Thread 99: Stories 16-30

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 >Soarin'
"Fleetfoot"
~~~

>...Huh.

"Really? That's all you have? "Huh"?"

>Yeah. Huh.

"WE ARE SO SCREWED!"

>Weeee are.

"If freaking SADDLE ARABIA doesn't want anything to do with us, we're screwed!"

>News travels fast.

"How are you so calm about this!?"

>Oh, just reasonably numb to the whole thing. I think it's finally broke me and made me understand that we, you and me, are going to die alone and hated. Likely in about, ohhh, a year at most after the alcohol poisoning does it's job.

"OPTIFUCKINGMISTIC OF YOU!"

>...That was literally the last place on the list.

"...well, it's not... technically the last-"

>No.

"Look, you think I like this!? Me!? She's more mad at me than you!"

>No, Fleetfoot. We are not. Have just a little spine, please?

"I offered to be a maid! A MAID! You think I'm above this!? YOU THINK I'M ABOVE THIS IF IT MEANS I CAN FLY AGAIN!?"

>Fleets... she'll just say no. There is no possible way she would ever say yes, and we don't deserve it if she would.

"...maybe... maybe there is a way."

>What?

"Maybe there is a way!"

>There isn't!

"There is! We just have to go and talk to... her."

>...no.

"Yep."

>No no no no no no no nonooooooo. Fleetfoot don't.

"Doing it."

>Don't do it.

"Doing it!"

>DON'T YOU-

ZOOM!

>SON OF A BITCH!... Damn it, why is she faster than me...

"I'LL FIX IIIIiiiiiiittt....."

>...Fuck.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OOCO
>Chrysalis
‘Spike’
“77”
[??]
{??}
Chrysalis and 77 stood in the bathroom leading into the cavernous horror show beneath caterlot.

>So….guess it’s about that time eh?

“Thank you again majesty.”

>Hm. Just don’t forget my manganimousne-, no wait my magnanamamam, no that’s no it, my-

‘Magnanimity. The word which I cannot fathom applying to you that you are looking for is magnanimity.’

>Oh good! You’re here. You come by to see what it’s like when a REAL badass goes into this hole? Don’t blink, you might miss it!

‘No. Believe me I want to be here even less than you do.’

The dragon sighed.

’77, you got a map or anything showing about where we can find this thing?’

“I…have prepared such a thing. But why are you asking?”

‘Because I’m going too. Apparently.’

>LIKE HELL! I may not know what’s down this hole but I know I definitely don’t want YOUR trigger happy ass in there with me!

‘Like I just said this is NOT MY IDEA!’

>Well then whose is it!?

[Mine.]

>Celly?

[Hello Chrysalis.]

>…You wanna explain this bull?

[It’s quite simple. I am concerned for you safety and I am therefore directly ordering Spike, who has been down there before and come out relatively unharmed, to assist you and watch your back. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES is he to point his weapons at you AT ANY TIME. I trust I have made myself clear on this young drake?]

‘Yes Princess. You have said that. Repeatedly. I am not to shoot her, shoot at her, shoot past her, etc. You have made this VERY clear.’

>Well that explains why HE feels compelled to come along, but it has nothing to do with why ‘I’ would want him with me. I’ll be fine by my lonesome thanks.

[Chrysalis, while I have every confidence in your abilities, even you must admit you have occasionally made some…missteps in difficult situations, and required another’s help. At this time Spike is the only one we can spare due to his ‘Sabbatical’]

‘Which I STILL say this violates’

[And I still say I have been the leader of this nation for over a millennia and you have your orders.]

‘Grumble grumble grumble’

>Yeah, that’s great and all, but…no. Sorry, I don’t need him.

{And what if I asked you to take him as a personal favor?}

>Shiny?

{Hey Chrysalis}

>…Do you just have like, a line of ponies outside the door waiting to bust in and try to persuade me on this?

{…don’t be ridiculous. Look, it would make me feel a lot better if you didn’t go in alone. If you do, somehow, get into trouble down there, Spike can send a message out and we can send some kind of help. Please? For me?}

>…I suppose we could reach some form of a…deal…

{I’m not having sex with you.}

>Rats. Worth a shot. But I WILL want something in return…

‘Don’t do it Shiny. It’s a trap! Clearly this has failed and I’ll just go back to my lair and-‘

{Ok.}

‘…Dammit.’

{But no sex.}

>Oh Shiny…do really think I have such a limited imagination?

Spike raises his claw.

‘I do.’

>Shut up and get in the hole!

‘Wagh!’

>Shiny? I’ll see you later~

With that she jumped in after the dragon she had unceremoniously thrown into the pit a moment ago.

{…I have concerns}

[We all do Shiny, we all do.]

{77….do you really think this will work?}

“Those caves are the most terrifying thing I have ever been through, it killed many of those I consider my closest friends. …But I also consider them my closest friends because they went through it with me. I have every confidence they’ll survive, and if anything can bring those two together…it will be in that pit.”

{Huh. Well ok the-}

“Or they’ll brutally murder everything in sight and come out completely unchanged. Or kill each other. Kind of hard to call.”

{-n?}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>41
"??"
~~~

