disCOrD.

Discord woke up on the wrong side of the bed. He yawned and greeted the smun that shone bright as midnight, then pulled himself off the ceiling and headed to the bathroom. He pulled a new toothbrush out of its package, scooped some paste he had saved sitting in a blob on the edge of the sink, then brushed his teeth, paying special attention to his fang. He wiped the paste off on the edge of the sink for tomorrow before tossing the brush in the trash.
Discord looked at himself in the mirror, brushing his talons through his mane. “Good morning Discord.”
“Good morning Discord,” his reflection said.
“What’s on the schedule for today?” He asked his reflection.
“Well, the most important event is afternoon tea with Fluttershy, after that we were planning to help Applejack on her farm, but before then we can do whatever we like,” his reflection said. “I would suggest visiting Twilight Sparkle or maybe going to Canterlot to bother some of the other princesses. There’s so many of them you know, it wouldn’t do for them to become lazy.”
“Quite right, quite right. I think —“ Discord saw his mane wasn’t perfect and fussed with it a bit more until it was just messy enough “— I think visiting Canterlot would be lovely. I hear Celestia has been hosting more foreign diplomats. That sounds dreadfully boring. She should welcome a familiar face.”
Discord looked himself over once more in the mirror. His reflection didn’t stand still, and kept trying to pose for him, shifting so that he couldn’t see the part of himself he was trying to view. “At least every angle is flattering.”
Discord stepped away from the mirror, and up the staircase to the bottom floor of his home. He picked up the small backpack filled with gifts for Fluttershy, and a few other items for some mischief at Canterlot. He double-checked inside, looked around his house once more, then snapped his fingers and was gone.

Celestia had just finished raising the sun and was eating breakfast when she heard a familiar voice singing nearby. She couldn’t understand the words through the closed door, but she knew who it was. It stopped for a moment and participated in a brief exchange with one of her guards. There was the inevitable knock, to which Celestia responded: “Let him in.”
The door opened to reveal none other than Discord himself, who pranced in wearing a fancy shirt with no buttons and a bow tie that had one side larger than the other.
“Good morning my dear Princess Celestia. I hope the day finds you in good spirits,” Discord said.
“I am feeling well, Discord. It’s a pleasure to see you. What brings you to the castle today?” said Celestia.
“Well I don’t have to go meet Fluttershy for tea until this afternoon, so I thought I would visit my second-favorite princess and drop off a gift I have for your dear niece Cadance,” Discord said.
Discord pulled a small box wrapped in pink paper with yellow ribbon tying it shut. He saw that the ribbon was symmetrical, and plucked at it with his right paw a bit until it was off-center. Pleased with the current state of it, he held it out to Celestia, a satisfied smile on his face.
“Well, I’m not sure why you wouldn’t have delivered it yourself, but I would be more than happy to give it to her the next time we meet.” Celestia took the box from him with her magic and set it on the table next to her plate.
“Lovely. So while I’m here, do tell me how all your princessly duties are going. I’m sure being the princess of the sun must keep you so very busy,” Discord said. He sat down in a chair across from Celestia, but noticed all the legs of it were even. A simple snap of his fingers and they were all discrete lengths. He turned back to Celestia, pleased with himself.

“Well, as you may have heard, I’ve been in talks with Saddle Arabia over manufactured goods, and…”
Discord stopped listening to what she was saying once she began talking about ‘goods’. Politics were so boring to him. One pony asking another for something, but then the second pony must make sure they’re getting something in return, and it all must be ‘fair’. Like fairness is something you could measure with one of those ghastly measuring tapes. Pare everything down to specific numbers and letters.
“This is a centimeter long!” one pony might say.
“This is THREE centimeters long!” another would respond.
Then they would bicker and argue about how the second one was getting two centimeters less than the first, as if that mattered at all. Fairness was a joke, and was merely created by ponies to try to make sure nopony got the upper hoof. But then they would decide that one product is worth more than another, so they must account for that to make sure everything was still ‘fair’.
And then they wonder why Discord preferred chaos.
“…so ultimately, I think the trade deal we struck will prove beneficial to both our cities in the years to come,” said Celestia. She sipped her tea, which must have been cold by now.
“Simply fascinating. But oh! Look at the time, I must be going. I have so many other ponies to visit, you know. I need to deliver Cadance’s gift,” Discord said, standing up from his chair.
“Oh, but didn’t you want me to deliver it?” Celestia asked.
Discord chuckled a deep-throated laugh. “Oh, my dear Celestia, this isn’t for her.”
“Well wouldn’t you want to take her the gift you asked me to deliver?” Celestia said.
“Well that’s not at all how this exchange is meant to go. I would think you would be used to it by now, my dear. Farewell!” Discord snapped his talons, and was gone without an explanation.

