Necromancer's Apprentice by Anon(Twilight)

>Many, if not all, of the citizens of Ponyville are asleep.
>But not this one, not tonight.
>He goes by many names.
>Master of Undeath, Dark Magic, and Tic-Tac-Toe.
>The Lick King.
>Mr.Bones.
>But you address him as Anon.
>*Shnk*
"Anonymous!"
>"Bwah!"
>You can see his arms raise over the tombstone in surrender.
>"Officer, I swear, I have a license for this."
"Anonymous, it's Luna."
>"Oh."
>*Shnk*
"I implore you, Anon, stop this at once."
>You can hear him sigh loudly, you do not have to see him to know he's likely frowning his ancient mouth.
>"Luna, you really have to catch me ahead of time. You know, BEFORE I get the blood of a virgin, some bone meal, candles..."
"I cannot stop you from collecting your own blood, Anonymous."
>"Well the least you can do is catch me while I'm down at Quills and Sofas, you know very well that place is only still in business because of me."
"You never summon me anymore."
>"I got a new summoning ritual, I'll give you mine when I find the time."
"Well, I believe now is a good time. So put down the shovel so we can-"
>He climbs out of the dug-up grave, brushes the dirt off his robes, and waves a finger at you.
>"I know you're not here just to get back in touch and exchange pleasantries, what do you want?"
>He was once the wisest creature in all of Equestria.
>Not anymore, of course. Clever nonetheless.
"It is Celestia’s pupil, Twilight."
>He stabs the shovel into the ground and looks at you with clear confusion.
>"I thought she banished her to another dimension?"
"No, that would be Sunset."
>He lets out a raspy groan before snapping his fingers.
>Some of his accompanying... "Helpers" take up their own shovels and begin to dig for him.
>"She really needs to hurry up and decide what time of day she wants to tutor."
>He starts waving a finger at you as he begins a "Fulminating Fuss".
>"Back in my day we only had one apprentice and if they crapped the bed then that was that. No more credentials for you Mr. Necromancer. You had done ruined your chances of passing down ancient knowledge for all eternity."
>The servitors throw up a coffin besides Anons feet and he bends down to inspect it.
>"Maybe if Celestia didn't spend so much time eating pies and being pious she wouldn't need TWO pupils."
>He tries pushing off the top of the casket, before realizing that it was actually a swing-open and not a slide-off.
>"‘gee Celestia, why do you get TWO pupils?'"
>He reaches into it, pulling forth the unfortunate pony that would soon be added to his ranks.
>"‘because I can't handle putting in the effort to do it right the first time!'"
"As much as I enjoy your raving, Anonymous, this is serious. Twilight has been... Questioning my sister’s view of you.
>"And this concerns me how?"
>The lays the body onto the grass, drawing runes and laying down bones and candles.
>"Because if it involves the magic of friendship and tolerance, then you very well know it isn't going to work. I still have nightmares about that cat. Ugh."
>The two of you shake at the thought.
>That poor feline.
"We were wondering if you could... Educate Twilight?"
>He shoots a deathly glare towards you.
>"Educate? What?"
"I fear if she doesn't see your Necromancy in its true light then we may both end up, ah-hem, 'like the cat'."
>He puts his hand to his chin, thinking.
"I understand that this means she will be your one and only apprentice if she fails, but she has to see that you mean no harm!"
>Be begins to chant, before suddenly his voice distorts as he calls forth dark magic to raise the pony.
>"Uulwi ifis halahs gag erh'ongg w'ssh!"
>The corpse suddenly spasms and twitches to life, it rises and attempts to stand like a newborn foal.
>"Luna, do you also understand how much time I will have to waste trying to teach her Necromancy instead of perfecting my OWN magic?"
>He gently helps up the pony, its rotten flesh suddenly smells even more foul thanks to the dark magic that courses within it.
>He pats it on the back, whispering into its ear.
>It looks almost as if he loves the creature, despite its smell and ghastly appearance.
"Please, for both of our sake. Celestia is growing tired of her constant questioning and well..."
>He stares at you, certainly not happy but not angry at you.
"You could use the social interaction, friend."
>He continues to pet the deceased, lumbering over his decision.
>"You owe me, Princess."
"Huzzah!"
>"Send her to my lair, I'll see what I can do."
"Thank you Anonymous! We truly appreciate the sacra-"
>Smiling, he watches as you change your wording.
"The kind gesture!"
>"Whatever, Luna."
>You stretch out your limbs, whatever blood left in your body rushing to other parts of your body that might fall off if they don’t get blood twice a week.
>One of your little ponies brings you a cup of what you hope is coffee.
>Taking a sip, you give them a pat on the head and dismiss them.
>Man, you’re dead tired.
>Ba-dum-tiss.
>Taking another sip you look down and see it’s a black unrecognizable liquid.
>You shrug, what doesn’t try to kill you only makes you try to go outside and make friends.
>And this was most certainly trying to kill you.
>Rising from your bed, you look around your tomb.