She had never, in her whole life, been as destroyed as she was right now.

Princess Applejack, the actual Princess Applejack, had been there, in her hive when she walked in, and everyone was just fine with it. Nobody was yelling, nobody was afraid, everything was fine. Better than fine, even. According to her, she was giving anyone who would go with a trip across Canterlot and Ponyville. A trip that promised better relations, better lives and she would even make it fun.

And, of course, Suckerpunch was one of the guards who were volunteering to help, because of course he was. So when that princess looked to her, with eyes alight, asking her if she wanted to go with, it had destroyed her to say...

>No, I have to stay here.

The promise of new sights, the promise of new places, spending time with her punch-buddy, being able to tell everyone they weren't monsters. It all appealed to her, of course it all appealed to her, it was everything she had been hoping for, for a long time.

But she couldn't go, she had to stay here.

Her Queen... for once, her Queen had said to her, 'I think you could be worth something, I think you can learn one of the greatest powers of our race.' Not that exactly of course, but she may as well have. She said without directly saying it, 'You are not worthless.'

She wasn't worthless. Her Queen believed she wasn't worthless. She wasn't just the worst soldier in the army, she wasn't just a failed heir of a hive she couldn't remember, she was somebody now. She was in one of the most coveted classes... ever!

She couldn't let her Queen down. No, not now, she couldn't.

So when her Queen had spotted her in the hall and spoke of it, and asked, the words had come out on their own.

>No ma'am! I'll continue to work on my training as instructed!

Her Queen gained such an odd look in her eye right there, a strange cock of her eyebrow of something, but she didn't question it. She never questioned her Queen, not even when she went off without another word, just that look. She would remain, no matter how much she wanted to go, and she would work. Suckerpunch would understand... even if this meant that he would be away from her, when she was probably the only reason he signed up at all. And this meant they wouldn't see each other for who knows how long. And this means he would know she picked the class over him, and might think that... that she didn't care as much as she did.

There was all that, sure.

...But none of that was what destroyed her, not at all.

What destroyed her was what came next, from the lips of none other than her teacher.

"I said, I'm ordering you to go on the trip."

She would not break down, she would not show her that she felt it in her chest burning alive, she would not. This was all she had left. She couldn't, no matter what, show it to commander Forty Two that those words were far more cruel then her stomping on her head until it ruptured.

>...but... but my classes.

Internally, she cursed her inability to hold in her obvious sadness. But...

"I know, that's why I'm sending you on assignment for your training. You will be the only one, so I expect exemplary performance."

>...w... what?

She dared to let her heart beat again with anything but ice and was rewarded.

