leila2

ZenToday at 10:02 AM
:oofneon: ok. so. 1) i do understand what you're saying when you talk about how you feel with nana and how you don't feel like you can trust us; i can see how it comes off the way that you're reading it, and maybe i confirmed things along the way bc i was done fighting her, but she really truly did suggest those things to me without any prompting. I should never have shared a private conversation with you, that is the biggest lesson to me. I also think that even if this hits you in the trust, it's possible to accept that it happened and rebuild your trust with us. IDK about charlie but he doesn't understand the scope of everything and he doesn't know you as well as I do, so he doesn't see that you're not just chasing nana off for the sake of it, and that you had a legit problem with Eli based on that event, as I did; IDK why he's not thinking about it differently and I should probably address it when i'm more awake
2) You're not disposable here. If you left there would be a massive hole.
IDK i'm not even friends with nana anymore so i am not invested
and now i may lose you too for the same thing :smile: yay
i can't tell you if i'm going to pass the haven on to someone else, bc i don't know. i've been up and dow a lot the last few days so it's hard to judge any of my emotions as serious
i don't plan to do it soon at least
and i am sorry you feel like shit and are fixating and all this stuff. i'm not sure what to do for you. i've apologized and i thought we were kind of resolved but i guess not
we should actually vc because i think that i can explain a little better just talking, but that's just me
moonyToday at 1:30 PM
Ok.
I like how the take away is for you not to share a private convo to me you had with nana and not the other way around.
And is the biggest lesson for you
ZenToday at 1:31 PM
ok can you try and hear the rest of what im saying
i shouldnt' talk convos at all apparently
so that's fine
but don't drown out the rest with a sidethought
moonyToday at 1:32 PM
Yeah and show me apparently private convos I shouldn’t see where someone is saying shitty things about me after how shit ended and how that breach of privacy is the take away
There’s nothing else for me to say
ZenToday at 1:33 PM
I don't know what you want
so i am confused
moonyToday at 1:34 PM
I don’t want anything that’s not there
I’m kinda shocked you read it all and speechless that the first response to that entire thing I wrote is that the biggest lesson you learned is that you shouldn’t have shared the private convo you had with nana with me Bc that is the problem here
Urgh I can’t even sleep and I shouldn’t have even come back on discord
I don’t want things to be shitty but I’m just very clear where I stand and how I fit into things if that is your takeaway
ZenToday at 1:42 PM
that is the immediate problem yes, is that i share things i shouldn't have clearly in both directions
so the fact that it makes you speechless, cmon
moonyToday at 1:42 PM
Saying you see how it comes off to me and why I may feel the way I do when you don’t agree and it was in my perception that you and Charlie talked to her for a long ass time and that she just guessed things about me that literally are not logically possible to guess based on our limited interactions.
Well yeah Bc this is the same exact situation
ZenToday at 1:43 PM
You get to choose if you believe me but I have no reason to say that
if it weren't true
moonyToday at 1:43 PM
So this is me misreading something Bc you shouldn’t have shared that nana convo with me Bc I didn’t deserve to know considering
And that was a mistake and the biggest take away
And even if it’s equally compared the other way around that’s still just as messed up to me that somehow that’s the outcome
And I can’t change it
ZenToday at 1:44 PM
Yes, talking to either of you about the other one was clearly a huge mistake
what's the outcome
moonyToday at 1:44 PM
Ok.
ZenToday at 1:44 PM
i am not sure what you mean
moonyToday at 1:45 PM
I mean your response and the way you phrased it is very indicative and obvious what you think and where you stand
And if that’s the takeaway
ZenToday at 1:45 PM
so what do i think and where do i stand
i'd like to know too
moonyToday at 1:46 PM
And everything would be fine otherwise as long as I was in the dark
Legit just means you don’t have my back and I’m not gonna trust you to with other people Bc of what I read and you confirming that you think that convo was totally acceptable and cool and the issue isn’t at all what was actually said and the literal fact she clearly knew shit for a long time and the overall real issue is that you shouldn’t share it
ZenToday at 1:47 PM
Ok
Then I think you should step down
moonyToday at 1:48 PM
Ok.
