Monsters & Mazes (Wizard version)

You decide to be the Wizard. They're pretty cool.
Britt hands you the figure of your choice.
It's bearded figure wearing a purple cloak and pointed hat covered in silver stars, carrying a wooden staff.

Angus hands you your character sheet and dice. You look over your stats, and as far as you can remember, they're typical for your class.

eddie "Kinda sucks that the only people who like RPGs in this town are like, way older than me."
britt "I'm pretty much the same age."
eddie "Yeah but, like, that's it?"
eddie "My mom doesn't actually know you two are, like, over twenty. 'Cause that would sound weird, don't you think?"
angus "Call it adult supervision."
angus "Anyway… is everyone ready?"

The group nods eagerly. Eddie reaches for a handful of snack mix and loudly munches on it. Gregg takes another sip of his ale.

eddie "Yeah."
player "As ready as I'll ever be."
britt "Indeed."
gregg "Let's go!!"
gregg "It's time to go on an adventure!"
angus "Ok then, let's get to it."

Angus clears his throat and straightens himself.

angus "You have arrived in a small village, where you have heard rumors of bandits who have kidnapped much of the local children."
player "And we're here to rescue them?"
angus "Exactly."
angus "Their parents are distraught, but are afraid of the bandits. They threaten to harm the children if they do not pay three bags of gold, but none among them have enough."
angus "They have tried to gather all their life's savings together, but they sadly fall short."
gregg "Such cruel miscreants these bandits be!!"
gregg "Let's save the children!"

Well that was some hokey dialogue.

angus "You are standing at the outskirts of the town. Villagers are milling about in the marketplace, and there is an inn nearby, where a tavern can be found."
angus "Further down the road is the town hall."
angus "What will you do to find the children?"

You look at your character sheet. You have a pretty high "Magic" stat, typical for a Warlock.

player "What if we, uh… use… magic? To find them?"
britt "You mean like a spell?"
player "Yeah? What sort of spell could track somebody down?"
britt "Hmm…"
player "What if there was a spell that could show us their footprints?"
britt "How would we be able to distinguish their footprints from any other?"
player "Uh…"
player "Maybe if we had something that belonged to them? Surely they would leave some kind of trace behind."
britt "That could work, but where could we find such an object?"
player "Well, uh…"
player "…Is there a ransom note?"
eddie "Probably."
britt "Yes, most likely."
britt "We'll need to ask somebody if we can borrow it."
eddie "Alright, but let's do it quick, so I can give those bandits a taste of my blade as soon as possible!"
britt "I approach one of the villagers, an old woman."
britt "I say, madam, are you one of the mothers that has suffered at the hands of these bandits?"

Angus puts on a falsetto voice to imitate a woman's, but it's not convincing at all. His voice is just too husky.

angus "Yes? Why do you ask? You are strangers to me."
britt "I and my companions are here to free you of the tyranny of the bandits and rescue your children!"
eddie "We are adventurers, come here to aid you!"
gregg "Down with the tyrants!!"
eddie "Yes, I'm afraid we'll have to kill all the bandits!"

angus "Are you really? Oh thank you, for even though you are strange folk, you will have done a courageous thing. What are your names?"

gregg "Call me Gregorious, dashing scoundrel of the Woods!"
gregg "My arrows shoot straight and true, like… like an arrow!"
player "Gregorious?"
angus "Oh right. Most of us are playing characters we've been playing for a while."
player "Ah, right."
eddie "I am Yüb, Barbarian of the Northern Mountains!"
britt "You may call me Drearkor, Warlock of the Eastern Wastelands."
player "And, uh, I'm…"

You realize you have no idea what to call yourself. You've never been a part of a proper adventuring party.
Not since you were a kid, anyway.

player "I'm… I'm Renagert, Wooddreamer!"
britt "…What?"
eddie "What the hell is a 'wood dreamer'?"

You blush.

player "I dunno… those were the first words that came to my mind…"
player "It sounds cool, doesn't it?"
britt "Well, sure, but…"
gregg "I think it sounds awesome!"
player "Ok, ok… Renagard, the Wizard of the Woods?"
eddie "Ok yeah, that sounds cool."
britt "Sounds earthy."
angus "Whatever you like, [newname]. I take it you haven't played a game like this in a while?"
player "Er, no. Not in years."
angus "Well, it's not that complicated. Ask me anything, if you're confused, and I'll try to catch you up."