"Forty One, as you know, one of the limitations to my own abilities I have found is that I can only teleport to areas I have physically seen, and not just in pictures or the like. Pictures, no matter how hard I try, do not work. As such, memory is the only effective method."

>So... so...

"So while we are currently in your embryonic state of your training, I am sending you on a special mission to look and see a veritable amount of the landscape, and when your tour has ended you will share these locations with myself, and possibly your fellow students, whoever remains."

Her hoof jutted out, sharp as a knife as it poked to the chitin on her chest.

"You are to continue your exercises as I have given them to you, and in the event that you slip in any way on the road, you shall be reprimanded and possibly cast out, depending on my mood. You are early enough we have plenty of wiggle room before the advanced ideals come about, but slipping up now will give you a shaky foundation for the future, and that is unacceptable! This is important, but so is ensuring you have the ability to actually use these locations you are scouting. No slacking, I don't give a damn if it gets hard to walk. If you can't walk after your training, get crawling, or get out, am I understood?"

She felt like crying. She honestly, truly felt like crying. But she wouldn't. She was going to solider up, and salute.

>...y.... M-MA'AM YES MA'AM!

"GOOD! I expect success, soldier, nothing less. You alone are being sent out, which means no bell curve for you. Succeed, or get the fuck out of my sight."

>I... I WON'T LET YOU DOWN, COMMANDER!

"See that you don't... these orders came from the Queen herself, after all, and she does not like being disappointed. Dismissed, and prepare for your trip!"

She stood there, perfectly stock still, unmoving or blinking or wavering, until the commanding soldier left her sight.

Then, and only then, only when she was alone... did she let herself cry, and think with glee of when she would go tell him all about it.

>...I won't let you down...

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and we dream of a spin off! Now join the Pink Pony Club on our newest adventure...Trapped in the Dreamhouse!
Upbeat music

"I'm...the pretty one."

'Why are we...*sighs*...grumpy one.'

>And I'm the crazy one! We seem to be in a sticky situation gang.

'Ya think? What gave that away? Was it your house deforming, or was it Luna getting eaten?'

"Do you think she's okay? What are we going to do without Auntie Luna?"

>I'm sure we'll think of something if we put our minds to it.

'Rarity separted Luna from us before she could tell us how we can defeat her. I say we find Luna and have her get Rarity back to normal.'

"Sounds like a good a plan as any, but how are we going to find-
*THOOMP*
Cadence gets hit by a T-shirt.
"OW!"

'A T-shirt?'
*THOOMP*
A rolled up t-shirt goes into DT's mouth.

>That sounds like it came from my High Powered t-shirt gun.
*THOOMP*
A rolled up t-shirt hits Pinkie's chest.
>OOF!
They turn to what appears to be Applejack, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy standing in front of them with T-shirt guns connected to backpacks.
>My sexdolls!
Cadence and DT turn to look at Pinkie.

>...don't judge me.

*THOOMP THOOMP THOOMP THOOMP THOOMP*

>"'Ow ow ow ow'"

Life in the dreamhouse~

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 >Celestia
"???"
~~~~

>Well... that went better than expected in hindsight.

Clap... clap... clap...

"Braaaavooooo..."

>...Discord.

ZOP!

"Your powers of delegation prove fortuitous once again, Celestia! You've bought quite a lot of preparation time here, I must say I'm impressed."

>He is unsettling... but he does not seem hostile.

"Oh, trust me... he has one dickens of a temper."

>...What is that? Why did you just change clothing to... I don't even know.

"It's called victorian era clothing, and you wouldn't understand. Plebeian."

>...Are you prepared in case he comes back?

"I have a button, that is all you need to know!"

>...

"...Aren't you going to ask-"

>No.

"But it's really interest-"

>No.

"It's a cool button-"

>No.

"..."

>...

"...plplplplp!"

>Please don't copy Chrysalis, you're not as fun as her.

His jaw literally dropped off it's hinge, clattering to the floor.

>I stand by it.

"...I have never been more insulted in my life..."

He snapped his fingers, summoning a briefcase.

"You, madam, can go try to flash fry a cactus!"

POZ!

>....what did that even... oh. Oh! Oh, I get it... that's not clever either!

"CHOKE ON SHININGS DICK!"

>...hrm... drowning was fun, thinking about it... huh... need to write that one down in the diary.

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 >Dash
"LD"
~~~

>Alright crew, looking good in those new uniforms!