ZenToday at 1:48 PM
If you just can't trust me, I can't fundamentally fix that if you're fundamentally set on it
moonyToday at 1:48 PM
I hope you find people you can trust more to work with
Who trust you more than I have
Truly
ZenToday at 1:49 PM
You just said I'm not gonna trust you
i'm going off of your last statement
so
idk
moonyToday at 1:49 PM
I guess I’ll leave the servers
I haven’t been as active on insta but I’ll find the log in
You can tell Charlie and everyone else
Let me know what you want from me
I’ll send you the business iPad back
I’ll give you whatever art files you want that I did
Idk what else to say
ZenToday at 1:50 PM
that sounds ok, thank you
idk. ball's in your court about how far you want to throw me as a person
moonyToday at 1:53 PM
Please don’t turn this around on me about how this is up to me Bc you just asked me to step down which is not something I take lightly especially after your response about nana basically read that I was misreading and coming to false conclusions over, and that decision is your mistake and something you will go forward trying not to repeat. Me saying that I can’t trust that is nothing new from what I wrote for six hours lol
If you say that and you believe it then stand by your word
Stand by what you say and don’t backpedal and again make your words completely my fault
ZenToday at 1:54 PM
it is up to you though leila because you're the one deciding how much you can trust me
moonyToday at 1:55 PM
Ok.
ZenToday at 1:55 PM
I asked you to step down bc it sounds like you can't fundamentally rebuild this trust
moonyToday at 1:55 PM
How can you rebuild something you don’t even see as wrong
ZenToday at 1:55 PM
i've told you i really do understand
and i can change the behavior even if i don't fully agree with you
but you're talking fundamentals
moonyToday at 1:56 PM
Yeah and you seem to disagree with them
It’s not a matter of my ability or fixation on broken trust and inability to want to rebuild
ZenToday at 1:57 PM
the biggest difference is that i always assume people are talking about everything
and i dont' think you do
moonyToday at 1:57 PM
It’s that we apparently fundamentally disagree about what friends and coworkers should do
Well it’s good knowing thinking it is not wrong
And to again hear that I should have expected this and that’s how relationships are
So be it then
ZenToday at 1:58 PM
omg
woman
moonyToday at 1:58 PM
I’m naive
ZenToday at 1:58 PM
you're literally impossible bc that wasn't an attack at all
moonyToday at 1:58 PM
But thank you
How so dude lmao show it to someone
I’m not crazy
Saying the biggest  difference is I assume people are talking about me and you don’t means what?
ZenToday at 1:59 PM
ok.
moonyToday at 1:59 PM
What would a normal person take away from that
ZenToday at 1:59 PM
i honestly don't know what to do anymore
not that i did in the first place
i clearly have wronged you on some deep level
after i've been literally nothing but your defender
except maybe in a fucking passing comment to nana
which who cares
she's gone anyway
and you're going to blow everything up
because now suddenly i'm ufndamentally not trustworthy which is just bullshit
and i'm incredibly fucking ripped up about this and you seem to think that i'm not and i'm just like letting something happen and being idk callous or whatever or wrong or have bad opinions or should say what, that yes i admitted to nana that you were the one spearheading it after denying it forever? and yes i regret it? but yes i also think you didn't need to see that conversation?
I don't want to lose you sa a friend but if this is the kind of shit that is going to break it for you then i can't do it
because i'm not going to be able to control everything all the time and i may say something that i don't really think about in the moment
we all do that
we say things without considering worldwide repurcussions
moonyToday at 2:02 PM
It wouldn’t break it if you said that from the beginning
ZenToday at 2:03 PM
this is what i have been saying, minus the swearing
i'm just saying the same bs over and over
moonyToday at 2:03 PM
Bc everything else you said basically displaced what was there as if literally I was crazily misreading things
It’s not
Saying what you said if you reread it is not the same.
ZenToday at 2:04 PM
well wahtever you see my point then
moonyToday at 2:05 PM
You never even said you did tell her that I apparently spearheaded it etc all after the fact after saying numerous times over and over that I was misreading it and that she only knew that stuff Bc perception is like saying that I’m insane to think or know that just isn’t possible
ZenToday at 2:05 PM
i didn't tell her i just gave up fighting her about it
there's a big difference with a similar outcome
moonyToday at 2:06 PM
Clearly Charlie was also a factor in that whole situation and dynamic
ZenToday at 2:06 PM
well ok so i figured charlie out
he's misplacing anger
he felt like the two ppl he was closest to, eli and nana, were being targeted specifically -- which isn't true but one can see how an ill brain goes there
moonyToday at 2:07 PM
I’m well aware
That I’m the one to blame
ZenToday at 2:07 PM
you're not to blame
moonyToday at 2:07 PM
Only when it’s convenient
ZenToday at 2:07 PM
i'm saying that because you were positing appropirate concerns about nana and eli, charlie misplaced anger on to you
moonyToday at 2:08 PM
I get it
So again I get zero response from him at all
And this has happened so many times
And you privately talk and I am filtered information and literally nobody talks to me directly
ZenToday at 2:09 PM
and we talk privately without charlie
i mean it goes both ways
moonyToday at 2:09 PM
I don’t ignore him
I don’t drop convos and then only tell you
I don’t think it’s comparable to exec biz
Which is the whole professional part
Idk what to think
Bc I still totally feel like people just feel like this is me just being me and somehow being so fixated that I’m unwavering when my view has not changed since the beginning. And that it’s making me blind to reality
I feel like I’m insane Bc I’m reading this first hand.