>A few stray undead ponies lay about the room, a large bookcase with only 3 books and some potions, flasks, and vials sit against the back of the room.
>The contents of these items are long forgotten and are likely ancient objects of power and destruction.
>That you also forgot to label, so you’re cautious of using them anytime soon.
>A lava lamp, a coffee table, couches, and whatever else makes a crypt a home.
>And that is exactly what this is, home.
>Mostly because you beat the system by buying a final resting place instead of paying off a mortgage or renting an apartment.
>Also because what kind of necromancer worth his librams would live in a house or apartment that isn’t haunted?
>*knock-knock*
>Oh wonderful. A visitor.
>There were very few that dared come anywhere near your horrifying home.
>The Princesses.
>The mailmare.
>And that nice pink pony who brings you fatally sugary treats in exchange for immortality and true insight to the mortal realm.
>Opening the door you quickly determine that the pony is none of the above.
>”Hello! I’m-“
>You raise a finger and stop her.
“It’s Nightmare Night, right? It’s a little too early for you to be asking for treats.”
>”No, actually I’m here because-“
“Ah! Girl Scouts then? Wait, I thought I was blacklisted. Who are you?”
>”I’m Twilight Sparkle. I was sent by the Princesses to learn more about your ‘magic’?”
>Did she refer to Necromancy as ‘magic’?
>Normally this would be fine, but your true insight allows you to see those marks around the word magic.
>You are both offended and disturbed by her lack of faith in the dark arts.
“Yes, I remember now. You’re that one Luna talked about.”
>”I thought the Princesses didn’t know you, that’s why they sent me to learn more about you?”
>So they’re going to play that game, eh?
“Fine, I guess I don’t know them either.”
>”So, you don’t know each other?”
“Do you want to learn Necromancy or what?”
>”W-what?! Learn dark magic-“
“Don’t call it that. Dark magic implies it involves rhymes and rhymes are for zebras.”
>”I don’t believe that the Princesses would send me to learn something so… So evil!”
“Now you’re just being rude. Do you want to learn Necromancy or not? Because if not I can close my mausoleum door and you’ll learn all you can from whatever two books those cat burglars pawned off about a century ago.”
>She gives you a serious glare and nods her head.
“Get inside, you’re about to go on Mr. Bones Wild Ride!”
>She continues to try to stare you down.
>You can already tell she’s going to get on the nerve that hasn’t quite died yet.
“The least you can do is try and look enthusiastic, I have ponies in here who look happier than you do.”
>She steps inside and takes in her surroundings and she seems…
>Unimpressed.
“Making bits isn’t easy, you know. Not everyone is friends with the richest most powerful ponies in existence.”
>”Wait, don’t you have a hoard or something? A treasure trove?”
“A bank account? Yes, but they don’t let me in to look at it anymore after I scared that one-“
>”I get it.”
“That ponies point and shriek at the sight of you, even on your weekends? I don’t think you do.”
>You sit down on one of the couches around your coffee table, a relatively fresh pony lays on the side you’re not sitting.
>”If you don’t mind, who is she?”
>Turning to the zombie, you shrug.
>Normally you would remember the name of each pony you’ve risen, but Luna so graciously distracted you from writing down this one’s name.
>Better just ask now, then.
“I dunno. Who are you?”
>The pony rolls over revealing the fleshless front of her head, the mane that expertly hid the bare skull falls away.
>Twilight screams as the pony looks at her from across the table.
>It tries to communicate but the insides are much too far gone for anything other than dry and raspy noises.
>”Rah-aaah.”
>Twilight seems to have pushed herself into the couch, afraid of being any closer to the bony pony.
>Heh, bony.
>”What did you do to her?!”
>The zom-pony rasps at you but you understand clearly what she tries to convey.
“Well, I brought her back to life for one. That’s not easy.”
>”Not easy?! It’s not natural!”
“Neither is your dyed mane, so let’s not go on saying who’s natural and who’s not here.”
>You reach over and drag the corpse onto your lap and begin to rub what isn’t exposed organ or flesh, trying your best to rub whatever belly is left to be rub.
“That’s what I never understood about you ponies. You’re all happy-go-lucky to the living, but nary a thought given to the buried.”
>The pony on your lap kicks her little hooves as you rub her.
>The pony across from you would probably kick your guts in.
>”She deserves to have rest! She’s lived her life!”
>A different pony tries to bring Twilight a drink, however, she squirms to the other end of the couch before taking the cup with her magic.
>”How could you sink so low? To dig up a pony’s grave and raise a pony from the dead?”
>You start to think about each of the ponies you’ve raised.
>And raised is what you did. From the ground up.
>Bad-dum-tiss.
>A lot of effort goes into bringing a corpse back to life.
>A lot of blood, sweat, tears.
>Some of it yours, some of it from other creatures but that’s beside the point.
“Are you saying it’s better to just ignore them?”
>”It’s called moving on!”
“I talk to them long after they’ve been forgotten, I let them know it’s fine to feel scared and alone and that they don’t have to be.”