"Really?"

>Oh, yeah. The stitching Rarity did on the hemline is great, and the slightly popping colors of the new fabric accentuate each other great, it makes the same old design seem a little fresh and new, while technically not changing away from the thing everyone liked about it in the first place. Yep, this right here, this is great.

"..."

>...

"..."

>...What?

"Didn't know you knew so much about fashion."

>...OH FUCK SHE'S GETTING INTO MY BRAAAIIIIIIINNNNNNNN!

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>Celestia
"???"
~~~

She knew it was coming, of course she knew it was coming. She never once, for a single second, thought it would not come to her. To even dream of a world where it was not is to dream of madness, to dream of a land where tiny horses did not fly or conjure energy from extrusions on their head that might or might not be some form of bone, and chimeras of chaos did not live and warp reality as they chose.

That would be a very strange world indeed.

"Did you really think I wouldn't notice?"

But that was not the world she lived in.

The world she lived in was one where flames summoned forth shapeshifting technically rapist mindcontrolling bug pony things from the ether to coyly walk around her.

That was her world.

>Would it be too much to say I hoped so?

"No, for hope is free. Results, however, can be quite costly."

>Been studying up? I didn't know I pushed you to such heights. I should congratulate my self more with confectionery cake.

"As if you you needed more reasons to buy cake."

>As if I needed less reasons, you mean.

"Suppose that's true. Now..."

Lighting fires, now that was something Chrysalis was quite good at. Be it in reality or in her eyes, she's quite capable.

"Why didn't you inform me Lavan was on the way?"

>I didn't need to. We both know you were keenly aware of his position, and how long it would take him to reach here. What I want to know is... why didn't you do whatever it was you planned to do?

But flames are not always eternally blazed, sometimes they are but a light, warm simmer. She knew of all kinds.

"My plans for a hasty escape were in case Lavan were to be more... inside the city, thank you. To flee before he even reached such an area or began an attack could draw attention to my Hive, and thus draw him to them instead. We are many things, Celestia... but we are not sacrificial sheep."

>Needlessly racist.

Though she knew any attempt to bring the discussion back to one of less serious talks would be in vain, she nevertheless had to try. It was simply in her nature.

>...You never planned to help, did you?

As was the coy smile in the Queen's face.

"Myself, personally? Of course. I'm by far one of the more powerful of this lot, and I have those here I would rather see for another day. Of course I would help to defend Twilight, or Fluttershy, or... well, you, if I'm being perfectly honest. I would make sure that he did not burn you to nothing. I, personally, was perfectly willing to aide in the battle should it arise."

>That's not what I meant, Chrysalis.

Simply in her nature to conjure fires.

"No, I would not have let my hive join in, they would be whisked off to safety of a shield that thing proved incapable of breaking. Not a one of them would have joined in, from Twelve to Forty Two. Drone to soldier. I, personally, will come to your aide."

Simply in the Queen's nature to bask in those fires, so close she could nearly crane her neck forwards and connect alabaster and ebony snouts together.

"But they won't, not again."

>It could help with your...

No words left could come free, dead on her lips, dying of starvation from lack of substance before they ever even cleared her mind.

"To try again and again thinking things will change is the path of fools... or however that damned saying goes. I have learned from my many rushes to the aides of those outside, that simply being there to aide in times of battle does nothing, and changes nothing, and is not worth my hive. I am not like you, Celestia. Though you would weep if this city were to be reduced to ash, though it would pain you, this is not your world. This is not your everything. There are lands out there you could move to quite easily, rebuild, regain your strength, regain something in time... I cannot. We both know that if he were to strike out and leave this place in ash..."

The words need never be spoken, and in unity they shared the prayer it never need be.

>...Are you planning to leave, now? He said he would be gone two days, though I do not know if he should keep to that or if he even understands the concept of time as we do. Discord thinks him a rather... high being.

"I have considered it."

>...Might I implore you not to?

"Words, much like hope, are free. Risk is another matter."

>All things, from a step outside the door to simply chewing on a piece of food, hold risk, Chrysalis. But risk and results need be intertwined if anything is to change, be it simply walking out the door or... at last changing the world. All of that requires risk.

"That is easier for you to say-"

>No it is not!

If the Queen thought she was the only one who could conjure flame at a moments notice, it was time to remind her who held hold to the sun.

