Jump 374: Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?

Jump #374: Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?
>The Hanged Man, reversed: Selfish, materialistic, and untrusting attitudes.
This is literally a setting wherein the villain steals EVERYTHING. Selfish fits well.
>Age: 18
>Location: The Dead Sea, 2015
Yeah no, I'm going to teleport to Chicago and get myself a hot dog. Thanks but no thanks.
>Identity: Thief
>Drawbacks: (+100) Is There An Echo In Here?
This is almost normal for some settings. Having it happen here is going to be annoying, but... acceptable, I suppose.
>Hello, Player (1000)
Substituting title for name without any eyebrows being raised can be useful in some places.
>Wrong Again, Player (Free, Thief)
Being able to distract people with clues that lead them in multiple directions sounds useful, even if I won't be using it very often.
>Teaching Through Theft (900, Thief)
To be fair, if I can teach people through this sort of thing, then that has some interesting potential...
>You Never Know Until You Try (600, Thief)
I'm going to fight my urge to steal Carmen Sandiego's heart, I already have too many. No, I have better plans.
>CrimeNet Uplink (200)
So automatic access to the CrimeNet database. I'm sure instant and immediate global knowledge of crimes taking place will have interesting repercussions when it comes to certain future jumps...
>The Coat (Free, Thief)
I am so glad I have perks to let me recolor my belongings. Red is so gaudy.
>Lighten The Load (0, Thief)
I am sure that eight size-changing potentially giant jet engines will have a use sooner or later.

In order to pull off the heist I have in mind, it's necessary to steal several things in preparation. An amateur-league interest in baseball, and subsequently, a one-year sixteen million dollar contract with the Chicago Cubs as a pitcher (sorry, John Lackey, you're staying with the Cardinals). A seat on the Illinois Senate so I can resign it in order to play for a year - indeed, someone's political career, but someone who won't be missed.

Let's not name names, most of the Illinois senate is interchangeable on that front.

As 2015 draws to a close, I put my plan into action. I have perks which increase the skills of those around me passively as we train together, and that does fantastic things for Spring Training in 2016. Not to mention I have perks that let me shift things around a few days for convenience's sake, but... we'll get to that in a bit. At the same time, I make noises about chasing the presidency, which everyone just laughs off. Except as the baseball and political seasons begin, I don't stop saying I'll go for president, I in fact redouble my efforts. That salary I'm drawing from the Cubs? That's what I use to fund my campaign.

I ran as a Republican. Frankly, the opposition was so scattershot that I was able to come along with jumper-level charisma and actually appeal to people that career politicians did a wonderful job alienating. The debates? I utterly dominated them, despite being the dark horse candidate that no one took seriously until it was too late. Not to mention the idiocy that the career politicians employed all around which backfired in the expected way.

One could be excused for saying that I stole the Republican nomination. They would not at all be incorrect. The fact that I refused to stop playing baseball for the sake of the election campaign confused many people - I didn't run around campaigning like a madman like other candidates did, and yet... the exposure from my unique position did its work for me.

After all, I had a contract to fulfill - in fact, it was one of the best seasons on record for the Cubs. We went to the World Series in fact, and we traded off rounds with the Cleveland Indians. At game six, they had three wins, we had three wins. After that... there were inexplicable delays, and game seven took place on Election Day at Wrigley Field, instead of November 2, due to the issues in Cleveland that rendered their stadium temporarily unusable.

I pitched for the entire game, and threw a no-hitter - but so did the Indians. A double no-hitter, something that had only occurred once in history before. None of the Indians were able to so much as take a base, even in the tenth inning. And when it was the Cubs' turn at the bottom of the tenth inning... I was the first at bat. I hit a line drive, and got to first.

And then I stole second.

And then I stole third.

And then I stole home.

The roar of the crowd was deafening. In the meantime... the tally of the electoral college votes was taking place. I'd purposefully not paid attention, focusing on the game, until in the wake of it all, a reporter came up to me.

>"Mr. Cross, you- you practically stole the World Series with that move! And from all indications, you've stolen the presidential election!"
"... Huh. Well, you know what they say. Hail to the thief?" I offered, with a lopsided grin.
>The reporter barely kept a straight face. "Well, I suppose congratulations are in order, Mister President! What's next to steal for you?"
I tapped my chin. "Well. If I've stolen the pennant and I've stolen the White House... I guess I'll have to steal the Black Pearl. I'm a fan of the Pirates of the Caribbean, after all!"
>This did get quite a bit of laughter from the reporter.
>Reports later that week indicated that a barge named the Sunset had disappeared - the same barge that was used to portray a certain ship in a certain film. When I was asked about it, I gave the reporter a funny look and offered up a simple 'no comment', before rolling my eyes.

Also, on the day I was sworn in, Carmen Sandiego stole the White House, Wrigley Stadium, and Disney World.

YES, THE ENTIRE PARK. ALL FORTY SQUARE MILES OF IT.

I guess she doesn't much like to be upstaged.

The remaining eight years of the two of us playing cat and mouse were entertaining, if only because I had to restructure the entire federal intelligence apparatus to have any hope of countering her.