,373 --> 00:24:25,739
- So time is of the essence.
- 385
- 00:24:26,843 --> 00:24:29,812
- - That's your opinion.
- - No, that is a medical fact.
- 386
- 00:24:29,979 --> 00:24:32,675
- There is a lot of time
- for me to make this decision.
- 387
- 00:24:32,849 --> 00:24:35,249
- I will not be rushed into it
- by you or my mother.
- 388
- 00:24:35,418 --> 00:24:37,852
- - You don't have much time.
- - Where is the drink cart?
- 389
- 00:24:42,559 --> 00:24:43,548
- Uh-oh.
- 390
- 00:24:43,726 --> 00:24:45,489
- - What?
- - Six o'clock.
- 391
- 00:24:46,362 --> 00:24:49,957
- Don't turn around, don't turn around.
- Use your peripherals.
- 392
- 00:24:54,404 --> 00:24:55,735
- Do you see him?
- 393
- 00:24:56,005 --> 00:24:59,270
- I'm just widening my eyes.
- I'm not actually seeing anything more.
- 394
- 00:24:59,442 --> 00:25:01,876
- The big guy that might as well
- be holding up a sign:
- 395
- 00:25:02,045 --> 00:25:03,842
- "I'm an assassin, here to kill you."
- 396
- 00:25:04,013 --> 00:25:06,413
- Okay, 99, you know what?
- That is profiling.
- 397
- 00:25:06,583 --> 00:25:11,213
- Just because he is large doesn't
- necessarily mean that he is a bad guy.
- 398
- 00:25:13,122 --> 00:25:15,682
- Oh. Wow.
- 399
- 00:25:15,859 --> 00:25:18,953
- That's a bad guy.
- That's a really bad guy.
- 400
- 00:25:19,128 --> 00:25:20,891
- - You don't say.
- - Did you see his face?
- 401
- 00:25:21,064 --> 00:25:22,088
- Yes.
- 402
- 00:25:22,265 --> 00:25:25,632
- His head looks like
- one of the Easter Island heads.
- 403
- 00:25:27,871 --> 00:25:29,862
- You know what?
- I'm doing the same thing.
- 404
- 00:25:30,039 --> 00:25:32,906
- That's profiling,
- and I will have none of it.
- 405
- 00:25:33,076 --> 00:25:36,910
- Darn it, I have gum on my new shoes.
- 406
- 00:25:41,918 --> 00:25:44,250
- - He's trying to light his shoe.
- MAN: It's a shoe bomb!
- 407
- 00:25:44,420 --> 00:25:45,682
- - Get him!
- - It's gum.
- 408
- 00:25:45,855 --> 00:25:49,347
- - He's got a gun!
- - Not... Gum! Not... No! Gum!
- 409
- 00:25:49,525 --> 00:25:51,755
- [PEOPLE SCREAMING]
- 410
- 00:25:52,562 --> 00:25:54,120
- Gum!
- 411
- 00:25:54,297 --> 00:25:56,322
- Federal marshal, you're under arrest.
- 412
- 00:25:56,499 --> 00:25:59,900
- Sir, I believe you just shattered
- my coccyx.
- 413
- 00:26:01,204 --> 00:26:03,934
- MAN [O VER SPEAKER]: Folks, we may
- be experiencing a little turbulence.
- 414
- 00:26:04,107 --> 00:26:06,667
- The "fasten seatbelt" sign
- has been turned on.
- 415
- 00:26:08,511 --> 00:26:11,275
- Well, you were no help whatsoever.
- 416
- 00:26:11,447 --> 00:26:15,144
- How could I help?
- I'm just a woman with a dusty old uterus.
- 417
- 00:26:15,318 --> 00:26:17,616
- I never said dusty.
- 418
- 00:26:18,254 --> 00:26:20,313
- We're close to the drop site.
- I'll go first.
- 419
- 00:26:20,490 --> 00:26:23,516
- - Gonna be all right with your cuffs?
- - No cuffs can contain me.
- 420
- 00:26:25,328 --> 00:26:27,319
- Excuse me, violent sky marshal.
- 421
- 00:26:28,264 --> 00:26:29,492
- What do you want?
- 422
- 00:26:29,666 --> 00:26:31,133
- I have to squeeze the lemon.
- 423
- 00:26:31,301 --> 00:26:32,791
- MAN:
- Ugh.
- 424
- 00:26:33,269 --> 00:26:34,668
- MAX:
- You heard me.
- 425
- 00:26:34,837 --> 00:26:37,032
- Squeeze the lemon.
- 426
- 00:26:50,153 --> 00:26:53,554
- - Do you work out?
- - Occasionally.
- 427
- 00:26:53,723 --> 00:26:55,884
- Yeah, I'm big on protein. Protein's great.
- 428
- 00:27:06,936 --> 00:27:08,836
- [GRO ANING]
- 429
- 00:27:09,005 --> 00:27:11,872
- I gotta get it out. I gotta get that out!
- 430
- 00:27:12,041 --> 00:27:13,668
- [MAX GRO ANING]
- 431
- 00:27:13,843 --> 00:27:16,744
- That's in there, that's in there.
- 432
- 00:27:25,521 --> 00:27:27,182
- No time for pain.
- 433
- 00:27:27,357 --> 00:27:29,052
- Over the drop zone.
- 434
- 00:27:33,763 --> 00:27:35,094
- [YELLS]
- 435
- 00:27:35,264 --> 00:27:37,095
- Ball sack!
- 436
- 00:27:46,576 --> 00:27:48,203
- Son of a hamster.
- 437
- 00:27:48,378 --> 00:27:50,608
- MARSHAL: You all right in there?
- - Yeah. Yes, I am.
- 438
- 00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:52,040
- Everything's fine.
- 439
- 00:27:52,215 --> 00:27:54,274
- Mother of pearl!
- 440
- 00:28:01,624 --> 00:28:03,182
- That burns!
- 441
- 00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:04,690
- Last chance.
- 442
- 00:28:08,264 --> 00:28:11,961
- WOMAN [ON RECORDING]:
- Airlock activated. Three, two, one.
- 443
- 00:28:13,269 --> 00:28:15,533
- [SCREAMS]
- 444
- 00:28:16,539 --> 00:28:18,370
- First package away.
- 445
- 00:28:25,948 --> 00:28:27,882
- Absolutely, I love cats.
- 446
- 00:28:28,051 --> 00:28:29,075
- - Really?
- - Yeah.
- 447
- 00:28:35,258 --> 00:28:36,725
- Damn.
- 448
- 00:28:50,306 --> 00:28:52,137
- Second package away.
- 449
- 00:28:57,346 --> 00:28:59,780
- [MAX YELLING]
- 450
- 00:29:10,660 --> 00:29:12,594
- Oh, good, you heard me.
- 451
- 00:29:15,465 --> 00:29:17,330
- Third package away.
- 452
- 00:29:18,434 --> 00:29:19,458
- Third package?
- 453
- 00:29:25,708 --> 00:29:27,835
- 99, Easter Island.
- 454
- 00:29:30,413 --> 00:29:31,539
- [YELLS]
- 455
- 00:29:31,714 --> 00:29:33,272
- [FABRIC TEARS]
- 456
- 00:29:35,051 --> 00:29:39,886
- - I'll be right back!
- - Where could you possibly be going?
- 457
- 00:30:00,543 --> 00:30:02,010
- [YELLING]
- 458
- 00:30:04,881 --> 00:30:08,112
- Okay, never do that again!
- 459
- 00:30:08,284 --> 00:30:10,309
- AGENT 99: Stop hanging on me!
- MAX: Never! Stop it!
- 460
- 00:30:16,659 --> 00:30:20,322
- AGENT 99: Max, I can't reach my reserve!
- Do something!
- 461
- 00:30:26,335 --> 00:30:27,825
- [LAUGHS]
- 462
- 00:30:28,004 --> 00:30:30,370
- That would have definitely
- worked on me.
- 463
- 00:30:30,540 --> 00:30:34,909
- Are you crazy?
- If I can't pull my chute, you'll die too!
- 464
- 00:30:55,097 --> 00:30:56,758
- MAX: Aim for the haystack.
- AGENT 99: Stop talking.
- 465
- 00:30:56,933 --> 00:30:59,697
- - Aim for the haystack, it's softer.
- - Stop talking!
- 466
- 00:31:01,470 --> 00:31:02,869
- MAX:
- You missed it.
- 467
- 00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:06,499
- [IN RUSSIAN]
- 468
- 00:31:31,133 --> 00:31:33,761
- MAX:
- Okay, not to keep dwelling on this...
- 469
- 00:31:33,936 --> 00:31:36,268
- ...but that was some kiss.
- 470
- 00:31:36,439 --> 00:31:37,963
- How did you know that would work?
- 471
- 00:31:38,140 --> 00:31:40,802
- Have you kissed other men
- who plummeted to their deaths?
- 472
- 00:31:40,977 --> 00:31:42,001
- Okay, you know what?
- 473
- 00:31:42,178 --> 00:31:46,581
- So far, our entire partnership has consisted
- of me getting you out of trouble.
- 474
- 00:31:46,749 --> 00:31:49,013
- Do you know why?
- It is because you keep leading.
- 475
- 00:31:49,485 --> 00:31:51,646
- So here's how we stop that. I lead now.
- 476
- 00:31:51,821 --> 00:31:53,948
- I'm the one with experience.
- You know nothing.
- 477
- 00:31:54,290 --> 00:31:55,814
- I beg to differ.
- 478
- 00:31:55,992 --> 00:31:58,688
- I looked up your field agent exam,
- and I scored...
- 479
- 00:31:58,861 --> 00:32:00,852
- - My what?
- - Your field agent exam.
- 480
- 00:32:01,030 --> 00:32:02,793
- I scored eight points higher than you.
- 481
- 00:32:02,965 --> 00:32:04,057
- This is not a classroom.
- 482
- 00:32:04,233 --> 00:32:06,758
- That's the difference between
- an A plus and an A minus.
- 483
- 00:32:06,936 --> 00:32:10,667
- - You'll get us killed if you don't listen!
- - A minus!
- 484
- 00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:14,273
- Okay, you're faced with an assassin.
- What do you do?
- 485
- 00:32:14,443 --> 00:32:17,879
- - I take out my gun, and I would shoot...
- - You don't have a gun.
- 486
- 00:32:18,047 --> 00:32:19,810
- - I did until you took it.
- - Bang. You're dead.
- 487
- 00:32:19,982 --> 00:32:21,210
- - No, I'm not.
- - Bang. You're dead.
- 488
- 00:32:21,384 --> 00:32:22,646
- - Stop shooting me.
- - You are dead.
- 489
- 00:32:22,818 --> 00:32:24,786
- - I don't like it when you shoot me.
- - Bang. Bang. Bang.
- 490
- 00:32:24,954 --> 00:32:26,114
- - Stop it.
- - Bang. Bang.
- 491
- 00:32:26,289 --> 00:32:29,452
- Stop shooting me more.
- You already said I was... Hey.
- 492
- 00:32:29,959 --> 00:32:31,483
- Throw out your manual.
- 493
- 00:32:31,661 --> 00:32:35,062
- Out here there are no grades,
- there's only dead, and not dead.
- 494
- 00:32:36,165 --> 00:32:40,192
- You know, I am not completely
- incompetent without a gun.
- 495
- 00:32:40,369 --> 00:32:43,395
- I am a master in the art of Hwa Rang Do.
- 496
- 00:32:45,041 --> 00:32:46,565
- [GRUNTS]
- 497
- 00:32:46,742 --> 00:32:48,869
- - I was not ready.
- - That's my point.
- 498
- 00:32:49,045 --> 00:32:50,342
- Yeah, you know what? That...
- 499
- 00:32:50,513 --> 00:32:52,674
- Hey, what was that?
- 500
- 00:32:57,753 --> 00:33:01,484
- Max is halfway to Moscow. Don't tell me
- you're still translating that Russian.
- 501
- 00:33:01,657 --> 00:33:03,215
- They talk fast, it's hard.
- 502
- 00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,885
- BRUCE: It takes like eight of these morons
- to do what Max did.
- 503
- 00:33:07,063 --> 00:33:09,258
- I can't wait till we finish
- the Hymie project.
- 504
- 00:33:09,432 --> 00:33:11,457
- All these stupid agents will be obsolete.
- 505
- 00:33:11,634 --> 00:33:13,124
- - Bye-bye.
- - What's a Hymie?
- 506
- 00:33:13,302 --> 00:33:16,396
- Hybrid Mechanical Intelligence Entity.
- Basically a robot.
- 507
- 00:33:16,572 --> 00:33:18,506
- It's a stolen KAOS technology.
- 508
- 00:33:18,674 --> 00:33:21,074
- Being reprogrammed. Top-secret.
- Need-to-know.
- 509
- 00:33:21,243 --> 00:33:22,938
- And you don't need.
- 510
- 00:33:23,346 --> 00:33:26,611
- I'm a trained killer.
- I can kill you with anything in this office.
- 511
- 00:33:26,782 --> 00:33:29,751
- You wanna die by Post-its?
- Because I could make that happen.
- 512
- 00:33:29,919 --> 00:33:31,614
- And that's a slow death.
- 513
- 00:33:33,122 --> 00:33:34,453
- AGENT 23: Larabee.
- - Yeah.
- 514
- 00:33:34,623 --> 00:33:36,352
- - Were you the last one to use the copier?
- - Yeah.
- 515
- 00:33:36,525 --> 00:33:37,685
- You left it jammed.