Discord reappeared far away in the Crystal Empire inside what looked to be a nursery. There were foal’s toys, diapers folded neatly on the shelves along with other baby’s clothes, and the baby herself, curled up asleep in the crib.
“Oh yes, I forgot about you. There are five of you now aren’t there? How revolting,” said Discord. “I can’t include you. That would throw everything off. We’ll just wait until you’re old enough to use proper words.” Discord reached into the crib and tapped the infant on the nose with a claw. She stirred, but did not wake up.
Discord stepped through the closed door into the hallway. Three seconds afterward, the door opened and shut. He sauntered through the halls looking for the princess of love. He did not have far to go, as she was resting in an armchair with a glass of milk nearby. She turned to look at the door shutting.
Cadance jumped to her hooves, dropping the glass of milk and storming toward Discord. “What were you doing in Flurry Heart’s room Discord?”
Discord raised his paw and talon and gave her a placating gesture. “Calm yourself princess. I was coming to see you, and have done nothing to your precious puny pony princess. When you tell a spell to take you to ‘the princess in the Crystal Empire’, it loses direction when there’s two of them.”
Cadance brushed past him and opened the door to Flurry Heart’s room anyway. She slipped inside, hooves shuffling gently on the plush carpet covering the floor. She looked over Flurry Heart, confirmed that the infant was safe and unmolested, then kissed her on the forehead and slipped back out. As soon as the door shut she let out a breath, deflating in front of Discord.
“Okay. You were right, I apologize,” Cadance said. “What can I do for you, Discord?”

Discord unfolded his arms and dabbed at his eyes with a handkerchief. “I’m hurt you would assume the worst when I show up. But we can let bygones be bygones.” Discord blew his nose in the hanky and let it fly away down the hall, honking. He pulled out a second package, the same size and shape as the one he had given Celestia, except this one was coloured violet, with a darker purple ribbon that was tied assymetrically. “I merely came by to give you a gift.”
“A gift for me? How nice. What prompted this?” Cadance said.
“Oh no, this isn’t for you, this is for your sister-in-law Twilight. I want you to give it to her,” Discord said.
“Oh.” Cadance looked at the gift with wary eyes, as though it had grown a stinger and was waving it at her. “Why not give it to her yourself?
“Well because it won’t mean as much if I were the one to give it to her. You have to do it, or it won’t work,” Discord said.
“Well what is it then? I don’t want to give her anything harmful or insulting,” Cadance asked.
Discord blew a raspberry and rolled his eyes. “It’s not harmful, nor is it an insult. I’m hurt you would think so.” Discord looked away from Cadance and noticed the concentric circles of the rug her chair was sitting on. He waved a talon and they rearranged into a crooked spiral, rings overlapping each other and becoming ovals, ellipses, and figure eights as they pleased.
“Well alright then. When next we meet I’ll give it to her. Thank you Discord,” Cadance said.
“Thank you very much princess. Now I’d love to stay and chat, but your dear aunt has put me behind schedule with her boring tale of diplomacy. I still need to meet with Twilight and Luna before tea. Ta-ta!” Discord said. He waved his paw in a large circle, and disappeared behind it as it swung.

