Thread 38: Stories 76-90

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>Pinkie
"IR"
~~~

>Soooooo, daddy, uh... haaaate to be the one to bring this up, but-

"Of course, I'll have the money to you by tomorrow."

>No yeah, thanks, good, I kind of need it to fix all of the... the stuff. The stuff you broke. Which is everything. But that's not the issue here, and wow I am as shocked as you are I am saying that.

"...Oh?"

>You kind of... tried to punch Shiny with a super smashy technique. Thaaaat kind of misses the whole point of all of this.

"He won."

>Good thing! It was a good thing.

"...Oh?"

>Daddy, you know I love you in the only way your little Pinkie Pie can, buuuut... ignoring the fact he's, like, royalty, he could sue me?

"Would he?'

>NO! Of course he wouldn't, Twi would talk him out of it, but that's really beside the point, you know?

"Mmmm... I see your point. I will try to make a formal apology later, and not let it happen again."

>Sooo... do we need to talk about this?

"..."

>...

"..."

>...Ohhhhhhhhhhh.... I see. Cause of the whole me and Limey and Marble thing?

"No matter how old I grow... you're still my little daughters, and I can't help how I feel when you lose."

>Awwwww... daddy...

"Did I over react? Yes. Yes I did and I needed to stop. What I did was wrong... but I would probably do it all over again."

>Daddy...

"I know you can handle yourself, Pinkamena. You have done it time and time again. But that will never change how I feel."

Her lip began to wibble... then came the moisture in her eyes...

Then came the hugs.

Because of course there was hugs.

>...But seriously, I could get so sued.

"I will try to only beat up your friends."

>...Hee hee! Good one daddy.

"..."

>...Daddy?

"..."

>...Eep.
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>AJ
"Rarity"
'Spike'
[Dash]
{Fluttershy}
~Arana~
~~~~

>Ah'm tellin' ya', this is gonna kill some ponies with diabetes.

"Well, not us... or can we be poisoned?"

'You wouldn't think, right?'

>Yes. We can.

[Huh? The heck do you know that?]

>Cause we can get drunk.

[...So?]

>And we get hangovers.

~Riiiight?~

>So iffin' that's true, then the poison from the alcohol must be able ta' get inta' our systems and do the lasting damage that causes our bodies ta' need to repair it, which causes the symptom's of a hangover. Meanin' that our bodies ain't just repairin' it right away. Lotta poisons work by thickenen the blood, or caus'n blood clots, or even just causin' cells in the heart or brain ta' break down. Iffin' we could fix that damage in time, we wouldn't get hangovers, or even drunk in the first place. So iffin' we can get drunk, we can get poisoned.

"..."
'...'
[...]
{...HUH...}

>What? Just cause Ah' ain't a fancy book learnin' pony don't mean Ah' ain't thought about how someone can kill me.

~Sooooo... momma would've been able to fight you guys?~

>Maybe?

{...Huh..}

'And you've thought about this becaaaause?'

>Cause when Ah' saw bullets don't work, Ah' started lookin' fer other options.

"..."
'...'
[...]
{...}
~...~

>...S'joke, ya' idjits.

"..."
'...'
[...]
{...}
~...~

>...Really.
~~~~
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>13
"55"
~~~

>Ow...

"Wow... uh... huh. What are the odds that a goo tank was going to roll over here, run you over, knock over a popcorn vendor who also spilled hot butter all over you, causing butter to fall onto the ground and slip that security guard who was trying to help and making him accidentally brain you with his night stick, and then have the nightstick bounce off your head and into the still unbroken goo tank, causing it to roll back and run you over again before bursting open, showing you with goo which then caused you to slip, fly into the wall, knock over a light.. and then spill your drink!"

>...Ow....

"Do you want me to get you another drink? On me! You seem like you need it."

>...Ow....

"Awww, don't be like that, what are the odds of that happening twic-... is that another goo tank coming right at us?"