>You hoist up the little pony in your lap into your arms and give them a hug.
>You can hear organs slip and bones grind but you also feel something.
>You feel the little pony wrap her hooves around you and hug back.
“You can’t say you care about someone if you won’t embrace them when they’re cold and rotten.”
>Twilight leans back, taking in what you just said and did.
>Hopefully not the smell, though.
>That might ruin your speech.
>”I’ve met plenty of odd and strange ponies, but you’re really something Mr…?”
“Anonymous. Or Anon.”
>Setting the pony down she stumbles off to attend to her duties.
“Even you have to understand that, Twilight. What it might be like for them to be all alone.”
>”But… They’re not really living before you raise them.”
“Are any of us really living? Do you even exist? What if we’re both having the same dream and when we wake up, we die. Ever think about that?”
>Twilight puts her hooves to her head, trying to rationalize this.
>”This is a nightmare.”
>Speaking of nightmares, you believe it’s best to move on to initiating her.
>You stand up and move towards a cabinet in your make-shift kitchen.
>Pulling out several potions, tinctures, and other ingredients.
“So, you wanna become a Necromancer huh?”
>Twilight stands next to you, watching what you’re doing carefully and cautiously.
>You begin to mix things, pouring chemicals into each other with one hand while drawing small runes with the other.
“Necromancy isn’t an exact… Anything, really.”
>”It’s not exactly legal, either.”
“I have a license. Is it so hard to believe you can get a license for these things? Anyways, the first step is getting the life-force out of something and into something else. Or calling in a favor.”
>You bring down a cactus and a dead rat that you hoped died doing what it loved.
>Drawing runes around the rat, you take a potion and pour some of its contents into the cactuses pot.
>You then drink some of the potion as well.
>”So you kill ponies, to bring other ponies back to life?”
>You point a finger towards the potted plant.
“Does that look like a rat to you?”
>The cactus then wilts and dies quickly as it absorbs the liquid you poured.
>You then realize that you just killed one of the easiest plants to take care of.
>Dang, you were doing so well.
>After a short chant and some jazz hands the rat begins to twitch back to life.
“No, the two things don’t have to be the same. But one needs to be alive. So I could harvest life from grass, trees, and mice, whatever. But you’ll need a LOT to bring a pony back to life. Which is why I’m only showing you the basics of resurrection and undeath.”
>The mouse suddenly jumps to its feet and scampers off.
>”How can I do this? Can I use my own magic? What is this actually useful for?”
>You slam a book down, Twilights eyes shoot open.
“I bet you’re the kind of nerd who opted to stay inside and do homework instead of go to recess early. So here’s some homework.”
>”’A Dummies Guide to the Art of Necromancy?’”
“Don’t lose it and don’t share it. Don’t delve too deep into blood magic, you’ll get the AIDS if you’re not careful. You can use your magic, but that’s a lesson for another day so don’t do it.”
>She stares in awe at the book. You recognize that look.
“Do not do anything outside of this book, do not try and make your own spells or rituals. Do not feed anything you bring to life after midnight, I can teach you how to fix that part later but for now don’t do it.”
>You grab her by the face and bring her to your own and stare into her very soul.
“Do NOT screw up your chants. It is imperative you don’t mess those up. Without the proper utterances at precise intervals, the process can fail spectacularly.”
>She steps back and nods vigorously.
>She seems anxious to get out and read that book.
>Ugh, nerd.
>”Wait, you never told me how you knew Celestia and Luna. I didn’t even know you existed before they told me about you!”
>She’s antisocial, too.
>Damn it Luna, two left legs don’t make a right.
>Well, depending on what you stitch together but that’s besides your analogy.
“You should really go out more, I know for certain I just walked past Smiths farm just the other day.”
>Ah, the Apples.
>If any pony knew how to appreciate hard work and immortality it would be them.
>”I guess I didn’t see you. But that didn’t answer my question.”
“Oh! That.”
>You suddenly have an odd taste in your mouth.
>You’re pretty sure it’s not a stray piece of flesh and that it’s just remembering the “good ol’ days”.
>A flash of memories comes flooding back to you.
>Ah, those were the days.
>When you were still being taught the ropes yourself, when you met Celestia and Luna.
>You still remember the first words Celestia ever told you.
>”You do realize we’re at war, right?”
>You nod.
>”A war you started.”
>You nod again.
>”Your demands are a little…Unique.”
“What I need with every hundredth first-born and a new bathtub is none of your business.”
>”Of course, I can understand. I also understand that that’s exactly what’s required for immortality using a certain life-extending ritual.”
>You did not know that.
>You just wanted to take every 100th firstborn because it sounded neat and evil.
>And you really did need a new bathtub.
>”And that leads to a conflict of interest.”
>Your plague of undeath has run rampant throughout Equestria, it was a full-blown zombie apocalypse!
>But Celestia made you agree to carry on as if this was an actual war.
>Who ever heard of zombies taking prisoners?