>It is not easy for me, any of this! It is not easy to hold such a delicate thing in my city, it is not easy for me to look out and wonder if the blades edge shall slip at any moment and cut away something that will never heal, only go gangrenous and worse until it too must be put out if it's misery. It is not easy for me, Chrysalis!... Because I understand...

And, who had also for a millennia held the cool embrace of the moon.

>...I understood why you lost your senses when you discovered what Applejack had done with Twelve. I understood, and I did not blame you for something I myself would likely have succumbed to in my anger. I understood... but I also knew that this was not a one time event. This was merely the top of an ever growing pile of munitions and walls that threatened to spill out into war at any moment. I understand, but I understand more than just that... and I understand why it must change. She wishes it changed, she seeks to change it, and I will support her in this act.

Like the tides rolling in, she moved forwards. Like the immovable cliff, the Queen held her ground.

>Which is why I must ask... is there no way you would hold your commands? I know you have already spoken to the train to begin preparations, a mere hour at most remains if they take their time. You did not even wait two seconds upon hearing his advance that you sought to snatch this away from her.

"You say that as if I have a choice."

>I do, for you always have a choice. You can choose to take this from her now, in her moment of subtle triumph. This moment that she believes that, perhaps, there is at least a chance she will see a day when her neglect was made right. You can accept the risk that comes with it, or you can take it from her, go back to the Empire, and hide beneath an embrace of love to shield you from the cold of the outside, never to venture into it unless you absolutely must. For if you say we are not worth the risk, no pleas I will ever speak will convince them that you are worth the considerable risk of letting a species like yours into our lives.

Waves into a tsunami, and their power to match. Yet even that, in it's mighty waves, could not move her.

"Their acceptance is not worth extinction. Friendship is not worth being nothing but hoof notes in a history book. They've had chances."

For no tsunami could extinguish some flames.

"...But..."

Nor could any flames burn away all hope.

>But?

"...She has twelve volunteers so far. When the headband wearing one, the spud eating nuisance and no doubt the spider one join her, it shall be up to fifteen. This is merely a way to see if we can be accepted, no? This is not an assurance, this is not a guarantee, this is a risk. One that the rest of the hive does not wish to participate in. They turned her down, when offered. They wish to return to what they call home. The thought of losing such a large swath of my entire population chills me to my very core... but, perhaps..."

>Perhaps?

Sometimes, they only made them burn brighter.



"Perhaps that is the acceptable balance of safety, and risk. We have much to gain from this, fine, perhaps more than I believe it to be, though I don't believe much. It is not worth the risk of all... but if they are willing, perhaps the risk of some is acceptable."

>... I will not ask for more.

No more need they bring up their flames of defense, or battle. No more. To rest, they cast aside their bladed tongues, for the matter had been settled.

>She will succeed, Chrysalis, I believe in her. Have hope in her.

"...Hope is free, Celestia. But results..."

Come the flame, of both magic and possibility, to carry her away.

"Results can be quiet costly... and rewarding. Try to give those leaving a decent going away present this time?"

Carried away, without a chance more to speak.

>...I'll send them off with a cake.

Carried away, yet heard all the same.

>...and when they come back, I'll welcome them home with a party...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Discord
"Fluttershy"
~~

"So um... he didn't seem that mean."

>Oh, they never do Fluttershy, they never do! Always acting so nice until they just-

*SNAP!*

~SCREEEE-~

"No."

*POOF!*

"A lot of ponies say that about you, by the way."

>Oh p'shaw, I wear my emotions on my sleeves!

*SHOOP!*

~AH'LL TEAR YER' BLOODY HEAD RIGHT-~

"No."

*POOF!*

>Could've at least left me some sleeves.

"..."

>...But really, Flutterbutter oh so shy, do me a favor? If he comes around again, try not to take him on.

"Will it mess up your plan that I know you're doing?"

>...sure.

"..."

>...Ahem.

~Ssssss-~

"No."

*POOF!*

>...er...

"Today has been very educational."

>That you can express visual things with just sound?

"What?"

>Nevermind. Just... let me handle him, will you? I don't know what he's up to right now, but the Lavan I know, well... he's not quite as docile as this one appears.

"Maybe he's changed?"

>Oh ho ho, Fluttershy... some beings just don't change.

"..."

>What?

"Nothing."

~SHE'S CALLIN' YA A-~

>No!

*SNAP!*

>Hush you!

"..."

>...Don't you judge me.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Fleetfoot
"???"
~~~~