- 516
- 00:33:37,860 --> 00:33:40,192
- So? Why don't you...
- 517
- 00:33:40,563 --> 00:33:41,860
- ...unjam it?
- 518
- 00:33:42,031 --> 00:33:45,023
- - Just open the door, read the instructions.
- - This your stapler?
- 519
- 00:33:45,201 --> 00:33:47,761
- - Yeah, want me to show you how to use it?
- - No.
- 520
- 00:33:49,505 --> 00:33:50,529
- Unjam that.
- 521
- 00:33:50,706 --> 00:33:51,934
- - 23.
- - Yes.
- 522
- 00:33:52,108 --> 00:33:54,633
- - Can I have a moment, please?
- - Sure.
- 523
- 00:33:55,277 --> 00:33:56,471
- Yes, Chief.
- 524
- 00:33:56,645 --> 00:33:59,808
- Let me tell you about a pattern
- that's beginning to emerge.
- 525
- 00:33:59,982 --> 00:34:02,177
- As a former field agent,
- I'm very much aware...
- 526
- 00:34:02,351 --> 00:34:05,445
- ...of how difficult it is
- to make the transition to office life.
- 527
- 00:34:05,621 --> 00:34:07,145
- He didn't unjam the copier.
- 528
- 00:34:07,323 --> 00:34:10,588
- We have rules here. If you don't
- follow the rules, then what are we?
- 529
- 00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:14,924
- I'll tell you what we're not. We're not
- people who jam staples into people's heads.
- 530
- 00:34:15,097 --> 00:34:16,724
- That's CIA crap.
- 531
- 00:34:16,899 --> 00:34:19,094
- All right, look, Chief, I'm your best guy.
- 532
- 00:34:19,268 --> 00:34:22,760
- I don't belong in an office making copies.
- I should be out there with Max.
- 533
- 00:34:22,938 --> 00:34:25,372
- Look, 23, no more stapling today.
- 534
- 00:34:25,541 --> 00:34:26,633
- [LARABEE GRO ANING]
- 535
- 00:34:26,809 --> 00:34:28,106
- Just hold on.
- 536
- 00:34:34,450 --> 00:34:36,509
- So how do you know this place?
- 537
- 00:34:36,685 --> 00:34:38,983
- Well, as an analyst,
- I like to keep my ears open.
- 538
- 00:34:39,155 --> 00:34:40,554
- It's amazing what you learn...
- 539
- 00:34:40,723 --> 00:34:44,523
- ...listening to chatter.
- In fact, Ladislas Krstic loves this place.
- 540
- 00:34:44,693 --> 00:34:49,630
- As do many KAOS agents.
- Cafe Minsk-Pinsk in Smolensk.
- 541
- 00:34:49,799 --> 00:34:51,994
- It doesn't get any better than "thinsk."
- 542
- 00:34:53,369 --> 00:34:55,337
- You see what I just did?
- 543
- 00:34:55,504 --> 00:34:58,132
- I added an "insk" at the end,
- made it sound Russian.
- 544
- 00:34:58,307 --> 00:34:59,865
- Should've smacked you harder.
- 545
- 00:35:00,042 --> 00:35:01,373
- Is that your default setting?
- 546
- 00:35:01,544 --> 00:35:04,012
- Do you just punch people
- in the face willy-nilly?
- 547
- 00:35:04,180 --> 00:35:06,148
- "It's Tuesday,
- I'll punch Max in the face."
- 548
- 00:35:06,315 --> 00:35:09,011
- "A box of kittens,
- time to punch Max in the face."
- 549
- 00:35:09,185 --> 00:35:11,517
- "I'm having bread,
- time to punch Max in the face."
- 550
- 00:35:11,687 --> 00:35:13,211
- You know, I love bread...
- 551
- 00:35:13,389 --> 00:35:15,721
- ...and I know bread
- has a few carbs, but...
- 552
- 00:35:15,891 --> 00:35:17,950
- ...I've never really been afraid of carbs...
- 553
- 00:35:18,127 --> 00:35:22,564
- ...because it seems like no matter
- how many I eat, I stay "thinsk."
- 554
- 00:35:31,173 --> 00:35:33,801
- [IN RUSSIAN]
- 555
- 00:35:37,813 --> 00:35:40,008
- I'm sorry, are you talking to me?
- 556
- 00:35:40,182 --> 00:35:41,911
- No sprechen Sie Russian.
- 557
- 00:35:43,385 --> 00:35:45,819
- [URINATING]
- 558
- 00:35:46,722 --> 00:35:48,212
- [IN RUSSIAN]
- 559
- 00:35:51,093 --> 00:35:52,583
- [STOPS URINATING]
- 560
- 00:35:52,761 --> 00:35:54,626
- [URINATING]
- 561
- 00:35:56,799 --> 00:35:58,960
- [STOPS URINATING]
- 562
- 00:35:59,134 --> 00:36:01,193
- [URINATING]
- 563
- 00:36:02,671 --> 00:36:04,036
- [STOPS URINATING]
- 564
- 00:36:04,206 --> 00:36:06,174
- [URINATING]
- 565
- 00:36:11,146 --> 00:36:12,443
- [STOPS URINATING]
- 566
- 00:36:12,615 --> 00:36:14,845
- [URINATING]
- 567
- 00:36:17,286 --> 00:36:18,753
- [STOPS URINATING]
- 568
- 00:36:18,921 --> 00:36:20,320
- [URINATING]
- 569
- 00:36:24,059 --> 00:36:25,822
- [TOILET FLUSHES]
- 570
- 00:36:25,995 --> 00:36:28,964
- MAX: Boy, you know what? I will tell you,
- I love your country.
- 571
- 00:36:29,131 --> 00:36:32,430
- No more Communism.
- No rules of any kind, really.
- 572
- 00:36:32,601 --> 00:36:36,264
- I'm filling my suitcase with steroids
- and art from ancient Mesopotamia.
- 573
- 00:36:36,438 --> 00:36:40,067
- Ran over an old woman yesterday.
- Best vacation I've ever had.
- 574
- 00:36:40,242 --> 00:36:42,472
- [WATCH BEEPING]
- 575
- 00:36:43,779 --> 00:36:45,770
- Time to take my pill.
- 576
- 00:36:52,254 --> 00:36:54,586
- There was a guy in the bathroom
- who's really hot.
- 577
- 00:36:56,225 --> 00:36:57,749
- Okay...
- 578
- 00:36:57,927 --> 00:37:00,054
- No, no, no. Radioactive hot.
- 579
- 00:37:00,229 --> 00:37:03,494
- Although he did have a certain
- rugged quality that some find appealing.
- 580
- 00:37:03,666 --> 00:37:05,634
- How did you know he was radioactive?
- 581
- 00:37:06,001 --> 00:37:09,493
- My watch is a Geiger counter.
- You don't have one of these? Huh.
- 582
- 00:37:09,939 --> 00:37:12,908
- Listen, I think he was part
- of the nuclear theft in Chechnya.
- 583
- 00:37:13,075 --> 00:37:14,269
- We should follow him.
- 584
- 00:37:14,443 --> 00:37:16,070
- AGENT 99:
- I gotta say, Max...
- 585
- 00:37:16,812 --> 00:37:18,279
- ...you picked a good restaurant.
- 586
- 00:37:56,285 --> 00:37:57,377
- MAX:
- Of course.
- 587
- 00:37:58,187 --> 00:37:59,620
- Tripe soup.
- 588
- 00:37:59,788 --> 00:38:02,882
- - This must be Ladislas Krstic's house.
- - What?
- 589
- 00:38:03,058 --> 00:38:06,619
- Tripe soup is his favorite dish.
- It was in the mission dossier.
- 590
- 00:38:06,795 --> 00:38:08,888
- Let's just see what we're
- up against, okay?
- 591
- 00:38:10,666 --> 00:38:13,066
- [WRAPPER CRINKLING]
- 592
- 00:38:17,473 --> 00:38:19,464
- I didn't get to eat at the restaurant.
- 593
- 00:38:19,642 --> 00:38:22,839
- And if you skip a meal,
- the next meal you overindulge.
- 594
- 00:38:23,012 --> 00:38:25,071
- - Well, let me. I've got nails.
- - It's a recipe for...
- 595
- 00:38:25,247 --> 00:38:26,839
- [SPLASHES]
- 596
- 00:38:27,016 --> 00:38:28,347
- You owe me $3.
- 597
- 00:38:30,219 --> 00:38:33,382
- AGENT 99: More guards.
- We'll have to figure out a way in.
- 598
- 00:38:39,294 --> 00:38:40,318
- Miniature blowgun.
- 599
- 00:38:40,496 --> 00:38:42,691
- You don't have one of these?
- 600
- 00:38:42,865 --> 00:38:46,926
- These darts are tipped with a tranquilizer
- derived from the skin of a lizard...
- 601
- 00:38:47,102 --> 00:38:49,229
- ...known as los zapatos de la muerte.
- 602
- 00:38:49,405 --> 00:38:50,497
- "The shoes of death."
- 603
- 00:38:51,407 --> 00:38:52,704
- Excuse me.
- 604
- 00:38:53,242 --> 00:38:56,439
- They're 40 yards out,
- that's definitely the edge of my range.
- 605
- 00:38:56,612 --> 00:39:00,275
- I'm going to have to give this one
- a little something extra.
- 606
- 00:39:00,449 --> 00:39:01,973
- [BREATHING DEEPLY]
- 607
- 00:39:02,151 --> 00:39:03,641
- [CHOKES]
- 608
- 00:39:04,420 --> 00:39:06,149
- [THUDS]
- 609
- 00:39:15,998 --> 00:39:17,522
- Wow.
- 610
- 00:39:17,700 --> 00:39:19,258
- You look spectacular.
- 611
- 00:39:19,435 --> 00:39:20,561
- Thanks.
- 612
- 00:39:20,869 --> 00:39:22,700
- You don't look too bad yourself.
- 613
- 00:39:23,972 --> 00:39:25,234
- Is that a wig?
- 614
- 00:39:25,407 --> 00:39:26,931
- Yeah, it came with the dress.
- 615
- 00:39:27,609 --> 00:39:31,636
- - How did I get into these clothes?
- - That's not important. Let's go.
- 616
- 00:39:34,917 --> 00:39:36,214
- Am I wearing boxers?
- 617
- 00:39:39,254 --> 00:39:42,485
- For future reference,
- I usually prefer briefs...
- 618
- 00:39:42,658 --> 00:39:45,092
- ...for their security and peace of mind.
- 619
- 00:39:45,260 --> 00:39:47,592
- Going free-bird is not exactly ideal.
- 620
- 00:39:47,930 --> 00:39:49,591
- I don't like it.
- 621
- 00:40:01,543 --> 00:40:03,135
- [BAND PLAYING WALTZ]
- 622
- 00:40:05,481 --> 00:40:07,415
- There must be 200 people here.
- 623
- 00:40:07,583 --> 00:40:10,677
- Finding Krstic will be like
- finding a needle in a haystack.
- 624
- 00:40:11,153 --> 00:40:14,054
- [IN RUSSIAN]
- 625
- 00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:19,421
- [SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]
- 626
- 00:40:19,595 --> 00:40:20,857
- I'd love to dance.
- 627
- 00:40:21,029 --> 00:40:24,988
- English? But you understand Russian?
- Very impressive.
- 628
- 00:40:25,667 --> 00:40:27,259
- Shall we?
- 629
- 00:40:28,103 --> 00:40:29,798
- I hope your date doesn't mind.
- 630
- 00:40:29,972 --> 00:40:31,872
- AGENT 99:
- Oh, he's not my date.
- 631
- 00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:35,203
- He's just a local horse groomer
- I hired to drive me around.
- 632
- 00:40:35,377 --> 00:40:39,370
- It's a tragic story. He's quite deaf.
- Really not bright.
- 633
- 00:40:40,315 --> 00:40:43,876
- I am going to dance now.
- 634
- 00:40:44,186 --> 00:40:48,122
- You go get yourself some punch.
- 635
- 00:40:49,358 --> 00:40:50,791
- Okay.
- 636
- 00:40:52,027 --> 00:40:54,495
- I don't even know
- how much gets through.
- 637
- 00:41:03,372 --> 00:41:04,862
- Chief, I need your help.
- 638
- 00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:06,371
- You're on. Go ahead.
- 639
- 00:41:06,542 --> 00:41:07,668
- MAX:
- We have found Krstic.
- 640
- 00:41:07,843 --> 00:41:10,403
- I searched his house.
- I can't find his computer network.
- 641
- 00:41:10,579 --> 00:41:10,979
- Get me an infrared satellite scan.
- 642
- 00:41:10,979 --> 00:41:12,207
- Get me an infrared satellite scan.
- 643
- 00:41:12,381 --> 00:41:15,475
- I have to get back to 99,
- she is in grave danger.
- 644
- 00:41:18,754 --> 00:41:20,654
- Your house is so beautiful.
- 645
- 00:41:20,989 --> 00:41:23,389
- It must be difficult to go to work.
- 646
- 00:41:24,393 --> 00:41:26,827
- I don't have to go very far.
- 647
- 00:41:58,193 --> 00:41:59,990
- [CLEARS THRO AT]
- 648
- 00:42:00,162 --> 00:42:02,323
- [IN RUSSIAN]
- 649
- 00:42:02,497 --> 00:42:04,226
- I don't think so.
- 650
- 00:42:04,566 --> 00:42:06,124
- I wasn't talking to you.