ZenToday at 2:14 PM
idk dude
i've sort of said what i can say
moonyToday at 2:14 PM
You’ve said a lot
From asking me to step down
Now to everything else
I’m a bit bugged that after literally being treated like shit and blamed for pretty jacking massive shit that this is the same resolution or ending we have come to before and I guess Charlie told you ok it’s displaced anger and all is good Bc he doesn’t blame you but won’t talk to you about it or even both giving the courtesy of typing a response and not like I’m over here begging for some apology
Bc I actually do get ppl being mentally ill which is why I don’t go off when this constantly happens and why I let shit go and move right on when I have for like fucking 6+ months been spoken to by all three of those people like total shit
And I’m additionally accused of lacking empathy basically
But somehow my fixation and everything else I do is just Bc it makes me happy and since it’s just something I do it’s ok to literally ignore it or not read it or literally not respond ever
ZenToday at 2:19 PM
i get it and if you stayed we could be more aware of it
and discuss it
moonyToday at 2:20 PM
And yeah I have this huge fucking blow in the face and you’re right it is and I think it’s Bc nobody else thinks my response is like at all justified and that the issue in the matter is my perception and not at all simply the facts of what happened or situations
You guys literally said the exact same thing right before the nana situation
Literally
You told I’ll be more aware even if I don’t really get it
So I feel like I’m in the same spot
And I’m not sure what you meant or what my take away from you saying that a big difference is that you expect people to be talking about you and you don’t think I do.
I’m genuinely confused
ZenToday at 2:22 PM
like, it doesn't surprise me as much when people know stuff i guess
or to me it doesn't seem that way
moonyToday at 2:22 PM
I guess I really am naive then
Bc I honestly didn’t think that was the case with you and tbh even with Charlie
So maybe you’re right that’s the big difference
And why this is my reaction
And why it’s seemingly very far from others
ZenToday at 2:23 PM
i was thinking about it yesterday and earlier and that was like the biggest difference that came to mind
bc i remembered a convo we had
about spouses
moonyToday at 2:24 PM
Spouses seems to be the only situation that could make sense in
ZenToday at 2:24 PM
people talk to their friends too tho
moonyToday at 2:24 PM
But to compare that to nana
That’s the problem
ZenToday at 2:24 PM
and friends can read people
moonyToday at 2:24 PM
I don’t
ZenToday at 2:24 PM
i know that's kind of what i'm saying
you have a different definition
moonyToday at 2:24 PM
Doesn’t seem like my friends do either or even think it’s not a messed up Hong
ZenToday at 2:25 PM
what do you mean?