Gregg takes another swig of pumpkin ale and passes the bottle to you.

player "Oh, um, thanks Gregg, but… I'm driving my motorcycle home, remember?"
gregg "Huh? Oh right. I forgot."

Eddie licks his lips, as if watching Gregg drink triggered his thirst.

eddie "Do we have anything to drink? This snack mix is kinda dry."
gregg "You want some of my pumpkin ale?"
eddie "Yeah."
angus "Gregg, he's underage. He can't have any."
eddie "Killjoy."
gregg "Yeah, total killjoy."
angus "Besides, would you want him to be caught by his mom with alcohol on his breath?"
eddie "…Dammit."
gregg "Then his mom's a killjoy!"
eddie "Hey! That's my mom you're talking about! You want me to get into trouble?"
gregg "Ugh, fine. More for me, then."
gregg "Unless Britt wants some?"
britt "Uhh, no thanks. I prefer wine."
gregg "Whatever…"
angus "You drink wine?"
britt "Only sometimes!"
angus "Well no matter, because we're not serving anyone under 21."
gregg "I drank my first beer when I was eighteen…"
eddie "Hey, are we gonna talk about booze or are we gonna keep playing?"

Gregg takes another drink.
What's happening here? You've never seen Angus and Gregg argue before.
You'd gotten the impression that they were very happy.

angus "I have some sodas in the fridge."
angus "…Seems like Gregg forgot to bring them out."
gregg "…Alright, alright, sorry I forgot the sodas, ok??"
angus "…It's fine."

You can tell that it isn't fine.
The two of them exchange a look. You have no idea what that look means, but it makes you nervous.
Angus briskly stands up and goes to get the sodas. When he returns, Eddie cracks one open and acts as if nothing happened.

angus "Anyway…"

Angus goes back into character.

angus "Well, you four certainly look like you're ready for action. And yes, to answer your question, my poor child has indeed been kidnapped!"
angus "My poor Rothgan! My son! Wherever can he be?"
britt "My condolences, madam. We wish to search for him and all your children!"
eddie "The villains will suffer for their heinous deed!"
player "Um… did the bandits leave behind a ransom note?"
angus "Oh yes, it was left there at the old Turnip Farm. We found it nailed to the scarecrow. It read:"
angus ""This is your last warning. Leave three bags of gold under Founder's Boulder or else.""
gregg "Gadzooks! That's a large sum of money!"
angus "Indeed it is."
britt "Where can we find this note?
angus "It's right over there, posted in the Town Square bulletin board for all to see. You can't miss it."
angus "What do you need to see it for?"
player "We want to use it and our magic to track down the bandits."
angus "Oh thank you, you will have my son's thanks as well as my gratitude."
angus "Please, help find my son!"

Angus coughs. Seems he can't do the voice any longer.

angus "The woman thanks you profusely, and continues on her way."
player "Alright, let's go see it."
player "I head towards the bulletin board and spot it."
player "This will work, right? The bandits will have left a trace behind?"
britt "Yes, everyone leaves their unique energy signature on everything they touch."
britt "But we will have to seek only the oldest signatures, as many people have touched it since."
player "Alright, let's cast a spell to see."
britt "I will aid you. Two spellcasters is better than own."
angus "Roll for Magic to see if you successfully uncover the energy left behind."

Both you and Britt roll your dice, and you get pretty good numbers.

britt "Success!"
angus "The paper pinned there starts to glow, and you see green, luminescent fingerprints all over it."
britt "These must be the ones. They've faded the most."
britt "Concentrate the next spell on these alone."
angus "Now roll for Magic again to see if you manage it."

You roll again, and the numbers are roughly the same.

player "Oh, cool."
angus "The fingerprints magically detach themselves from the paper, and transform into green, glowing vapors that begin to fly away, in the direction of where the bandits are hiding."
player "Ok everyone, we have a lead. We need to follow those vapors!"
gregg "I run after them!"
player "Hey, wait up!"
player "I, uh… hurriedly follow after him."
eddie "Ditto."
gregg "You guys, hurry up!"
angus "As you follow the magic and work your way through the crowd, the houses begin to thin out, and you see farmhouses on the horizon."
britt "I start huffing as I try to catch up with him."
eddie "Ditto."
angus "There's only a few houses left, and then the street ends at the beginning of a large field."
britt "Gregorious, hadn't you better save that energy for when we must fight the bandits?"
gregg "I thought you were as impatient as me, Drearkor!"
gregg "This dumb plot has just barely started! I want action!!"