- 651
- 00:42:10,405 --> 00:42:11,429
- Me?
- 652
- 00:42:11,607 --> 00:42:13,040
- [SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]
- 653
- 00:42:13,208 --> 00:42:14,368
- I don't know.
- 654
- 00:42:14,543 --> 00:42:16,101
- It'll be fun.
- 655
- 00:42:16,511 --> 00:42:17,535
- Trust me.
- 656
- 00:42:26,154 --> 00:42:27,985
- [WOMEN LAUGHING]
- 657
- 00:43:09,364 --> 00:43:11,161
- You are so light on your feet.
- 658
- 00:43:11,333 --> 00:43:12,766
- I recently lost 150 pounds.
- 659
- 00:43:13,101 --> 00:43:14,898
- So did I.
- 660
- 00:43:15,070 --> 00:43:17,300
- Isn't it great?
- I have so much more energy now.
- 661
- 00:43:17,472 --> 00:43:18,939
- Me too.
- 662
- 00:44:25,674 --> 00:44:27,869
- - Thanks for jumping.
- - No problem.
- 663
- 00:44:51,733 --> 00:44:53,758
- Thank you for the lovely dance.
- 664
- 00:45:15,524 --> 00:45:17,389
- Did you see anything
- while I was dancing?
- 665
- 00:45:17,559 --> 00:45:20,926
- Just once, but I don't think you expected
- him to lift you so high.
- 666
- 00:45:22,297 --> 00:45:25,323
- Anyway, I found out that the office
- is in the guest house.
- 667
- 00:45:25,500 --> 00:45:27,092
- Really? How'd you do that?
- 668
- 00:45:27,269 --> 00:45:29,931
- Show him a little decolletage,
- cleavage, bat your eyes?
- 669
- 00:45:30,105 --> 00:45:32,096
- I'm not judging, just detecting a pattern.
- 670
- 00:45:32,274 --> 00:45:34,640
- - Ready to work?
- - I'm ready to work. You ready?
- 671
- 00:45:34,810 --> 00:45:36,744
- - Oh, my God.
- - You're just having fun showing your:
- 672
- 00:45:36,912 --> 00:45:37,913
- [GRUNTING]
- 673
- 00:45:45,253 --> 00:45:47,517
- Six guards.
- We are going to need another way in.
- 674
- 00:45:47,689 --> 00:45:49,850
- Stand by, Max. Larabee, let's go. Move it.
- 675
- 00:45:50,292 --> 00:45:52,419
- - What'd you do?
- - I can't find the right screen.
- 676
- 00:45:52,594 --> 00:45:54,789
- It was here a second ago,
- then it went away.
- 677
- 00:45:54,963 --> 00:45:57,625
- - What did you hit?
- - Don't yell at me. It's not helping!
- 678
- 00:45:57,799 --> 00:45:59,266
- If you don't find that screen...
- 679
- 00:45:59,434 --> 00:46:02,369
- ...I'm gonna have you hunting
- for land mines, with a hammer!
- 680
- 00:46:05,373 --> 00:46:07,364
- AGENT 23:
- Got it, Max. There is one other entrance.
- 681
- 00:46:07,542 --> 00:46:08,600
- What kind of entrance?
- 682
- 00:46:08,777 --> 00:46:11,678
- The kind where you'll wanna
- throw your shoes out afterwards.
- 683
- 00:46:12,347 --> 00:46:16,340
- MAX: Oh, great, rats.
- It's not enough that there's poop.
- 684
- 00:46:16,518 --> 00:46:21,455
- You know what, I never saw James Bond
- in rats or poop, let alone rats and poop.
- 685
- 00:46:22,324 --> 00:46:25,225
- Look, a rat riding on a piece of poop.
- 686
- 00:46:25,393 --> 00:46:28,123
- AGENT 99:
- Stop it. It's just a storm drain.
- 687
- 00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:33,833
- Here it is.
- 688
- 00:46:45,213 --> 00:46:48,842
- Exploding dental floss.
- You don't have this? Hm.
- 689
- 00:46:58,426 --> 00:47:00,326
- Three, two...
- 690
- 00:47:00,996 --> 00:47:02,020
- ...one.
- 691
- 00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:26,547
- Right.
- 692
- 00:47:32,394 --> 00:47:33,554
- Come on.
- 693
- 00:47:50,712 --> 00:47:52,077
- Are you staring at my butt?
- 694
- 00:47:52,948 --> 00:47:54,745
- No, I am not.
- 695
- 00:47:54,916 --> 00:47:57,248
- I might have been before, but I am...
- 696
- 00:47:57,419 --> 00:48:00,149
- Now I am again. All right, I'm stopping.
- 697
- 00:48:00,322 --> 00:48:03,382
- Pay attention to what I'm doing,
- so that you can follow me exactly.
- 698
- 00:48:03,792 --> 00:48:05,054
- Yep.
- 699
- 00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:27,744
- Okay, Max. Little heads-up.
- 700
- 00:48:27,916 --> 00:48:30,976
- High-intensity lasers. Whatever
- part of you does touch gets sliced.
- 701
- 00:48:31,152 --> 00:48:34,315
- One more reason
- why boxers were a bad idea.
- 702
- 00:48:46,601 --> 00:48:49,001
- All right, so do I have to do it
- exactly like that?
- 703
- 00:48:49,170 --> 00:48:50,364
- Just come on.
- 704
- 00:49:04,085 --> 00:49:06,485
- That's impressive. Wow.
- 705
- 00:49:08,790 --> 00:49:10,485
- Careful, this one's tricky.
- 706
- 00:49:10,659 --> 00:49:12,126
- Good.
- 707
- 00:49:12,294 --> 00:49:13,318
- Very good.
- 708
- 00:49:15,530 --> 00:49:16,690
- Okay, it's not that good.
- 709
- 00:49:22,170 --> 00:49:23,364
- [GASPS]
- 710
- 00:49:36,384 --> 00:49:37,578
- Max. Max.
- 711
- 00:49:37,819 --> 00:49:39,081
- Stay calm.
- 712
- 00:49:40,989 --> 00:49:43,685
- Max, keep it together. Keep it together.
- 713
- 00:49:44,726 --> 00:49:46,250
- Max. Max.
- 714
- 00:49:47,829 --> 00:49:49,421
- Careful! No, no.
- 715
- 00:49:49,597 --> 00:49:51,497
- He's nibbling. That's not cheese!
- 716
- 00:49:51,666 --> 00:49:53,133
- [MAX GRO ANING]
- 717
- 00:49:53,301 --> 00:49:54,529
- Max, be quiet!
- 718
- 00:50:02,844 --> 00:50:04,835
- Okay, shall we?
- 719
- 00:50:38,246 --> 00:50:40,373
- [BEADS RATTLING]
- 720
- 00:50:43,284 --> 00:50:44,774
- Did I hear something?
- 721
- 00:50:44,953 --> 00:50:48,223
- Yes, there were some
- tap dancers in the hallway.
- 722
- 00:50:50,558 --> 00:50:53,652
- Damn it. I can't get into their system.
- Biometric security.
- 723
- 00:50:53,828 --> 00:50:55,591
- If you don't mind, 99...
- 724
- 00:51:00,802 --> 00:51:04,898
- The old "steam sticks to everything
- but the oil from the last thumb print" trick.
- 725
- 00:51:05,073 --> 00:51:06,097
- Here we go.
- 726
- 00:51:06,341 --> 00:51:09,572
- - Shipments of explosives.
- - Your boyfriend is a very bad man.
- 727
- 00:51:09,744 --> 00:51:12,907
- - And a really good kisser.
- - Ignoring that.
- 728
- 00:51:16,017 --> 00:51:18,747
- Look at that shipment of detonators.
- It's a little odd.
- 729
- 00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:20,820
- Well, he is a bomb-maker.
- 730
- 00:51:20,989 --> 00:51:24,186
- No. What is odd is that it was shipped
- to a bakery in Moscow.
- 731
- 00:51:24,359 --> 00:51:26,919
- These detonators can also be used
- for nuclear bombs.
- 732
- 00:51:27,095 --> 00:51:28,926
- I think this is our connection to KAOS.
- 733
- 00:51:29,097 --> 00:51:30,621
- [CREAKS]
- 734
- 00:51:42,010 --> 00:51:43,534
- I set that up.
- 735
- 00:51:54,355 --> 00:51:55,617
- Let her go.
- 736
- 00:51:56,057 --> 00:51:57,456
- No.
- 737
- 00:51:57,625 --> 00:51:59,320
- [SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]
- 738
- 00:52:01,463 --> 00:52:04,955
- I'm not totally incompetent
- without a gun, you know.
- 739
- 00:52:29,691 --> 00:52:30,817
- AGENT 99:
- Thanks for the help.
- 740
- 00:52:31,860 --> 00:52:34,385
- KRSTIC:
- That's enough. Pity.
- 741
- 00:52:35,029 --> 00:52:39,227
- I'm about to shoot beautiful woman
- and her retard stable boy.
- 742
- 00:52:39,434 --> 00:52:40,458
- And yet...
- 743
- 00:52:41,336 --> 00:52:43,531
- ...I will sleep like baby.
- 744
- 00:52:49,511 --> 00:52:52,036
- - Not bad for a rookie.
- - Not bad for an old lady.
- 745
- 00:52:56,117 --> 00:52:59,416
- [PLAYING BEETHO VEN'S
- "ODE TO JO Y"]
- 746
- 00:53:01,322 --> 00:53:02,550
- [PHONE RINGS]
- 747
- 00:53:02,724 --> 00:53:03,884
- SIEGFRIED:
- Siegfried here.
- 748
- 00:53:04,058 --> 00:53:06,185
- MAN [O VER PHONE]:
- How could you possibly screw this up?
- 749
- 00:53:06,361 --> 00:53:07,851
- Krstic was a fool.
- 750
- 00:53:08,029 --> 00:53:09,030
- - And they got lucky.
- - Who's that? Who's speaking?
- 751
- 00:53:09,030 --> 00:53:09,531
- - And they got lucky.
- - Who's that? Who's speaking?
- 752
- 00:53:09,531 --> 00:53:10,759
- - And they got lucky.
- - Who's that? Who's speaking?
- 753
- 00:53:10,932 --> 00:53:12,058
- That's no one, sir.
- 754
- 00:53:12,233 --> 00:53:15,031
- They're heading towards you.
- Don't disappoint me again.
- 755
- 00:53:15,203 --> 00:53:16,693
- Don't worry, sir. They won't get pa...
- 756
- 00:53:16,871 --> 00:53:18,270
- [DIAL TONE HUMS]
- 757
- 00:53:18,439 --> 00:53:19,531
- Why does he do that?
- 758
- 00:53:19,707 --> 00:53:21,572
- Don't look at me. I'm no one.
- 759
- 00:53:21,743 --> 00:53:23,233
- And don't you forget it.
- 760
- 00:53:23,545 --> 00:53:25,775
- Everyone here can be replaced.
- 761
- 00:53:25,947 --> 00:53:27,608
- I even have backup for you.
- 762
- 00:53:27,782 --> 00:53:29,773
- It's called a rhinoceros.
- 763
- 00:53:55,610 --> 00:53:58,408
- I think it's time to find new wheels.
- Pull over.
- 764
- 00:54:04,452 --> 00:54:06,818
- I feel good about the mission so far,
- don't you?
- 765
- 00:54:06,988 --> 00:54:08,250
- So far, sure.
- 766
- 00:54:08,423 --> 00:54:10,323
- I think we work very well together.
- 767
- 00:54:10,491 --> 00:54:11,822
- Like at the mansion.
- 768
- 00:54:11,993 --> 00:54:16,123
- The way I held that guy's hair
- while you punched him in the throat.
- 769
- 00:54:16,297 --> 00:54:18,162
- That was nice.
- 770
- 00:54:18,833 --> 00:54:19,857
- Nice?
- 771
- 00:54:20,034 --> 00:54:21,695
- Yeah, well, good teamwork.
- 772
- 00:54:21,869 --> 00:54:23,336
- What are you doing?
- 773
- 00:54:23,504 --> 00:54:26,029
- I'm just saying that I think
- we're very compatible.
- 774
- 00:54:26,207 --> 00:54:29,643
- I think that you are confusing adrenaline
- with, I don't know...
- 775
- 00:54:29,811 --> 00:54:31,369
- ...some other kind of hormone.
- 776
- 00:54:31,546 --> 00:54:33,946
- - No. That's not...
- - Know what, Max? Just stop it.
- 777
- 00:54:35,116 --> 00:54:37,846
- Let me give you a lesson
- that I had to learn the hard way.
- 778
- 00:54:38,019 --> 00:54:40,180
- You can't trust anyone out here,
- not even me.
- 779
- 00:54:40,355 --> 00:54:43,051
- I mean, you know,
- I could be a double agent.
- 780
- 00:54:43,625 --> 00:54:45,957
- The break-in at CONTROL
- was probably an inside job.
- 781
- 00:54:46,127 --> 00:54:49,187
- It happened just as I got back.
- How do you know that it wasn't me?
- 782
- 00:54:50,164 --> 00:54:52,724
- - What are we talking about here?
- - Let's just find a car.
- 783
- 00:54:52,900 --> 00:54:55,562
- Which one's gonna attract
- the least attention?
- 784
- 00:54:56,070 --> 00:54:59,665
- All right, well, we have
- a couple Soviet-era sedans here...
- 785
- 00:54:59,841 --> 00:55:03,242
- ...we have that tractor, that cart...