This plan was going to work. She didn't care what every single other braincell in her head said, this one little guy chuggin away said that this plan was going to work, and she liked that brain cell.

That brain cell knew what was going down.

That's what she told herself as she strode up to that house, that's what she told herself when she knocked on that door.

That's what she told herself as she put on her best winning smile when that door opened.

>Hi! Heyyyy, remember me? Yeah, we met just... a bunch of times. You probably remember me. So many times, it's like. You're very distinctive. Soooooo, I'm actually here about a certain... you know, someone. This someone is great, you know, and though things are a little rocky right now, this can-AHHHHHHHHHHH!

It was very hard to keep telling herself that when the mace went into her eyes, and she heard the door slam.

>WAIT! WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT! I KNOW HOW YOU CAN SEE HER!

There was a second when she heard uncertain hooves shuffling around, a momentary pause to tell her that the one on the other side had not gone away.

>I KNOW HOW TO GET IN THERE WHERE SHE CAN'T RUN!

The door creaked open, just a peak, no more than a sliver.

"If you're lying-"

>I'M NOT! PLEASE DON'T MACE ME AGAIN THIS HURTS SO MUCH!

Slowly, very slowly, it opened just a bit more.

"...You deserve that, you know."

>I KNOW! I'M SORRY!

"I'll believe that later. Now..."

Finally, it finished, and the bagged eyed, tired looking one inside stepped out into the light for the first time in what felt forever.

"...tell me how I can see my daughter's face again."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >18
"Cadence"
~~~

She was not annoyed.

She would not let herself be annoyed.

This was not annoying her.

...She was a little annoyed.

So, covering it with snark was the best option.

>Well, thank goodness we let Sombra out, eh Caddy? Just glad we got there before he... wisped away!

Or covering it with being utterly pathetic, she internally mused. Those worked too.

"...I don't get it."

>...SO! Uh... too bad the night got cut short.

How does one look to someone who is in such a state they feel like chewing their own leg off to escape, even without the bear trap?

Cadence now knows.

"Yeah, but we'll just go out later. Getting him out of jail was... well, kind of important."

>Oh yeah, obviously. I mean, I'd never want him locked up, he doesn't deserve that, that would be awful. So... later? Got any preferences?

She was trying really, really hard not to sound pathetic.

"Sure! Sometime this week is fine."

>...Right! This week, sometime, perfect. Schedules always open.

She was failing.

"...Hey, Eighteen?"

>Yeah?

She didn't know what kind of answer she expected from the princess with a tone like that. That was the 'hey, you, you have a spider for an eyeball, did you know that'? Kind of tone, mixed in with a 'I have to know the answer to this bomb riddle or we all blow up' crescendo in there. So really, it could have been anything, and she wouldn't have been surprised.

Or, so she thought. As it turns out, none of that prepared her for when she felt soft lips touch her own, and for a brief moment her whole world was fire.

"...Hey! It did help! Wow, I can't believe that worked!"

If her brain hadn't literally been liquefied, she would have questioned that. She really would have.

"It'll be fine, Eighteen, we'll have more fun later. Goodnight!"

Had Cadence actually said that, or had she just hallucinated it? Honestly, she couldn't say.

All she knew is that by the time the moon was high in the air above, she had still not moved from that spot.

>...yay...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Changeling
"Changeling"
~~~~