>And now she’s grown tired of it.
>Mostly because of how quickly the tide turned when she did not remind that overconfidence can be a slow and insidious killer.
>Like starvation.
>Or lack of weather control.
>Or that zombified ponies do not need to make cakes.
“What if I could find another way to make you immortal? Could I have the firstborns then?”
>She thinks over her next words very carefully.
>”Repeal your Blood Donation Tax and I will agree to these terms.”
>But you need that virgin blood…
>Whatever, you’ll use your own. Even though your former master told you that was a bad idea.
>You’re sure your own body can last a lifetime.
“It’s a deal, then.”
”Um, Anon?”
>“HUH-WHA-?!”
>Your ‘teacher’ snaps awake.
”You were about to tell me how you know the Princesses?”
>He brings out even MORE potions.
>If the various food items laying around weren’t everywhere, you’d think this was an alchemy lab and not a kitchen.
>“Oh. We were college friends.”
”That’s it?”
>“Yeah, that’s about it.”
>He starts to mix, shake, and stir various brews before raising the final product in the air.
>This has got to be the strangest lesson you will ever learn.
>”Now, you’re not going to like this, but the final step before you can actually START your dive into death is…”
>He pushes forth a glowing, smoky brew. The container is stained with dirt.
>That is something you’re not interested in getting close to.
>It’s probably acidic, poisonous, and disgusting!
>”To drink this.”
>What?!
>He can’t be serious!
“There is no WAY I’m just going to drink that!”
>The “coffee” you were given earlier was sitting back on the table and probably still had that eye in it!
>This probably has a thousand more things wrong with it!
>”This is the exact same recipe that my own master gave to me when I started, it’s absolutely vital that you-“
“Yeah and you’re technically dead now!”
>”-drink this. Would the Princesses themselves send you here if I would be ANY threat to you?”
>Looking at the liquid, you can see it’s bubbling slightly.
>And he does have a point…
“I don’t know, how can I be sure this isn’t going to do something horrible to me?”
>He shakes his head mockingly.
>”Well then I guess if you don’t want to be a part of the Necromancers Club then you don’t really HAVE to drink it like all the other cool Liches and Necromancers throughout history.”
>”I mean, all the COOL apprentices drank it. Then again, you’re not really that COOL to begin with.”
>You levitate the potion to your face and waft the smell towards you.
>It doesn’t have any defining smell but you’re still certain it’ll taste dreadful.
>Are you really considering this?
“Well, ALL the cool apprentices?”
>He crosses his arms and shakes his head.
>”Every. One. Like I said, you can back out any-“
>You take a deep breath and push the glass to your lips, drinking in the substance.
>Peeking through the other side of the glass, Anon seems to be giddy with excitement.
>”She did it! She’s actually doing it! The madmare!”
>You finish and slam the glass onto the counter a little too hard.
>And it shatters.
“Sorry about…”
>The taste beings to tap your tongue, it’s very bittersweet and tart.
>And everything seems to be getting darker.
>”The glass…”
>And quieter.
>Soon, all you can hear is Anon shouting and…Laughing?
>Just as the floor rushes to meet you.
“Ugh…”
>”She’s coming to!”
>”Good, because I was starting to think she hit her head a little too hard on the way down.”
>”Well, it could have been worse.”
>Opening your eyes, you see-
“Get- get back! I’m not afraid of you!”
>You were suddenly surrounded by a group of rotting, fetid ponies!
>No doubt Anon’s work and fault.
>Suddenly the human himself moseys through the crowd of zombies and skeletons.
“Anon, what’s going on? What happened?!”
>”Relax, you just passed your first test!”
>What?
>Was that what it was?
>A test?
“Oh, oh I get it. You wanted to see if I could trust you!”
>A wave of relief rushes through you.
>For a second you thought he’d done something terrible while you were out.
“Well, you could have just asked! If that’s all you needed then-“
>”Well, you could put it like that.”
>Everything suddenly freezes as your anxiety comes back.
“What. Did you. Do?”
>He steps back before unwrapping a long, torn scroll with the words “Congratulations! It's-“
>”You’re dead! Welcome to the club!”
>Your heart sinks.
>You raise a hoof to your chest and realize, it’s also stopped.
>There is no heartbeat.
>Your coat feels very cold to the touch as well.
“W-what?”
>He quickly wraps an arm around you and pulls you in.
>”I know, I know. It’s a lot to take in all at once and it’s a tough pill to swallow, but let’s face it, it was gonna happen eventually.”
>You touch your hooves, legs, tail and mane.
>You certainly don’t FEEL dead.
>This has got to be a joke!
>”You didn’t think the living can go around raising the dead, did you?”
>He pulls back the cloth over his arm revealing a watch, he stares down at it briefly before looking back to you.
>”This is perfect! I can leave you to watch the place, you’ll get to learn a thing or two while you’re here, and I don’t have to miss my Poker Tournament! Maybe this was a good idea after all…”
>He swiftly turns around and heads for the door but you leap after him, snagging his robes.