- 786
- 00:55:04,045 --> 00:55:06,240
- ...and... That'll work.
- 787
- 00:55:07,248 --> 00:55:10,115
- - No.
- - Yes.
- 788
- 00:55:10,284 --> 00:55:11,683
- No.
- 789
- 00:55:12,020 --> 00:55:13,214
- Yes.
- 790
- 00:55:16,858 --> 00:55:19,850
- - Oh, yeah, we are really under the radar.
- - Will you relax?
- 791
- 00:55:20,028 --> 00:55:22,895
- Since the fall of Communism,
- everybody has one of these here.
- 792
- 00:55:26,167 --> 00:55:27,828
- [IN RUSSIAN]
- 793
- 00:55:28,002 --> 00:55:29,299
- [SHUTTER CLICKS]
- 794
- 00:55:50,324 --> 00:55:52,087
- AGENT 99:
- There's our little KAOS bakery.
- 795
- 00:55:52,260 --> 00:55:55,388
- I don't have to remind you,
- but this isn't like the last place.
- 796
- 00:55:55,563 --> 00:55:59,090
- There's no party, there's no dancing.
- Everyone in there is a trained killer.
- 797
- 00:55:59,267 --> 00:56:01,132
- Do you understand? Okay.
- 798
- 00:56:01,302 --> 00:56:03,770
- Did they explain to you
- how your belt buckle works?
- 799
- 00:56:03,938 --> 00:56:06,964
- No, but the technology for holding
- up pants hasn't changed much.
- 800
- 00:56:07,141 --> 00:56:09,109
- - Max.
- - Hey, what?
- 801
- 00:56:09,577 --> 00:56:12,375
- This one has a compartment.
- Inside there's a pill.
- 802
- 00:56:12,547 --> 00:56:15,607
- If captured, it would cause death
- in nine seconds.
- 803
- 00:56:15,783 --> 00:56:16,807
- Great.
- 804
- 00:56:17,351 --> 00:56:20,320
- But how exactly do I get them to take it?
- 805
- 00:56:22,457 --> 00:56:26,359
- - Not much of a laugher, are you?
- - Here. Put this on.
- 806
- 00:56:26,527 --> 00:56:27,926
- - On what?
- - On your molar.
- 807
- 00:56:28,096 --> 00:56:31,224
- It's a tooth radio. It sends sound
- up your jawbone, into your ear.
- 808
- 00:56:31,399 --> 00:56:35,563
- I can't hear anything outside your mouth,
- so if you get in trouble, you have to say so.
- 809
- 00:56:35,737 --> 00:56:36,726
- Is it working?
- 810
- 00:56:36,904 --> 00:56:38,872
- [FEEDBACK SQUEALS]
- 811
- 00:56:40,208 --> 00:56:42,073
- - [WHISPERS] Is it working?
- - Yes.
- 812
- 00:56:42,243 --> 00:56:43,471
- Good.
- 813
- 00:56:43,644 --> 00:56:44,668
- Okay.
- 814
- 00:56:44,846 --> 00:56:47,542
- Well, you know what to do.
- Good luck in there.
- 815
- 00:56:47,715 --> 00:56:49,376
- You too.
- 816
- 00:57:12,340 --> 00:57:13,967
- [BELL RINGS]
- 817
- 00:57:17,545 --> 00:57:19,376
- Free rugelach?
- 818
- 00:57:19,547 --> 00:57:22,311
- No, thank you.
- I am here for something else.
- 819
- 00:57:22,650 --> 00:57:23,947
- Bread?
- 820
- 00:57:24,118 --> 00:57:28,054
- - Something hot.
- - We have rolls that just came out.
- 821
- 00:57:28,222 --> 00:57:30,850
- Even hotter. Much, much hotter.
- 822
- 00:57:31,192 --> 00:57:33,353
- I already have boyfriend.
- 823
- 00:57:34,162 --> 00:57:36,756
- - All right...
- - Although, I could make exception.
- 824
- 00:57:36,931 --> 00:57:37,955
- No, that's okay.
- 825
- 00:57:38,132 --> 00:57:41,329
- Sure? Flour sacks in back,
- very comfortable.
- 826
- 00:57:41,502 --> 00:57:44,994
- I don't think we are on the same page.
- 827
- 00:57:45,339 --> 00:57:49,298
- I'm here because Ladislas Krstic sent me.
- 828
- 00:57:49,477 --> 00:57:52,139
- Ah. Take number.
- 829
- 00:57:53,447 --> 00:57:55,516
- But I'm the only one here.
- 830
- 00:58:00,221 --> 00:58:01,848
- Oh.
- 831
- 00:58:31,452 --> 00:58:32,749
- Who are you?
- 832
- 00:58:32,920 --> 00:58:35,616
- My name is Nudnik Shpilkes.
- Who are you?
- 833
- 00:58:35,790 --> 00:58:38,384
- - I am Siegfried.
- - [LOUDLY] Did you say Siegfried?
- 834
- 00:58:38,559 --> 00:58:39,548
- [FEEDBACK SQUEALS]
- 835
- 00:58:39,727 --> 00:58:40,716
- Max!
- 836
- 00:58:40,962 --> 00:58:41,986
- Yes.
- 837
- 00:58:42,163 --> 00:58:44,063
- I understand that you're
- the man to see...
- 838
- 00:58:44,232 --> 00:58:47,292
- ...if someone is interested in acquiring
- items of a nuclear nature.
- 839
- 00:58:47,468 --> 00:58:51,029
- - How do I know you're not CONTROL?
- - Lf I were CONTROL, you'd already be dead.
- 840
- 00:58:51,205 --> 00:58:53,139
- If you were CONTROL, you'd be dead.
- 841
- 00:58:53,307 --> 00:58:57,266
- Well, neither of us is dead,
- so I'm obviously not from CONTROL.
- 842
- 00:59:01,007 --> 00:59:02,998
- That actually makes sense.
- 843
- 00:59:04,343 --> 00:59:07,403
- Follow me, Mr. Shpilkes.
- 844
- 00:59:13,619 --> 00:59:15,644
- Test. Test.
- 845
- 00:59:18,858 --> 00:59:21,656
- MAX: Ah. The "Ode to Joy"
- from Beethoven's Ninth.
- 846
- 00:59:21,828 --> 00:59:25,821
- Stone deaf when he wrote it.
- Syphilis. Fun stuff.
- 847
- 00:59:26,465 --> 00:59:30,993
- Yes, a personal favorite.
- A bit familiar, but it ends with a bang.
- 848
- 00:59:32,338 --> 00:59:33,828
- You're doing great, Max.
- 849
- 00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:38,067
- What I'm about to show you is
- the inner sanctum of our entire operation.
- 850
- 00:59:38,244 --> 00:59:40,769
- [LOUDLY] The inner sanctum
- of the entire operation?
- 851
- 00:59:40,947 --> 00:59:42,938
- [FEEDBACK SQUEALS]
- 852
- 00:59:44,650 --> 00:59:45,708
- Yes.
- 853
- 00:59:54,594 --> 00:59:56,061
- This is it?
- 854
- 00:59:56,229 --> 00:59:57,662
- Of course not. I lied.
- 855
- 00:59:57,830 --> 00:59:59,127
- He does that.
- 856
- 00:59:59,298 --> 01:00:02,267
- I'm going to kill you,
- and then I'm going to kill your partner.
- 857
- 01:00:02,435 --> 01:00:04,198
- I don't know who you're talking about.
- 858
- 01:00:09,408 --> 01:00:13,003
- MAX:
- Ah. Mrs. Shpilkes must be lost.
- 859
- 01:00:13,179 --> 01:00:16,444
- I think it's only fair to warn you,
- this facility is surrounded...
- 860
- 01:00:16,616 --> 01:00:19,517
- ...by a highly trained team
- of 130 Black Op snipers.
- 861
- 01:00:19,685 --> 01:00:21,653
- - I don't believe you.
- - Would you believe...
- 862
- 01:00:21,821 --> 01:00:23,812
- ...two dozen Delta Force commandos?
- 863
- 01:00:23,990 --> 01:00:26,515
- - No.
- - How about Chuck Norris with a BB gun?
- 864
- 01:00:27,093 --> 01:00:28,526
- Goodbye, Mr. Smart.
- 865
- 01:00:29,929 --> 01:00:31,021
- [DOOR SLAMS]
- 866
- 01:00:31,197 --> 01:00:34,894
- Well, Mr. Shtarker,
- I think you've underestimated me...
- 867
- 01:00:35,067 --> 01:00:37,058
- ...and the element of surpr...!
- 868
- 01:00:47,146 --> 01:00:49,876
- 99, we've been compromised. Get out.
- 869
- 01:01:09,769 --> 01:01:11,464
- COMPUTERIZED VOICE:
- Access denied.
- 870
- 01:01:13,739 --> 01:01:15,900
- [GRUNTING]
- 871
- 01:01:23,883 --> 01:01:26,511
- [MAX GRUNTING]
- 872
- 01:01:34,961 --> 01:01:36,792
- [GRUNTING]
- 873
- 01:01:41,300 --> 01:01:43,825
- Access denied. Access denied.
- 874
- 01:01:44,003 --> 01:01:46,471
- Access denied.
- 875
- 01:01:59,518 --> 01:02:00,542
- AGENT 99:
- Max, where are you?
- 876
- 01:02:00,720 --> 01:02:02,950
- 99, I found the yellowcake.
- 877
- 01:02:03,122 --> 01:02:04,783
- Of course you did, it's a bakery.
- 878
- 01:02:04,957 --> 01:02:07,619
- No, not yellow "cake" cake,
- yellowcake uranium.
- 879
- 01:02:07,793 --> 01:02:12,287
- Although there is yellow "cake" cake
- here as well.
- 880
- 01:02:13,132 --> 01:02:14,394
- Oh, Max.
- 881
- 01:02:42,128 --> 01:02:43,755
- Max, do you read...?
- 882
- 01:02:43,929 --> 01:02:45,191
- 99!
- 883
- 01:02:45,364 --> 01:02:47,195
- What happened to your radio?
- 884
- 01:02:47,366 --> 01:02:50,358
- I swallowed it. I can get it back,
- but you may not want it.
- 885
- 01:02:50,536 --> 01:02:52,338
- - Good Lord.
- - Listen...
- 886
- 01:02:52,538 --> 01:02:52,838
- ...I've placed charges
- at points all over the building.
- 887
- 01:02:52,838 --> 01:02:55,068
- ...I've placed charges
- at points all over the building.
- 888
- 01:02:55,241 --> 01:02:58,938
- What? Max, you can't blow up a building
- full of radioactive material!
- 889
- 01:02:59,111 --> 01:03:03,013
- I know that, 99. I've placed only enough
- charges to safely bury the weapons lab.
- 890
- 01:03:04,050 --> 01:03:05,244
- Max, that's brilliant.
- 891
- 01:03:05,418 --> 01:03:09,218
- Wow. That's maybe the nicest thing
- you've ever said to me.
- 892
- 01:03:09,722 --> 01:03:11,349
- [GUNFIRE]
- 893
- 01:03:14,860 --> 01:03:16,691
- [BEEPING]
- 894
- 01:03:31,977 --> 01:03:34,605
- [GRO ANING]
- 895
- 01:03:37,616 --> 01:03:41,552
- - I don't get it, I thought he was dead!
- - I will say this, he is not a quitter.
- 896
- 01:03:58,037 --> 01:04:00,539
- This is just ridiculous!
- 897
- 01:04:06,779 --> 01:04:07,803
- 99!
- 898
- 01:04:07,980 --> 01:04:09,106
- Wake up, 99.
- 899
- 01:04:09,281 --> 01:04:11,442
- Maybe you should kiss him again.
- 900
- 01:04:12,952 --> 01:04:14,214
- [IN PUNJABl]
- 901
- 01:04:14,386 --> 01:04:17,685
- Wait, I know that voice.
- The chatter! Dalip.
- 902
- 01:04:17,890 --> 01:04:19,585
- [IN PUNJABl]
- 903
- 01:04:21,026 --> 01:04:23,153
- [YELLS]
- 904
- 01:04:25,464 --> 01:04:26,658
- Ow! That was me!
- 905
- 01:04:30,569 --> 01:04:32,571
- - Max?
- - I'm... Yep, still fighting.
- 906
- 01:04:51,690 --> 01:04:56,150
- Now, Dalip, I can prove that I know you.
- Your favorite dish is chicken tikka!
- 907
- 01:04:56,929 --> 01:04:59,955
- Like me, you enjoy
- American Top 40 with Ryan Seacrest.
- 908
- 01:05:12,444 --> 01:05:14,002
- [GRO ANS]
- 909
- 01:05:14,180 --> 01:05:15,114
- Ow.
- 910
- 01:05:15,114 --> 01:05:15,614
- Ow.
- 911
- 01:05:15,614 --> 01:05:15,909
- Ow.
- 912
- 01:05:25,658 --> 01:05:28,821
- Wait, wait, Dalip,
- there's something else that I know.
- 913
- 01:05:28,994 --> 01:05:30,154
- Max. Max.
- 914
- 01:05:30,329 --> 01:05:34,060
- Your marriage is in trouble.
- Your darling wife, Zeenat, is leaving you.
- 915
- 01:05:34,667 --> 01:05:36,862
- But there is still hope.
- 916
- 01:05:37,036 --> 01:05:38,503
- Do you love her?
- 917
- 01:05:43,742 --> 01:05:47,576
- - Wha...?