Gregg suddenly stands up to strike a dramatic pose, but winds up nearly knocking over his beer.
He barely catches it, and some of the fluid spills onto the table and soaks a corner of the map.

gregg "Oh crap, sorry…"
angus "Gregg, please! Be careful!"
gregg "Ok, ok…"

Gregg tries to wipe off the beer with his leather sleeve. All it does is spread it around.

angus "Use a napkin."
gregg "Ok! Geez!"

Gregg grabs a napkin and cleans up as quickly as possible, and tosses the soggy thing on the ground.

angus "Not on the floor!"
gregg "Ok, damn!"
britt "Guys, calm down. We're here to have fun, remember?"
gregg "Yeah, Angus."
angus "She means both of us. Sorry everyone, I guess I'm not in the best of moods right now."
gregg "You can say that again."
angus "…And you're not helping."
gregg "…Sorry."

This is definitely souring the mood. And making the game drag on longer than it should.
Gregg picks up his trash and tosses it in a wastebasket, and sits back down.

gregg "Let's just go."
gregg "I continue to go after the floating thingies."

angus "You walk across the field, and when you reach the edge of the woods, the magic dissipates."
gregg "Aww."
angus "The sun has set, making the woods very dark. You can't see very far into it."
player "That must be where they're hiding."
britt "Surely we'll find the bandits' hideout if we continue into it?"
gregg "It could. Or it could be a dead end."
eddie "Umm… why do you say that?"

Gregg doesn't seem to have heard the question.

player "Uh… should we try to navigate our way through it?"
eddie "We could try."
player "Um… alright, let's try it. It's not *too* dark, right?"
angus "Roll for Intelligence to find your way through, everyone."

Everyone rolls their dice. You all roll high numbers, except for Gregg, who rolls a 2.

gregg "Dammit!"

He takes a big chug of beer, exhaling loudly and spreading the smell across the table.
Eddie wrinkles his nose. Gregg belches.
Everyone tries to pretend nothing happened.

angus "You manage to get fairly far without getting lost for a few minutes."
angus "Except for Gregorious, who mostly runs into trees."
gregg "…Wha-?"
angus "But then the sun disappears behind the horizon, making it too dark to see."

gregg "Pff. I was runnin' into trees." *drunken smile*
britt "Worry not, Gregorious, for your arrow will take down many a foe!"
gregg "Yeah, I just point my arrow and shoot it, an' everything will be fine."

Gregg laughs for some reason, a snorting, snickering sound, and polishes off the bottle in one swallow.

gregg "Here's to new foes!"
britt "Huh?"
gregg "To new foes! To new friends! Long live the King!"

Gregg falls silent for a moment.

gregg "The straight, pointy arrow guy needs another drink…"

He stands up awkwardly, causing the chair he's sitting on to make a dreadful screeching sound. He spins around and grabs another bottle of pumpkin ale from a cooler in the kitchen, and returns with it already open.

gregg "Ok, but… what if we're outarmed? Er… outnumbered? Like before?"
angus "…Before?"
gregg "Uhh… nevermind."
eddie "Outarmed? Is that a real word?"
britt "I'm not sure."
britt "Why do you ask, friend?"
gregg "Well, I have my bow an' arrow, and you have your axe…"
player "And I have arrows too."
gregg "Ok, but… all Mr. Wizard here has is her…"

Gregg waves his fingers around, presumably to mime the casting of a spell.

gregg "Oooooh…"
player "Do you mean me?"
gregg "No, I mean Britt."
britt "I'm a Warlock, remember?"
gregg "Well… what's the difference anyway? They're both male."
britt "It's… mostly a difference in the style of magic."
britt "I thought you'd remember, we've played these characters before."
gregg "Is it important?"
britt "Not really. I just like the character."
gregg "…Oh."
eddie "I like the finer minutiae of the game as much as the next guy, but…"
angus "Anyway… like I said, it's too dark to see."
gregg "What now, Mr. Warlock? We can't see anything."
britt "We go in, I illuminate the area with a flame spell, and we see where the prints lead from here."
angus "Roll for Magic."