Paper Mario: Sticker Star Repainted Script (pt1)

[Title screen: Toilet Paper Mario: Shitter Shards]
[Title screen: Sticker Fest is naturally, SHITTER FEST]
[Intro plays.]
Narrator: Wait, HOW many lines do I get for plot again?
Narrator: Wait, wait! I didn't sign up for this!
Narrator: Okay, whoever's playing, return it! Refund it now! If you can!
Narrator: If I swear, does it mean you can return it for being offensive? Uhh...
Narrator: Who's throwing all these shitty stickers clogging the inventories?

[Sticker shit explodes and whatever]

???: Wake up...
???: Wake up...
???: Oh, come on...
???: THIS ISN'T A DREAM?!

[Mario unfolds. But the picture says Miyamoto instead of Mario]

Kersti: Okay what the fuck is this?
Kersti: Mario help me off this thing.

[Miyamoto runs from Kersti]

Kersti: Hey. Hey! I promise I'm not as annoying as you think! I know what the reviews might say, b-but!

[Miyamoto gets next to Kersti]

Kersti: The speech bubble isn't anywhere near me, but fine.
Kersti: In the original script, I'm gonna get mad at you for no reason. But there are more pressing matters!
Kersti: Peach and Bowser lost their speaking powers and the artstyle is ruined!
Kersti: Alright, let's go!

[Naturally, the word "Peel" is instead "Pee".]
[Miyamoto pulls away Kersti]

Kersti: Hey I can float. That's not that bad.
Kersti: Fake anger in 3... 2...
Kersti: FUCK THIS GAME!

[KERSTI ANGER!!!]
[Miyamoto goes, ?]

Kersti: You! YOU'RE the one who touched the Paper Mario series! What is WRONG with you?
Kersti: "Never, EVER touch the Paper Mario series!" People from the future have sent that message to us several times! Seriously! You must have heard it at some point!
Kersti: You don't think a series all about stories and worldbuilding touched by you would be dangerous?
Kersti: Noooooo... You, in your infinite wisdom, had to lay your grubby little hands on it, and KERBLAMMO! (Unchanged line from EU version)
Kersti: Total chaos! And do you even realise what blew off to who-knows-where in the blast? The R-... Uh... R- something. Yeah.
Kersti: This is all your falut! You're taking full responsibility for all of this!

Kersti: Oh yeah... You can't talk either, huh? Convenient.
Kersti: Oh, the script! Someone called Tanabe touched the Paper Mario series... and you're Miyamoto?
Kersti: HOW DARE YOU?
Kersti: Pinning the blame on someone else! Talk about cowardly! Talk about completely unpaper-like!
Kersti: Even this Super Mario RPG remix is shit!

[Miyamoto thinks and jumps twice]

Kersti: Oh, what? If you say that, kids will have horrible bullying flashbacks?