Twilight Sparkle was poring over books in her seat at the cutie-map when she heard wagon wheels on gravel. Confused, she looked up, saw nothing in the room, turned and looked behind her chair, still finding nothing, then heard a familiar voice.
“Whoa there!” The voice yelled.
She looked down at the cutie-map and saw Discord seated on a carriage, yanking on the reins attached to two other Discords who were pulling it for him. He jumped off the seat as it came to a halt, pulled open the door of the carriage, and another Discord stepped out, and fell off the edge of the cutie-map. He screamed as he fell a short distance before Twilight caught him with her magic. She lifted him up and set him safely on the edge of the table.
“Discord? What are you doing here?” Twilight asked.
Discord brushed himself off, and looked up at her as she loomed over his smaller self. “Do I need an excuse to come visit my second-favourite princess? I’ve been all over Equestria” —he motioned to the sprawl of Equestria shown by the cutie-map— “to find you, and you ask me why I came?”
“Well I know you have tea with Fluttershy this afternoon, but you don’t usually stop to see me. What prompted this visit?” Twilight asked.
Discord performed a complicated flourish with his paw and talon and a gift, much bigger than he was at the moment, but the same size as the other two he had delivered, appeared in his paw and talon, held above his head. It was the dark blue of the night sky, with a tangled ribbon speckled with stars holding it shut. “I came to give you a gift. Not for you, but for princess Luna. I want you to give it to her when next you meet.”

“Oh. Well I guess I could. But why not give it to her yourself? I’m sure they’d welcome you at Canterlot castle if you were to go visit,” Twilight said.
“Oh, I’m just running a little bit late, and the gift won’t mean the same thing coming from me. It’s meant to be a surprise, you know,” Discord said.
Twilight squinted and looked at him askance. “This isn’t going to be unpleasant is it? I don’t want to give Luna a present that explodes, covers her in anything, or turns her into anything strange.”
“Sheesh! Every one of you princesses are so suspicious. It’s like a creature of chaos can’t do something nice for anypony around here.” Discord put his paw and talon on his hips and huffed.
“Every one of us princesses? You’ve been to see the others already then? What are you planning?” Twilight demanded.
“Oh! I’ve said too much! Ta-ta!” Discord put his paw over his mouth in surprise, then snapped his talons and was gone.
He reappeared in a dark bedroom. The shutters were drawn to prevent sunlight from getting in, making the room a haven from the searing light of day. He put his paw over his eyes and squinted, but that didn’t help, so he put on some sun-glasses and a directed beam of light shot out, illuminating the room in a cone in front of him. He hummed quietly as he looked, until he saw the princess of the night.
She was sleeping, the faintest hiss of breath escaping her nostrils. She was wearing a sleeping mask to protect her from daylight, and the covers were pulled up to her chin with the very tops of her hooves sticking up as she clutched the quilt.
Discord tip-toed across the carpet until he was next to her bed. He pulled out a bunch of letters and a quill and prepared to write.

Discord put his quill to the bottom of the first letter of the message, and the parchment appeared behind it as he ‘wrote’. “Dear Luna,” Discord said out loud as his quill moved. “I hope this day finds you well. I have brought you a gift, but not for you. I want you to give it to your sister when you see her next. It is not dangerous, will not turn her into anything strange, is not messy, and is not insulting. We’re all friends here, and I think a gift is just a nice gesture. Truly; Discord.”
He finished with a flourish and the parchment finished filling the empty air behind the letters. He read it over again to make sure it said everything he wanted it to, then reached into his backpack and pulled out a white gift tied with yellow ribbon on the bottom instead of the top. He laid the letter down on the bed next to Luna, and placed the box on top of it. He gave it a little pat, then turned to leave.
He stopped when he looked at the pillow where he had lain the box, and noticed that the pillows were all lined up perfectly. Discord tilted his head and blinked, then moved closer. There were four pillows underneath his letter, and they were perfectly aligned in a neat square. He scratched his chin, hummed to himself and thought for a moment, then reached out and shifted them just a little bit so that they weren’t so perfectly lined up. He nodded, turned, and with a POOF, he was gone.

Discord arrived in front of Fluttershy’s house and checked his watch: 2:43pm. A little bit early, but not too early. Okay, maybe an hour early. Afternoon tea wasn’t until about 3:30pm, but he could show up now and she wouldn’t turn him away. It wouldn’t do to be on time, anyway.

