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- >”So this is our ancient tradition of mares trying to attract colts.”
- >Before you was… well to be frank it was a ridiculously sized inflatable pool.
- ”I don’t get it.” You scratched your head, hoping the act would somehow instill the understanding to make sense of the scene before you.
- >”It’s very simple really, since princesses are part Pegasi, they will enter the pool with the others and perform demonstrations of superiority in an effort to attract a mate.”
- >Sure enough there were many Pegasi already in the pool, some just floating around and chatting with their friends.
- >And right in the center were Luna and Celestia, both looking nervous but otherwise simply floating in the water.
- >You could even see that they had their legs tucked in.
- >This was just odd.
- “I still don’t really get it, but continue.”
- >”As I was saying, when the time comes stallions will start coming here and the mares in the pool will attempt to draw their attention and favor.”
- “And they do this how?”
- >Twilight looked a bit sheepish at the question.
- >Was it really that bad?
- >”Well long ago they used to fight for dominance, but now it’s mostly about appearing bigger and having better plumage.”
- “Wait a tick, they fought?”
- >”Those were dark times in our history. Sometimes mares would have o go to the hospital for being dunked under water.”
- >That doesn’t sound too bad.
- >”Mom used to tell me stories of how some even got water in their nostrils and they cried because of how bad it felt.”
- >”Ladies and Gentlecolts. May I have your attention please.” A mare was began speaking with an air of authority.
- >Every head turned to her, ready to listen.
- >”We will now begin the annual Pegasus Courtship Festival. You have all been read the rules and I highly suggest you follow them. Good luck to all and may fortune favor you today.”
- >Your head snapped back towards the giant pool. Ready to bear witness.
- >Words could not describe the scene that began playing out in front of you.
- >Several mares began to splash each other using their wings.
- >Some got scared and took off into the air, at which promptly a whistle was blown by another pony in a referee shirt with a call of “You’re out!”.
- >But it was the royal sisters that concerned you the most.
- >They circled… errr floated around each other, hissing and yelling “Honk!!!” at the top of their lungs.
- >”This is amazing!”
- >Twilight viciously scribbled notes down, her gaze going back and forth between the carnage and her notepad.
- “What is?”
- >”The princesses, they’re going all out. And this early too.”
- “You don’t say.”
- >If going all out meant Celestia sticking out her tongue at Luna and her responding with some choice comments about the size of Celestia’s rump, you may have to re-evaluate a few things here.
- “Twilight I thought you said that they were supposed to show off for stallions?”
- >”They do, but this is a necessary step to weed out any who are just too ill prepared for the whole competition.”
- >Okay she is making this shit up as she goes along.
- >That’s right, you’re calling bullshit on the little horse.
- “Well I’m going to see this for myself then.”
- >Despite Twilights pleading for you to get back, you marched forward, towards the pool.
- >You barely got with twenty feet before you realized something was terribly wrong.
- >Everything went quiet, the type of quiet you see in the movies where you know someone’s about to get fucked.
- >And not in a good way.
- >It was then that you noticed that all the movement had stopped within the pool.
- >Every mares attention was solely on you.
- >Yeah this wasn’t going to end well, you could already tell.
- “Ahhh yeah, sorry thought I saw a penny on the ground. I’m just going to head back up to where it’s safe.”
- >Silentretreat.exe
- >Command Failed
- >”Contestant we have our first stallion, please line up and wait for you turn.”
- “No nononono, I’m not a part of this.”
- >Before you could react, you were placed front and center in a chair which was way too small for your size.
- >The pleading look which you sent Twilight only garnered a mute response of “This is the fate you chose asshat.”
- >E tu Twilight? E tu?
- >”The first contestant will be none other than the Princess of the Night, Luna.” The announcer wasn’t wasting any time with her shtick.
- >”It pleases us to see you again Anonymous. We thank you for giving us the opportunity to court you in the proper way.”
- “Don’t mention it.”
- >You were almost knocked backwards by the gust of wind that got sent your way when Luna unfurled her wings and flapped them suddenly.
- >Holy shit that almost gave you a heart attack.
- >”HOOOOONK!!! Honk Honk Honk!!”
- >They can’t be serious with this.
- >”Thank you princess Luna for that fine display.”
- >These niggers are serious with this.
- >”Next up we have Spitfire, Captain of the Wonderbolts and leading champion of the Cloudsdale five hundred.”
- >An orange and yellow Pegasi, one you distinctly recall from the air shows that Rainbow dragged you too floated forward.
- >”Why hi there, you’re an odd one. But don’t worry if you pick me, I’ll show you just how fast I can really go.”
- >Was that supposed to be a pickup line? It sounded like a pickup line.
- >A bad one.
- >Much like Luna before her, Spitfire spread out her wings, minus the gust of air.
- >The big difference was she chirped.
- >Like a bird.
- >But with words. Which birds most definitely did not do, except those big fuckers with the claws.
- >Okay this shit was going from plain ridiculous to downright autism inducing.
- >Twilight get your purple ass over here and get me out of this shit!
- >Looking back for your little chaperone, you only saw a vacant space which she formerly occupied.
- >Where the fuck did purple nurple scamper off to? You needed her fuzzy ass to bail you out here.
- >”Next up we have”
- >The whole thing continued like that for several more mares.
- >Each feeding you a cheesy pickup line and some odd display conjoined with a bird sound.
- >Some tried honking, quacking, chirping.
- >One mare tried to preen herself, which got her tackled and immediately disqualified for indecent behavior.
- >This shit was more confusing that arithmetic.
- >Please just let this be over.
- >”And our last contestant, Princess Celestia herself.”
- >God, why have you forsaken me?
- >”Why hello Anonymous, it’s a pleasure seeing you again. I was quite surprised when I saw that you were the first to take part in this.”
- “Yeah.”
- >Celestia smiled that all knowing smile of hers again.
- >Twilight I swear if you don’t get your pony ass here soon you’ll… you’ll fuck with her organization schedule.
- >”Well I won’t keep you waiting any longer then.”
- >With that you saw the Princess which controlled the sun raise her head high and unfurl her wings.
- >Holy shit were did she have a massive wingspan.
- >And why the fuck was that the first thought that ran into your head?
- >This place was seriously starting to mess with your head.
- >Then taking you really by surprise was the single loudest “HONK!” from her mouth.
- >You had to cover your ears from that one, holy shit.
- >Giving you one last smile Celestia floated back over to her place beside her sister.
- >”Thank you very much Princess for that fine display. Now I have just been informed of a late entry into this year’s competition.”
- >Seriously fuck your life.
- >”Allow me to introduce the Princess of Friendship, Twilight Sparkle.”
- >I’m going to burn all your books Twilight and then let Spike have ice cream for breakfast.
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