Why did I ever trust Goldphnx?

I have no idea why I EVER trusted gold, one day 2-3 years ago he joined my discord server and we became somewhat friends, one day we got desperate and we sent nudes 🤷‍♀️ yes it’s not the best idea but everyone does it, but ANYWAY, after my brain surgery June 21st, 2017 I was put on heavy plain killers along with 3-4 other medicines I was already taking for stomach spasm, nerve pain, spinal fluid levels and headaches, I was drugged up to the point where I didn’t know what I was doing, and apparently when gold was at esa I said something about ignite that made him mad, now I couldn’t control myself nor did I know about it until he told me in October, and I’ve told him about the medicine, i told gold, ignite and jabro about the medicine gold didn’t believe me and I told him I would show him each and every medicine I was on, he ghosted me twice (once before this, and while I was asking what happened because obviously I didn’t know), ever Since esa he joined the jet set radio speedrun discord, and ever since he told me about this in October he’s been on and off again dropping hints about what happened and commenting after almost every time I spoke, and getting people to want to ban me from the discord when he himself doesn’t even run the game or belong in there, he doesn’t talk in there, only to try and antagonize me and bring up the fact that something happened, bringing drama into the discord for no reason, all before he started to do this he still to this day lurks in the jsr discord to wait for some random time I talk to mention the past situation, I apologized several times, he banned me from swift’s (Swiftsrl) twitch for a couple months and jel had to tell swift because i couldn’t find him on discord, I honestly don’t know why I ever trusted gold, I truly regret it, I have him blocked on ALL social media we had each other on, and I know now if someone is acting shady to not trust them, he’s an immature piece of shit, you’d think someone who’s going on 21 would’ve grown up at least a little bit, but I guess not.