Discord rapped on the door with his talons and whistled a merry tune until it opened to reveal Fluttershy.
“Oh, good afternoon, Discord. Do come in, won’t you? The tea and cakes aren’t quite ready yet, but get comfortable and I’ll put on the kettle,” Fluttershy said.
Her mane was still a bit messy from working with her animals. Sticks, hay, and a few bits of oats were stuck in it here and there. Discord frowned and used his magic to remove them. He smiled after they were gone, and walked inside. True to form, Fluttershy didn’t complain about him arriving early, and just accommodated him. He breathed deep of the unique smell of Fluttershy’s home and sighed.
Fluttershy ran a hoof through her mane to check for other foreign objects and smiled up at him. “How are you today, Discord?”
“I’m doing quite well Fluttershy. I dropped off some gifts for the princesses, then found myself in the neighborhood so I thought I’d arrive early. I knew you wouldn’t mind,” Discord said.
“Gifts? That’s so nice of you. What did you get them? Fluttershy asked.
Discord frowned at the organization of the books on the table. He turned a few so they were no longer parallel and looked up at Fluttershy again. “Oh, I’m sorry, what was that?”
“What did you get the princesses?” Fluttershy asked again.
“Oh nothing,” Discord said.
“Oh, it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me. I promise I won’t tell Twilight what it is, though.” Fluttershy said as she placed the kettle on the stove.
“Oh, no you misunderstand. There’s nothing in the boxes,” Discord said. “I just wanted them to worry and fret, call up the others and express concern until they gather together for a princess meeting only to find out there’s nothing inside the gifts and they were worried for nothing!” Discord broke into a fit of giggles telling her what his plan was, laughing at his own prank.

“Oh Discord. You know they’re all very busy,” Fluttershy said.
“I know. Which is why I think they could use a little diversion,” Discord said.
Fluttershy clucked her tongue, but didn’t say anything else. The two waited in silence for the kettle to whistle, then Fluttershy brought it to the coffee table and poured them both a cup. She sat with Discord in silence for a minute, then returned to the kitchen and began preparing the tea cakes.
“So do you have any other plans today Discord?” Fluttershy asked.
Discord sipped at his tea, hemming and hawing about what else he wanted to do. He really had no plans at any time. Planning would be a concession to order, and he couldn’t have that. Even the one scheduled meeting with Fluttershy was subject to change of time and place as whim took him.
Discord looked down at the table and saw Fluttershy’s cup of tea sitting directly in the center of the saucer. The indent in the middle of the small plate hugged the bottom of its matching teacup perfectly, holding it tightly in a porcelain embrace. The handle of the cup was at a perfect right-angle that aimed parallel with the edge of the table, giving Fluttershy easy access to it when she may want a drink.
Discord looked into the kitchen where Fluttershy was busy working, saw that her back was turned and reached out a talon. He deftly bumped the cup, turning it so the handle was at an uneven angle. He smiled at first, but then saw that it was still sitting in the center of the saucer, not having been pushed hard enough to escape the confines of the indent. He gave it another gentle tap, but it still didn’t move enough to slip out of its matching home. He tapped it again, and again, and again. He growled in frustration and started poking it harder, intent on disrupting its position.

“Discord!”
Discord jumped in his seat, pushing the teacup out of the saucer entirely, spilling its contents all over the coffee table and onto the rug.
“Oh! Terribly sorry Fluttershy. What was it you were saying?” Discord picked up the books so they wouldn’t get wet, and materialized a towel to mop up the spilled liquid. He lifted everything—including himself and his couch—off the rug so he could wring it out and remove the small amount of tea that had soaked into it.
Once he had set everything back down, Fluttershy poured herself a fresh cup of tea without a word about it. “I was asking if you had any plans, and mentioned that Pinkie was having a party this evening if you would like to come.”
“Well that does sound lovely. I’ll need to check my schedule.”
Discord pulled out a day-planner and flipped it open. The date on it was not the current date. It showed a nonexistent month, with numbers starting from 211, and counting down in prime number increments. He tapped it with a quill and tut-tutted, scribbling out days.
“Well, in my busy timetable I think I could make an appearance. No promises though,” Discord said.
“We’d be happy to have you there, Discord,” Fluttershy said.
“I suppose I should assume Twilight Sparkle will be there?” Discord asked, taking a sip of his tea.
“She said she would, but if she’s so worried about that gift you gave her, she might go meet the other princesses instead,” Fluttershy said. “That wouldn’t have been part of your plan, would it?”
“Not at all! Scout’s honor!” Discord crossed his heart and held up his open paw.
“Well it doesn’t matter even if it were. We’ll just have to wait and see,” Fluttershy said.
“Indeed we will.” Discord said.