>...sigh...
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>42
'???'
~~~

>Good job.

She knew there was no possible way he could hear her from as far back as she was, of course, and that she would likely give him a more 'technical' speech when she finally got face to him, but she had to let it out. She had to get alone just to let it out. Two simple words.

>You did good.

Okay, maybe three more.

She knew it was silly to think this was in any way her own victory, perhaps even a touch egotistical, but she couldn't help it. She felt like at last, he was where he was 'supposed' to be. As if when he had challenged her for the first time, he was where he shouldn't have been. Perhaps he had previously been like this and had merely returned to former glory, but all the same. He was back to where he needed to be. He was thinking quick on his hooves, he was mixing up fighting styles, he was even tanking hits and dealing with new threats in creative ways. He was back.

So...

Does he still need her?

"What did you sneak off for?"

The voice of the one she had sworn to serve jingled in her ears. Tensely, she wiped the weak smile off her face.

>Did I appear that way as I left? I apologize, I was merely trying to get a better vantage point to see them with.

"Uh huh..."

Briskly, Chrysalis walked beside her, a smile on her own face as she looked out over the crowd to the white Stallion. Being tall had it's advantages.

"Quite a show, wasn't it?"

>Oh yes, Majesty. Though I was a touch worried when he tried to catch that piece of debris. I realize the folly.

"Mmm... maybe a bit."

>Were you not worried?

"Me? Of course not."

>I apologize, I did not mean to infer.

"Good. Don't do that."

She nodded, subservient to the command.

"...42?"

>Yes, your Majesty?

"Even if Shiny doesn't need you to kick him into shape... your hive will always wish you to be a part of it."

>...Of course, Highness.

She gave a regal nod, and moved on ahead, no doubt to toss out some 'offers'.

But her words remained...

>...Thank you...

As did 42's smile.
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>SA
"Cadence"
'Twilight'
[2]
{???}
~~~~

>I cannot believe I went through all of that for a toaster.

"Hey, it's a nice toaster! And we need one pretty bad."

'What happened to the old one?'

>Uh...

"Twoooooo... wanted smores."

'Ah.'

[Don't worry, only happenin' once! I learned ya' do NOT put marchmalleys and chocolate in the toaster!]

'Is it bad I thought this was a certain someone else's fault, and am surprised it is not?'

{HAH! Surely you do not refer to I, the all powerful Queen of all Changelings.}

How she had managed to sneak up on them when she was a full chest and head taller than the crowd, they had no idea.

{As if I would be so petty as to destroy something like a toaster.}

>No, you just went for the frier.

{NOBODY TOLD ME THAT OIL WAS FLAMMABLE!}

"Didn't think we had to."

{But no matter! I am here not to talk of past fires and the destruction caused by them-}

>Since this would take hours.

{-but instead to say to you, Shiny, good job. Your skills in the art of pounding are top tier! Why, I've never before experienced someone who can slam mares like you. Such stamina too! Lasting through not one, but three of said mares and still having fire left over to spare! You got as good as you gave sometimes, it's true, but what would be the fun if the other just lied there and let you do as you wished? No, it is important to put the thrill of a bit of challenge in there! And your mixing up on the fly was brilliant, I am especially impressed by that one attack from behind you gave. She never even saw it coming, and WOW is she going to be feeling that later. All in all, I have to say your performance was among the best I've ever seen, and would love to offer my own skills in the future if you wish to try new horizons with others.}

>...
"..."
'...'
[Thanks Not-Mom! You think 42 would mind if Shiny had ta' bop you too?]

{My dear little Two, I think she would be ecstatic! But if she wished to try these new things, I'm more than happy to invite her as well.}

[YAY! Ya' should totally do it, Shiny! It sounds like it would be super fun!]

>I'll... keep that in mind.

"...points for creativity."

'Improv?'

{Entirely, I didn't even notice Two when I was walking over.}

'Ah. A plus.'

{Oh stop, I might actually let myself be a bit prideful if you continue!}

[Wait... I'm confused now.]

{Prideful means to be proud of something. Like this bag of marchmalleys I bought. I am very proud of them.}

[GAAAAASSPPPP! SHARE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!]

{Well, since you said please...}

{NOM!}

"Buttering her up will not help you."

{Mmm, well, good thing butter has other uses. Would you like me to show you them?}

"...Dang it."

'She's on a roll, don't even try.'

{HAH! Oh, Twilight, I knew there was a reason I liked you. Come come, we have to reconvene with everyone as soon as we can.}

>Oh? Why?

