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- For everyone who has ever had an evaluation or performance review just
- remember, it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from
- United States Federal Government employee performance evaluations:
- 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has
- started to dig."
- 2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
- 3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more a definite
- won't be."
- 4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a
- trap."
- 5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
- 7. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
- 8. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
- them."
- 9. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot."
- 10. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
- 11. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all
- together."
- 12. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
- 13. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
- 14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
- 15. "He's been working with glue too much."
- 16. "He would argue with a signpost."
- 17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
- 18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
- 19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
- 20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
- 21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
- 22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
- 23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
- 24. "He's got two brain cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for
- it."
- 25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
- 26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
- 27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
- 28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
- 29. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
- 30. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."
- 31. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
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