Fluttershy finished making the cakes, and brought them out to the coffee table. Discord gave a small smile when he saw they were not stacked on the plate in rows, and instead were strewn onto it like sesame on a bun. Discord picked one up and bit into it with delicate grace, savoring the taste. Fluttershy always made delicious tea cakes.
“Thank you for tea Fluttershy. I shall bring refreshment next time if that’s all right with you,” Discord said.
“Certainly. Your cooking is always so exciting,” Fluttershy said.
They talked for a couple of hours, and played a few games of old maid. Discord hadn’t been able to focus on many other board games. The symmetry of chess bothered him, both of the board and the pieces. While he got a certain satisfaction from disturbing the positions of the pieces, the board remained unchanged and the squares were frustrating to see. Checkers experienced the same problem, and cribbage followed a boring and unchanging path. He had made it more exciting once, but when the board is gone, the rules follow, and then it isn’t a game of cribbage anymore.
Old maid had none of those problems, and the uncertainty of not knowing where the old maid was made it exciting for him. Any card he picked could be the old maid, and he could use that same confusion on his opponents, making it the perfect game of chaos that could be picked up and played at any time.
Discord won the game, and then he helped Fluttershy take the dishes into the kitchen. He didn’t offer to help wash up, because the last time he had done so she had needed to wash them again to get the filth he had put on them back off. She had still appreciated the gesture.

“Well Fluttershy, it’s been lovely, but I should get going,” Discord said.
“Aren’t you coming to the party?” Fluttershy asked.
Discord wanted to say no, but he knew that even if he went home, he would come up with some excuse to come back out anyway. That was always the way it went. He looked down at Fluttershy. Her eyes were wide, and she had stuck out her bottom lip just the tiniest bit, and he knew he was going to say yes.
“Oh fine. But only because you asked me so nicely.” Discord folded his arms and huffed.
“I knew you’d come around. Don’t worry, if Twilight is there, you don’t have to talk to her,” Fluttershy said.
“Oh but what fun would that be?”
“Discord, remember what I asked you.”
“All right, all right. I’ll try to avoid getting Twilight all worked up. Try. No more than that.”
“That’ll do. Shall we walk?”
“Why certainly. That will put off our arrival by just that much more.”
The two of them walked at a comfortable pace, admiring the sunset and talking about the birds that flew by and the flowers and trees that grew along the path leading to Ponyville. Discord stopped a few times to twist a few saplings that were growing too straight for his liking. Fluttershy didn’t try to stop him. It was harmless enough. Trees grew crooked all the time and it didn’t hurt them. It depended on the type, but she would have stopped him had they been one she recognized as needing to grow straight. There was no shortage of sunlight, so it shouldn’t become a problem for them.
Fluttershy waited every time he stopped, and when they finally arrived at Ponyville proper, she turned and looked at him. “Feeling relaxed after the walk?”
“Why yes, I do believe I do feel better,” Discord said.
“Excellent. Be on your best behavior, and if Pinkie asks for a trick, go ahead, but within reason,” Fluttershy said.