moonyToday at 2:25 PM
So to you telling nana what I shared professionally with her personally about her position professionally on the server
Is a normal thing Bc she happens to be your friend
ZenToday at 2:25 PM
one, again, i didn't tell her, she told me, and i stopped fighting her eventually; and two, only in context
but like, my friends know random shit
bc sometimes i need to spitball
i clearly don't share everything
moonyToday at 2:27 PM
I guess the fact that you finally gave in “fighting” her and threw my name in and agreed with her distaste and her anger and basically sided and apologized and that saving face even after she left and was mean was like worth doing that and I don’t get that whole idea and I don’t true her either
And it’s hard for me Bc like you said I’m just not like that
ZenToday at 2:28 PM
honestly because that's how i operate
if i can salvage a situation so it's not a mess, i will
it may not be a full or accurate reflection of what i want or need
but it's what i do
moonyToday at 2:28 PM
I don’t see that as salvaging
ZenToday at 2:28 PM
and with nana it was damage control
she very much has the potentional to badmouth
she said she wouldn't
but you never know
moonyToday at 2:29 PM
The fact that if you have a friend I should expect that you will share personal and professional things with them that I just blatantly assume people don’t do is not how I can work
So if we do grow and I’m being payed and we’re paying people and that’s like how things go
Well I assumed she would and she had her entire stay on the server
So I don’t substantiate it
ZenToday at 2:31 PM
i mean you should assume that i talk to my friends
certain things stay off limits
moonyToday at 2:31 PM
Who are on the team
About their position on the team
ZenToday at 2:31 PM
i already agreed with you
moonyToday at 2:31 PM
And about what your team shared with you in confidence about that
But you’re saying you operate like that
ZenToday at 2:32 PM
and i already apologized
moonyToday at 2:32 PM
And I should expect it
You’re actively saying that you should assume I talk to my friends
I get that
I hear it
ZenToday at 2:33 PM
no, not typically about their spot on the team
moonyToday at 2:33 PM
I can’t operate the way you operate and I don’t think any professional setting would either
I mean maybe a lot do or people find what works
ZenToday at 2:33 PM
thanks for that
moonyToday at 2:34 PM
I have never run something so I don’t have personal experience
Jess you are telling me it’s how you operate and then posing it as if I’m insulting something you just said I should be aware of if I’m going to work with you
ZenToday at 2:35 PM
saying no professional environment would work that way is hella judgemental
because yes, you keep business stuff contained
but i also think this is unfair to extrapolate one incident to like the entire way that i operate
and i'm telling you i talk to my friends about personal stuff
sometimes you come up as i'm sure i come up with people yknow
moonyToday at 2:37 PM
I am literally responding to what you specifically said
This is where I feel like I am literally insane constantly Bc I am responding to things you literally wrote out and I reread
Did you not literally just say that
ZenToday at 2:38 PM
idk
i'm not helping
so i should probably go
moonyToday at 2:38 PM
I mean I’d like to know what this means
After this many hours and this many days being in this situation
ZenToday at 2:39 PM
what what means
moonyToday at 2:39 PM
Everything we spoke about
Bc I am already rereading it again I would say the same things based on what you wrote and I feel like you are telling me this is how you are and that if I can’t operate like that I should step down
ZenToday at 2:41 PM
let me put this out clearly
moonyToday at 2:41 PM
Bc unlike you I did not expect such and Bc you do expect it and feel that it’s something you do and will continue to do Bc that’s what having friends means
Or that is how you operate around or with friends
ZenToday at 2:42 PM
I'm saying there's stuff to work on, I see your position, and I'm willing to work on it if you are willing to be patient with it.
moonyToday at 2:53 PM
If I accept that what reassurance do I have Bc I feel like this ended on us disagreeing with the presented points and then going through the process of me actually stepping down and accepting that and then being told it was in my hands. I think I can take away this and this is what I can summarize. It seems that you want me to know what you expect and what having friends means to you and what I should expect as a given in your personal relationships. I do not expect that like you said and I’m learning in life people are different. If you feel that is how you function and you need people around who also accept and agree to work like that Bc that is accepting you. I am not one of those people. It is not how I operate and it isn’t how I want to operate personally or and especially so professionally. I may not always be perfect and I don’t always act how  I believe I should or would like to, but I do have a clear idea of what I aspire to be and do. I know a lot has been said and that it’s not clear. I thought I would make my point on this clear based on what was posed thus far. If me accepting and accepting that dynamic and knowing that is how you operate and working under than idea and understanding is not something I can do. If that is what you feel is required for me to work with or for you, I again stand behind my resignation. If there is another situation or if I am skewed in that summary then I’ll listen openly. But if that is what you still believe it boils down to and you mean what you said then it just won’t work out and that isn’t a detriment to your character or a judgement it’s just a fundamental difference in ideals and policy.
ZenToday at 2:55 PM
I'm not sure tbh what y ou mean at the end
knowing what is how i operate
like what's the thing that's pushing it over the top
look,, i don't share professional information with relevant parts
parties
if that's what you're concerned about
i generally kknow where to keep boundaries
nana is an exception not a rule
this is what i mean when i say it's in your hands, bc i am willing and happy to learn and grow and change and work differently
and like the sharing things with people, again that's like, normal for friends, but also done with limitations
the reassurance you have would be me
moonyToday at 3:00 PM
So what should I assume you will share and with who generally speaking
ZenToday at 3:00 PM
i'm not having these conversations with you because i don't want you around
moonyToday at 3:00 PM
And with what people overall
ZenToday at 3:00 PM
idk the close friends that i talk to on the regular
moonyToday at 3:00 PM
Like what is it I should be aware of
So changing people including people who are on our staff
Like Robyn and Steph
And nana
As well as whatever other friends you have in other aspects of your life
What are the limits and what should I expect Bc to me it’s a clear boundary and if our relationship is open for you to discuss to other people I also have some relationship with especially professionally should I just assume that?