“You can’t just leave me here! You’ve killed me! Can’t you at least let me go?“
>”You’ll be fine! I have the feeling you’re going to do great! You’ll even make a few new friends. Or meet old ones, depending on you-know-what. I’ve got to get going. Look at that book, practice magic, and I promise you I will have all the answers you’ll ever want when I come back!”
>He tears the robes from your grasp, walks outside, and slams the heavy solid stone door behind him.
>You can hear him yell from the outside.
>”See you later, my faithful student!”
>Pushing your back to the door, you see the same pony that was cuddling with Anon stalking towards you.
>Nope! No no no!
>You shield yourself with one hoof and try to use the other to push it away with the other.
“Stay back! I’m warning you!”
>At least you can’t smell anymore, at least very well anyway.
>That absolute MONSTER!
>You lived, you died, and now you’re going to die again because of him!
>It opens its maw and you can see the inside of it, black, green, and other colors of varying rot and decay.
>Looking at it any longer may just make you hurl, so you close your eyes and get ready to get eaten by one of Anon’s evil creations…
>”Hi there~!”
>But nothing happens.
>”You’re pretty!”
>You open your eyes and see the pony (or what’s left of her) sit patiently before you.
>She stretches out her own hoof, grabs yours and shakes it vigorously.
>”I’m Miss Shapen! I don’t think I caught your name, Miss…?”
>You slowly stand yourself up and brush off the grave moss and dust from your coat, trying to process what you’re hearing.
“Uh, what?”
>”Your name! You have a name, don’t you? Did you forget already? Sometimes I forget my name to but I didn’t think you would so soon!”
>Another voice calls from the couch, much more raspy and dry than the mare in front of you.
>”I told you she hit her head hard, I know that crack sound anywhere. But nooo, don’t listen to the skeleton with a hole in his skull and a broken horn!”
>”Well it’s your fault for losing it in the first place! I don’t see why you’re still upset-“
“Twilight, Twilight Sparkle.”
>The mare’s attention suddenly shoots back to you, her dull eyes open wide and she gasps dramatically.
>”She has a pretty name too!”
>She picks up your hoof and begins to caress it.
>”And she’s so fresh! I have never seen such a fresh ghoul in all my not-life!”
>The voice from beyond the couch calls again,
>”She’s not a ghoul, she’s the new acolyte.”
>The mare gasps again and coils her legs around you, trying to hug you.
>You’re almost certain this would be a painful hug if you could still feel pain.
>”Oh that’s wonderful! He’s wanted an acolyte for so long! I feel like I’m going to be a grandmare again!”
>What?
“Excuse me?”
>She lets go of you and begins to lead you to the couch once more.
>You levitate the book from earlier with you and take a seat on the couch with your new acquaintance.
>”You’d better learn quickly, I don’t have all eternity to see you grow into a fully fledge Necromancer you know!”
>Taking a look across from you, an almost entirely skeletal pony lays sprawled on the other couch.
>Tendons and other small ropey pieces of flesh seem to be all that’s holder it together anymore.
>And as expected, the horn is not fully present and a break in the skull is present.
“What do you mean? What is this?”
>The skeletal pony opens her jaw, you don’t expect it to make any noise but the voice from before proves you wrong.
>”You’re a part of the family. Welcome.”
>He takes up the cup you left behind and takes a sip, the contents of the cup spilling through and leaking on the couch.
>”Anon has chosen you to carry on his legacy! You get to be the next generation of Necromancy! Isn’t that exciting?”
“Well, could you explain this whole situation to me? This is all so sudden. I mean, I just died a few minutes ago so I hope I’m not asking for too much.”
>It was the least they could do.
>Suddenly you feel your gut sink.
>You’re dead now.
>Can you still live a normal life?
>What would everypony else think?
>Would they chase you out of Ponyville?
>”Well, you’re in it for good now! You’ve got to pass a few more tests before you can become an official Necromancer!”
>You open up the book and start to read through it, trying to find any way you can revert this.
“And what do I have to do?”
>She scratches her exposed jaw-bone and focuses hard on something.
>”Well, you passed the Test of Life so we can check that off the to-do list.”
>”Don’t forget the Trial of Death.”
>”Yeah! You gotta bring something back from the great beyond!”
“These names seem very counter intuitive.”
>The skeleton looks down and sees the gathering puddle before sighing loudly.
>”Anonymous says they’re like that to stop the uninitiated from becoming Necromancers. Throws them off the trail.”
>”Oh-oh! Don’t forget the third one! The Evaluation of Undeath!”
“What do I have to do for that one?”
>”Don’t know. Anonymous never really talks about that one. “
>Well, it doesn’t seem too hard. You saw him bring back that rat, replicating that shouldn’t be too complicated.
>Just follow the books instructions and it will all be over before dinner.
“Say, what’s stopping you from just…”
>”Murdering him in his sleep?”
