scp

"A Cabbage In King Skipper's Court"

[[>]]
[[module Rate]]
[[/>]]

[[div style="float:right; margin:0 2em 1em 2em; width:300px; border:0;"]]
|||| [[image http://scpsandbox2.wdfiles.com/local--files/another-sandbox/DSC00079.jpg width="300px"]] ||
||||~ ^^SCP-1305-E^^ ||
[[/div]]

**Item #:** SCP-1305

**Object Class:** Safe

**Special Containment Procedures:** All instances of SCP-1305 are to be held in standard containment chambers, located within Site-77. Personnel assigned to SCP-1305 must familiarize themselves with Document 1305-A, and observe other research staff interacting with SCP-1305 before being allowed to interact themselves. Any vegetation found to exhibit suspicious behavior on Site-77 grounds is to be detained by security and investigated as a possible additional instance of SCP-1305

**Description:** SCP-1305 designates a set of 5 different vegetables. Whenever a sapient organism approaches an SCP-1305 instance, they will hear a voice attributed to that specific instance. Communication with SCP-1305 instances has revealed that they consider themselves to be part of the "Kingdom of Elrich." Communication with SCP-1305 instances has been limited, due to their uncooperative nature.

If a human subject claiming to be "royalty" or some other form of authority figure approaches SCP-1305-E, the subject will begin to suffer headaches. This will slowly escalate into extreme cranial pain, and possibly fatal wounds to the frontal lobe. When questioned about this, SCP-1305-E will claim it has engaged in a "battle of the wills" with a pretender to its crown.


||~ Vegetable ||~ Identity ||~ Notes ||
|| SCP-1305-A, Eggplant || Royal Militiaman Simon Boyle || Claims to have fought in the Tebian Civil Uprising, in which Elrichian Militiaman fought against "Wicked, unjust marsupial sorcerers." ||
|| SCP-1305-B, Carrot || Prince Luftwerian Asgrania X || Displays extremely low intelligence, barely able to respond to yes/no questions, and laughs at every third word said to it. When other SCP-1305 instances are questioned about this, they will claim it is inherit to "his growth." ||
|| SCP-1305-C, Pickle || Royale Scribe Sebastian Heiznerplickle || Does not respond to attempts at communication, beyond requesting a "Sea Pigeon Quill" and "Grandian Silfer-Silk paper." Foundation personnel have been unable to provide either of these items. ||
|| SCP-1305-D, Broccoli || Dmitrette || Claims to be a member of the "Fifth Elrichian Nationalist Party", the only political party allowed in Elrich. Claims to have lost the privilege of possessing a last name after its facial hair was caught alone in public.  ||
|| SCP-1305-E, Cabbage || King King Housauir Lulennial XXVIII || Claims to be "Holy Commander of the Elrichian Land, fair ruler of his people and scourge of his enemies." When interviewed, defers all questions to SCP-1305-D, which it refers to as its "Royal Page-Master." Claims to descend from a long line of Elrichian rulers. Generally uncooperative. ||

SCP-1305 was discovered on 11/19/1989, after reports of "talking cabbages" were picked up by Foundation operatives investigating anomalous phenomenon in rural Bulgaria. These operatives were able to find the ruins of a small castle. Native residents had no explanation for the ruins' origin. Several non-anomalous cabbage plants were found growing on the grounds.

**Addendum 1305-A:** Interview logs.


[[collapsible show="SCP-1305-B" hide="Access Granted"]]

> **Interviewed:** SCP-1305-B
>
> **Interviewer:** Dr. Boyd
>
> **<Begin Log>**
>
> **Dr. Boyd:** Hello, SCP-1305-B.
>
> **SCP-1305-B:** Hi.
>
> //SCP-1305-B responded to all further questions with "Hi."//
>
> **<End Log>**
>
> **Closing Statement:** Dr. Boyd complained of headaches after speaking with SCP-1305-B.
[[/collapsible]]



[[collapsible show="SCP-1305-D" hide="Access Granted"]]
> **Interviewed:** SCP-1305-D
>
> **Interviewer:** Dr. Boyd
>
> **<Begin Log>**
>
> **Dr. Boyd:** Can you tell me how you came to lose your last name?
>
> **SCP-1305-D:** Well, it's a pretty simple story, if I do say so meself. I'd just been walkin' through the markets in Elra, thinkin' of pickin' out a new flavor of 'splotschicle for my associates, when outta nowhere a coupl'a militiamen show up'n arrest me.
>
> **Dr. Boyd:** Why were you arrested?
>
> **SCP-1305-B:** Left me facial hair in public. Unattended. I thought I'd be' keepin' an eye on it, but'I guess I was wrong.
>
> **Dr. Boyd:** And... where is your facial hair now?
>
> **SCP-1305-B:** How'm I s'posed to know? It ran off, like I said. Pro'bly with some other lass now, doin' its fuzzy thing.
>
> **<End Log>**

[[/collapsible]]

[[collapsible show="SCP-1305-E" hide="Access Granted"]]

> **Interviewed:** SCP-1305-E
>
> **Interviewer:** Dr. Boyd
>
> **<Begin Log>**
>
> **Dr. Boyd:** Are-
>
> **SCP-1305-E:** Identify thyself, trespasser!
>
> **Dr. Boyd** I'm Dr. Boyd, and I am here to ask you some ques-
>
> **SCP-1305-E:** Very well, subject. State thy inquiry.
>
> **Dr. Boyd:** Can you tell about your orig-
>
> **SCP-1305-E:** The handsome and talented King Housauir wath raised in the finest Elrichian soil! His mother was a Queen, and his father a royal garden lord. Before beign crowned King, he wath six time winner of the Handsome Leaf Medal!
>
> **Dr. Boyd:** How did you come to be he-
>
> **SCP-1305-E:** A plot!  Housauir's so-called "ally", Arch-Duke Gereros IV, decided Housauir was not doing enough to enrich the soil of my comrades! He cast King Housauir into a pit, and seized the throne!
> **Dr. Boyd:** Well, that's interesting. How did you-
>
> **SCP-1305-E:** King Housauir grows weary of conversation. Leave us.
>
> **Dr. Boyd:** But...
>
> **SCP-1305-E:** Go away.
>
> //SCP-1305-E did not respond to further questions.//
>
> **<End Log>**

[[/collapsible]]

**Addendum 1305-B:** SCP-1305-E request log.

> One copy of “Summoning Powerful? Multi-Dimensional beings and You." (Denied)

> An audience with its subjects, taking place once per week. (Granted)

> Permission to add additional nitrogen to the soil of its subjects. (Denied)

> Time in the sun. (Denied)

> A star map. (Denied)

> “Warlockes and Sorcery designed to return us to fight treachery.” (Denied)

> A book of European history, read to it by Researcher Boyd. (Approved)

> A list of “Monarchies, Protectorates, and Lordships In This World.” (Approved)

> Demanding to be returned to its point of origin. (Denied)

> Request to see the night sky. (Denied)


**Addendum 1305-C:** Recovery documents referring to "Elrich" were discovered during containment of [[[SCP-1591]]]; links between the anomalies are currently being researched.

**Addendum 1305-D:** Document 1305-A, which was discovered within SCP-1305's research center.

> We have tried so hard, to keep up the old ways. We carry on court, albeit at a slower pace, and hope for a day which we can return from whence we came. But as each day passes, it becomes more and more apparent that this will never happen. I will never receive my crown, my closest friends will never see their seeds again. We are trapped, damned by traitors and usurpers. I long for and pity my homeland, for it is now in the hands of a madman. I pray for our swift return, which I know will never come.
>
> I hope the stars may come out.