ZenToday at 3:03 PM
it depends on the person
like idk i mostly talk to robyn about stuff
moonyToday at 3:03 PM
What is the norm here Bc I was unaware that someone like nana had as close a relationship with you as ours that would result in such and why things were said
ZenToday at 3:04 PM
hmm
moonyToday at 3:04 PM
But what things are open to discuss
And with who
ZenToday at 3:04 PM
idk i mean that's hard to say
typically i only bring stuff up if i need a sounding board
so it's like a point that itches me
moonyToday at 3:05 PM
But who with
ZenToday at 3:05 PM
the only ppl i really talk to about stuff are you,, robyn, shane and cory
everyone else is kind of superficical
moonyToday at 3:06 PM
I guess that’s why I was taken back by this nana situation. And why I need a vet clear understanding of how you do operate and where I stand and what will happen with what I say which is not your responsibility but mine
So I’m making it my responsibility and I just need to know what the boundaries are and how those are going to affect things professionally and personally
ZenToday at 3:07 PM
yeah i mean maybe it wasn't abundantly clear that amanda and i talked a lot
moonyToday at 3:07 PM
But if I had known such
It seems like I should have assumed that you share things with your friends and she was or is one of them
ZenToday at 3:09 PM
idk it's hard on the internet to tell who knows who
moonyToday at 3:11 PM
It’s hard for me to see damage control on a professional setting as throwing a single name out to absorb blame and help comfort or apologize to someone who is a risk to share or bash about the haven instead of simply saying something that I view as diplomatic that is that this was a professional haven decision we all made and if you want to be angry then so be it. Bc that is the only way I am ok with something like that playing out in the future if you actually want me and want me for what I do believe and what I do think about haven.
I don’t know what that means again
I feel like you were shocked that I was shocked that you shared and said and talked about what you did with nana Bc it was something that is pretty normal
To me it isn’t and wasn’t and didn’t just undermine basic professional decorum but literally undermined our friendship with each other. Bc like you said it seems relevant that I was not aware how much you talked or how close you were
To me that doesn’t matter and I already feel very much so isolated from and uncomfortable with the other people in your life that you seem to be close with and speak to the most
ZenToday at 3:15 PM
i mean yeah i can work on that being the only way i respond
but that's like as much as i can promise
and that's what i've been saying
like, i'll do whatever to try and improve shit
i always will
moonyToday at 3:19 PM
So I guess I just don’t feel comfortable period and I don’t like knowing that what I now know and had I known that I would have acted differently and would have conducted myself differently. Again clearly this is not something that most people think is like expected or is how people feel and operate. Like I don’t know what to think. It’s mid day and I haven’t slept in a quite a little bit and I’m supposed to go to dinner and a play and shit and I’m sick af. If you can work on that professionally I can work on haven Bc that makes sense
I don’t know anything else tbh
And I have no energy to even read the server so I’m unsure about anything
ZenToday at 3:22 PM
good ok i'm glad we got to an agreement
moonyToday at 3:23 PM
Personal shit I guess doesn’t have the same like professional confidential understanding and I get that and I know I’ve been a shitty person in the past and I don’t actually judge how you operate and I do really get and I am really learning how people are and how my ideas aren’t the same and I don’t know where I fit or if I want to fit.
I’m going to try to do some damage control of my own and reset shit before I have to be in public or seen and somehow snap back and unfatten.
ZenToday at 3:25 PM
ok
moonyToday at 3:26 PM
I honestly don’t know how I feel Bc I feel very different just being here and I don’t know what that means quite yet.