{Hm? Oh, you haven't heard?}

"Heeeeard.... what?"

{It's starting soon.}

'What is?'

She just... smiled.

A wide... evil smile.

{Come.}

And then she walked off, towards the group headed their way.

>...
'...'
"...I'm scared."

>...not again...

[NOM NOM NOM NOM!]
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>Vekir
"Celestia"

>Neh...nehhhh...neeeeeeh...nnnnnngh...c'mooooooooon...blugh...

"Uhm, Vekir?"

>One second! Nehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...OOF! Uggggh...

"Vekir, why do you have your brother's tail in your mouth?"

>For...purposes...of dragging...Silessia Princess...

"No, I kinda got that but...why?"

>He fainted...on viewing...the wrestling mothers...I must...return him...to sleeping place!

"Ahhhhh, don't you want some help?"

>No no, it is a...sister's duty...to watch out for her brother.

"Are you sure?"

>Yes yes, it is alllll fine...but if you see Grehm tell him to come over here or...I will destroy him.

"I'll tell him if I see him."

>Much thanks...ok...continuing! Neh! Nehhhhh! NEHHHHHHH-OOF!

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>Pinkie
"Marble"
'Limestone'
[Maud]
~~~~

>WOOO! Wasn't that fun, girls?

"Was, a little bit."

'Kind of bummed we lost, though.'

"Hey, we had him on the ropes for most of it!"

>Yeah, you can tell he's not used to fighting a bunch on one like that.

'Can't believe he broke our super technique...'

[The rock smashing twister was designed specifically for stationary and wide targets who are in no position to fight back. It is not a maneuver designed for combat, as there is a gaping flaw due to the inability to meaningfully connect the center. It works well on it's intended purpose of combining together strength for rock smashing, but a skilled opponent can easily defeat it.]

>Right, what she said!

"When did you get all... wobbly, by the way?"

>It's my Jeet Kun Do! I've been practicing for a while now to stave off my ever encroaching irrelevance in the big arcs!

'...What?'

>It's fun!

"Oh, okay."

[That is not what you said the first time. Why did you answer with a completely different response and then imply this is-]

'Just roll with it Maudy Pie! It's Pinkie!'

"Yeah, it's Pinkie!"

>Yeah, it's me!

[...understood.]

>Sooo... you guys want to see if he'll fight us all again sometime?

"I don't know, are you really asking us to all team up on your future husband like that?"

'Shouldn't you at least save it for his birthday?'

>YOU GUYYYYYYS!

"Awww, she's getting all embarrassed."

'I don't know why, he looked impressed with her limberness.'

"Yeah, you should feel proud of yourself! Not many mares could handle someone his size solo."

>STOP IIIIIT!

"Too bad we didn't get to see how he handled Maud."

'Oh come on, don't make Pinkie more jealous than she already is!'

>CUT IT OUT COME ON THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE!

"Pinkie said something isn't funny?"

'Got to take his 'performance' seriously, I suppose.'

>NNNNNGGGHHHHH!

[...I enjoy our family time.]
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>Celestia
"18"
'Poindexter'
[Mane-Iac]
{Chrysalis}
-SA-
~Twilight~
=Cadence=
(2)
^???^
~~~~~

>Really, Shining Armor? Hitting those poor defenseless mares in the face? Tsk Tsk.

-Ha ha.-

"I don't know what she was talking about, WOO! Watching you go all out was-"

-Chrysalis already beat you to it.-

"Well shoot, there goes five whole minutes of preparation."

[AHHHHHHAHAHAHAHH! LUUUUMIONOUS SHIELD! YOUR BATTLE WAS ONE OF LEEEEEGENDS!!]

'Knew you would win, buddy. Way to go.'

~Hey, it was fun!~

(YEAH! WE GOT TA' DO ALL KINDS OF CRAZY STUFF!)

=Well, for you. I don't think I won a single event.=

{HAH! Well, next time tag in with me, and I'll show them how it's done. You can tag in for other events too, but I'll go into more detail when we're alone.}

=Ugh.=

>But I do hope you're not too tired for the final event.

-...Final event?-

"Ohhh, you didn't tell him?"

{Nah, just smiled and walked off. Way funnier this way.}

'...'