>...you ever wonder if we revealed too much?

"Wassat?"

>This whole thing, you think we revealed too much about ourselves?

"The fuck do you figure?"

>It's like... okay, you remember the one job that the Queen said we COULDN'T do, no matter what?

"Prostitution, you mean."

>Yeah, that. We can't do that, it's not allowed. Why?

"...I thought that would be obvious."

>Is it? I mean... it's what we did before, right?

"Nooo, we controlled the situation there and they didn't get a chance to barter for how much or how little love we took, and it's not like they could... you know, ask for a refund. The situation is totally different now."

>That's what I mean! They used to think us shadowy things of the night, creatures that could be any of their loved ones at any time, who knows what monsters we may be!

"And now?"

>Now we're just the bug monsters down the hall that got kicked out of Canterlot... twice. If we had sex with someone now, they could be like "I just want a BJ, I'm not giving you as much love as it would cost for a full service." What the fuck, right!? And all because we just haaaad to reveal ourselves, just haaaad to try to take the place over. Why!?

"...Because we're almost extinct?"

>...

"..."

>...Shit, right, point. Still!

"Still what? At least they think we're army killers instead of rapists now."

>...That's... better?

"..."

>...Being a changeling sucks sometimes.

"Yeah, but... we can fly and shoot lasers."

>I take it back.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OOCO
>Chryssy
"Lavan"

>Oh grand, you again.

"Me again!"

>Can you just go away? I can literally feel the stupid coming off you.

"That's mostly the fire. I apologize, would you prefer if I made it feel cold instead?"

>What? No, how does that-? You know what? I don't want to know. Listen well, you monstrosity, I have business to attend to, important business, I don't have time to deal with you and your floating googly-eyed weirdness. I have far too many things in far too many ovens for that.

"I have a thing in the oven too!"

>HAH! Oh that's rich, you think your latest 'thing' has anything on my complex series of-

SEVERAL HOURS OF BRAGGING LATER

>-at which point I'll be absolved of all charges and go play parcheesi with Shiny. And THAT is why you aren't nearly as good at planning as m...what's that smell?

"That is the cake I put in the oven. I think it may have caught the kitchen on fire."

>WHAT!? WHY DIDN'T YOU DO ANYTHING!?

"You give nice speeches. I hope you are good at firefighting too."

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and I rule over non-canons! Now for our main segment-
*THOOMP*
>Boof!
She ducks back down behind the overturned couch.

'You had that coming.'

"They have a lot of T-shirts."

>I was planning to advertise Partyland in the dream city.

'Does every place you go end up warped or something?'

>*sighs* I just want nice things.

"Your nice things aren't being very nice."

>They can be both naughty and nice, if you know what I mean.

"...so they're sour patch kids?"

>No I meant...hmmmm.

'This is getting silly. Time to fight back. SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND ROCKET!'
Pulls out TBDRLIATU and fires a rocket at the dolls. The horns on AJ, Twi, and Fluttershy glow together to slow down the rocket to a stop. RD rolls her eyes.
"I'M THE BIGGER FRIEND SLASH!"
Cadence extends her sword whip into the rocket causing it to explode.
*BOOM*
The smoke clears leaving a smoking crater and damaged walls.