“Your wish is my command,” Discord bowed and flourished a cape he hadn’t had on before.
“Alright! Time for some fun!” Fluttershy said.
Pinkie greeted the duo as soon as they stepped through the door. “Hey there Fluttershy! Hey there Discord! Ready to enjoy my ‘middle-of-the-week-because-Wednesdays-don’t-get-enough-love’ party?!”
“Of course we are, Pinkie. Is everyone else already upstairs?” Fluttershy asked.
“Yup-a-roonie! I’m just here to greet the guests until everyone’s arrived,” Pinkie said.
“That’s very nice of you. Who all is here already?” Fluttershy asked.
“Everypony except for Twilight. She said she’d be late. Don’t know why,” Pinkie said.
Fluttershy gave Discord a glance, but she didn’t say anything. Pinkie motioned to the stairs and Fluttershy led the way to Pinkie’s loft in the Cake household.
Just as Pinkie said, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity were there, chatting amongst themselves. Rarity was swaying to the soft melody playing in the background. Applejack had brought a small keg of cider and set it up next to the table of refreshments Pinkie had prepared. Rainbow Dash was helping herself to as much of that as she was allowed. Judging from her flying, she had already had a few. There was a twister board set up, and a few other games, but despite Pinkie’s penchant for over-the-top partying, it was a quiet event.
“Well hello my little ponies! Pinkie Pie sure does set up a good shindig doesn’t she?” Discord said.
Everypony in the room went silent and turned to look at the familiar voice of the embodiment of chaos himself. There was a moment of awkward silence before Applejack spoke up.
“Well howdy there Fluttershy. And a howdy to you too, Discord. Good to see y’all could make it. Pinkie said Twilight might be late, but I don’t mind stayin’ out a bit m’self to catch up with her. How’re y’all?” Applejack asked.

“Oh just dandy, Applejack.” Discord sauntered over to the refreshment table and piled a precarious tower of treat on a small plate, just single items stacked one on top of the next. “I daresay I’m better than I’ve been in a while. How is your farm doing? Anything… unexpected growing?”
Applejack narrowed her eyes at his comment. “Naw, just apples. Should I be expecting something unexpected?”
“Why should you? You grow apple trees. I don’t know why anything besides apples should grow,” Discord said.
Applejack didn’t know how to respond, so she said nothing.
Rarity saved her by butting in with her own questions. “Fluttershy, dear. How was that tea you said you were going to try today? I wanted desperately to try some. Discord, what did you think of the tea?”
“Oh, I thought it was nice Rarity, but I don’t think it was worth as much as it cost. I think the price is driven up by the ponies who want to drink it thinking it’s special in some way,” Fluttershy said.
“Well, it was recommended by Hoity Toity, and he’s well-known for buying expensive things simply because they’re expensive,” Rarity said.
Discord was bored of the conversation about tea, and wandered over to the games. He looked down at the Twister board, with the colours lined up in rows, and with a wave of his paw, he rearranged them, putting them in an unusual order.
He looked at the dart board and frowned at the neat circles presenting their points. He picked up a dart, held it up to his face and took careful aim. With a flick of his wrist, he hurled the dart at the target. At the last second, the bullseye shifted out of the way, moving one of the sections next to it into the path of the dart. Only ten points.

“Sacrificing your friends to save yourself, eh bullseye?” Discord said.
The bullseye didn’t respond, but shifted back into position. Discord scoffed and turned back to the ponies, chatting about whatever they found important. He wandered back over to the group to hear Fluttershy talking about animals to Applejack, Rainbow Dash was drinking and talking to Rarity about possible new Wonderbolt uniforms. Discord didn’t care about clothes, but he enjoyed animals. They were so chaotic in their behavior. They followed their instincts, but they responded so well to his magic, making them even more chaotic.
Discord shifted closer to Applejack and Fluttershy. They were talking about beavers and woodpeckers, both were proving problematic for the farm, causing some damage to Applejack’s trees.
“You know, I could just make them hate apple trees,” Discord said, interjecting.
“Discord, you know that won’t work,” Fluttershy said. “What happens if they find an apple tree that’s wild? They’ll avoid it and that could cause them to starve.”
“Not to mention I’d have to call on you every time a new group of animals shows up. Thanks though. I do appreciate the offer of help,” Applejack said.
“Well, can’t say I didn’t try. What say we get this party going a little bit, hmmm? It’s more like a garden party than a Pinkie party,” Discord said. “Let’s start a game of charades.” He produced a stack of cards from somewhere and waved them in the air.
“Well that sounds like a delightful suggestion, Discord,” Rarity said. “Why don’t I begin? I’ve always enjoyed this game.”
“Sure, I’m in,” Rainbow Dash said.
With murmured agreement, the rest of the ponies sat in a semicircle around Rarity. She took a card from the stack Discord had provided. She stared for a minute as she regarded the card, then seemed to settle. She turned to face the group, and started waving her hooves in the air, making shapes and poking her face.