{Hey! It was a normal smile! Like this!}

>...Well, that's terrifying.

{What!?}

[I DO NOOOT-.... I mean, I don't get it, it looks normal to me!]

{SEE!?}

~..~

{WHAT!?}

>But yes, there is still one final event left.

-What... what is it?-

>It's-

^WWWWWELLLLCOME PARTYLAND PARTONS! I hope you enjoyed our game show but aren't too worn out, because there is one final event before we cap off this day! And this time, everyone can join in if they've got the caponies to get up on stage! GENTLEPONIES! LOWER THE STAGE!^

From above the cloud cover, a gigantic disk with speakers lining every corner dropped straight down, smashing into the ground and covering what little wreckage still remained.

^...L... Lower, I said... LOOOOWWEERR... Not dr... did I say drop? Pretty sure I didn't... ANNNY WAYYYYY! Party ponies put your hooves together, because it's tiiiiime for KARRREEEOOOOKEEEEEEE!^

-...Oh, okay, that's not so bad. This'll be fine.-

>"'~={...}=~'"

-...What?

[Even I know you jinxed it.]

-.....crap.-
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>Pinkie
"AJ"
'Rar'
[Dash]
{Flttuershy}
-Spike-
~Arana~
~~~~

*POP!*

>HEEEYYYY GUYYYS! Did you like the show!?

"...Well, that ain't suspicious."

>Dunno what you mean!

'You just tore off in this direction going 'lalalalalalalalalala!' and then burst out of the trash bin. Did you not think we would see you go in?'

>Hey, you know what we need? SUBJECT CHANGE! You guys up to sing some songs!?

[Not really.]

{I feel like I would be okay with it if certain events hadn't unfolded and we had still been back in ponyville a few weeks ago... for some reason... but I, um, would prefer not to.}

-I also feel me singing would cause a lot of embarrassment and looks of horror, and I have no idea why.-

{Right? Like a little niggling thing in your brain saying stuff went one way but then didn't.}

-I'm not complaining, it feels awful.-

>Yeah, was pretty lackluster on the whole and a huge letdown.

{...what?}

>I said aawwwww... what about you, skitters?

~I think I would also cause a lot of looks of horror, and I know pretty much why. Too bad, though. I could sing you mama's favorite song! She heard it when she was infiltrating this one place, and she just loooooved it!... But I'd scare everybody.~

"Sorry, sugar cube. Give it time."

'Yes, all things will right themselves with time.'

{...Okay, so, uh, is nobody going to point out-}

-Don't worry, they'll see you how we see you soon enough.-

{I mean, you guys do remember she's a-}

>And then you'll be able to sing all you like in front of eeeeverybody!

~I guess you're right...~

{...You guys are dumb.}

"Did ya'll say somethin'?"

{Oh, me? Oh no, nothing at all... nothing at all...}
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>29
"MM"
'Zecora'
[Trixie]
~~~~~~

"EEEEEE!"

>M-my ears...

"EEE! KARAOKE!"

>They burrrrrn.

"Oh, we have GOT to get up there!"

'Do you not think we are jumping ahead a bit? You do not know if any of us can sing with a spit.'

[The HEAVENLY and ANGELIC voice of Trixie is legendary, I will have you know!]

'I repeat what I said before. What comes from us may make the ears sore.'

"Oh you guyyyyys, where's your sense of adventure? Where's your need for fun and excitement!?"

>Left behind. I seek the more learned things in life now!

"..."

>...Fine, don't wibble at me. Thou is unfair with that.

"YAY! And I know JUST what we're going to sing!"

>We? I thought this was only for you!

"Nooo, I need all four of us. We're going to win this!"

[It's not a competition?}

"WE WILL TAKE THE GOLD! But we need ALL four!"

'Why do we all need to join you on your quest? Is there something you need to get off your chest?'

"...Mwhaha...'

>...
'...'
[...]

"...Mwhaahahahah..."

>...
'...'
[...]

".....MWHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

>...I chose this. This is the life I chose.

[We all have regrets...]

"AHHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAH!"
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>Screwloose
“???”
______

He was watching her, had been watching her. For quite some time, really. Because the humming had finally given way to some words.