>That was technically a stab I think.

"I panicked in the moment."

'above us!'
The dolls crawl upside down on the ceiling. DT changes TBDRLIATU into a gatling shotgun and fires at them. The dolls dodge left and right, but Twidoll gets peppered in the face with the lead balls. Her face is covered in holes as she glares down angerly. Fluttershy tackles DT to the floor and hisses at her with fangs exposed. Pinkie whacks Flutterdoll with a floor lamp.

>Cadence hold them off!

"Uh-"
RD drops for a dive tackle, but Cadence does a spin and slices off a wing in the flyby.
"Yay."
AJ back kicks Cadence into Pinkie and DT. The 3 get knocked into the porn room roll down a flight of stairs.
>"'AHHHHHHHhhhhh.....'"
*CRASH*
The dolls brush themselves off and nod in a silent agreement. One by one they disappear into the doorway.

Life in the dreamhouse~

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OOCO
>Chrysalis
"Lavan"

>...okay, what?

"Do you like it?"

>You had me come out to the ass end of nowhere for...what IS this!?

"I made a city! A city for changelings!"

>...It's a big pile of dirt! It's a-what the hell are those-it's a TERMITE MOUND!

"Indeed! This mound is standing over an endless network of tunnels from which you can populate perfectly!"

>...no.

"No?"

>NO!? Why would we move from the Empire for THIS!?

"...but you're bugs. You're a Queen. ...have I been misinformed as to how bugs work?"

>In a word: Yes?

"...hmm...I will fix this-"

>No.

"I will send you a letter when I've fixed it."

>Leaving now.

"It will be much better!"

>Don't care!

"You'll be very happy!"

>I am literally on the train right now!

"...hmmm..."

Choo choo, chugga chugga chugga...

"Oh, duh, I'm a dummy...and maybe a racist, but let's not dwell on that. I can fix this!"

Snap. Rumble rumble rumble...

"Ha, it's perfect! Queen Chrysalis! Queen...oh, she left. Oh well...what was I even doing again? Hey look a bird!"

And for years to come, there would be legend in those hills, a mystery no one could ever understand:

Why the hell was a fully functioning apartment building standing by itself in the middle of a field?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >29
"56"
'Instructor'
~~~~

"HEY CUZ-OOF!... Almost had her that time!"

>...low, do I weep for my lost funds.

'No refunds.'

>I know, I know... so, mine cousin, how is thine training going?

"I almost got ready to hit her twice!"

>...Why is he not training with the others in his age group? It seems rather harsh that you, the actual head of this place, are the one sparring with him. He's clearly not quite on your level.

'First off, I have no idea how changeling aging works.'

>It's complicated, but he's in grade school.

'Second, the other kids got tired of essentially punching a brick for ten minutes and then passing out in exhaustion. He's not really learning anything except 'stand still and wait'.'

>Ah.

'Third... he doesn't have super strength, right?'

>Strangely? No, it seems to just be ridiculous durability. He doesn't seem to be able to bench press all that much.

"I only got caught under the bars twice!"

'Good. Trying to get him to focus is hard enough.'

>Focus?

"WHY DID YOU PUT ME IN A CLASS WITH AN EIGHT OUT OF TEN!? I'M TRYIN' TA BREAK THE HABIT, CUZ!"

>Ah.

'On the positive side, I can show the fillies and colts in class how to deflect someone going for your backside.'

"I'M MY OWN WORST ENEMY!"

>...Ah...

'Speaking of plundering, thank you again for paying for the full year in advance!'

"Totally going to pay that back later. I don't know how you pay for stuff with this, but I'll find a way!."

'GUARD IS DOWN!'

CRACK!

"OOF!... Almost! Just... allll most had her!"

>...low do I weep...

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