>”Don’t be like that! He PROMISED you he’d find your horn. He’ll bring it back, don’t worry!”
>The skeletal pony brings out a towel and begins to clean up the spill he made.
>”Nothing really. Besides the fact that if he dies we’re released back to wherever we came from.”
>He then climbs back up on the couch and stretches its bones.
>”But I don’t really feel like going back. Also the fact that he just needs to snap his fingers and I’ll rattle into pieces.”
“That makes sense. What about you, Shapen?”
>”Please, Miss Shapen is fine. Clay Shapen was me when I was alive.”
>She closes her eyes and seems to recall a long, distant memory.
>”I just want to see my family and what they’re up to, so I don’t really want to go back either.”
“How? It must be difficult finding them on your own.”
>She looks to you, seemingly in a zen-like calm you didn’t think was capable of a pony of her personality.
>”And I didn’t have to. Anon actually found them! He found my great-great-great grandchildren! Every once in a while he takes us out and I get to watch them from afar. They’ve made me so proud! I thought the family name would forever involve clay pots and moldings!”
>You never thought of it like that.
>”Yeah, that’s great and all but who actually could say no to immortality in exchange for taking out the trash or moping the back room, or picking up after-“
“Back room?”
>”SHH! You know Anon doesn’t want us going back there without him!”
>”What do you mean? He lets me go back there all the time.”
>”What?! Since when, Mane?”
>”Since you popped that bloated cadaver and left me to clean it up while Anonymous sewed you back together again!”
>You recoil at the description.
>Whatever happened, you’re glad you took no part in it.
>But that raises the question.
“Your name’s Mane? Mane what?”
>”Mangled, but SHE thinks I was some sort of mane-stylist when I was alive so she just calls me Mane.”
“And you don’t remember?”
>”Nope. To old of a memory.”
>”He’s got to be! He’s a unicorn, he’s good at mane-styling and he likes wigs!”
>”Because they cover up the giant hole in my skull that YOU put!”
“Wait, but about that back room you mentioned…”
>Mangled gets up and walks towards the empty bookshelf before leaning onto one of the stones on the wall besides it.
>”This one?”
>The bookshelf slides away, revealing another separate room.
>You step inside, it smells HORRID.
>And then you see why.
>Carts of bodies, bloody cages, and lavender-scented candles are scattered across the room.
>Sadly, the candles, they do nothing.
>There are full bookshelves of knowledge of everything evil, twisted, and otherwise involved with the art of raising the dead on a separate bookshelf.
“This place is-“
>Mangled blocks the entrance from Miss Shapen before turning to you,
>”An absolute pain in the flank to clean up, I mean look at the place!”
>You move toward a cart and lift out some pieces, a horn and a leg, before a spark of… Creativity, hits you.
“Anon isn’t working with this stuff right now, is he?”
>Miss Shapen quickly bites onto one of Mangled’s legs, trying to pull it from under him.
>Mangled doesn’t seem to care as he answers you.
>”Not really, no.”
“He wouldn’t mind if I borrowed all this, would he? I’m a learning student, after all.”
>”Knock yourself out, I guess.”

>You point to the door, you can hear her laughing and you’re not even inside yet!
”She’s in there! Go get ‘em champs!”
>“Remind me, why we are doing this for you again?”
>You scratch your chin and pull out your set of house keys.
”I don’t know, why did you lose the 20,000 bit high-stakes poker game that brought you here?”
>Turning around you look at the four ponies behind you.
>All of them lost that poker game, but instead of taking their money you purposed something.
>Help with a little pest problem and they would get to keep their bits.
>One slams down their visor and clutches a sword.
>“Right, I remember now.”
>You shuffle to open the door, the moment of truth!
”I believe in you. And watch for the furniture, I live here you know!”
>Pulling the door open you quickly push them all inside.
>You shut the door behind them and lock the door.
”Now slay that Necromancer Apprentice! I have faith in you!”
>Pressing your ear against the door, you can hear Twilight chanting something followed by the familiar singing moans of newly raised dead.
>Dang, you should have went in to watch!
>But it is imperative you don’t distract her.
>This was her fight after all, a Necromancer needs to be able to raise a minion on the fly and in the heat of combat if he has to.
>”Minions, servants of the cold dark! Rise to meet your master’s call!”
>You’ll give her a C for her introduction, you personally were one for a witty jab or burn and then moving onto the summoning.
>The place echoes with the sounds of fighting, yelps, and crits.
>It doesn’t sound like your mercenaries are faring too well.
>And you get the feeling you should stop her before they get hurt. Or ruin your couches.
>Suddenly you hear the sound of beating hooves on the other side of the door.
>”GET US OUT OF HERE!”
>Sounds likes it’s time to end the party.
>After unlocking the door, it bursts open as the four ponies run for their lives towards the sunset.
>Taking a look at your watch, you see it just hit the one minute mark for “heroes run away with their tails between their legs”.
>Time to move into the final phase of your plan.
>Stepping inside you finally see the damage.
>The place was absolutely TRASHED.