I don’t know why I read exec biz
And I don’t know why that made me more upset
ZenToday at 3:27 PM
i think you may need to drop it for a while, for your own good
moonyToday at 3:28 PM
I think I just need to step down
ZenToday at 3:28 PM
you've been dealing with like this idea alone for like 13 hours
just let it lie for a while
moonyToday at 3:28 PM
Bc I can’t come back and do what I need now
I can’t be here and I don’t feel the same and I don’t have the energy and I don’t have the fire driving me to fuel it or motivate me
Taking more and more time away is clearly part of the issue and my lack of presence Bc it’s been busy and flooded with people in my physical life and I don’t see how taking more time away is going to bring me closer
I do need to step away
I just don’t belong and don’t operate in this setting
I keep saying I think I should step down as well as you and I don’t think if that weren’t something real it would be thrown around at all. And Bc it has been so polar opposite in the past it’s very clearly indicative.
I don’t feel the same and I am not actively putting in he same server hours as you or Charlie.
And I can’t plan my life and really try to schedule haven time in the same way I was going to my new job and feel how I do with the awareness I now have.
I don’t know why I am here but every time I have come on and been present or active lately it is so evident that I am simply opposition and I don’t feel like I’m doing anything good or right either.
I’m sorry and I don’t have anything else to say and I’m worded out.
ZenToday at 3:36 PM
it's fine you've said a lot of things
i need you to do what makes you comfortable
moonyToday at 3:37 PM
Nothing does. So that must mean it’s time to step out
It doesn’t feel comfortable to speak to anyone and I don’t think anyone is comfortable speaking to me either.
It just feels bad in all ways
ZenToday at 3:40 PM
i just don't know what to do
or say
moonyToday at 3:44 PM
I don’t think I fit
I’m trying to hold off the devastation or losing it or admitting how much I failed or having to backpedal this or misleading or misspeaking in saying or sharing what I have with haven and about haven.
But I feel wrong
It doesn’t feel safe and it doesn’t feel like it’s where I should be and it doesn’t feel like I’m making anything better.
So much is not what I agree with and I like to agree Bc I do function on the basis of presenting the team as a cohesive unit and I don’t even like people we are bringing aboard and I feel like that makes me judgmental and critical and impossible to work with. I feel like my gut reactions have been where I have wound up even after actively working to see different perspectives.
I feel so shit right now that I don’t see how I can turn around and come back full fold and dedicate so many hours to
ZenToday at 3:50 PM
you know it's not all or othing
nothing
moonyToday at 3:50 PM
It is at this point
ZenToday at 3:50 PM
even if you didn't want to work as an exec you could do something else
moonyToday at 3:50 PM
That’s not what I want
ZenToday at 3:51 PM
why not? why not work for the non profit
moonyToday at 3:51 PM
This is the entire nonprofit atm
This server
ZenToday at 3:51 PM
that's not all it's going to be and there's lots of facets to work on besides running the team
like public outreach and ads and being with people in the server
moonyToday at 3:52 PM
To me that’s the biggest most important part
I don’t know how do outreach when I don’t back the actual thing
And will not be part of making the decisions
I think saying that there are other things to do when at this point the server is what we have to show people
And is what we advertise to give to people
And I don’t really trust the team we have at the forefront
ZenToday at 3:53 PM
ok then if you can't trust us, that's it
moonyToday at 3:54 PM
I don’t like that we add new people who are known to make women uncomfortable and things if that sort so it’s hard to feel like I should send people to it
I don’t trust the team we have at the moment professionally
As in decision making
It is not a personal slight
I feel like if I am not going to be the one working to build what we have and help reach a shared vision then I simply do not see other things to do Bc to me that is what matters and what has always mattered to me
I honestly felt like ok if she can see that professional boundary and setting then I can work with it but then I feel like I see other things and read and it doesn’t make sense to me
ZenToday at 3:57 PM
but i told you i can reset that boundary
moonyToday at 3:58 PM
And it’s confusing to be told there are other things to do outside the server when it is the only service we have
I know you told me that
Then I read exec biz and I felt like I was back at in he same spot
ZenToday at 3:58 PM
what
because of ..?
moonyToday at 3:59 PM
Everything
And Bc I don’t see how I can just turn on now
ZenToday at 3:59 PM
alright
moonyToday at 4:00 PM
Like I can barely read the server let alone run it atm
And I don’t feel solid and I honestly don’t know what the goal is or what we’re working towards
I don’t know anything
Nothing is going to end
ZenToday at 4:01 PM
hon stop
moonyToday at 4:01 PM
I just need to physically leave any device and app that contacts people
ZenToday at 4:01 PM
you've spent 13 hours fixated on this
you literally need to walk away now
go shower
take milo out
smoke something
anything
no new thoughts will occur
no new feelings
no brilliant ideas
if you just sit and obsess as you have been doing
it's not healthy