The rest of the group watched her in confusion as she waggled her hooves about. Rainbow Dash, more than a little tipsy, offered some ridiculous suggestions.
“A Wonderbolt! A barn! Daring Do! Cider!” Rainbow Dash said.
Rarity simply shook her head at the suggestions, continuing to play with her face, mashing her cheeks and sticking out her tongue. Some of the other ponies offered a few suggestions, but Rarity denied every one of them.
“An anteater who’s had too much to eat and now he’s sick of ants and has to hold them in his cheeks because he doesn’t want to eat them but he doesn’t want to spit them out!” Discord said.
“Why yes, that’s correct Discord,” Rarity said.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Of course it is.”
“How in Equestria were we supposed to guess that?” Applejack said.
“I would have accepted ‘anteater’,” Rarity said.
“Well that’s fair. I guess you’re up Discord,” Applejack said.
Discord switched places with Rarity and picked up his card. He grinned as he saw the words ‘abstract thought’ printed on his card. He stretched out his talon and paw and pulled his arms and legs off his body as he went two dimensional. He started to float in the air, his body parts taking on primary shapes such as triangles and rectangles, when Pinkie and Twilight walked up the stairs and into the room.
Twilight saw him and her face went angry. “Discord!”
Discord fell to the floor, turned into a liquid, then pooled together and stood back up. “Oh. Fancy meeting you here Twilight. What can I do for you?”
“Those gifts were empty! Why would you get us all worked up over nothing at all? We each spent our day wondering what on Equestria Discord would get us, fearing it would be a prank, or dangerous, or something, and there was nothing at all!” Twilight poked him in the stomach with a hoof.

“Well you’re all so busy and serious I thought you could use a little distraction. All those business and political worries were gone while you worried about the gift weren’t they?” Discord said.
“Yes, and replaced with worries about what was inside that little box,” Twilight said. “Not exactly what I would call relaxing.”
“Well I’m sorry you don’t appreciate it when a friend tries to do something nice for you,” Discord folded his arms and looked away from her.
“Twilight, he was trying to help. He just has a different way of doing it than ponies do,” Fluttershy said.
“I know. I know. You’re right. Uggggh,” Twilight put a hoof to the bridge of her muzzle. “Let’s just… relax.”
Twilight went to get a cup of cider, pulling a cup to the keg with her magic. But when she turned on the tap a stream of consciousness came out, filling her cup with abstract thought, concerned worry, and a series of words. She stared in confusion for a moment, and the whole mess bubbled with odd colors.
Twilight looked at Discord with a furrow in her brow. “Discord!”
“What? You were still so uptight I thought I’d give a little drink of what you were thinking about,” Discord said.
“I can’t drink this! I don’t even know if it’s edible or real!” Twilight said. “Just, stop it. I’ve already had enough of your shenanigans during the day. You interrupted all the princesses work for a gag gift. Just leave it be!”
“Well, if that’s how you feel, I’ll just leave you all be then.” Discord started fading out from his hoof and claw, traveling up his legs.
“Discord, don’t leave!” Fluttershy said.
“No, it’s alright. I know when I’m not wanted,” Discord said. “I hope you all have a lovely party without me there to mess things up. Thank you for the invitation anyway, Fluttershy.”
And with that, he was gone.