- - Then show her. Go home for lunch.
- 918
- 01:05:47,746 --> 01:05:50,306
- Take her with you the next time
- you go to kill someone.
- 919
- 01:05:50,716 --> 01:05:52,308
- She just wants to be with you...
- 920
- 01:05:52,484 --> 01:05:54,748
- ...and that means
- less time with her sister...
- 921
- 01:05:54,920 --> 01:05:57,616
- ...who we both know is undermining
- your relationship.
- 922
- 01:05:58,457 --> 01:06:00,891
- Kick the gun to me.
- 923
- 01:06:01,060 --> 01:06:02,618
- 99, please.
- 924
- 01:06:03,362 --> 01:06:04,920
- Big people feel pain too.
- 925
- 01:06:17,076 --> 01:06:18,407
- What are you doing?
- 926
- 01:06:19,211 --> 01:06:21,611
- Oh, no. Oh, no.
- 927
- 01:06:21,780 --> 01:06:23,407
- Max!
- 928
- 01:06:25,784 --> 01:06:30,414
- Okay. Okay. That's all right. That's okay.
- 929
- 01:06:30,589 --> 01:06:32,352
- [DALIP SOBBING]
- 930
- 01:06:32,524 --> 01:06:35,687
- Her sister's such a bitch.
- 931
- 01:06:43,235 --> 01:06:45,533
- - You all right?
- - Yeah. That was amazing.
- 932
- 01:06:46,839 --> 01:06:48,204
- Thank you.
- 933
- 01:06:50,309 --> 01:06:51,833
- We gotta go.
- 934
- 01:07:00,386 --> 01:07:01,410
- 99.
- 935
- 01:07:08,260 --> 01:07:10,956
- - What was that?
- - I cramped up.
- 936
- 01:07:13,465 --> 01:07:14,955
- Come on. Come here.
- 937
- 01:07:15,334 --> 01:07:16,995
- Good idea.
- 938
- 01:07:17,169 --> 01:07:20,900
- We will climb up with you,
- and we'll all go... together.
- 939
- 01:07:25,311 --> 01:07:27,245
- [IN RUSSIAN]
- 940
- 01:07:30,883 --> 01:07:32,214
- MAX:
- He left us here.
- 941
- 01:07:32,551 --> 01:07:34,178
- What a douche.
- 942
- 01:07:51,904 --> 01:07:54,805
- Missed it by that much.
- 943
- 01:07:58,610 --> 01:08:01,545
- Well, that's convenient. Shoot them.
- 944
- 01:08:10,055 --> 01:08:12,353
- Whatever you do, 99, don't look down!
- 945
- 01:08:12,524 --> 01:08:16,153
- I'm gonna try to get us over to that ledge!
- We can do this, 99!
- 946
- 01:08:17,496 --> 01:08:18,554
- Max.
- 947
- 01:08:19,198 --> 01:08:20,222
- Right.
- 948
- 01:08:25,070 --> 01:08:26,298
- AGENT 99:
- Thanks, Chief.
- 949
- 01:08:26,905 --> 01:08:28,429
- Okay, no problem.
- 950
- 01:08:28,607 --> 01:08:31,440
- The Chief is thrilled.
- He sent 23 out to observe the cleanup.
- 951
- 01:08:31,610 --> 01:08:32,634
- Great.
- 952
- 01:08:33,846 --> 01:08:38,112
- Listen, is it possible that you could
- answer a personal question?
- 953
- 01:08:38,283 --> 01:08:40,114
- It's possible.
- 954
- 01:08:40,953 --> 01:08:43,046
- Why did you change your looks?
- 955
- 01:08:44,189 --> 01:08:47,818
- Oh. Um...
- That's not really a personal question.
- 956
- 01:08:48,127 --> 01:08:51,619
- Things from my non-work sphere
- spilled into my work sphere.
- 957
- 01:08:51,797 --> 01:08:55,733
- Facts became known, identities were
- compromised, and I became a brunette.
- 958
- 01:08:55,901 --> 01:08:58,961
- Wow. That is a great story...
- 959
- 01:08:59,138 --> 01:09:02,539
- ...in which you revealed
- absolutely nothing about yourself.
- 960
- 01:09:07,980 --> 01:09:09,607
- I blew a mission.
- 961
- 01:09:11,383 --> 01:09:16,047
- I was involved with someone from work.
- I lost focus. The mission blew up.
- 962
- 01:09:16,221 --> 01:09:20,681
- I broke it off with that person,
- but my identity had already been revealed.
- 963
- 01:09:20,859 --> 01:09:22,417
- So I had two choices.
- 964
- 01:09:22,594 --> 01:09:25,290
- I could either spend the rest of my life
- behind a desk...
- 965
- 01:09:26,165 --> 01:09:28,133
- ...which would be like
- eight hours a day...
- 966
- 01:09:28,300 --> 01:09:30,996
- ...of scraping a cheese grater
- against my forehead.
- 967
- 01:09:31,170 --> 01:09:33,001
- - Oh, you know.
- - Yes.
- 968
- 01:09:33,172 --> 01:09:35,800
- Or I could change my face,
- so that's what I did.
- 969
- 01:09:38,644 --> 01:09:43,308
- And it was painful,
- but it needed to be done, and s...
- 970
- 01:09:47,753 --> 01:09:51,052
- - I don't wanna talk about this anymore.
- - Okay.
- 971
- 01:09:54,526 --> 01:09:56,790
- I used to look like my mom.
- 972
- 01:10:02,167 --> 01:10:05,159
- I used to look like
- two of my moms put together.
- 973
- 01:10:43,408 --> 01:10:46,241
- Sir, if I may ask...
- 974
- 01:10:46,411 --> 01:10:48,572
- ...how did you choose the target?
- 975
- 01:10:48,747 --> 01:10:51,113
- - Why Los Angeles?
- - Major city...
- 976
- 01:10:51,283 --> 01:10:53,148
- ...Iots of media attention...
- 977
- 01:10:53,552 --> 01:10:55,213
- ...and the president will be there.
- 978
- 01:10:55,721 --> 01:10:58,986
- Still, it's too bad
- about all the dead movie stars.
- 979
- 01:10:59,157 --> 01:11:00,454
- Yes.
- 980
- 01:11:00,626 --> 01:11:04,995
- What will we do without
- their razor-sharp political advice?
- 981
- 01:11:09,501 --> 01:11:12,595
- Oh, my God, have you eaten the crew?
- 982
- 01:11:13,105 --> 01:11:15,665
- Oh, look, it understands.
- 983
- 01:11:15,841 --> 01:11:17,502
- Get back to work.
- 984
- 01:11:33,759 --> 01:11:37,923
- AGENT 99: No, that's not possible.
- No, no, no. Max said that...
- 985
- 01:11:40,365 --> 01:11:41,525
- No.
- 986
- 01:11:45,270 --> 01:11:47,204
- That doesn't make any sense.
- 987
- 01:11:48,974 --> 01:11:51,909
- Yellowcake uranium, warheads,
- an entire production line.
- 988
- 01:11:52,077 --> 01:11:55,046
- There's nothing here
- but what used to be a bakery.
- 989
- 01:11:55,213 --> 01:11:57,773
- There are no weapons?
- No radioactivity of any kind?
- 990
- 01:11:57,950 --> 01:12:00,714
- Nothing. I've swept the entire area,
- and it's clean.
- 991
- 01:12:00,886 --> 01:12:04,083
- - But Max said that he s...
- - Did you see the evidence yourself?
- 992
- 01:12:04,590 --> 01:12:05,921
- No.
- 993
- 01:12:06,325 --> 01:12:09,123
- No, every time he found something,
- he was alone.
- 994
- 01:12:15,334 --> 01:12:17,131
- What do you want me to do with Max?
- 995
- 01:12:17,302 --> 01:12:18,792
- - Do with Max?
- - Max?
- 996
- 01:12:21,406 --> 01:12:23,897
- You were right when you said
- I shouldn't trust you.
- 997
- 01:12:25,744 --> 01:12:26,938
- Give me the phone.
- 998
- 01:12:31,249 --> 01:12:33,717
- And who might this be? Siegfried?
- 999
- 01:12:33,885 --> 01:12:35,045
- Hello, Max.
- 1000
- 01:12:35,220 --> 01:12:36,244
- Chief?
- 1001
- 01:12:38,690 --> 01:12:40,453
- Knockout gas, 99?
- 1002
- 01:12:40,626 --> 01:12:43,993
- Please. I have trained my body
- to be impervious to...
- 1003
- 01:12:44,162 --> 01:12:45,493
- That's new stuff.
- 1004
- 01:12:48,433 --> 01:12:49,957
- Oh, Max.
- 1005
- 01:12:57,376 --> 01:12:59,401
- CHIEF:
- I'm very disappointed, Max.
- 1006
- 01:12:59,578 --> 01:13:02,479
- I thought you and I were supposedly
- cut from the same cloth.
- 1007
- 01:13:02,648 --> 01:13:04,843
- How can you think
- that I am a double agent?
- 1008
- 01:13:05,017 --> 01:13:07,485
- You lied about finding evidence
- of radioactivity.
- 1009
- 01:13:07,653 --> 01:13:09,951
- Killed Krstic before
- anybody could question him.
- 1010
- 01:13:10,122 --> 01:13:13,319
- There's a matter of your
- stoving my head in with a fire extinguisher.
- 1011
- 01:13:13,492 --> 01:13:17,429
- I said I was sorry. You just didn't hear me,
- because you were in a mini coma.
- 1012
- 01:13:17,429 --> 01:13:17,793
- I said I was sorry. You just didn't hear me,
- because you were in a mini coma.
- 1013
- 01:13:17,963 --> 01:13:19,658
- You've made CONTROL a laughingstock.
- 1014
- 01:13:19,831 --> 01:13:22,629
- The vice president wants to shut us down,
- you know.
- 1015
- 01:13:25,404 --> 01:13:26,428
- 99.
- 1016
- 01:13:27,139 --> 01:13:28,731
- This whole week...
- 1017
- 01:13:29,374 --> 01:13:30,636
- ...last night...
- 1018
- 01:13:31,576 --> 01:13:32,770
- ...you know me.
- 1019
- 01:13:32,944 --> 01:13:34,377
- Apparently not.
- 1020
- 01:13:35,180 --> 01:13:36,374
- Oh, my God!
- 1021
- 01:13:36,548 --> 01:13:38,641
- You two? You and Max?
- 1022
- 01:13:38,817 --> 01:13:41,513
- You said we had to break up
- because we work together.
- 1023
- 01:13:41,687 --> 01:13:42,881
- Oh, my God! You and 23?
- 1024
- 01:13:43,488 --> 01:13:45,956
- I am so sexually threatened right now.
- 1025
- 01:13:49,861 --> 01:13:51,260
- [LINE RINGING]
- 1026
- 01:13:51,430 --> 01:13:52,920
- MAN [ON RECORDING]:
- You have reached...
- 1027
- 01:13:53,098 --> 01:13:54,963
- ... the United States
- Department of Homeland Security.
- 1028
- 01:13:55,133 --> 01:13:57,601
- For threats against
- the continental United States, press 1.
- 1029
- 01:13:57,769 --> 01:14:00,533
- For threats against Hawaii, press 2.
- For threats against Puerto Rico...
- 1030
- 01:14:00,706 --> 01:14:02,037
- [SHTARKER BREATHING NOISILY]
- 1031
- 01:14:02,207 --> 01:14:05,643
- You know, you're the only human being
- I know who snores when he's awake?
- 1032
- 01:14:05,811 --> 01:14:07,438
- If you're calling from a rotary...
- 1033
- 01:14:07,612 --> 01:14:10,206
- Okay, today's threat assessment.
- 1034
- 01:14:10,382 --> 01:14:14,876
- - There are 72 threats on the list. Mike?
- - Thank you, Mr. Vice President.
- 1035
- 01:14:15,053 --> 01:14:18,318
- Okay, we have a deteriorating situation
- in Venezuela.
- 1036
- 01:14:18,490 --> 01:14:21,050
- We have a deteriorating situation
- in Afghanistan.
- 1037
- 01:14:21,226 --> 01:14:23,922
- What about the deteriorating situation
- in North Korea?
- 1038
- 01:14:24,096 --> 01:14:25,961
- - I was getting to that.
- - When? Next week?
- 1039
- 01:14:26,131 --> 01:14:28,463
- Yes, next Tuesday,
- right after I kick your ass.
- 1040
- 01:14:28,633 --> 01:14:32,865
- Gentlemen, when we argue,
- the terrorists win.
- 1041
- 01:14:36,341 --> 01:14:39,105
- Anyway, last night at a private dinner...
- 1042
- 01:14:39,277 --> 01:14:42,974
- ...President Kim Jong-il
- made a very odd threat to, and I quote:
- 1043
- 01:14:43,148 --> 01:14:45,742
- "Make a pudding from the bones
- of Americans."
- 1044
- 01:14:45,917 --> 01:14:47,748
- That guy's insane.
- 1045
- 01:14:47,919 --> 01:14:51,946
- Doesn't he know bones are crunchy?
- Who'd want a crunchy pudding?
- 1046
- 01:14:52,124 --> 01:14:53,819
- [PHONE RINGS]
- 1047
- 01:14:53,992 --> 01:14:55,016
- War room.
- 1048
- 01:14:55,193 --> 01:14:59,186
- Finally. My name is Siegfried,
- and I represent KAOS.
- 1049
- 01:14:59,364 --> 01:15:03,562
- Over the past few months, we have
- assembled a stockpile of nuclear weapons...