>Your coffee table was smashed into pieces.
>One of your couches was split in two and the other had a bigger, blacker stain on it!
>There was a whole mob of new zombie ponies and other minions that you don’t remember leaving for her.
>AND YOUR SECRET ROOM WAS OPEN!
>”Haha! I am the master of undeath! The Princess of Darkness! I’ve never felt so-!”
“TWILIGHT!”
>”Eep!”
>She tries to retreat into the back room but you manage to grab her tail and drag her back to the kitchen.
“I swear, I leave for ONE afternoon and you absolutely WRECK the place. You invited ponies to my house WITHOUT my permission-“
>Twilight tries to escape, grabbing onto everything that isn’t nailed down to try and stop you.
>”They barged into my domain! It wasn’t my fault! It was self-defense!”
“And it sure isn’t YOUR domain you’re going to have to clean up now is it?!”
>You set her down in the corner, where she can think about what she’s done.
>”I’m so sorry-“
“Sorry doesn’t even BEGIN to cover it!”
>You get to work, pulling out a number of fungi, herbs, and concoctions so you can begin to create a special brew.
>From the corner of your eyes you see Mangled and Miss Shapen huddled together behind the couch, trembling.
>You point an angered finger at the pair.
“AND DON’T THINK I FORGOT ABOUT YOU TWO!”
>They both yelp and dive down so that you can’t see them but you know for certain they can still hear you.
“Why do you think I don’t get you a puppy!? BECAUSE YOU CAN’T GO TWO MINUTES WITHOUT LETTING IT INTO THE BACK ROOM AND ALLOW IT COMMUNE WITH DARK SPIRITS!”
>Twilight begins sobbing lightly and reaches up to plea with you.
>”I didn’t mean to! There were so many books! I couldn’t resist!”
>After some finishing touches, the drink is complete.
“I’m SURE you couldn’t resist the promise of power beyond reckoning! The promise of world domination! The promise of a free I-pad if you shoot three bats as they come out of a Hell-gate!”
>She recoils and shield herself as you swing around and march towards her.
“You know what’s getting hard to resist? The urge to bury you in make-up work and send a failing report card to Celestia!”
>She begins to grovel at your feet, grasping onto your robe.
>”But that won’t be my final grade! Please, I’ll do anything! JUST-“
>You toss the potion into her hooves and stare her down.
“Then drink this before I change my mind and send you back to Celestia with a dunce hat!”
>She begins to chug the glowing blue elixir.
>Just as before, her eyes begin to flutter shut as her breathing slows.
>Finally, she crashes to the ground just like before.
>Looking at her body, you rub your neck.
>Maybe you pulled that off a little too well?
>You turn to Mangled and Miss Shapen and motion them to come.
>They lower their heads as they make a slow, fearful walk towards you.
>Miss Shapen bursts into tears before burying (whats left of) her face into your robes.
>”MANGLED MADE ME DO IT!”
>He perks up defensively before trying to catch his breath as he begins to sob.
>”I-I couldn’t stop Twilight! She let herself in! I-“
>You wrap your arms around them both and hold them tightly.
“I know, I know, and I’m sorry I yelled at you two. You’re my both my favorite ghouls.”
>Miss Shapen quietly mumbles from your robe.
>”Is-Is-Is that really why we don’t have a puppy?”
>You pat her on the spine and whisper to them the same way you did when they were raised from the Ponyville Cemetery.
“Of course not, I promise the moment I find one I’ll bring it straight to you.”
>They both squeeze your robes as they look up to you.
>They mumble at the same time
>”Promise?”
“Promise. And I promise not to use my evil voice again on you two ever again.”
>Yeah, maybe you’d gone a little far with the two of them.
>You should have just grilled Twilight a little more but it needed to look genuine. No one had to be left out.
>Twilight lets out a sore groan as she begins to wake up.
>”Where am I?”
>You set the two scolded minions down and address Twilight.
>Pulling out your stolen and torn “Congratulations, it’s a boy!” scroll again, you unravel it and let out a shout.
“Welcome back to the land of the living!”
>She rubbed her head as if she was waking up with a bad hang over.
>”W-what?”
“You’re alive! I must say I’m impressed with your performance on the adventurers but you really need to work on your aim. What’s the point of having an evil domain if you’re going to trash it every time some group walks in to take all your epic loot?”
>”What do you mean I’m alive?!”
>She starts frantically feeling her chest and her neck.
“You can start touching yourself another time, right now I’m evaluating you according to ancient law. Your introduction was mediocre at best and your taste in friends on the other side is terrible, I mean, c’mon! You chose the one entity that would eat your soul and only give you enough gas to raise your goldfish from the toilet.”
>”I’m alive!”
“So, given what happened, I’d have to say you did alright with the allotted time and given circumstances. So I’ll pass you this time. I wouldn’t help you become my first lich, though. Maybe a side-lich but not my main lich.”
>”You’re not mad at me?”
>You shake your head.