She was singing….

>They say I’ve got a couple screws… loose~.

>But they don’t really know what I… do~.

>Come a little closer and I’ll show… you~.

>The bloody nightmares that you have? True~.

>It’s the sin of the specimen makin' me wanna gut ‘em and chop ‘em and bleed ‘em until they're holy again~.

Her company blinked at that sudden rapid fire verse.

>Scalpable? Probable. Model their insides with gadgets electrical~.

>Machines for spleens, I-

When her ear twitched, she instantly broke off, lifting her hind leg and scratching at it in a blur.

The itch soon passed and she settled back onto her bed, leering gleefully at her visitor who stared back in silence for a few minutes.

“…Well? Are you going to finish that?”

>That’s all I’ve got actually. That ear itch was just one hell of a timed coincidence.

“…”

>Disappointed?

“Oddly, yes.”

>Hmmm, then I suppose it's my duty to help my number one pervert out a bit. Here, come grab my tail.

“Danger, AJ12! Danger!”

>Grow a pair, will you? I promise you won’t lose an ounce of blood. Just… grab it, give it a nice tug.

“…I swear, Screwloose, if I see a single flash of metal-”

She smirked.

>I’m hugging myself, not much to see, chief. Now go on….

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>56
“Luna”
‘???’
-???-
~~~~~

>Heh….

“And why, pray tell, doth thou look at us with such a shrewd grin?”

>Because it’s happenin’, Moons.

“Happening? What is happening?”

>Us. We’re happenin’. Right now, up there.

“Your vague speech patterns are such a-… oh. Ooooh no, no, no, thou can’t be serious.”

>Oh but I am.

“A likely jest, 56, but this karaoke… ’tis not for us. From our understanding, it requires a good voice to make the hymns flow. Such a talent is beyond us…”

>Now look who can’t be serious. Moons, my voice cracks glass on a good day, an’ I still wanna give this a shot. With you. C’mon, it looks fun, doesn’t it?

“Well… we suppose-”

‘Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up, brat.’

>DON’T YOU HAVE YOUR OWN DUDE TO PESTER?

BOP.

>Ow!

‘If you think you’re going to use this as a chance to get closer to my princes then you’ve got another-’

A black, hole-riddled foreleg subtly pushed Glimmer to the side and Chrysalis stood there. She stared down at 56, the youngling taking a few extra seconds to glare ruefully at Glimmer before smiling up at his Queen.

>Hey, not-mom! Guess what? I’m gonna enter this singin’ thing here with Moons!

Silently, Chrysalis lifted a hoof to just under 56’s chin, ignoring his confused expression as she proceed to tilt his head in nearly every direction, almost like a jeweler checking for dings or nicks.

>Um… not-mom…?

Seemingly satisfied, she released him with a small nod, then glanced up at Luna, smirking somewhat when she saw the small patches of red blush in her cheeks.

-I don’t even have to say anything. Do I?-

“Not unless thou wishes to become reacquainted with a biscuit tube.”

-That’s what I thought.-

Her attention fell back to the still flummoxed 56.

-Have fun, kid, and try not to let this tone-deaf mare drag you down.-

>Ha! We’re about to blow everyone else out the water, not-mom! It’s gonna feel like the softest plot rubbing up against your ears!

-…-

“…”

‘…pfft.’

-Yeeeeeah, that… I should really look into you about that, but you seem happy and that’s enough.-

She turned, casually strolling off with her trademark sashay… before pausing.

-Luna. This package that I’m loaning you… it’s quite fragile, so you can imagine the consequences if it got even the smallest crack.-

‘…Are you threatening my pri-’

“Thou wouldst crack into a thousand pieces before the package does, Chrysalis, we assure you.”

With a small chuckle, Chrysalis continuing walking.

-Hmph, good answer.-

>…What was that about? What’s this package?

BOP.

‘Quit asking questions, brat. Don’t you have a song to practice?’

“Indeed. If we’re going to participate, we’ve got to make sure ours is the best.”

>Right! So I was thinking we could use this song, I got the lyrics here!

“…”

‘…’

>W-what…? You don’t like them…?

But Luna only smiled.

“They’re perfect. Come now, we don’t have much time to get in synch.”

>Sweeeeeet!

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>Sucker Punch
"41"
'Tour Guide'

>Damn it.

"YES!"

>Daaaamn it.

"YEEEEEEEESSSSS!"

>...

"Yes yes yes yes!"

'Uh...'

Sucker Punch, 41, and the Tour Guide are standing at the prize counter, Sucker Punch holding his present for High Roller, a postcard for Partyland, 41 brandishing her present for Triage...

'Ok, seriously, this is a joke, right?'

>...

"Nope! I win! I got the more expensive gift! My picturesque Pinkie Pie piñata pummels his pathetic Partyland Postcard."

'But...what the hell is a nurse gonna do with a piñata?'

"...shut up! That's game, sucker! I got the more expensive gift!"

>Alright, you win.

"The sound we make is Bonk?

>The sound we make is Bonk.

'...actually, he-'

>So what do you wanna do for the rest of the day?

"Huh? I dunno, maybe ride a few rides, see a show?"

'What, but this guy-!'

>Yeah, sounds good, I hear they got karaoke at the ampitheater, wanna check it out?

"Sure! C'mon Piñata Pie, to the karaoke!"

41 races off, piñata on her back.

'...she doesn't know where it is, does she?'

>She'll be back.

'So why'd you do it?'

>Beg pardon?

'Don't play dumb, you had way more tickets I saw them! You got something else and together you would have won with them. So what gives?'

Sucker Punch shrugs.

>Sometimes, man, there's more important things than winning.

Punch looks at his other gift, tucked away in a bag.

>Sometimes you gotta help a friend.

'...it's for the changeling?'

>Yep.

'What is it?'

>Something she really really wants.

'Cryptic much?'

"Ok! So it is definitely not that way, that way is the edge."

>I got a map.

"Coulda used that."

>You ran off to fast.

"Details! C'mon! You, judge dude, your services are no longer needed, BEGONE!"

'Thank Faust, I'm free!'

"UntilmyQueendestroysallofyou."

'Huh?'

"Nothin'."

>So, karaoke?

"Karaoke!"

The two trot off, leaving the bewildered tour guide to watch them stroll away.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

So Non-canon
>Spike
"Chrysalis"
'Shining Armor'
[Celestia]
{Candace}
~~~
Spike looked at the audience as Pennydrop smirked at him and the rest of the A team as though daring them to do their worst