- 1050
- 01:15:03,735 --> 01:15:08,638
- ... which we have distributed
- to 20 unfriendly, unstable dictators.
- 1051
- 01:15:09,407 --> 01:15:12,672
- For the moment, KAOS retains
- the bomb activation codes...
- 1052
- 01:15:12,844 --> 01:15:16,746
- ...but we will release the codes
- unless our demands are met.
- 1053
- 01:15:16,915 --> 01:15:17,973
- What are your demands?
- 1054
- 01:15:18,150 --> 01:15:20,209
- 200 billion dollars by 3 p.m.
- 1055
- 01:15:20,385 --> 01:15:22,910
- 200 billion dollars by 3 p. M?
- 1056
- 01:15:23,088 --> 01:15:24,487
- You seem a bit slow.
- 1057
- 01:15:24,656 --> 01:15:27,853
- - Is there someone else I can talk to?
- - Good one.
- 1058
- 01:15:28,426 --> 01:15:31,156
- Look, Siegfried,
- we don't negotiate with terrorists...
- 1059
- 01:15:31,329 --> 01:15:33,661
- ...and you're obviously bluffing.
- Take a hike.
- 1060
- 01:15:33,832 --> 01:15:35,459
- CHIEF:
- What? Are you kidding me?
- 1061
- 01:15:35,634 --> 01:15:39,263
- You spent the morning talking about
- pudding, and you ignore a credible threat?
- 1062
- 01:15:39,437 --> 01:15:41,905
- Credible? Come on.
- KAOS has been defunct for 20 years.
- 1063
- 01:15:42,073 --> 01:15:44,598
- CHIEF: With all due respect,
- the CIA knows nothing about KAOS.
- 1064
- 01:15:44,776 --> 01:15:47,210
- CONTROL has to be in charge here.
- 1065
- 01:15:47,379 --> 01:15:50,371
- - Like when you bombed that bakery?
- - Muffins of mass destruction.
- 1066
- 01:15:50,549 --> 01:15:52,073
- [MEN LAUGHING]
- 1067
- 01:15:52,250 --> 01:15:54,411
- That's it!
- I've been waiting for this since Nixon.
- 1068
- 01:15:54,586 --> 01:15:57,817
- - Here we go.
- - I got a new pacemaker, I can go all day!
- 1069
- 01:15:57,989 --> 01:16:00,048
- - Okay!
- - Okay! Come on!
- 1070
- 01:16:03,361 --> 01:16:05,955
- It seems like they don't believe you.
- 1071
- 01:16:06,531 --> 01:16:10,865
- Which is why we've arranged
- for a little demonstration.
- 1072
- 01:16:58,850 --> 01:17:00,647
- Chief, you wanted to see me?
- 1073
- 01:17:00,819 --> 01:17:04,220
- Yes. You and 23 are coming with me
- to see the president.
- 1074
- 01:17:04,389 --> 01:17:07,119
- - Can't you call him?
- - Vice president won't let me through.
- 1075
- 01:17:07,525 --> 01:17:10,358
- I can't believe we have to go
- all the way to Los Angeles.
- 1076
- 01:17:10,528 --> 01:17:12,359
- Why is the president never here?
- 1077
- 01:17:12,530 --> 01:17:15,090
- I'm sure whatever he's doing
- is vital to the nation.
- 1078
- 01:17:15,467 --> 01:17:17,332
- "Good night, moon.
- 1079
- 01:17:18,103 --> 01:17:21,038
- Good night,
- cow jumping over the moon."
- 1080
- 01:17:22,040 --> 01:17:25,339
- Actually, I think you would suck
- as my teacher.
- 1081
- 01:17:25,510 --> 01:17:28,001
- Well, from wh...
- 1082
- 01:17:28,947 --> 01:17:31,677
- Hey, Smart. Happy birthday.
- 1083
- 01:17:38,924 --> 01:17:40,687
- I'm fat!
- 1084
- 01:17:47,165 --> 01:17:49,292
- [BEEPING]
- 1085
- 01:17:50,635 --> 01:17:52,068
- Gentlemen.
- 1086
- 01:17:54,339 --> 01:17:57,137
- Oh. Good, the itchy kind.
- 1087
- 01:17:57,309 --> 01:17:58,401
- My favorite.
- 1088
- 01:17:58,576 --> 01:18:00,373
- Does this one also have smallpox?
- 1089
- 01:18:02,113 --> 01:18:03,375
- [CLINKING]
- 1090
- 01:18:03,548 --> 01:18:05,675
- And that was a human tooth.
- 1091
- 01:18:05,850 --> 01:18:09,547
- MAN 1 [O VER RADIO]: American Top 40.
- WOMAN: With Ryan Seacrest.
- 1092
- 01:18:09,721 --> 01:18:12,554
- MAN 2: Here's a sweet dedication
- from a little lady named Dalip.
- 1093
- 01:18:12,724 --> 01:18:14,191
- It's to her boyfriend, Max.
- 1094
- 01:18:14,359 --> 01:18:18,887
- "Meet me in L.A.
- Things will be very hot. Nuclear hot. "
- 1095
- 01:18:19,064 --> 01:18:22,431
- I don't know, if I were Max,
- I would get myself to L.A.
- 1096
- 01:18:22,600 --> 01:18:25,626
- [MADONNA'S "4 MINUTES"
- PLAYS ON RADIO]
- 1097
- 01:18:32,243 --> 01:18:34,609
- Hey! Dumb guards!
- 1098
- 01:18:34,779 --> 01:18:39,011
- Why don't you come in here so I can
- make you my pretty little girlfriends.
- 1099
- 01:18:39,184 --> 01:18:40,651
- You'll have to shower for weeks!
- 1100
- 01:18:40,819 --> 01:18:42,616
- [BEEPING]
- 1101
- 01:18:42,887 --> 01:18:44,650
- But you will never get the smell off...
- 1102
- 01:18:44,823 --> 01:18:47,053
- You two seem very angry.
- 1103
- 01:18:48,793 --> 01:18:50,920
- Thank you, sir, may I have another?
- 1104
- 01:18:53,231 --> 01:18:54,799
- I was kidding.
- 1105
- 01:19:02,941 --> 01:19:06,536
- 9-4-3-6-8.
- 1106
- 01:19:08,646 --> 01:19:09,977
- [BEEPING]
- 1107
- 01:19:10,148 --> 01:19:13,083
- 9-4-3-6-8.
- 1108
- 01:19:13,251 --> 01:19:14,809
- [DOOR CLICKS]
- 1109
- 01:19:30,135 --> 01:19:31,898
- BRUCE:
- Turn around slowly.
- 1110
- 01:19:34,105 --> 01:19:37,404
- Guys, you have to believe me.
- I am not a double agent.
- 1111
- 01:19:37,575 --> 01:19:40,066
- - We never thought you were.
- - Yeah, we love you, man.
- 1112
- 01:19:40,245 --> 01:19:43,009
- Then what's with the firearm
- and the freak-show expressions?
- 1113
- 01:19:43,181 --> 01:19:44,580
- For the security cameras.
- 1114
- 01:19:44,749 --> 01:19:48,014
- If it looks like we let you go,
- we'd totally get fired.
- 1115
- 01:19:48,186 --> 01:19:49,244
- Got it.
- 1116
- 01:19:51,890 --> 01:19:53,357
- So where are the Chief and 99?
- 1117
- 01:19:53,525 --> 01:19:55,493
- They flew to L.A.
- To talk to the president.
- 1118
- 01:19:55,660 --> 01:19:58,060
- I need to get out of here
- before someone stops me.
- 1119
- 01:19:58,229 --> 01:19:59,821
- - Overpower us.
- - Good idea.
- 1120
- 01:19:59,998 --> 01:20:01,659
- Bruce, I will smash you in the face.
- 1121
- 01:20:01,833 --> 01:20:04,427
- - Thank you.
- - Lloyd, I'll simulate your disembowelment.
- 1122
- 01:20:04,602 --> 01:20:06,126
- Ready? One...
- 1123
- 01:20:06,304 --> 01:20:08,704
- Not yet! I haven't punched yet.
- React when I punch.
- 1124
- 01:20:08,873 --> 01:20:10,238
- - Oh, yeah.
- - One...
- 1125
- 01:20:10,408 --> 01:20:12,171
- ...two, three.
- 1126
- 01:20:13,611 --> 01:20:15,238
- - Wrong way.
- - Okay, wait.
- 1127
- 01:20:15,413 --> 01:20:17,881
- - Sometimes I faint.
- - I'm not going to hit you.
- 1128
- 01:20:18,049 --> 01:20:21,644
- No, but when I see blood, or when
- I talk about blood, or think about blood...
- 1129
- 01:20:21,820 --> 01:20:24,482
- There will be no blood.
- Hang in there. Hang in, buddy.
- 1130
- 01:20:55,220 --> 01:20:57,450
- [ENGINE SPUTTERING]
- 1131
- 01:21:11,803 --> 01:21:13,464
- What are you doing, dummkopf?
- 1132
- 01:21:13,638 --> 01:21:17,404
- Running out in the middle of the road!
- You could get hit by a car!
- 1133
- 01:21:17,876 --> 01:21:20,401
- Well, that was ironic.
- 1134
- 01:21:34,692 --> 01:21:36,182
- PRESIDENT:
- Chief, I'm not buying it.
- 1135
- 01:21:36,361 --> 01:21:39,353
- With all our satellites,
- there's no way anybody could possibly...
- 1136
- 01:21:39,531 --> 01:21:41,795
- ...have nuclear bombs
- that we wouldn't know about.
- 1137
- 01:21:41,966 --> 01:21:43,365
- "Nuclear!"
- 1138
- 01:21:43,768 --> 01:21:45,326
- - What's that?
- - Sorry.
- 1139
- 01:21:45,503 --> 01:21:48,836
- AGENT 99: Mr. President, if I could just
- please show you some data, you'd agree...
- 1140
- 01:21:49,007 --> 01:21:50,531
- Well, just back up here a second.
- 1141
- 01:21:50,708 --> 01:21:52,699
- First thing I'd like to know is...
- 1142
- 01:21:52,877 --> 01:21:55,038
- ...what did the vice president
- say about this?
- 1143
- 01:21:55,213 --> 01:21:58,944
- I'm afraid the vice president and I had
- a less-than-cordial encounter yesterday.
- 1144
- 01:21:59,117 --> 01:22:00,880
- - Less-than-cordial, you say?
- - Yes, sir.
- 1145
- 01:22:01,052 --> 01:22:02,076
- I'll say.
- 1146
- 01:22:03,454 --> 01:22:06,150
- The chairman of joint chiefs
- sent me this little movie.
- 1147
- 01:22:06,324 --> 01:22:07,985
- Put it right here on my cell phone.
- 1148
- 01:22:08,159 --> 01:22:10,150
- Let me share this with you.
- This is my favorite part.
- 1149
- 01:22:10,328 --> 01:22:12,819
- VICE PRESIDENT [ON VIDEO]:
- I got a new pacemaker, I can go all day!
- 1150
- 01:22:12,997 --> 01:22:14,521
- [GRO ANING & CLATTERING
- ON VIDEO]
- 1151
- 01:22:14,699 --> 01:22:15,893
- Oh, Chief.
- 1152
- 01:22:16,067 --> 01:22:17,227
- Very sweet tackle.
- 1153
- 01:22:17,402 --> 01:22:19,893
- Look. Look at the surprise on his face.
- 1154
- 01:22:20,071 --> 01:22:22,403
- I probably owe you an apology
- for that, sir.
- 1155
- 01:22:22,574 --> 01:22:24,166
- No. Please, just save your breath.
- 1156
- 01:22:24,342 --> 01:22:26,606
- But I have to agree
- with that son of a bitch.
- 1157
- 01:22:26,778 --> 01:22:29,110
- We cannot respond to every threat.
- 1158
- 01:22:30,481 --> 01:22:31,914
- Case closed.
- 1159
- 01:22:52,036 --> 01:22:54,095
- [PHONE RINGS]
- 1160
- 01:22:55,506 --> 01:22:56,530
- Max?
- 1161
- 01:22:56,708 --> 01:22:57,834
- MAX [O VER PHONE]:
- Hello, 99.
- 1162
- 01:22:58,009 --> 01:22:59,840
- Trace 99's call, now!
- 1163
- 01:23:00,011 --> 01:23:01,876
- - Where are you?
- - That's not important.
- 1164
- 01:23:02,046 --> 01:23:05,948
- What is important is that KAOS has planted
- a bomb somewhere in Los Angeles.
- 1165
- 01:23:06,117 --> 01:23:08,085
- We got him. He's still in Washington.
- 1166
- 01:23:08,253 --> 01:23:11,518
- Listen, while I was in my cell,
- I had some time to think.
- 1167
- 01:23:13,658 --> 01:23:18,721
- I realized that even though I was accused
- of something I didn't do, I was happy.
- 1168
- 01:23:19,163 --> 01:23:24,032
- Because at least for a little while,
- I got to live my dream of being an agent.
- 1169
- 01:23:25,036 --> 01:23:26,799
- And I got to be with you.
- 1170
- 01:23:26,971 --> 01:23:29,804
- I learned that you have
- a mean right cross...
- 1171
- 01:23:29,974 --> 01:23:33,171
- ... you are almost as good
- a dancer as me...
- 1172
- 01:23:33,344 --> 01:23:36,575
- - ... and you used to look like your mom.
- - Max.