Discord reappeared in his home in Chaosville with a flash. He ripped the backback from his shoulders and tossed it onto his couch. He stomped into the kitchen, then stomped back out. He was upset, but he hadn’t yet decided what he was upset at.
Twilight Sparkle? No. She had little patience for his antics, but he wasn’t upset at her.
Fluttershy, for inviting him? No. She tried her best to include him and explain his behavior to the others. She wasn’t at fault.
Nopony else had done anything to him during the party, so what was he so upset about. He thought back on everything that had happened. Ah yes.
“Figured it out, have you?” A familiar voice said.
Discord didn’t respond. That was what he wanted. He was always there waiting for him whenever he had time to think. That was why he always tried to occupy his time with surprise visits and pranks. It kept him busy. Right now he was too angry to keep busy with anything, and that left him time. Time to remember.
“Remember me? Oh, I’m touched. The way you’re always going faster and busier than a hard-working little ant I’d think you were trying to forget me,” the voice said.
Discord went into the kitchen and tried to clean up. He picked up his broom and scraped at the floor with the bristleless brush, but instead of spreading a mess about it streaked a line of cleanliness, giving the floor a spotless shine. Discord dropped the broom in shock.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Just trying to help, you know,” the voice said, reverberating in his head.
“I don’t need or want your help,” Discord said.
“So you do remember me. I’m so happy,” the voice said.
“Why are you doing this?” Discord said.
“Isn’t this what you wanted? Chaos?” The voice said.

Discord left the kitchen and went into his den. He pulled out a book and looked at the pages. Instead of moving pictures inside, there was nothing but the neat march of the alphabet, stepping in line from once upon a time all the way to the end. He flipped through the pages, looking for anything out of place, anything that didn’t make sense.
Unable to find anything that was nonsensical, Discord threw the book against the wall and scurried out of the den, looking for something he could calm himself with. He went to the living room and opened the backpack he had tossed onto the couch. He reached inside and found… nothing. He turned it upside-down and shook it. Still nothing fell out. He opened it wide and peered inside.
Only emptiness greeted him.
Discord growled. “Where are they? I had gifts in there! Gifts for the princesses!”
“You already delivered them, remember? The empty boxes?” The voice said.
“Yes, I remember. But I was going to give them actual presents after they panicked about what the ‘surprise’ was,” Discord said.
“You never were. You thought the idea was far too amusing, and so you never got them anything at all,” the voice said.
Discord gripped his head in his paw and talon and stormed downstairs to the upper floor. But when he reached the top of the staircase, he couldn’t walk up it. It was upside-down, and that proved impossible to walk up. He couldn’t wrap his head around how he should be able to do that, and so he had to jump and crawl up to the landing on the upper floor of his house.
“Something’s wrong. What are you doing to me?” Discord said in confusion.
“I’m not doing anything,” the voice said.
“Someone’s doing something to me, and we’re the only ones here. I know I’m not doing it,” Discord said.

The voice laughed at that. A horrible, cackling laugh that he recognized very well indeed. It was a jolly and amused laugh. Like that of a tyrant who knows he’s in control, and there is nothing and no one that can stop him. A confident laugh, secure in its power.
His laugh.
“Stop that! Stop mocking me!” Discord said, his anger rising.
“I’m not mocking you, I’m merely amused by your confusion,” the voice said. “You really are so much fun to play with.”
Discord roared.
It was an angry, furious roar. Not playful or full of banter, but a roar of frustration. He lifted everything in the house up with his magic and scattered it everywhere in a hurricane of fury. Plated in the kitchen shattered, couches splintered, cushions tore, and he threw it everywhere, smashing things against the walls. Windows broke. Beams snapped. Wallpaper ripped.
When he was done, everything was spotless, intact, and completely unruffled. Even the dust was where it was supposed to be, laying on top of the bookshelves where it was expected to be. The furious fire inside Discord sputtered and died.
He heard the laughter again, and he recognized it. It was his own laughter. He was laughing. His voice was cackling that endless, unstoppable guffaw that he used on ponies everywhere whenever their worlds turned on their heads at his approach.
Discord gave in, and laughed along with it. His voice a horrible cacophony filling his house. He had no control. Not even over himself. Control is order, and you can’t control chaos. He was utterly at the mercy of himself wherever he went, be it giving gifts, having tea, or spending time at a party. He would never be in control. That’s why he always went too far. That’s why he wasn’t safe in his own house.
“What’s more chaotic to chaos than order?” Discord and the voice said, laughing.

The End.