The life of a Shovel Knight speedrunner

To speedrun Shovel of Hope is to be bound to it forever. You can never escape it. Like a lighthouse calling out to sailors or as moths to a flame, you return again and again. "Faster!", you say, "I must go faster!" Then, slowly, the doubt creeps in. Your sanity slips. You begin to wonder, "How long have I been digging?" You haven't seen the sun in days. Your hands are tired and blistered from overuse of the Shovel Blade. Then, you see it. A glisten in the hole you've unearthed. You have achieved a gold split on Boss Rush. You know this is it. This is the moment you've waited for. You've trained for thousands upon thousands of hours. You've mastered your Relics and the necessary magic amounts for optimal movement in the final level. You approach The Enchantress. As she winds up for her first volley of fireballs your mind empties, except for a single thought. "In life, you have two choices: You either play Shovel Knight or die."
And you didn't come here to die.
For. Shovelry.
The End.