“No, my job is done. You’re technically a certified Necromancer but since you’re alive you can’t use your necromancy to kill and raise every pony you know.”
>She shakes her head and frowns at the thought.
>”I wouldn’t have done that!”
“Yes you would have and without a second thought. Necromancy isn’t about just raising the dead, it’s about making everything around you, everyone you know, dead. Why do you think this is my job? A mere pony would spread it to their pony friends and their friends and so on. Do you know of any other humans? Nope, not one.”
>It was her turn to do the chin scratching.
>”Then, why make me feel that power? That…”
”Emptiness? So you realize that even the most pure and noble of hearts would lose control. I am a necessary evil, Twilight.”
>You help her back to her feet and begin to walk her to the door.
“Someone has to keep the life-death cycle going. I know the Princesses because they’re the only ones who would even come close to being able to stop me. That’s why I don’t go out making friends like you do. I’d hate to hurt them down the road.”
>She looks at you with a certain… Look.
>You don’t know how to describe it but she seems to understand.
>”What if I failed?”
>You bite your lip and nod your head.
“Well, I would have technically killed you and that begins my agreed contingency plan with the Princesses.”
>She tilts her head in confusion.
>“Contingency plan?”
“You know, in case I lose my mind?”
>Her face grimaces as she realizes what you mean.
>”Oh. Then, why make me a Necromancer? Kill me? Couldn’t you have just told me no pony could resist that kind of power?”
>She raises an excellent question.
“Luna wants you to get laid.”
>”WHAT?!”
“Yeah, she told me that after you kick the bucket that you should know how to raise a pony so you have more time to scratch that off your bucket list.”
>”T-that’s not on my bucket list!”
“Suuure.”
>You see her to the door and she steps outside.
>”This was… Quite the day!”
>You nod.
>”I learned a lot, I really have thanks to you!”
“I hope you’ve learned to respect what I do and to stop bugging Celestia about my duties.”
>She blushed as she looked down.
>”They told you about that, huh?”
>You nod mockingly.
“They told me that they were certain you might have been trying to get under my robes with how much you were asking about me.”
>”What?! No, I was concerned!”
“Hm hmm. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a living room full of parts and pieces to order a minion to clean up.”
>Looking down, you can see a levitating book behind her.
>She can keep it.
>You shut the door and turn back to the room.
>It was a mess.
>But, why DID you make Twilight a Necromancer?
>It’s simple, really.
>Because the day YOU kick the bucket…
>Is the day the most powerful pony in Equestria rises to take your place.
>So you’re glad she snagged the book. To always remind her.
>That immortality and power, was just the flick of a page away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Few Extra Snippets From The Thread

>Anon decides to train Twilight in his art
>Not that he wanted to, but Celestia promised to give him a 50% off coupon for his next dental appointment
>Teeth are bones and no one knows bones like Anon, hey-o
>Because he's a necromancer
>She learned fast
>mostly because she's a huge fucking nerd
>Eventually the unfathomable power went to her head
>Twilight attempts to conquer Canterlot with her hordes of undead servants
>Anon manages to stop her
>For more coupons
>Shit ain't cheap
>Twilight is swiftly stopped and killed in the battle
>Celestia is heartbroken
>Begs anon to bring her back
>Coupons, bitch
>Twilight's fresh corpse is resurrected as Anons thrall
>No decomposition so she retains her motor functions and ability to speak
>Basically the same, she just has a big leash now
>Lives with Anon in his citadel of darkness and undeath
>"Hey Anon, get me some orange juice"
"Your legs haven't fallen off yet, get it yourself"
>"I don't feel like it, just quit being lazy and do it"
"How about you quit being a little freeloading sack of useless meat and go fifteen steps to the fridge and get it yourself? I've met corpses who are less useless than you"
>"Well maybe you forgot I AM a corpse, or did you forget how you traded my life for a free side at the Hayburger?"
"Twilight by the power of death granted to me by the Gatekeeper of the Void, I COMMAND you to go into the kitchen and get your own orange juice!"
>And it was so
>Twilight was powerless to resist her master's will
>Didn't stop her from grumbling about it the whole time
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Celestia looks at you, her eyes full of pity and sorrow
>"All those years ago, I asked you to try to make friends. Were my words wasted on you?"
"But I DID make friends!"
>she stares at you in disbelief
"Look here, I raised Mittens and made her into a catpire."
>her eyes widen in horror
"Rich the Lich. He's my friend. Hey, Frankie! Frankie, wave at the Princess!"
>the hideous shambling horror that is Frankenstein the Flesh Golem lifts one of his three arms in a nightmarish parody of a friendly wave, grinning from three slobbering mouths
"I made friends! I made all of them!"
>Celestia facehoofs
>"Are all humans so literal-minded?"
"I don't understand. That's what you--"
>she shakes her head and starts weeping
"Please don't cry, Sunny Buns."
>"Don't call me that, you monster!"
"I don't understand what I did that was so wrong."
>she looks at you, tears running down her face
>"I know."