- 1173
- 01:23:36,748 --> 01:23:40,081
- Please, 99. All I'm asking is for you
- to look me in the eyes...
- 1174
- 01:23:40,251 --> 01:23:42,845
- ... and tell me that
- you don't feel something too.
- 1175
- 01:23:43,621 --> 01:23:44,781
- MAN:
- Freeze!
- 1176
- 01:23:44,956 --> 01:23:48,722
- Oh, Max. How could I look in your eyes?
- 1177
- 01:23:50,094 --> 01:23:51,356
- Just turn around.
- 1178
- 01:23:58,770 --> 01:24:00,761
- Why are you talking into your shoe?
- 1179
- 01:24:00,938 --> 01:24:04,339
- The old "call forwarding
- from the shoe phone to the cell phone...
- 1180
- 01:24:04,509 --> 01:24:07,842
- ...so you don't know where I am,
- then I appear on the roof behind you...
- 1181
- 01:24:08,012 --> 01:24:10,003
- ...and surprise everyone" trick.
- 1182
- 01:24:10,181 --> 01:24:12,046
- - Don't move.
- - What are you doing?
- 1183
- 01:24:12,216 --> 01:24:13,240
- How did you get here?
- 1184
- 01:24:14,385 --> 01:24:16,250
- [VOMITING]
- 1185
- 01:24:16,421 --> 01:24:18,514
- Do you have another one of these?
- 1186
- 01:24:22,327 --> 01:24:23,351
- It doesn't matter.
- 1187
- 01:24:23,528 --> 01:24:26,497
- What matters is that there is a bomb,
- and I'm here to find it.
- 1188
- 01:24:26,664 --> 01:24:28,825
- - How do you know this?
- - I'd rather not say.
- 1189
- 01:24:29,000 --> 01:24:30,991
- CHIEF:
- Max, there are millions of lives at stake.
- 1190
- 01:24:31,169 --> 01:24:34,366
- If you have credible information
- from a reliable source...
- 1191
- 01:24:34,539 --> 01:24:36,734
- ...I wanna know it,
- and I wanna know it now.
- 1192
- 01:24:37,809 --> 01:24:40,676
- I heard it from America's sweetheart,
- Ryan Seacrest.
- 1193
- 01:24:40,845 --> 01:24:42,176
- - Whoa.
- AGENT 23: Come on.
- 1194
- 01:24:42,347 --> 01:24:43,939
- It was a coded message.
- 1195
- 01:24:44,115 --> 01:24:47,482
- CHIEF: Max, we're running out of time here.
- What are you talking about?
- 1196
- 01:24:47,652 --> 01:24:51,486
- I received a tip from a KAOS agent
- who I befriended at the bakery.
- 1197
- 01:24:56,994 --> 01:24:58,757
- I think we should trust him, Chief.
- 1198
- 01:24:58,930 --> 01:25:00,898
- AGENT 23: Absolutely, Chief.
- I'm with 99 on that one.
- 1199
- 01:25:01,065 --> 01:25:03,863
- Every time I look at Max's puppy eyes,
- I'm a goner.
- 1200
- 01:25:04,035 --> 01:25:07,835
- Oh, my God. You've really never
- had anyone break up with you, have you?
- 1201
- 01:25:09,407 --> 01:25:12,308
- Chief, you said that you and I are alike.
- 1202
- 01:25:12,477 --> 01:25:14,843
- That we are both old-fashioned men.
- 1203
- 01:25:15,513 --> 01:25:17,640
- Well, I have an old-fashioned hunch.
- 1204
- 01:25:17,815 --> 01:25:22,377
- I have a hunch that you have a hunch
- that I am telling the truth.
- 1205
- 01:25:23,488 --> 01:25:24,580
- Max...
- 1206
- 01:25:26,023 --> 01:25:29,254
- Any double agent who escapes
- from a high-security holding situation...
- 1207
- 01:25:29,427 --> 01:25:33,022
- ...only to fall into the arms of
- the people that got him in the first place...
- 1208
- 01:25:33,197 --> 01:25:36,997
- ...is either an idiot or not a double agent,
- and I don't think you're an idiot.
- 1209
- 01:25:37,769 --> 01:25:38,793
- Thank you, Chief.
- 1210
- 01:25:39,437 --> 01:25:42,770
- Now, we know that the president
- is in town.
- 1211
- 01:25:42,940 --> 01:25:46,740
- - But what exactly is he doing here today?
- - Max.
- 1212
- 01:25:46,911 --> 01:25:51,211
- - Yes. We need to find out his itinerary.
- - But, Max, the...
- 1213
- 01:25:51,382 --> 01:25:54,112
- I know, 99. I need to go get a paper.
- 1214
- 01:26:03,494 --> 01:26:05,018
- We're in position. More or less.
- 1215
- 01:26:05,196 --> 01:26:08,131
- Roger. I have the whole
- security system online. Just remember...
- 1216
- 01:26:08,299 --> 01:26:12,065
- Yes, we know.
- How about a little radio silence?
- 1217
- 01:26:12,236 --> 01:26:15,907
- I wanna quit, but what can I do?
- He's married to my sister.
- 1218
- 01:26:15,907 --> 01:26:16,236
- I wanna quit, but what can I do?
- He's married to my sister.
- 1219
- 01:26:16,407 --> 01:26:20,867
- By the way, I reviewed the security tapes
- from the explosion at the bakery...
- 1220
- 01:26:21,045 --> 01:26:25,072
- ...and I know that you let those
- CONTROL agents get away.
- 1221
- 01:26:25,249 --> 01:26:27,513
- So unless you do your job today...
- 1222
- 01:26:27,685 --> 01:26:33,817
- ...your lovely wife, Zeenat,
- will have eaten her last kebab.
- 1223
- 01:26:55,513 --> 01:26:59,415
- Blue team, check for access violation
- at quadrant three, sector seven.
- 1224
- 01:26:59,584 --> 01:27:00,608
- Copy that.
- 1225
- 01:27:01,986 --> 01:27:03,146
- Go.
- 1226
- 01:27:20,638 --> 01:27:22,333
- SHTARKER:
- That's it. You're there.
- 1227
- 01:27:54,105 --> 01:27:55,834
- Door secure.
- 1228
- 01:28:28,372 --> 01:28:30,636
- We need to get everyone out
- and shut this place.
- 1229
- 01:28:30,808 --> 01:28:32,275
- We've swept the building.
- 1230
- 01:28:32,443 --> 01:28:36,209
- The Secret Service doesn't make mistakes
- like the fabulous bakery boys.
- 1231
- 01:28:36,380 --> 01:28:38,314
- Who told you about that? Who told you?
- 1232
- 01:28:38,482 --> 01:28:40,746
- Take it easy.
- You'll give yourself a heart attack.
- 1233
- 01:28:40,918 --> 01:28:43,546
- And this day will not include
- me blowing into your mouth.
- 1234
- 01:28:43,721 --> 01:28:46,713
- - You want a piece of me?
- - Come on, Chief! He's not worth it.
- 1235
- 01:28:46,891 --> 01:28:48,518
- - Hey.
- - I'm shaking. I'm shaking.
- 1236
- 01:28:48,693 --> 01:28:49,717
- You better watch it.
- 1237
- 01:28:49,894 --> 01:28:51,384
- CHIEF:
- Let me at him!
- 1238
- 01:28:55,333 --> 01:28:55,733
- [CROWD APPLAUDING]
- 1239
- 01:28:55,733 --> 01:28:56,233
- [CROWD APPLAUDING]
- 1240
- 01:28:56,233 --> 01:28:57,393
- [CROWD APPLAUDING]
- 1241
- 01:29:00,805 --> 01:29:02,705
- MAN [O VER RADIO]:
- From Los Angeles, California...
- 1242
- 01:29:02,873 --> 01:29:04,208
- ... we welcome you to a live broadcast...
- 1243
- 01:29:04,208 --> 01:29:04,709
- ... we welcome you to a live broadcast...
- 1244
- 01:29:04,909 --> 01:29:06,900
- ... of our concert for the president.
- 1245
- 01:29:07,078 --> 01:29:09,546
- Dignitaries from around the world
- have gathered.
- 1246
- 01:29:09,714 --> 01:29:14,151
- We will be broadcasting from the Walt
- Disney Concert Hall throughout the evening.
- 1247
- 01:29:14,318 --> 01:29:16,752
- MAX:
- There has got to be another way in.
- 1248
- 01:29:16,921 --> 01:29:19,822
- Why are we even still here?
- There are 50 other perfect targets.
- 1249
- 01:29:19,991 --> 01:29:23,392
- The Golden Gate Bridge, Space Needle.
- There's no chatter to support this.
- 1250
- 01:29:23,561 --> 01:29:26,359
- And you know what,
- I'm done with this. Stop!
- 1251
- 01:29:26,530 --> 01:29:29,988
- Wait a minute, 23.
- You're radioactive hot.
- 1252
- 01:29:30,167 --> 01:29:32,226
- When were you exposed to radioactivity?
- 1253
- 01:29:32,403 --> 01:29:35,702
- I just got back from Russia.
- Half the people there are radioactive.
- 1254
- 01:29:35,873 --> 01:29:36,897
- The bakery.
- 1255
- 01:29:37,074 --> 01:29:39,702
- You said you swept the area
- and everything was clean.
- 1256
- 01:29:39,877 --> 01:29:42,277
- - I did, and it was.
- AGENT 99: Really?
- 1257
- 01:29:42,446 --> 01:29:45,040
- Was there anyone else there,
- or do we just trust you?
- 1258
- 01:29:45,516 --> 01:29:46,540
- 23.
- 1259
- 01:29:47,718 --> 01:29:49,413
- Your knife wound is seeping.
- 1260
- 01:29:50,021 --> 01:29:51,852
- Sudden rise in blood pressure?
- 1261
- 01:29:52,023 --> 01:29:55,356
- Perhaps you're nervous because
- there is a bomb here and you know it.
- 1262
- 01:29:55,526 --> 01:29:58,984
- And what is with the briefcase?
- Could that actually be the football?
- 1263
- 01:29:59,163 --> 01:30:02,155
- You mean the computer
- containing the bomb activation codes?
- 1264
- 01:30:02,333 --> 01:30:06,201
- Exactly. I have no interest in a real football
- unless it is signed by Joe Montana...
- 1265
- 01:30:06,370 --> 01:30:08,565
- ...and I don't believe that's the case.
- 1266
- 01:30:10,307 --> 01:30:12,070
- Well, 23?
- 1267
- 01:30:12,877 --> 01:30:14,902
- You know what? We're out of time.
- 1268
- 01:30:16,414 --> 01:30:18,473
- You follow us, she dies.
- 1269
- 01:30:28,292 --> 01:30:29,987
- Stop this car!
- 1270
- 01:30:30,394 --> 01:30:33,795
- Max! You idiot!
- What the hell is wrong with you?
- 1271
- 01:30:33,964 --> 01:30:37,297
- You don't just slap your hands
- on a government vehicle!
- 1272
- 01:30:38,836 --> 01:30:43,205
- All right, that's it! When we get back
- to Washington, you morons are through!
- 1273
- 01:30:46,343 --> 01:30:49,801
- Damn it. How have you gotten
- away with this for so long?
- 1274
- 01:30:49,980 --> 01:30:52,346
- I can't believe none of us saw it,
- especially me.
- 1275
- 01:30:52,516 --> 01:30:54,916
- Don't beat yourself up.
- You'll be dead soon anyway.
- 1276
- 01:30:57,455 --> 01:30:59,514
- Chief, he's heading
- southbound on Grand.
- 1277
- 01:30:59,690 --> 01:31:01,282
- Thanks, Bruce. Keep us posted.
- 1278
- 01:31:01,926 --> 01:31:05,555
- AGENT [O VER RADIO]: Hey!
- CONTROL assholes who just stole my vehicle!
- 1279
- 01:31:05,730 --> 01:31:10,167
- I know you're listening! You two dickwads
- put one scratch on that car...
- 1280
- 01:31:11,368 --> 01:31:12,733
- What was that?
- 1281
- 01:31:12,903 --> 01:31:14,666
- Sorry, I'm losing you.
- 1282
- 01:31:15,439 --> 01:31:16,463
- What the?
- 1283
- 01:31:17,942 --> 01:31:20,433
- All right, fellas.
- 20 dollars if you hit the car.
- 1284
- 01:31:22,446 --> 01:31:26,280
- MAX: Chief, I have to say,
- this whole thing really steams my clams.
- 1285
- 01:31:26,450 --> 01:31:29,146
- I cannot get over the fact
- that 23 is a traitor.
- 1286
- 01:31:29,320 --> 01:31:30,719
- Sand trap!
- 1287
- 01:31:30,888 --> 01:31:33,721
- Now I know how you felt
- when you thought I was a traitor.
- 1288
- 01:31:33,891 --> 01:31:35,153
- Tractor!
- 1289
- 01:31:35,326 --> 01:31:38,193
- I don't know how I missed it.
- I'm usually very observant.
- 1290
- 01:31:38,362 --> 01:31:39,693
- Swordfish!
- 1291
- 01:31:46,871 --> 01:31:49,271
- MAX: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- CHIEF: I don't know.
- 1292
- 01:31:49,440 --> 01:31:53,308
- Were you thinking, "Holy shit, holy shit,
- a swordfish almost went through my head?"
- 1293
- 01:31:53,477 --> 01:31:55,001
- If so, yes.
- 1294
- 01:31:55,179 --> 01:31:56,476
- Come on.