And he would

He would win the crowd from her

>WE'RE DICKS!

The crowd goes silent and stares

So does the rest of the A-team

>Stupid, reckless, arrogant dicks!

Spike let that sink

>And the princesses... Are pussies.

Applejack's jaw dropped

Was this really about funding?

>And Fawntine and her ilk... Are assholes. Pussies hate dicks, because dicks fuck pussies.

[I'll be in my bunk! No calls!]

>But dicks also fuck assholes!

'... Dammit, stop it boner! Not now!'

>Assholes who just wanna shit all over everything. Now pussies think they can deal with assholes their way, but the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick. A dick with some balls.

"I'm gonna need a fucking cigarette after this speech."

>But sometimes dicks can fuck too much, or fuck the wrong, and takes a pussy to set them straight. But sometimes pussies can become so full of shit they become assholes themselves,

{That is my fetish!}

Chrysalis and Shining star at Candance and scootch away from her

>Because a pussy is only an inch any a half away from an asshole. I don't know a lot about this world, but I do know, if you don't let us fuck this ass right here and now!

'I'm gonna be dreaming of this.'

>All our pussies and dicks are gonna be covered in shit.

{Hoooooly crap that's hot- I mean... Hooray, A-team! Hooray, Spike!}

"Yeah, that was a pretty cool speech but... You know at worst we were planning on fucking Pennydrop ourselves, right? You didn't need to convince us."

>Yeah, I know, I've just been saving that speech for years now and this was the closest chance I've had to use it.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I don't know why, but the funniest part of this to me was picturing this Cadence having a fetish at all.

--

She probably does, and even it is painfully vanilla.

>You want me to what?

"Hug me while we're doing it!"

>...

"HUG ME IT IS SUCH A TURN ON!"

>Okaaayyy...

"Ooooh yeah.. now hold my hoof. You hold it night and tight, baby."
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