- 1295
- 01:32:19,003 --> 01:32:22,564
- On behalf of the United States Government,
- I hereby commandeer this plane.
- 1296
- 01:32:23,474 --> 01:32:25,374
- The device is armed.
- I hope you're moving.
- 1297
- 01:32:25,543 --> 01:32:28,512
- Don't worry, sir. I'll be well clear.
- 1298
- 01:32:32,983 --> 01:32:34,917
- BRUCE: Chief, they're headed
- southbound on l- 47.
- 1299
- 01:32:35,085 --> 01:32:36,916
- Thanks, Bruce. I got them!
- 1300
- 01:32:37,788 --> 01:32:39,517
- I need to get down to that car!
- 1301
- 01:32:39,690 --> 01:32:43,182
- No, no good. If I get too low,
- he'll hear me coming!
- 1302
- 01:32:46,997 --> 01:32:48,965
- I have another idea.
- 1303
- 01:32:49,800 --> 01:32:51,461
- What are you doing?
- 1304
- 01:32:53,971 --> 01:32:56,667
- Get back in the plane!
- You're gonna kill yourself!
- 1305
- 01:32:57,975 --> 01:32:59,272
- Hang on!
- 1306
- 01:33:15,793 --> 01:33:17,385
- Hang on! We're going in!
- 1307
- 01:33:19,463 --> 01:33:20,930
- [MAX SCREAMING]
- 1308
- 01:33:22,166 --> 01:33:23,292
- Sorry, Max.
- 1309
- 01:33:28,906 --> 01:33:31,568
- Tuesday's not gonna work.
- Cannot do Tuesday, I'm already...
- 1310
- 01:33:31,742 --> 01:33:33,710
- - Mom! Mom! Mom!
- - Sean! Sean! Sean!
- 1311
- 01:33:33,878 --> 01:33:35,903
- See how annoying that is?
- 1312
- 01:33:56,233 --> 01:33:56,667
- See, this is your problem.
- Some men like women more feminine!
- 1313
- 01:33:56,667 --> 01:34:00,125
- See, this is your problem.
- Some men like women more feminine!
- 1314
- 01:34:00,304 --> 01:34:01,771
- - I'm not feminine?
- - No.
- 1315
- 01:34:01,939 --> 01:34:03,065
- I'm not feminine?
- 1316
- 01:34:13,984 --> 01:34:15,542
- Freeze!
- 1317
- 01:34:15,819 --> 01:34:17,514
- That was so cool.
- 1318
- 01:34:18,422 --> 01:34:19,753
- Max!
- 1319
- 01:34:28,265 --> 01:34:29,289
- Damn it to hell.
- 1320
- 01:34:39,109 --> 01:34:41,236
- You know, I might be more help
- if you untie me!
- 1321
- 01:34:41,512 --> 01:34:43,878
- There's a knife in my right front pocket!
- 1322
- 01:34:48,686 --> 01:34:50,176
- [MAX LAUGHING]
- 1323
- 01:34:50,354 --> 01:34:51,582
- Stop it! Stop it!
- 1324
- 01:34:52,056 --> 01:34:53,080
- What?
- 1325
- 01:34:54,325 --> 01:34:56,919
- That's not my knife! That's not my...
- 1326
- 01:34:57,461 --> 01:34:58,758
- I got it!
- 1327
- 01:35:05,469 --> 01:35:07,130
- No, 99, don't touch that!
- 1328
- 01:35:10,474 --> 01:35:11,964
- Oh, my Lord.
- 1329
- 01:35:33,664 --> 01:35:35,757
- Yeah! The kid's still got it.
- 1330
- 01:35:41,572 --> 01:35:42,596
- AGENT 99:
- Max, hurry!
- 1331
- 01:35:44,675 --> 01:35:46,438
- MAX:
- Hold on, 99!
- 1332
- 01:35:52,483 --> 01:35:56,351
- Chief, we can't stop the car! We have
- the football, but we do not know the code!
- 1333
- 01:35:56,520 --> 01:35:57,987
- We need to figure out something!
- 1334
- 01:35:58,155 --> 01:36:00,988
- These tracks are taking us back downtown,
- towards the bomb!
- 1335
- 01:36:05,429 --> 01:36:08,296
- We gotta get you out of there,
- and you won't survive the jump!
- 1336
- 01:36:08,465 --> 01:36:09,489
- I'm coming to get you!
- 1337
- 01:36:30,854 --> 01:36:32,481
- [AGENT 99 SCREAMS]
- 1338
- 01:36:34,525 --> 01:36:36,584
- - Oh, God!
- - Hold on, 99!
- 1339
- 01:36:38,062 --> 01:36:40,860
- It's not over, Max!
- I'll take that briefcase!
- 1340
- 01:36:41,031 --> 01:36:43,090
- If you want it, you'll have to take it!
- 1341
- 01:36:43,534 --> 01:36:47,061
- - That's what I just said!
- - I know, I'm just trying to annoy you!
- 1342
- 01:37:00,918 --> 01:37:02,476
- [GRO ANING]
- 1343
- 01:37:35,819 --> 01:37:37,719
- Unusual but effective.
- 1344
- 01:37:38,155 --> 01:37:39,679
- [TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]
- 1345
- 01:37:45,496 --> 01:37:47,396
- - You all right?
- - I'm fine!
- 1346
- 01:37:53,704 --> 01:37:55,137
- Max!
- 1347
- 01:37:55,873 --> 01:37:56,897
- Max, your foot!
- 1348
- 01:38:02,846 --> 01:38:05,815
- - I wish we had more time!
- - What?
- 1349
- 01:38:26,170 --> 01:38:29,333
- - Max!
- - No!
- 1350
- 01:38:50,194 --> 01:38:51,661
- Oh, Max.
- 1351
- 01:38:54,231 --> 01:38:56,324
- [SQUEAKING]
- 1352
- 01:38:57,734 --> 01:38:59,224
- No. No!
- 1353
- 01:39:04,875 --> 01:39:07,343
- I wish we had more time too.
- 1354
- 01:39:10,047 --> 01:39:11,844
- MAX:
- So you did hear me?
- 1355
- 01:39:14,651 --> 01:39:15,675
- Max?
- 1356
- 01:39:19,856 --> 01:39:21,687
- But the train...
- 1357
- 01:39:22,693 --> 01:39:24,888
- Missed it by that much.
- 1358
- 01:39:44,214 --> 01:39:46,114
- "Operation Joy"?
- 1359
- 01:39:47,618 --> 01:39:51,452
- The "Ode to Joy" will end with a bang.
- 1360
- 01:39:53,257 --> 01:39:56,351
- [PERFORMING BEETHO VEN'S
- "ODE TO JO Y"]
- 1361
- 01:39:56,526 --> 01:39:59,689
- - Chief!
- - Yeah, Maxie! Are you okay?
- 1362
- 01:39:59,863 --> 01:40:03,924
- Listen, I think the final notes
- of the "Ode to Joy" trigger the bomb!
- 1363
- 01:40:04,101 --> 01:40:05,898
- We have to stop the concert!
- 1364
- 01:40:06,069 --> 01:40:07,366
- I'm on it.
- 1365
- 01:40:30,494 --> 01:40:31,756
- [CLEARS THRO AT]
- 1366
- 01:40:43,874 --> 01:40:47,435
- My buttocks are really stinging
- from being dragged.
- 1367
- 01:40:56,687 --> 01:40:59,121
- Hey, grandpa, I already told you...
- 1368
- 01:40:59,856 --> 01:41:03,053
- Speak up, son.
- I'm an old man, you know.
- 1369
- 01:41:09,966 --> 01:41:11,593
- [CLATTERING]
- 1370
- 01:41:14,304 --> 01:41:16,568
- I like that tackling part.
- 1371
- 01:41:20,877 --> 01:41:23,641
- MAX:
- I am so, so sorry about that.
- 1372
- 01:41:23,814 --> 01:41:25,611
- Wait! No, no, let him go.
- 1373
- 01:41:26,583 --> 01:41:28,676
- - There is a bomb.
- - Where?
- 1374
- 01:41:28,852 --> 01:41:31,844
- Would you believe in the piano?
- 1375
- 01:41:37,160 --> 01:41:39,526
- Whoa. How did we miss that?
- That is huge.
- 1376
- 01:41:39,996 --> 01:41:44,490
- - Max. Was that...?
- - A total guess, yes, it was.
- 1377
- 01:41:53,276 --> 01:41:55,767
- That old son of a gun
- can take a hit, huh?
- 1378
- 01:42:03,120 --> 01:42:07,523
- - Do you think I should tell him?
- - No. Let's just savor the moment.
- 1379
- 01:42:16,199 --> 01:42:18,531
- He's a funny son of a bitch, isn't he?
- 1380
- 01:42:19,236 --> 01:42:21,704
- This is the proudest moment of my life!
- 1381
- 01:42:24,641 --> 01:42:26,199
- Bomb not go off.
- 1382
- 01:42:26,376 --> 01:42:28,936
- Oh, really, bright-eyes?
- What alerted you?
- 1383
- 01:42:29,112 --> 01:42:32,240
- Was it no "Boom, boom," or the lack
- of a mushroom cloud?
- 1384
- 01:42:32,416 --> 01:42:35,112
- It was the mushroom cloud for me.
- 1385
- 01:42:36,086 --> 01:42:40,955
- Well, you did your job,
- so I suppose I can't kill your wife.
- 1386
- 01:42:41,358 --> 01:42:44,953
- Although to be honest,
- I'd be doing the sighted world a favor.
- 1387
- 01:42:48,899 --> 01:42:50,799
- [SCREAMS]
- 1388
- 01:42:53,403 --> 01:42:55,701
- What good hang time, huh?
- 1389
- 01:42:56,440 --> 01:42:59,671
- Yes, Mr. President.
- Thank you and goodbye, sir.
- 1390
- 01:42:59,876 --> 01:43:03,403
- 86, the President wanted me
- to convey his personal thanks...
- 1391
- 01:43:03,580 --> 01:43:07,311
- ...and to tell you how impressed he was
- with that dragged-by-a-train thing.
- 1392
- 01:43:07,484 --> 01:43:11,580
- Well, sir, as an agent, I have trained
- myself to be impervious to pain.
- 1393
- 01:43:11,755 --> 01:43:12,813
- [DOG BARKING]
- 1394
- 01:43:12,989 --> 01:43:15,219
- Ah! Hey, it's Fang.
- 1395
- 01:43:15,392 --> 01:43:18,054
- I wanted him to be a surprise.
- 1396
- 01:43:18,228 --> 01:43:21,356
- 99, please, nobody here
- knows that we're dating.
- 1397
- 01:43:21,531 --> 01:43:23,089
- CHIEF:
- Yes, they do.
- 1398
- 01:43:24,367 --> 01:43:25,664
- On the cheek.
- 1399
- 01:43:26,770 --> 01:43:28,499
- - Let's go.
- - Maybe a little one?
- 1400
- 01:43:29,473 --> 01:43:33,375
- Hey, new guy. Hold up a second.
- Welcome to CONTROL.
- 1401
- 01:43:33,543 --> 01:43:36,774
- We have a tradition called "pick on
- the new guy." Here's how it works.
- 1402
- 01:43:36,947 --> 01:43:39,939
- - We pick on the new guy.
- - And you can't do anything about it.
- 1403
- 01:43:40,116 --> 01:43:41,481
- Let's try one.
- 1404
- 01:43:42,319 --> 01:43:45,311
- - You dropped your pencil.
- - Did you hear the man?
- 1405
- 01:43:45,722 --> 01:43:48,987
- I don't see a man, I see two little girls.
- 1406
- 01:43:49,159 --> 01:43:53,186
- I think I'll call you Maureen,
- and you Brittany.
- 1407
- 01:43:53,363 --> 01:43:56,696
- - New guy did not.
- - New guy did.
- 1408
- 01:43:56,867 --> 01:43:58,858
- AGENT 91: Okay, new guy...
- LARABEE: I got this.
- 1409
- 01:43:59,336 --> 01:44:00,826
- And I'm going to enjoy it.
- 1410
- 01:44:01,004 --> 01:44:02,995
- That will make me happy, Maureen.
- 1411
- 01:44:03,406 --> 01:44:04,430
- Maureen.
- 1412
- 01:44:04,608 --> 01:44:05,734
- [DINGS]
- 1413
- 01:44:05,909 --> 01:44:07,171
- Ow! What's in there?
- 1414
- 01:44:07,744 --> 01:44:09,575
- - And just for the record.
- - What's in there?
- 1415
- 01:44:09,746 --> 01:44:10,974
- [LARABEE SCREAMS]
- 1416
- 01:44:11,147 --> 01:44:12,637
- My name is not "new guy."
- 1417
- 01:44:13,884 --> 01:44:15,249
- My name is Hymie.
- 1418
- 01:44:15,418 --> 01:44:17,818
- Now, if you ladies will excuse me.
- 1419
- 01:44:20,223 --> 01:44:21,986
- This is gonna be so fun.
- 1420
- 01:44:22,158 --> 01:44:23,750
- Make him high-five me.
- 1421
- 01:44:58,128 --> 01:44:59,356
- Max, we're gonna be late.
- 1422
- 01:45:03,366 --> 01:45:06,028
- Oh, Max. Let Maintenance
- take care of it.
- 1423
- 01:45:10,173 --> 01:45:11,265
- Ah!
- 1424
- 01:45:11,441 --> 01:45:13,375
- You've gotta be kidding me!
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